MrFriendly

I should first point out that over the years of my sexual ambiguity, I've never really thought of myself as gay. If I were to be truly honest, If a moderately attractive red head were to offer herself to me right now. I'd bang the %#$@ out of her.

Yet, some of the strongest feelings of love that I've had over the last few years haven't been driven by specific gender or sexual compulsion at all.

Some could argue that what I am, is in fact, polymorphous perverse. But I've never been keen on the idea of pigeon holing personality and preference.

So what's the point of this thread then?

Well, it's just curious that my strongest sense of bonding and 'love' in every sense of those words has been with other males in recent years. This 'love', for the most part, has been on par with my relationships with most women (with the exception of very, very few) which as been very 'close', but non sexual.

What I wish to explore is this idea, that of late, seems to be gaining ground, of bromance. Bros before hoes, mates before dates, dicks before chicks, that kind of thing. If you're not male, then in the words of Missy Elliot "I put my thang down, flip it and reverse it". Followed I believe by some incomprehensible gibberish.

Now obviously, I have no real data to draw from or theorise (look I'm an Aussie, we choose Queen's English, we just like the letter 'S' more than you guys) about. But what I have seen in my short life is personal experience that goes completely against the stereo type that guys don't express their feelings or tell their friends / mates that they love them.

My current group of friends love to catch up over a home cooked dinner, because it gives us all (most of whom are displaced from real family) a sense of 'family'. I've found this is often the essence of bromance. A last resort for young males with little sense or an absence of family, to feel a blood bond.

With some of my closest male friends, I've never thought anything of a man hug, sometimes even a peck on the lips, or other physical signs of affection. It's never really been questioned. But, there has been times in public that others have assumed us to be gay.

It's not to say we've become emo's or pussies over night. Indeed some of these guys I've witnessed glass a prick or two in the face. Never under estimate the male ability to be violent, especially while drunk. But my general experience, as a male, displaced, is that other males are more than capable of expressing feelings and communicating with other males, and to some quite deep levels.

In a society where 'family' seems to be less important, where individuals find it harder to form lasting heterosexual relationships, the idea of 'bromance' has become more important that ever. This sense of belonging, support, and relationship which has so become shattered in the modern world, I've seen many males fill that basic need in some very interesting ways.

Maybe this is just the way it is now, maybe one day family will be the new black, maybe this will go beyond what is now and 'family' will be redefined. All I can say is, from what I've seen, in an increasingly complicated society, individuals have come up with increasingly complicated (that is to say, compared to convention) ways to fulfill the need of companionship and love.

I doubt I'll ever have a 'relationship' with a male, even though I do have desires to sleep with men. However, I do feel, these days more than ever, a need to lean on close male friends for emotional and moral support over traditional sources.

I feel, without question, that this is just a sign of the times.

__________________
You are not a slave

Daniel_

This seems to be a clear case of you showing/sharing "fillial love" (greek: agape - Usually pronounced ah-guh-pay.) with your mates.

As long ago as ancient Greece it was known that you could love your comrades and friends, without wanting to fill any of their orrifices with semen.

The sticky, fun sort of love was known as "eros" and could be for a boy or a girl - but was clearly distinct from the love for a friend.

It strikes me that unless there is an element of sexual intimacy that you are not touching on in your first post, Mr F, what you have going on is agape rather than eros.

You have also descovered one of the few areas where English does not have the diversity of expression of other languages - we have only one word for love, so get confused explaining differing types.

I love my wife =/= I love my dog =/= I love my mates =/= I love cake

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

skizziks

Daniel - That was the best explanation of I´ve ever heard.

MR F - I had a close relationship with my friend, we "loved" each other, but we were completely hetero, no desires for any intimacy whatsoever. The fact that you desire to sleep with men, even though you would bang the shit out of a chick, indicates, to me, you are at least bisexual. Ive hugged my freind, and other males. But a peck on the cheek, that´s gay, unless you are in Europe. So, assuming you are bisexual, dude, embrace it and go with it.

SabrinaFair

I don't have a lot of really close friends of the same sex. My best friend is female, but other than that, I only have a handful of female friends. My co-ed group of friends, however, does had a familial vibe. We share meals, celebrate holidays together, etc. We don't get together as often as we used to, but we always have the ability to pick up where we left off. Like most families, we have our share of drama and dysfunction, but ultimately there's a lot of love there. Agape.

__________________
"With all its sham, drudgery, and broken dreams,
it is still a beautiful world.
Be cheerful. Strive to be happy."
-Desiderata

Amaras

This was almost a soliloquy. I liked what you wrote. I do not share the intensity of your experience,
but then I'm me.
Thanks for sharing.
Have you ever thought of starting a blog here at TFP?
I'm thinking of it. I can keep things private, share it with specific people, or leave it open for all
here to see.

__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

The_Jazz

You know what put this in perspective for me? Having kids. Seriously. For me, at least, it really completed the "love" spectrum that I feel.

And count me among those who admire your prose, even if it does have too many "s's" and "mates".

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

dlish

'mate' and s's instead of the z's are part and parcel of the lingo jazz.

just wait and see

__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy

pig

I don't really think this is anything new Friendly: with or without overt or sublime sexual undertones, male bonding (and I would posit female bonding) is an important part of your recreation of the family structure. I've got some very good male friends who I definitely love. I know they love me. I don't know that I'd put them before my girlfriend, but there's no sense of conflict. It's a totally different relationship. I'd say they are the brothers I wasn't biologically gifted with. I've been naked around them. I've had situations where people wondered if we were "together," because we are so close. That also goes for some of my relationships with females with whom I'm not romantically involved.

I think the concept that marriages come and go is a new phenomenon, relatively in Western society at least...and probably fairly universally in recent times. That does create a vacuum for stable relationships, and there's a sense in which non-sexual relationships will fill the "family" void in some ways. But I think it's more complicated, possibly. If a marriage was a traditional necessity, or a matter of convenience or social conformity, then I would guess that people in those situations always tried to form relationships that met a greater need to be "understood."

And yeah, if I saw two dudes break out a "peck on the lips," I'd probably think they were gay. Not that I'd care, but it would be a reasonable assumption. A strong kiss on the cheek, when properly intoxicated and in the vein of loving everyone like family - maybe not. Particularly during referenced man-hug. A light kiss on the lips...I'd think not far from a little nibble on the tip of a cock. But I don't see why that's necessarily a problem, if it works inside your friendships.

__________________
You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

panky777

This kissing on the lips, cheeks, etc. For females is nothing unusual, we just growup with that as part of American custom. For males it is unusual to see that kind of affection. However in other countries a man would be remiss to avoid the familiar kiss from another man. And in some countries the kiss of one man to another is very important like the handshake is in America but you'ld never see a man kiss a woman, not even his wife.

hotdog690

I wouldn't call it bromance, romance or anything else, but I do like to suck a long, hard dick. My comquests have been mostly anonymous, but certainly satisfy my need.