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Old 02-03-2009, 08:51 AM   #87 (permalink)
loganmule
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Location: midwest
I'm way late to this party. Lots of good points have been made, and responses to the OP are enlightening to illustrate the general intensity of feelings about sex. Romance (feeling special, loved, needed, attractive, etc.) is something we ALL need, and so is sexual intimacy. God's joke on us was to make romance drive sexual desire for women, while making sexual intimacy drive romance for men. No matter. We each should be able to satifsy our SO's needs, if we care about them. I've been married forever, and believe it or not, there have been many occasions when I took care of my wife's needs without bothering about my own (surely I'm not the only guy who goes south on a girl). She's done the same for me. Sex isn't gross. If it's being withheld by your SO, that's a serious issue. Sometimes there truly is such a disparity between a couple's respective sex drives that a relationship won't work for them, but this is just a mismatch. More often, something else is going on, which is why changes in sexual frequency need to be viewed as a potential red flag in a relationship. That's the point of the OP.

I would suggest addressing it in a positive way. GOOD communication is key. It's simplistic to conclude that this guy is putting pressure on his SO, and that all would be well, if he just backed off and waited things out forever (treating a girl like a princess when a guy isn't being treated like a prince will just make a guy resentful and create more distance). It won't happen without mutual caring, respect, and trust, but if those elements are there, two people should be able to discuss their wants, needs, goals, and all else, ultimately working a resolution that makes the relationship a better one.

A final thought is to consider where each of you are at. Relationships are tough enough for two stable people to maintain, and things get problematic, where a couple either doesn't share core values, or when one or both have "issues" (low self-esteem, substance abuse, and depression, whatever the cause, to name a few). Better to avoid long term relationships in those instances until they are worked out, in my opinion, but each person's mileage may vary.
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