Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Sexuality


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 06-25-2008, 09:17 PM   #1 (permalink)
Existentialist
 
forseti-6's Avatar
 
Location: New York City
What to do in my situation?

As I sit here and break my two year absence from being a contributor to TFP, I find myself 27 (almost 28) single and going back to school in the fall. I have recently just left the Army after four years of service. When I joined, I was 23 and had a fairly "normal" dating life, as I was a tad immature and for the most part, that fit the bill.

However, I now find myself feeling physically 23 still, but emotionally and philosophically much much older. I can no longer relate to the 20 somethings (and late teens) that I'll be sitting in class with. I aged so much philosophically and gained such a great understanding for life during my time in Iraq, that I have a difficult time relating to even friends my age.

So this is my question. I believe I have a dilemma on my hand on how to act in my situation. Will I be able to fit in? I haven't had a date in my entire time in the Army, and frankly it's about as foreign to me know as the military was before I joined. Will it seem weird that an "older" guy such as myself, living off campus, commuting to campus, show interest or even ask out fellow classmates? Should I just forgo this option and try to hit up online dating sites and try to find "older" women?

I find it ironic that I'm having these jitters as I normally don't care what other people think, although that worked well in the Army, I don't think it'll work well in a more liberal social environment.

Sorry if this is all jumpy, I haven't really gathered all my thoughts together and wanted to put it down (on the proverbial 'paper') before the thought was gone.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.
__________________
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss
forseti-6 is offline  
Old 06-25-2008, 09:26 PM   #2 (permalink)
More Than You Expect
 
Manic_Skafe's Avatar
 
Location: Queens
I think that as long as you try not to over-analyze things and write people off too quickly you'll find that all people - even us dumb college students can surprise you. Do your best to shed those preconceptions and just relax a bit.

And if you're having an especially difficult time with the ladies then just tell them you're a hero and that's you've got shrapnel in you somewhere. The sitcoms say they love the hero types.

And also, through college I've found myself interacting with and meeting all sorts of people from different age groups.
__________________
"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian
Manic_Skafe is offline  
Old 06-25-2008, 09:28 PM   #3 (permalink)
Fade out
 
Location: in love
Just be yourself.

I had a smilar experience in college, although I was not in the service. I did not have things in common with my classmates and on the whole found them to be immature and could not relate to them. that wasn't their fault, I was just at a difference place in my life, although I was the same age.

But..... not everyone is like that. There are other people, like yourself, who have had different, more profound life experiences and they will be easily spotted by you.

If you want to find someone asap, you could trying online dating sites or wait and see what kind of people you meet in your classes. I'd do whichever option feels right to you.

thanks for your service... and welcome back.

sweetpea
__________________
Having a Pet Will Change Your Life!
Looking for a great pet?! Click Here!
"I am the Type of Person Who Can Get Away With A lot, Simply Because I Don't Ask Permission for the Privilege of Being Myself"
Sweetpea is offline  
Old 06-26-2008, 01:21 AM   #4 (permalink)
Comment or else!!
 
KellyC's Avatar
 
Location: Home sweet home
I followed this advice and it works well for me.

Relax, open your damn mouth and talk to people. The rest will follow through. It's college man!!
__________________
Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.
KellyC is offline  
Old 06-26-2008, 05:30 AM   #5 (permalink)
Junkie
 
Ilow's Avatar
 
Location: Pats country
depending which school you are going to, you may be surprised at the number of students more your age there. This will probably be more true if you take evening classes. Do not let your wisdom and experience become a hindrance. The age difference between you and many girls you might date from classes is not that significant in some cases, just stick to the upperclassmen who will be at least 21. Truthfully if you are smart, quiet and mysterious in class, they will probably come to you anyway.
__________________
"Religion is the one area of our discourse in which it is considered noble to pretend to be certain about things no human being could possibly be certain about"
--Sam Harris
Ilow is offline  
Old 06-26-2008, 07:16 AM   #6 (permalink)
Darth Papa
 
ratbastid's Avatar
 
Location: Yonder
Would you really WANT to fit in with the 19-to-21-year-olds who are on their first pass at college?

The older "returning students" in my college were oddities, to be sure, but they provided a maturity and stability to the classes I met them in. We didn't hang out and party on weekends, but that wasn't what their life was about, and that was cool.

So my advice is: don't try to straddle two worlds. Be in school to be in school, not for the social scene. If something date-like comes along, take the opportunity, but don't be there for that.
ratbastid is offline  
Old 06-26-2008, 07:40 AM   #7 (permalink)
Kick Ass Kunoichi
 
snowy's Avatar
 
Location: Oregon
There are plenty of older students in college these days. My university has a special lounge and social programming for students over 25. Ratbastid's right on the one hand--be in school to be in school, but on the other, if you feel like socializing, I'm sure there will be opportunities. Personally, I've had better luck getting involved with my community at large to meet people my age--I really recommend city sports leagues and volunteering.
__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau
snowy is offline  
Old 06-26-2008, 08:27 AM   #8 (permalink)
Existentialist
 
forseti-6's Avatar
 
Location: New York City
Thanks for the advice so far. I'll certainly try some of the things you guys (and gals) mentioned. I'll definitely keep you updated on how it goes.
__________________
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss
forseti-6 is offline  
Old 06-26-2008, 08:39 AM   #9 (permalink)
... a sort of licensed troubleshooter.
 
Willravel's Avatar
 
I doubt you'll be the only person your age at the school. Most college campuses have plenty of people outside of the 18-23 age range.
Willravel is offline  
Old 06-26-2008, 09:24 AM   #10 (permalink)
Upright
 
Alta's Avatar
 
Location: Ontario, Canada
I agree with the other comments.

Wait until you get there, you may be over-worrying this in advance. And one problem with that is that you may wind up building some internal defensive walls.

Try and stay open to the experience. And, as others have commented, there wil be other older students. But stay open to the whole age range as much as you can. You have much to give and much to learn, as do we all.
Alta is offline  
Old 06-26-2008, 02:18 PM   #11 (permalink)
change is hard.
 
thespian86's Avatar
 
Location: the green room.
Welcome back, by the way. Just like you are beyond your years, you might find younger men and women in the same boat; having a hard time fitting in. Just don't put up any walls, be open to an experience and if you don't like it then no one is going to force you to do it again.

Just be friendly, and work hard; can't ask more of yourself. I wouldn't be too stressed.
__________________
EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.
thespian86 is offline  
Old 06-26-2008, 03:21 PM   #12 (permalink)
Tilted Cat Head
 
Cynthetiq's Avatar
 
Administrator
Location: Manhattan, NY
something I wrote in my journal yesterday. someone else highlighted how profound it was.

Quote:
The discomfort and fear we feel over things is just silly most of the time. Manufactured illusions of nothing, false expectations appearing real.
__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.
Cynthetiq is offline  
Old 06-26-2008, 04:16 PM   #13 (permalink)
 
abaya's Avatar
 
Location: Iceland
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthetiq
something I wrote in my journal yesterday. someone else highlighted how profound it was.
Yeah, it is profound. I should have been internalizing this the minute I stepped back onto Icelandic soil, in March 2007. It's been haunting me since then.

Seriously, take those words to heart. As someone else once told me (in a less profound way), your most embarrassing moment is someone else's entertainment for about 5 seconds. Then their focus shifts to something else. Self-consciousness bites us all in the ass... go out there and try, make some mistakes, and try again. The only person who might notice is you. Everyone else is too focused on their own mistakes to realize what you might be doing wrong.
__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.

--Khalil Gibran

Last edited by abaya; 06-26-2008 at 04:18 PM..
abaya is offline  
Old 06-26-2008, 04:42 PM   #14 (permalink)
Please touch this.
 
Halx's Avatar
 
Owner/Admin
Location: Manhattan
I'm 25 and I sometimes imagine myself going to college. I see it as an advantage to be older. You're the wise guy who can look at things with a different perspective. You have more interesting observations about the subjects being discussed. You have experience with the world.

I've always felt that age is an automatic pass for preconceptions. Use it to your advantage. Be cool.
__________________
You have found this post informative.
-The Administrator
[Don't Feed The Animals]
Halx is offline  
Old 06-27-2008, 07:31 AM   #15 (permalink)
Currently sour but formerly Dlishs
 
dlish's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: Australia/UAE
my friends range from people the age of 65-20. i find no reason to limit yourself to people your age.

if they are interesting and enjoy their company, then theres no issue.
__________________
An injustice anywhere, is an injustice everywhere

I always sign my facebook comments with ()()===========(}. Does that make me gay?
- Filthy
dlish is offline  
Old 06-27-2008, 09:28 AM   #16 (permalink)
Upright
 
lotsofmagnets's Avatar
 
Location: reykjavík, iceland
the OP seems to be less about friends more about getting dates. the more you worry about it, the more of a problem it is.
__________________
mother nature made the aeroplane, and the submarine sandwich, with the steady hands and dead eye of a remarkable sculptor.
she shed her mountain turning training wheels, for the convenience of the moving sidewalk, that delivers the magnetic monkey children through the mouth of impossible calendar clock, into the devil's manhole cauldron.
physics of a bicycle, isn't it remarkable?
lotsofmagnets is offline  
Old 06-27-2008, 09:55 AM   #17 (permalink)
Aurally Fixated
 
allaboutmusic's Avatar
 
I just finished grad school, and enrolled six years after finishing my undergraduate degree. Most of my classmates were fresh out of undergraduate school, and it does make a difference. I enjoy hanging out with them but simply choose not to make it my only social group. Your social groups affect your dating circle to some degree.
allaboutmusic is offline  
Old 06-27-2008, 01:02 PM   #18 (permalink)
Existentialist
 
forseti-6's Avatar
 
Location: New York City
Thanks again for all the advice. I think most of you are right that I'm having preconceptions going back to school. I just remember how my peers were the first time I went and I guess that's how I came to my conclusion.

I've been meaning to work on my patience, so maybe this will help it out a bit.
__________________
"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened." - Dr. Seuss
forseti-6 is offline  
Old 07-01-2008, 04:37 PM   #19 (permalink)
Tilted
 
Milkyway's Avatar
 
Location: Ohio
I don't know you, but it sounds like you have two issues going on, first is finding out who you are now, as a civilization, as a man, as someone who served his country and second as someone trying to find a social system that you can relate to.

Bottom line is if you are confident in who you are and it out there, the people that are like you will gravitate toward you. College is a great way for a ton of people to spot you and the ones like are like you to meet up with you.

Don't worry about the girls, if you get too lonely date some bimbos, we all do it. You'll find girls like you, but you have to go through the game no matter what age you are physically or emotionally, finding a SO is a crazy game. Girls will love the older more mature guy who has a place off campus, assuming its not with your parents. There is no shame being your age in college, I sat next to the nicest 70 year old woman in one of my college history classes, if she can do it you can do it. Oh and guess what, guys were into her-weird. Anyway, you may have a little post military stress going on, which is normal. Enjoy your summer until school starts up again, man do I miss college.

Thank you for taking time out of your life to serve our country as a fellow American, I am in your debt.
__________________
Yes you can get off on the same sexual experience for 24 full hours!!!!!
Milkyway is offline  
Old 07-02-2008, 07:23 AM   #20 (permalink)
MSD
The sky calls to us ...
 
MSD's Avatar
 
Super Moderator
Location: CT
A lot of people take the half plus 7 rule (your age/2 +7=youngest you should date) seriously.

Don't date those people and you'll be fine.
MSD is offline  
Old 07-02-2008, 08:50 AM   #21 (permalink)
The Reverend Side Boob
 
Bear Cub's Avatar
 
Location: Nofe Curolina
It shouldn't take long to spot who are the more intellectually stimulating ones in a class of college students. Keep away from the giddy chatterboxes, and look for the attentive ones (typically found in the front of the room).
__________________
Living in the United Socialist States of America.
Bear Cub is offline  
Old 07-04-2008, 02:34 PM   #22 (permalink)
Psycho
 
Shaindra's Avatar
 
Location: Massachusetts
Hang with the grad students.
__________________
"Never regret something that once made you smile."
Shaindra is offline  
 

Tags
situation

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 09:21 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360