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Old 11-07-2007, 07:03 AM   #1 (permalink)
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10 Necessary Qualities in a man???

There's a thread in the ladies lounge right now where the ladies are listing them. Since I'm no lady, I'm replying here.

I occasionally saw articles like this when I was single, and what I observed was this:

No one says "muscular, cut and good looking." The closest to that anyone says is "physically fit - enjoys hiking."

No one says wealthy or high income. Many do say financially secure/independent/responsible, but these don't necessariy mean wealthy or high income.

When was single, I typically met all or most of what the women claimed to be "necessary" qualities, yet I found getting dates and relationships very difficult. But I knew of many guys who had a certain type of face and/or muscular body type, and they got dates & girlfriends relatively easily, even though they may have had few of the qualities women cite as necessary.

Can someone explain this?
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Old 11-07-2007, 07:20 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Guys are suckers for hot girls.
Girls are suckers for hot guys.
Is this surprising though?
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Old 11-07-2007, 07:38 AM   #3 (permalink)
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I always got a kick out of the 666 rule.

At least....
Six feet tall.
Six figures.
Six inches.
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Old 11-07-2007, 07:43 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Ustwo
I always got a kick out of the 666 rule.

At least....
Six feet tall.
Six figures.
Six inches.
Damn. I am neither six feet tall, nor do I make six figures. I wonder if one can use an excess in one of the categories to make up for a shortcoming in the others?

Seriously, I don't think it's that big a deal. I've never had issues attracting women-folk and I have neither wads of cash nor huge rippling muscles. I think it's a lot more about self-confidence and being able to demonstrate a certain level of independence. Nobody likes a coward.
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Old 11-07-2007, 10:10 AM   #5 (permalink)
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All women are liars and you are everything you imagine yourself to be.

Gotta be that. What else would explain all the ugly-ass poor men getting married every day?

I've got a couple novel ideas...

Maybe the type of women you pursue (due to conditioning and social pressures) truly are interested in those qualities in men and you wouldn't give two seconds out of your day to the women who aren't.

or...

Maybe these ideal qualities that we look for in men are so difficult to find that we figure as long as we're settling we might as well settle for the rich, handsome guy.

I dunno, those are just off the top of my head and might explain your observations.

But really, rich, good-looking men aren't like weeds sprouting up everywhere. At some time you guys have to account for the fact that regular guys are hooking up all the time. Just because it doesn't happen to you, doesn't necessarily correlate with some kind of insurmountable universal phenomena you that you are powerless against.
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Old 11-07-2007, 10:15 AM   #6 (permalink)
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Racnad
But I knew of many guys who had a certain type of face and/or muscular body type, and they got dates & girlfriends relatively easily, even though they may have had few of the qualities women cite as necessary.
And what type of women were they getting, btw?... I'm not talking about looks/one-night-stands, but about marriageability. Also, what age were the people involved? These things matter a great deal when making observations of dating behavior.
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Old 11-07-2007, 06:34 PM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by soma
Guys are suckers for hot girls.
Girls are suckers for hot guys.
Is this surprising though?
No. What is surprising is that not one of the women said they wanted the guy to look hot. Although one said "James Bond appeal" and other said "sexy - however you define it," so I guess they said so indirectly.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Martian
Damn. I am neither six feet tall, nor do I make six figures. I wonder if one can use an excess in one of the categories to make up for a shortcoming in the others?
Actually, my theory of what makes a woman attracted to a man are based on three different factors:

1) Appearance (face and physique)
2) Charisma (charm and other social skills)
3) Money/status

Yes, an excess in one can make up for a lack in another. If you are a wealthy as Bill Gates or charasmatic as Dennis Kusinich, you can have a hot spouse even if you look like Bill Gates or Deniss Kusinich. Hot looking guys hook up even if they don't have much personality, or if they're full of themselves for being good looking. And then you also hear about the very charming (and sometimes good looking) but chronically unemployed men who live off their girlfriends.

Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedmedia
But really, rich, good-looking men aren't like weeds sprouting up everywhere. At some time you guys have to account for the fact that regular guys are hooking up all the time. Just because it doesn't happen to you, doesn't necessarily correlate with some kind of insurmountable universal phenomena you that you are powerless against.
Exellent point. I'm married now, but until I met my wife at age 33, I was never in a relationship longer than two months and often went months without dating and more thasn a year or more with no sex. I could never figure out why that was since I saw myself as fitting the description of what most women claimed to want in a men. I not sure of that, since I was naturally baised in evaluating myself, but I did know for sure that I didn't have many of the faults that women most often complain about (lying, cheating, drinking too much, extreme jealiousy, controlling, financially unstable, etc.)

BTW, I'm sure you're aware that your point also applies to women who compalin that most men are only interested in young women who are skinny with big boobs.

Last edited by Racnad; 11-07-2007 at 06:49 PM.. Reason: Automerged Doublepost
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Old 11-07-2007, 06:50 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Racnad
There's a thread in the ladies lounge right now where the ladies are listing them. Since I'm no lady, I'm replying here.

I occasionally saw articles like this when I was single, and what I observed was this:

No one says "muscular, cut and good looking." The closest to that anyone says is "physically fit - enjoys hiking."

No one says wealthy or high income. Many do say financially secure/independent/responsible, but these don't necessariy mean wealthy or high income.

When was single, I typically met all or most of what the women claimed to be "necessary" qualities, yet I found getting dates and relationships very difficult. But I knew of many guys who had a certain type of face and/or muscular body type, and they got dates & girlfriends relatively easily, even though they may have had few of the qualities women cite as necessary.

Can someone explain this?
You're a special guy.

The LL thread generally lists qualities for a long-term mate, not for initial attraction. If you still meet all/most of those requirements and are in a happy long-term relationship, woohoo!

Call me an asshole but most people on TFP are fringe weirdos (in the best way) ... hence, no generic OC-type relationships.

Yes... those guys with the same drunk frat face sure got a lot of dates.

Give me my weird/geeky/nerdy/anarchist/artist/musician/awkward/dorky/special boys any day.

Just another reiteration that there's no formula for attracting a mate... despite our efforts on this board to turn it into a science.
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Old 11-07-2007, 06:53 PM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by abaya
And what type of women were they getting, btw?... I'm not talking about looks/one-night-stands, but about marriageability. Also, what age were the people involved? These things matter a great deal when making observations of dating behavior.
My point is that they WERE getting women who weren't what I considered the bottom of the dating barrell.

To be fair, a lot of these guys weren't good at keeping them due to various personality faults. However, looks are very important for initial attraction, and without initial attration, the qualities needed for long-term relationship success are irrelevent.

The age of these people? Under 30.
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Old 11-07-2007, 07:22 PM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xxxafterglow
Give me my weird/geeky/nerdy/anarchist/artist/musician/awkward/dorky/special boys any day.
ding, ding, ding..... give that girl a prize.
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Old 11-07-2007, 07:31 PM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fredweena
ding, ding, ding..... give that girl a prize.
I fit close to all but one of the things in that list, can I have a cookie?

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Old 11-07-2007, 07:33 PM   #12 (permalink)
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Sure. Next week I'm making peppered gingersnaps and dark chocolate cherry cookies. Which would you like, dear? Each under 60 calories per cookie.

It also helps if you have some semblance of minor talent in the kitchen.

/threadjack.
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Old 11-07-2007, 07:50 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fredweena
Sure. Next week I'm making peppered gingersnaps and dark chocolate cherry cookies. Which would you like, dear? Each under 60 calories per cookie.

It also helps if you have some semblance of minor talent in the kitchen.

/threadjack.
I like the sound of ginger snaps

More related to the OP,

I'm starting to tire a little of the attitude around her of "women say this, but really just mean this" and then dismiss what the female members here have to say on it.

The cold truth is fellas, blokes are no better, and no worse.
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Old 11-07-2007, 08:02 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrFriendly
I like the sound of ginger snaps

More related to the OP,

I'm starting to tire a little of the attitude around her of "women say this, but really just mean this" and then dismiss what the female members here have to say on it.

The cold truth is fellas, blokes are no better, and no worse.
For a certain type of individual, it's easier to simplify classes if individuals down to a few traits or characteristics than deal with each example on an individual basis. This goes for both men (women are/want/do x y or z) and women (men are/want/do x y or z). The simple truth is that stating that some broad behaviour or characteristic is shared by the entire gender is patently absurd when it comes to these matters, but some folks simply need a way to filter, I guess.
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Old 11-08-2007, 06:57 PM   #15 (permalink)
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what girls say the want is a bunch of bullshit

i just want a nice guy, who has a sense of humor and is responsible and knows how to treat me right

buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuullshiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit
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Old 11-08-2007, 07:34 PM   #16 (permalink)
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Location: Washington State
Quote:
Originally Posted by MrFriendly
More related to the OP,

I'm starting to tire a little of the attitude around her of "women say this, but really just mean this" and then dismiss what the female members here have to say on it.

The cold truth is fellas, blokes are no better, and no worse.
Hey now! Mixedmedia made an excellent point, and I acknowledge her for that.

As for the blokes being no better, while it is true that many blokes are hung up on having a hot looking woman, I think they are more honest about that point than many women.

Other problem in these discussions is that while general statements may be generally true, the exceptions to the rule tend protest loudly. Statements about women being this way or men being that way may be true 60-80 percent of the time, but the 20-40 percent will comeforward and say "that's not me." We should be able to discuss, for example, how many women like to shop for clothes and men like to watch sports on TV with the understanding that neither of these are true for all.
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Old 11-08-2007, 07:40 PM   #17 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrFriendly
I'm starting to tire a little of the attitude around her of "women say this, but really just mean this" and then dismiss what the female members here have to say on it.
I'll speak for myself here (Even though I'm sure there are other guys at least thinking the same thing), but nothing annoys me more than the "Oh, I've never done/would never do that!" attitude which some women seem to have. From the way they people portray themselves, you'd think they were saints worthy of their own religion >_>

...That is all. Carry on.
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Old 11-08-2007, 07:43 PM   #18 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Racnad
Hey now! Mixedmedia made an excellent point, and I acknowledge her for that.

As for the blokes being no better, while it is true that many blokes are hung up on having a hot looking woman, I think they are more honest about that point than many women.

Other problem in these discussions is that while general statements may be generally true, the exceptions to the rule tend protest loudly. Statements about women being this way or men being that way may be true 60-80 percent of the time, but the 20-40 percent will comeforward and say "that's not me." We should be able to discuss, for example, how many women like to shop for clothes and men like to watch sports on TV with the understanding that neither of these are true for all.
Don't think I could have said it better myself.

I think they doth protest too much =)
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Old 11-08-2007, 08:35 PM   #19 (permalink)
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i find myself repeating martian again here:

confidence.

look at those vapid muscle-bound guys getting laid left and right, and i'd bet that in the situation where they met the girl, they appeared confident. take the geeky/talented/whatever guy, and i'll bet the girl interacted with him in a situation where he seemed...confident. he wasn't confident at the football game or around the pool, but get him next to a guitar or a computer or talking about comparitive religion, and he's in his element.

thus, i think you'll find that the athletic build, the money, the whatever quality-women-say-they-don't-care-about-but-really-do tend to track with a certain type of self-confidence. very rarely is a guy an emaciated world of warcraft guildmaster, with no self-esteem, and racking up chicks. but if that guy seems interesting or quirky or well, happy with himself...then he's got the old fighting chance in the dance of the mating ritual.

then you consider timing or whatnot...maybe he was confident one particular day because he'd just finished acing an exam, and he happened to be there to talk to the 'girl out of his league' and they established a rapport where he felt confident around her. that interraction, i think, can be reinforced when they hang out in the future, and she'll see something in him that other's just don't see. etc.

in the end, just be happy with yourself. rain or shine, you'll be ok...and some chick somewhere is going to wind up falling for you.
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Old 11-08-2007, 08:39 PM   #20 (permalink)
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definately true as well.

I've said it a bajillion times, confidence is what bags bitches. Arrogance works too most of the time.
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Old 11-08-2007, 11:45 PM   #21 (permalink)
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Come on guys - really when it comes down to it, it only takes one thing to keep a woman happy.










A chocolate dick that ejaculates money. (it's a joke! don't hurt me)
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Old 11-09-2007, 05:21 AM   #22 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedmedia
Maybe these ideal qualities that we look for in men are so difficult to find that we figure as long as we're settling we might as well settle for the rich, handsome guy.
I said this initially as a joke, but the more I see the more it kind of makes sense. If you're going to hook up with men - being that they don't really like you and see their relations with you as nothing more than a game (a means to an end, even) then maybe the smart girls really are the ones who go for the rich, handsome guys.

Maybe I've got it all wrong.

I think I've been converted.
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Old 11-09-2007, 06:52 AM   #23 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedmedia
I said this initially as a joke, but the more I see the more it kind of makes sense. If you're going to hook up with men - being that they don't really like you and see their relations with you as nothing more than a game (a means to an end, even) then maybe the smart girls really are the ones who go for the rich, handsome guys.

Maybe I've got it all wrong.

I think I've been converted.
Your problem is I'm taken

Actually I've told some women I've known who were having men troubles this. You can't pick who you fall in love with, so start to hang out at the medschool instead of the clove bar.
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Old 11-09-2007, 11:54 AM   #24 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedmedia
Gotta be that. What else would explain all the ugly-ass poor men getting married every day?
I don't know, maybe because there are a lot of ugly-ass poor women for them to hook up with?

No, that can't be right because it would give the ladder theory some credibility.
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Old 11-09-2007, 12:01 PM   #25 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by kutulu
I don't know, maybe because there are a lot of ugly-ass poor women for them to hook up with?

No, that can't be right because it would give the ladder theory some credibility.
Even the guy who wrote the ladder theory doesn't take it seriously...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ladder Theory FAQ
Are you serious or is the site just satire?
Nothing is just satire.
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Old 11-09-2007, 12:06 PM   #26 (permalink)
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It was a joke.
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Old 11-09-2007, 12:20 PM   #27 (permalink)
has all her shots.
 
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Oh, so I see, the Ladder 'Theory' doesn't account for ugly women at all.

It's all about rich or poor, ugly or handsome, nice or mean, etc, etc, men in pursuit of physically attractive women. It doesn't matter at all if your ugly-ass self can snag any number of less attractive women.

*edit* unnecessary

You know another thing I realized just a little while ago while I watched one of my co-workers, a man and an A-1 dickhead, tell me how 'nice' he is and I realized - I've never met a man who describes himself as 'nice' turn out to actually be nice. And I'm realizing that a lot of the problem here could obviously be one of erroneous self-image.
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Old 11-09-2007, 02:25 PM   #28 (permalink)
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The ladder theory was never 'for' ugly people. It encompasses them, but its not 'for' them.
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Old 11-09-2007, 04:09 PM   #29 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by mixedmedia
You know another thing I realized just a little while ago while I watched one of my co-workers, a man and an A-1 dickhead, tell me how 'nice' he is and I realized - I've never met a man who describes himself as 'nice' turn out to actually be nice. And I'm realizing that a lot of the problem here could obviously be one of erroneous self-image.
I think the same can be said for men who say they're rich & good looking.....
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Old 11-09-2007, 04:24 PM   #30 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaveMatrix
I think the same can be said for men who say they're rich & good looking.....
You know you want me.
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Old 11-09-2007, 11:00 PM   #31 (permalink)
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You can't really takes what goes on in these forums to accurately reflect reality. In general, people on these boards are more mature/ open-minded.
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Old 11-10-2007, 05:40 AM   #32 (permalink)
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Isn't it amazing that people don't always act the way they say they do/will? Is it that shocking that they want a whole bunch of things but will settle for just a few of the important ones?
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Old 11-10-2007, 01:05 PM   #33 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrSelfDestruct
Isn't it amazing that people don't always act the way they say they do/will? Is it that shocking that they want a whole bunch of things but will settle for just a few of the important ones?
Indeed, as people grow older they often realize that members of the opposite sex aren't perfect, just as they are. They tend to concentrate on the most important factors, as they see it, in choosing a long term mate. I wouldn't say the 'settle', they just realize that most relationships involve some compromise, a little give & a little take. Sometimes its the imperfections themselves that make someone so endearing......
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