What to do in my situation?
 

As I sit here and break my two year absence from being a contributor to TFP, I find myself 27 (almost 28) single and going back to school in the fall. I have recently just left the Army after four years of service. When I joined, I was 23 and had a fairly "normal" dating life, as I was a tad immature and for the most part, that fit the bill.

However, I now find myself feeling physically 23 still, but emotionally and philosophically much much older. I can no longer relate to the 20 somethings (and late teens) that I'll be sitting in class with. I aged so much philosophically and gained such a great understanding for life during my time in Iraq, that I have a difficult time relating to even friends my age.

So this is my question. I believe I have a dilemma on my hand on how to act in my situation. Will I be able to fit in? I haven't had a date in my entire time in the Army, and frankly it's about as foreign to me know as the military was before I joined. Will it seem weird that an "older" guy such as myself, living off campus, commuting to campus, show interest or even ask out fellow classmates? Should I just forgo this option and try to hit up online dating sites and try to find "older" women?

I find it ironic that I'm having these jitters as I normally don't care what other people think, although that worked well in the Army, I don't think it'll work well in a more liberal social environment.

Sorry if this is all jumpy, I haven't really gathered all my thoughts together and wanted to put it down (on the proverbial 'paper') before the thought was gone.

Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

I think that as long as you try not to over-analyze things and write people off too quickly you'll find that all people - even us dumb college students can surprise you. Do your best to shed those preconceptions and just relax a bit.

And if you're having an especially difficult time with the ladies then just tell them you're a hero and that's you've got shrapnel in you somewhere. The sitcoms say they love the hero types.

And also, through college I've found myself interacting with and meeting all sorts of people from different age groups.

Just be yourself.

I had a smilar experience in college, although I was not in the service. I did not have things in common with my classmates and on the whole found them to be immature and could not relate to them. that wasn't their fault, I was just at a difference place in my life, although I was the same age.

But..... not everyone is like that. There are other people, like yourself, who have had different, more profound life experiences and they will be easily spotted by you.

If you want to find someone asap, you could trying online dating sites or wait and see what kind of people you meet in your classes. I'd do whichever option feels right to you.

thanks for your service... and welcome back. :icare:

sweetpea

I followed this advice and it works well for me.

Relax, open your damn mouth and talk to people. The rest will follow through. It's college man!!

depending which school you are going to, you may be surprised at the number of students more your age there. This will probably be more true if you take evening classes. Do not let your wisdom and experience become a hindrance. The age difference between you and many girls you might date from classes is not that significant in some cases, just stick to the upperclassmen who will be at least 21. Truthfully if you are smart, quiet and mysterious in class, they will probably come to you anyway.

Would you really WANT to fit in with the 19-to-21-year-olds who are on their first pass at college?

The older "returning students" in my college were oddities, to be sure, but they provided a maturity and stability to the classes I met them in. We didn't hang out and party on weekends, but that wasn't what their life was about, and that was cool.

So my advice is: don't try to straddle two worlds. Be in school to be in school, not for the social scene. If something date-like comes along, take the opportunity, but don't be there for that.

There are plenty of older students in college these days. My university has a special lounge and social programming for students over 25. Ratbastid's right on the one hand--be in school to be in school, but on the other, if you feel like socializing, I'm sure there will be opportunities. Personally, I've had better luck getting involved with my community at large to meet people my age--I really recommend city sports leagues and volunteering.

Thanks for the advice so far. I'll certainly try some of the things you guys (and gals) mentioned. I'll definitely keep you updated on how it goes.

I doubt you'll be the only person your age at the school. Most college campuses have plenty of people outside of the 18-23 age range.

I agree with the other comments.

Wait until you get there, you may be over-worrying this in advance. And one problem with that is that you may wind up building some internal defensive walls.

Try and stay open to the experience. And, as others have commented, there wil be other older students. But stay open to the whole age range as much as you can. You have much to give and much to learn, as do we all.

Welcome back, by the way. Just like you are beyond your years, you might find younger men and women in the same boat; having a hard time fitting in. Just don't put up any walls, be open to an experience and if you don't like it then no one is going to force you to do it again.

Just be friendly, and work hard; can't ask more of yourself. I wouldn't be too stressed.

something I wrote in my journal yesterday. someone else highlighted how profound it was.

Yeah, it is profound. I should have been internalizing this the minute I stepped back onto Icelandic soil, in March 2007. It's been haunting me since then.

Seriously, take those words to heart. As someone else once told me (in a less profound way), your most embarrassing moment is someone else's entertainment for about 5 seconds. Then their focus shifts to something else. Self-consciousness bites us all in the ass... go out there and try, make some mistakes, and try again. The only person who might notice is you. Everyone else is too focused on their own mistakes to realize what you might be doing wrong.

I'm 25 and I sometimes imagine myself going to college. I see it as an advantage to be older. You're the wise guy who can look at things with a different perspective. You have more interesting observations about the subjects being discussed. You have experience with the world.

I've always felt that age is an automatic pass for preconceptions. Use it to your advantage. Be cool.

my friends range from people the age of 65-20. i find no reason to limit yourself to people your age.

if they are interesting and enjoy their company, then theres no issue.

the OP seems to be less about friends more about getting dates. the more you worry about it, the more of a problem it is.

I just finished grad school, and enrolled six years after finishing my undergraduate degree. Most of my classmates were fresh out of undergraduate school, and it does make a difference. I enjoy hanging out with them but simply choose not to make it my only social group. Your social groups affect your dating circle to some degree.

Thanks again for all the advice. I think most of you are right that I'm having preconceptions going back to school. I just remember how my peers were the first time I went and I guess that's how I came to my conclusion.

I've been meaning to work on my patience, so maybe this will help it out a bit.

I don't know you, but it sounds like you have two issues going on, first is finding out who you are now, as a civilization, as a man, as someone who served his country and second as someone trying to find a social system that you can relate to.

Bottom line is if you are confident in who you are and it out there, the people that are like you will gravitate toward you. College is a great way for a ton of people to spot you and the ones like are like you to meet up with you.

Don't worry about the girls, if you get too lonely date some bimbos, we all do it. You'll find girls like you, but you have to go through the game no matter what age you are physically or emotionally, finding a SO is a crazy game. Girls will love the older more mature guy who has a place off campus, assuming its not with your parents. There is no shame being your age in college, I sat next to the nicest 70 year old woman in one of my college history classes, if she can do it you can do it. Oh and guess what, guys were into her-weird. Anyway, you may have a little post military stress going on, which is normal. Enjoy your summer until school starts up again, man do I miss college.

Thank you for taking time out of your life to serve our country as a fellow American, I am in your debt.

A lot of people take the half plus 7 rule (your age/2 +7=youngest you should date) seriously.

Don't date those people and you'll be fine.

It shouldn't take long to spot who are the more intellectually stimulating ones in a class of college students. Keep away from the giddy chatterboxes, and look for the attentive ones (typically found in the front of the room).

Hang with the grad students. :thumbsup: