Performance Anxiety? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

randydandy · 03-19-2007, 06:58 PM

Here's my deal:

I recently split up with my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years (my decision). Over that period of time, I developed an internet porn habit that got to the point that i would look forward to looking at my favorite porn stars and and pleasing myself, more than I would look forward to having sex with her. Please note, that during all of this, I never had any problems performing with her, and we still had sex on a regular basis. I never had a problem getting turned on. When we parted, I met a gorgeous girl that should have made my penis stand up straight and tall, but I guess you could say that I "choked"---performance anxiety that I have never felt in the 29 years of my life. Eventually, it did work, but not to its full potential, and it was so embarrassing that the next time I was with her, that's all I could think about (my dick not working) and the dominoes started falling over. Thankfully, she was very cool about it, but I still get fear inside me whenever i know she will be around. It just doesn't make sense, and is making me afraid that i will permanantly be like this, even though I was fine a month ago with my girlfriend.

What the hell is wrong with me? Has porn totally ruined my sex drive, and melted my brain?? I am pretty sure that this is due to chronic masturbation....is it because that i was just used to my girlfriend, that i functioned properly around her? Does anyone else have an opinion, or have had anything similar happen to them in the bedroom? I really want to be myself again

thanks.

SilentN · 03-21-2007, 07:39 PM

It actually has a name. The condition is known as "retarded ejaculation". Don't laugh, thats really what its called. Its the exact opposite of premature ejaculation. Once you know what it is, you can start looking into what caused it. No, its probably not the porn. For me, its intimacy issues. I must trust the woman I'm with, if I don't, then I can't perform. Once I've settled down into the relationship things start to go much better. The more relaxed I become the easier it gets. Working yourself up over it is not going to help your case any. Accept it, relearn what makes you tick and why you aren't ticking (2 and 1/2 years is a long time). If she is cool with it, then great. The real problem comes when you feel like crap because you can't perform, and she feels like crap because she can't get you off. Now you are both feeling like there is something wrong with you. Shoulder the blame and don't get frustrated, it will work out in time.

Ourcrazymodern? · 03-21-2007, 07:41 PM

It's all in your head, mister. The big one! Good luck figuring it out!

Halx · 03-21-2007, 07:50 PM

Not joking here. Seriously.

Alcohol.

Takes your mind off the worry and you'e good to go.

Just don't over-do it.

World's King · 03-22-2007, 03:22 PM

See if your new girl will look at porn with you...

kramus · 03-22-2007, 04:30 PM

Mutual masturbation. Or masturbate while making up erotic stories that you whisper in her ear as you tickle her with sex toys. Once you've hand-loaded and fired a few over her bows I'm confident that you will be up to pulling aside her, grappling her gunwale-to-gunwale, and running out the guns for a glorious broadside that makes her strike her colors

My belief is that you ought to tell her what you are trying from the start. She may find it hot that you are doing these things, i.e. jerking off and intending to spend yourself as she watches from up close.
I was worried about performance when I broke up with my wife of 25 years. I now have a wonderful lady who is cool with the fact that I don't always finish with a bang, and I was able to stand up and be counted the first time we called upon my courting tackle for service. I didn't cum the first time we joined, but then again, we went at it for 24 hours that first date, and made each other very happy

ruggerp11 · 03-23-2007, 07:10 AM

"grappling her gunwale-to-gunwale, and running out the guns for a glorious broadside that makes her strike her colors"

Quite the description. Its not ever day I read a new euphemism for physical intimacy. Bravo!

03-19-2007, 06:58 PM	#1 (permalink)
randydandy Upright	Performance Anxiety? Here's my deal: I recently split up with my girlfriend of 2 1/2 years (my decision). Over that period of time, I developed an internet porn habit that got to the point that i would look forward to looking at my favorite porn stars and and pleasing myself, more than I would look forward to having sex with her. Please note, that during all of this, I never had any problems performing with her, and we still had sex on a regular basis. I never had a problem getting turned on. When we parted, I met a gorgeous girl that should have made my penis stand up straight and tall, but I guess you could say that I "choked"---performance anxiety that I have never felt in the 29 years of my life. Eventually, it did work, but not to its full potential, and it was so embarrassing that the next time I was with her, that's all I could think about (my dick not working) and the dominoes started falling over. Thankfully, she was very cool about it, but I still get fear inside me whenever i know she will be around. It just doesn't make sense, and is making me afraid that i will permanantly be like this, even though I was fine a month ago with my girlfriend. What the hell is wrong with me? Has porn totally ruined my sex drive, and melted my brain?? I am pretty sure that this is due to chronic masturbation....is it because that i was just used to my girlfriend, that i functioned properly around her? Does anyone else have an opinion, or have had anything similar happen to them in the bedroom? I really want to be myself again thanks.

03-21-2007, 07:41 PM	#3 (permalink)
Ourcrazymodern? still, wondering. Location: South Minneapolis, somewhere near the gorgeous gorge	It's all in your head, mister. The big one! Good luck figuring it out! __________________ BE JUST AND FEAR NOT

03-21-2007, 07:50 PM	#4 (permalink)
Halx Please touch this. Owner/Admin Location: Manhattan	Not joking here. Seriously. Alcohol. Takes your mind off the worry and you'e good to go. Just don't over-do it. __________________ You have found this post informative. -The Administrator [Don't Feed The Animals]

03-22-2007, 03:22 PM	#5 (permalink)
World's King Here Location: Denver City Denver	See if your new girl will look at porn with you... __________________ heavy is the head that wears the crown

03-22-2007, 04:30 PM	#6 (permalink)
kramus loving the curves Location: my Lady's manor	Mutual masturbation. Or masturbate while making up erotic stories that you whisper in her ear as you tickle her with sex toys. Once you've hand-loaded and fired a few over her bows I'm confident that you will be up to pulling aside her, grappling her gunwale-to-gunwale, and running out the guns for a glorious broadside that makes her strike her colors My belief is that you ought to tell her what you are trying from the start. She may find it hot that you are doing these things, i.e. jerking off and intending to spend yourself as she watches from up close. I was worried about performance when I broke up with my wife of 25 years. I now have a wonderful lady who is cool with the fact that I don't always finish with a bang, and I was able to stand up and be counted the first time we called upon my courting tackle for service. I didn't cum the first time we joined, but then again, we went at it for 24 hours that first date, and made each other very happy __________________ And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ... I'm going with this - if you like artwork visit http://markfineart.ca

03-21-2007, 07:39 PM	#2 (permalink)
SilentN Upright	It actually has a name. The condition is known as "retarded ejaculation". Don't laugh, thats really what its called. Its the exact opposite of premature ejaculation. Once you know what it is, you can start looking into what caused it. No, its probably not the porn. For me, its intimacy issues. I must trust the woman I'm with, if I don't, then I can't perform. Once I've settled down into the relationship things start to go much better. The more relaxed I become the easier it gets. Working yourself up over it is not going to help your case any. Accept it, relearn what makes you tick and why you aren't ticking (2 and 1/2 years is a long time). If she is cool with it, then great. The real problem comes when you feel like crap because you can't perform, and she feels like crap because she can't get you off. Now you are both feeling like there is something wrong with you. Shoulder the blame and don't get frustrated, it will work out in time.

03-23-2007, 07:10 AM	#7 (permalink)
ruggerp11 Cautiously soaring Location: exploring my new home in SF	"grappling her gunwale-to-gunwale, and running out the guns for a glorious broadside that makes her strike her colors" Quite the description. Its not ever day I read a new euphemism for physical intimacy. Bravo! __________________ Patriotism means being loyal to your country all the time and to its government when it deserves it. --Mark Twain Do What makes you happy --Me BUT! "Happiness is the absence of the striving for happiness" - Chuang-Tzu