Would you be ok with your GF to be friends with an ex? - Page 2 - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

pig · 01-11-2008, 05:41 PM

well, yeah...but the OP already acknowledged that he has problems with his relationship. i don't think that's the question, or at least not in my eyes. the question to me is, once problems have been acknowledged, how do you work on them? that's when looking at the particular way your SO and the person who makes you uncomfortable interact becomes important, and asking yourself where your jealously arises. some jealousy is just a problem within your own mind, and some of it is completely valid. regardless, the conversation should be something you can create with your SO without feeling like you're going to be attacked for it. that leads to repressing emotions, and in my experience that almost always ruins the relationship. Eats it from within.

girldetective · 01-12-2008, 06:24 PM

This babydoll would never hang with an ex if it made her dude uncomfortable. It's all about him. Think about this.

ShaniFaye · 01-13-2008, 04:28 AM

As long as he has the same attitude about you then thats fine....if not....then there is nothing to think about, its a no brainer you're with a control freak that doesnt give a shit about you

paddlepop · 01-13-2008, 05:15 AM

Neither me or my fiance keep in touch with our exes. There's no point.

Shaindra · 01-13-2008, 06:11 AM

I'm still friends with my Ex. We even hosted a party this holiday season together. We don't do "dat-ish" things together though. And we certainly don't sleep together. If we did...what was the point of breaking up?

Not all relationships are so toxic that they have to end completely when the romance is gone.

You're not going to change the situation by bitching about it. The best thing to do is choose to trust her until you have reason to do otherwise. And then try to make sure that her major needs are getting met in your relationship so she doesn't need to go looking outside.

ASU2003 · 01-13-2008, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Shaindra

You're not going to change the situation by bitching about it. The best thing to do is choose to trust her until you have reason to do otherwise. And then try to make sure that her major needs are getting met in your relationship so she doesn't need to go looking outside.

I agree that the current boyfriend would look bad if he is insecure enough to have a problem with the friendship. But I feel that this is also about 'power' in the relationship. He now has to be a good boyfriend and not do anything wrong, or he'll think that you will just breakup with him and have a real easy time finding another relationship.

He can't control her and say "I don't want you seeing your ex anymore". Then the ex could talk to her and say that her new guy is bad for her, and is she really happy being controlled like that...

As a guy, I know that if I weren't getting some from my current girlfriend (because of a fight, travel, or overworking), buy my imaginary hot ex-girlfriend wanted me. It would be too easy to sleep with her again, rather than find a different girl. I could use the "I slept with the ex before I got into this relationship, what is so wrong with one or two more times." And then by the time the current girlfriend gets back from a two month, three month, year long trip, well the old girlfriend was there, and the excuses start. So then her choice is to take me back or give up (and I would get back with the ex-girlfriend).

It just brings more headaches than it's worth. There are a lot of other people out there that are friendly and interesting.

01-11-2008, 05:41 PM	#41 (permalink)
pig pigglet pigglet Location: Locash	well, yeah...but the OP already acknowledged that he has problems with his relationship. i don't think that's the question, or at least not in my eyes. the question to me is, once problems have been acknowledged, how do you work on them? that's when looking at the particular way your SO and the person who makes you uncomfortable interact becomes important, and asking yourself where your jealously arises. some jealousy is just a problem within your own mind, and some of it is completely valid. regardless, the conversation should be something you can create with your SO without feeling like you're going to be attacked for it. that leads to repressing emotions, and in my experience that almost always ruins the relationship. Eats it from within. __________________ You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

01-13-2008, 04:28 AM	#43 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	As long as he has the same attitude about you then thats fine....if not....then there is nothing to think about, its a no brainer you're with a control freak that doesnt give a shit about you __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

01-12-2008, 06:24 PM	#42 (permalink)
girldetective sufferable	This babydoll would never hang with an ex if it made her dude uncomfortable. It's all about him. Think about this.

01-13-2008, 05:15 AM	#44 (permalink)
paddlepop Upright	Neither me or my fiance keep in touch with our exes. There's no point.

01-13-2008, 06:11 AM	#45 (permalink)
Shaindra Psycho Location: Massachusetts	I'm still friends with my Ex. We even hosted a party this holiday season together. We don't do "dat-ish" things together though. And we certainly don't sleep together. If we did...what was the point of breaking up? Not all relationships are so toxic that they have to end completely when the romance is gone. You're not going to change the situation by bitching about it. The best thing to do is choose to trust her until you have reason to do otherwise. And then try to make sure that her major needs are getting met in your relationship so she doesn't need to go looking outside.