Obsession - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Mojoangel · 01-09-2008, 04:33 PM

Help! I stumbled on a friendship that my SO had and became unglue because I know the woman and she has a crush on him. He canned it. Thought everything was cool. But I got obsessed thinking he wanted her. He didn't. But now, I have fantasies about them and have even gone back and added one of his former girlfriends to the thoughts I have. I verbalized them and went so far as to say I wanted him to fuck one of them and come home to me. Kind of a consume my enemies power? Any help?

BTW: I know how dumb I was to open this Pandora's box. I can't close it. Thought of going to a strip club as a compromise. Want to be assure I am not the only woman on the planet who got jealous and wanted to see/know for real that I am better than the others.

Shauk · 01-09-2008, 04:38 PM

if he wanted to bang another girl that bad, he would. He doesn't need your permission. You should probably just chill because relationships are like sand. The harder you squeeze,the more it will just slip through the cracks.

No matter how many compromises your partner agrees to, it will breed subconscious resentment. People want to make thier own decisions. it's part of being an adult.

Truthfully, just wait until he DOES do something before you get bent out of shape.

Mojoangel · 01-09-2008, 04:41 PM

That helps. I guess just wanting to make him happy.

World's King · 01-09-2008, 05:23 PM

You have many issues do deal with.

Not just with your relationship with this guy... With men in general.

Mojoangel · 01-09-2008, 05:32 PM

Thank you. I forgot to say that he admitted that every one of his relationships previously ended because he cheated. And also, he and this friend told each other I love you often. When asked, he said as a friend.

shesus · 01-09-2008, 06:31 PM

It's been said a million times before.

Communicate.

Trust issues are tough to deal with. If he has cheated in all his other relationships, it's possible he may again. People can change through maturity, but it sounds like that is something that may be lacking in this situation.

Do what you feel is right and choose your choice.

HamiC · 01-10-2008, 05:39 AM

Extremely important trust and communication issues aside (others have made good comments above), is there also a part of this that speaks to something that you want?

You mentioned fantasies involving your SO with others and a strip club "compromise". If there is something that you want to explore, be sure to be honest with yourself about what you want. If your SO agrees, explore away in a way that you are both absolutely comfortable doing. Suppressing true wants/desires can only make resolving other relationship issues more difficult.

Discuss what you each want and expect. Be open and honest. If you are on the same page, it could help make your relationship stronger.

jewels · 01-10-2008, 08:21 AM

Trust is everything in a relationship. If you knew of his past, you were willing to give him your trust. Do you trust him?

I agree wiht HamiC, though, it almost sounds as though maybe you're actually looking for something else but afraid to confront that?

As everyone's indicated, communicate with him.

World's King · 01-10-2008, 10:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mojoangel

Thank you. I forgot to say that he admitted that every one of his relationships previously ended because he cheated. And also, he and this friend told each other I love you often. When asked, he said as a friend.

Fuck communication. He's a cheat. Leave. Okay bye.

And you still have issues to deal with.

Impetuous1 · 01-10-2008, 06:03 PM

Seriously, why do you have to ask if he's a cheat since he says I love you to her. That combined with the whole previously cheating, is all the confirmation you need. Plus, it sounds like the trust is gone anyway. Make a decision and stick with it. Only you can choose how much he can hurt you emotionally.

Acetylene · 01-10-2008, 06:28 PM

Hey, no one's yet mentioned the good old cuckolding fetish. Some people really get off on having their partner cheat on them, and then come back and tell them every dirty detail. It's not even a particularly rare one.

Check out this article and see if it hits a nerve:
http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/S...ove?oid=115476

I'm not saying this is definitely you, and of course if the relationship is poisonous then get out...but your first post made it sound like you actually think it would be hot to have him dick around and then come back to you.

MSD · 01-11-2008, 05:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mojoangel

Thank you. I forgot to say that he admitted that every one of his relationships previously ended because he cheated. And also, he and this friend told each other I love you often. When asked, he said as a friend.

He's cheating on you.

Bill O'Rights · 01-11-2008, 06:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MrSelfDestruct

He's cheating on you.

I tend to give people a lot of benefit of a lot of doubt.
That said...
I agree with MSD. He's cheating on you. Bet the farm on it.

Now...is it something that you're comfortable living with? Most aren't, but it seems that you could be. And, that's not a bad thing. I know a lot of people...people that I never would've suspected...that are into the "swinger" lifestyle. It might be an avenue for you to stroll through. Check out the neighborhood, and see if you'd like to become a resident.

ametc · 01-11-2008, 06:46 AM

May be OT but I'm into the swinger lifestyle. My boyfriend isn't as into it as I am, but he let's me do what I want, as long as I don't tell him too much about it. I'm really into having my boyfriend pick up other chicks and fucking them and having him tell me about it. He hasn't done so, though. Yet. :/

Perhaps you're discovering something new about yourself? Maybe you should explore this a little more. It could be that he is cheating on you, but before deciding on whether you should leave him or not, I think you should look into the swinger lifestyle like Bill said.

Wyodiver33 · 01-11-2008, 10:35 PM

I would not put up with that crap. I love my girlfriend with all my heart and I trust her but if I had to deal with that I would bail in a heartbeat. In my opinion you have to do what is right for you. Life is too short. Don't allow yourself to be hurt. If you want to be with a cheater then go for it. Do you have self esteem issues? Relationships are always a gamble. But if you roll the dice and lose, just move on. You just need to decide what's best for you. Best of luck to you.

01-09-2008, 04:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
Mojoangel Upright	Obsession Help! I stumbled on a friendship that my SO had and became unglue because I know the woman and she has a crush on him. He canned it. Thought everything was cool. But I got obsessed thinking he wanted her. He didn't. But now, I have fantasies about them and have even gone back and added one of his former girlfriends to the thoughts I have. I verbalized them and went so far as to say I wanted him to fuck one of them and come home to me. Kind of a consume my enemies power? Any help? BTW: I know how dumb I was to open this Pandora's box. I can't close it. Thought of going to a strip club as a compromise. Want to be assure I am not the only woman on the planet who got jealous and wanted to see/know for real that I am better than the others.

01-09-2008, 04:41 PM	#3 (permalink)
Mojoangel Upright	Suspected as much. That helps. I guess just wanting to make him happy.

01-09-2008, 05:23 PM	#4 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	You have many issues do deal with. Not just with your relationship with this guy... With men in general. __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

01-09-2008, 06:31 PM	#6 (permalink)
shesus Fancy Location: Chicago	It's been said a million times before. Communicate. Trust issues are tough to deal with. If he has cheated in all his other relationships, it's possible he may again. People can change through maturity, but it sounds like that is something that may be lacking in this situation. Do what you feel is right and choose your choice. __________________ Whatever did happen to your soul? I heard you sold it Choose Heaven for the weather and Hell for the company

01-10-2008, 08:21 AM	#8 (permalink)
jewels Eponymous Location: Central Central Florida	Trust is everything in a relationship. If you knew of his past, you were willing to give him your trust. Do you trust him? I agree wiht HamiC, though, it almost sounds as though maybe you're actually looking for something else but afraid to confront that? As everyone's indicated, communicate with him. __________________ We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. Mark Twain

01-09-2008, 04:38 PM	#2 (permalink)
Shauk Confused Adult Location: Spokane, WA	if he wanted to bang another girl that bad, he would. He doesn't need your permission. You should probably just chill because relationships are like sand. The harder you squeeze,the more it will just slip through the cracks. No matter how many compromises your partner agrees to, it will breed subconscious resentment. People want to make thier own decisions. it's part of being an adult. Truthfully, just wait until he DOES do something before you get bent out of shape.

01-09-2008, 05:32 PM	#5 (permalink)
Mojoangel Upright	Thank you. I forgot to say that he admitted that every one of his relationships previously ended because he cheated. And also, he and this friend told each other I love you often. When asked, he said as a friend.

01-10-2008, 05:39 AM	#7 (permalink)
HamiC Insane Location: USA	Extremely important trust and communication issues aside (others have made good comments above), is there also a part of this that speaks to something that you want? You mentioned fantasies involving your SO with others and a strip club "compromise". If there is something that you want to explore, be sure to be honest with yourself about what you want. If your SO agrees, explore away in a way that you are both absolutely comfortable doing. Suppressing true wants/desires can only make resolving other relationship issues more difficult. Discuss what you each want and expect. Be open and honest. If you are on the same page, it could help make your relationship stronger.

01-10-2008, 06:03 PM	#10 (permalink)
Impetuous1 Insane Location: Arizona	Seriously, why do you have to ask if he's a cheat since he says I love you to her. That combined with the whole previously cheating, is all the confirmation you need. Plus, it sounds like the trust is gone anyway. Make a decision and stick with it. Only you can choose how much he can hurt you emotionally.

01-10-2008, 06:28 PM	#11 (permalink)
Acetylene Addict Location: under a rock	Hey, no one's yet mentioned the good old cuckolding fetish. Some people really get off on having their partner cheat on them, and then come back and tell them every dirty detail. It's not even a particularly rare one. Check out this article and see if it hits a nerve: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/S...ove?oid=115476 I'm not saying this is definitely you, and of course if the relationship is poisonous then get out...but your first post made it sound like you actually think it would be hot to have him dick around and then come back to you. __________________ There's no justice. There's just us.

01-11-2008, 06:46 AM	#14 (permalink)
ametc Psycho	May be OT but I'm into the swinger lifestyle. My boyfriend isn't as into it as I am, but he let's me do what I want, as long as I don't tell him too much about it. I'm really into having my boyfriend pick up other chicks and fucking them and having him tell me about it. He hasn't done so, though. Yet. :/ Perhaps you're discovering something new about yourself? Maybe you should explore this a little more. It could be that he is cheating on you, but before deciding on whether you should leave him or not, I think you should look into the swinger lifestyle like Bill said.

01-11-2008, 10:35 PM	#15 (permalink)
Wyodiver33 Just here for the beer. Location: Ft. Lauderdale, Floriduh	I would not put up with that crap. I love my girlfriend with all my heart and I trust her but if I had to deal with that I would bail in a heartbeat. In my opinion you have to do what is right for you. Life is too short. Don't allow yourself to be hurt. If you want to be with a cheater then go for it. Do you have self esteem issues? Relationships are always a gamble. But if you roll the dice and lose, just move on. You just need to decide what's best for you. Best of luck to you. __________________ I like stuff.