Not getting off during sex - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

P-Naughty · 02-25-2007, 07:14 PM

So, there is a problem I have always had with sex. Not something to be too ashamed of, but nothing to be proud of either. It's this...

Not being able to get off.

Now as a guy, I know this is somewhat odd. It isn't that I've only been with females who weren't the most pleasant looking. It doesn't matter how good it is or feels, there's just nothing happening in terms of ejaculation. It's not a matter of not going at it long enough either.

The main concern I have with it is this: how the female feels. My current girlfriend is amazing and I love her with all my heart. However, she feels like she's lacking something in the looks or skill department when she's far from it. The first time it happened she cried. She fealt like she was the one with the problem. I fealt horrible. It's just always come down to me having to do it myself to cum.

I've tried visualization, but that really isn't a problem with my current girlfriend. I've tried relaxing. I don't know if it's a comfort issue or what. It's not a feeling of "lacking" in a certain area, either. If anything, the opposite has been true in the past. It's not for lack of time. If anything, exhaustion sets in after a while. The only thing I can remotely narrow it down to is self image. (I weighed 445 about 18 months ago and I'm down to 244 at 6'5"... there's some "left-overs") But I love this girl, she loves me, and has long been accepting of me for both the perfections and flaws.

Any advice?

Acetylene · 02-25-2007, 07:18 PM

http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec22/ch250/ch250f.html

This is interesting reading.

P-Naughty · 02-25-2007, 07:30 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Acetylene

http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec22/ch250/ch250f.html

This is interesting reading.

Interesting, yes. But for women. As I stated, I'm male. That technique at the bottom does sound useful though.

Still, allow me to clarify:
It isn't a lack of drive, a problem getting it up, keeping it up, or finishing too soon. It's a problem of not finishing after hours of sex.

cadre · 02-25-2007, 08:35 PM

Have you tried different positions? I know my boyfriend would never get off in some positions but in others he's fine.

Other than that, just try to make it as clear to your girlfriend as you can that she is not the problem.

Seaver · 02-25-2007, 09:56 PM

You're using a condom aren't you? A lot of men can't cum with condoms, because it lowers the sensitivity so much. Maybe have sex, wash yourself and have her give you a bj afterwards. Or even ask her to get on the pill.

Another thing is you can control you own sensitivity. Don't masterbate so much, you generally hold yourself much harder than a woman's vagina would hold, after a few weeks your member will get more sensitive.

Lucifer · 02-26-2007, 03:47 AM

Have you tried having her do something that really turns you on. For example, I can last for hours (okay, well not hours, but a good fucking long time) with my current partner too, but when she's had enough she starts to play with her boobs, and for me it's like flicking a switch from motion to orgasm.

ratbastid · 02-26-2007, 05:48 AM

When you say "sex", do you mean intercourse? Can you orgasm from oral sex or hand jobs?

Frankly, there's a lot going on during intercourse. I often don't find intercourse itself as satisfying as some other things, because I'm busy holding myself up or managing my timing or doing that thing she likes.... I can't just relax and enjoy it the way I can a blow job.

P-Naughty · 02-26-2007, 08:15 AM

1.Yes, I've tried different positions. The only problem is that there is a 12" height differnce that kind of limits our possibilities. We use pillows to get the angle and all, but still.

2. Yes, I use condoms. I've become convinced that the Magnum in Magnum means that it could stop a .357 hollowpoint. But usually by the time she's done and I take it off, she's tired and I'm tired. But a straight BJ doesn't work either.

3. I have cut down on masturbation. I work out on a regular basis, both cardio and weights, plus I do manual labor on occassion. I need my testosterone.

4. She's tried alot of different things.

5. She gives amazing BJs, but they don't do anything.

Seaver · 02-26-2007, 10:36 AM

Quote:

3. I have cut down on masturbation. I work out on a regular basis, both cardio and weights, plus I do manual labor on occassion. I need my testosterone.

Um... who told you that cumming lowers testosterone? People don't have sex/masturbate before athletic competitions because it releases endorphins which relax the body, not because it lowers testosterone.

dabossy2k · 02-26-2007, 10:49 AM

Well man a lot of people wouldnt consider this a problem as you get to please your woman, but I can honestly say I feel your pain.

A little background info I am 6'2 my gf is 5'2 and I had this problem. She is very hyper and wants it all the time and when we first started having sex I couldnt come, and ya to do all that work without release sucks. So the only way I was able to be able to come with intercourse mind you was to completely stop masturbating. I had to do it for like a month straight before I got back to where I could come with her in like 45 mins to a hour. Only other thing I can reccommend is her doing kegel exercises.

ShaniFaye · 02-26-2007, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by P-Naughty

1.Yes, I've tried different positions. The only problem is that there is a 12" height differnce that kind of limits our possibilities. We use pillows to get the angle and all, but still.

what about her on top? A height difference really wont affect that one no matter which way she faces when she does it

P-Naughty · 02-26-2007, 11:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Seaver

Um... who told you that cumming lowers testosterone? People don't have sex/masturbate before athletic competitions because it releases endorphins which relax the body, not because it lowers testosterone.

I just know that I can't lift for shit after doing it. I don't know what causes it, but if I masturbate at night I can't do my normal weight for reps and give out a hell of alot faster.

Quote:

Originally Posted by ShaniFaye

what about her on top? A height difference really wont affect that one no matter which way she faces when she does it

I have a very broad frame. She has trouble straddling me. I'm not fat by any means. I wear a 40" waist and it's because my hips are simply that wide and thick. She's 5'5" and I'm 6'5". We keep trying new things and have kinda come up with a couple that work, but still to no avail.

hagatha · 02-26-2007, 05:26 PM

Have you considered the possibility that this is physiological?

ASU2003 · 02-26-2007, 06:09 PM

It might be psychological. Are you focused on yourself and what your sensations are? Are you circumcised and missing some sensitive areas? Use medical tape to tape the remaining shaft skin over the head for a week or two and see if it feels different. Are you breathing normally, very fast or holding your breath? Try holding your breath for 20 seconds or so if you feel like you are getting close. And make sure you both have plenty of foreplay ahead of time. How do you masterbate? Do you focus on the glans/head, move the shaft skin back and forth, or rub the area on the bottom of the penis right behind the glans?

joemc91 · 03-02-2007, 05:34 PM

I have the same problem as P-Naughty, exactly the same in fact. Usually it was ending with her finished up and I tired, happy, but not quite satisfied. Not blue balled though. The only thing that got me off was sex without the condom. Not that I tried on purpose, it just broke. I recommend getting both of you tested and then her on birth control.

highthief · 03-02-2007, 05:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ASU2003

It might be psychological. Are you focused on yourself and what your sensations are?

If he can get off while masturbating, it is almost certainly psychological.

See a sex therapist or at least read up on such sexual dysfunctions.

serlindsipity · 03-03-2007, 07:04 PM

here's my question - what to do if they have no condom (post STD-test and birth control) and still nothing works? For I as well have a BF in the same boat, and its horrendiously belittling. Its been since August of 2006 since i last made him orgasm. Sigh, yes i know the general date.

ASU2003 · 03-05-2007, 07:30 PM

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_ejaculation

I can't believe I forgot to ask about anti-depressants? I know that they delayed my orgasm. Also, exercising can help. Blood pressure plays a role I think, but I have no way of knowing for sure.

http://greatsexgames.com/forums/showthread.php?t=871
Here is another forum with this same issue. You might need to register, but if you are interested in some other ideas, they are here.

frikirk · 03-11-2007, 06:27 AM

I'd be very surprised if your problem isn't soley the result of you being circumcised like most American boys. By design or by evolution you are meant to cum so you can pass on your genes. But some dumb ass f*cked with the formula because he thought boys were masturbating too much and since he considered it dirty, he and other people introduced circumcision. Male circumcision has exactly the same goal in mind as female circumcision but that fact is only just starting to come to light.

I strongly advise you not to circumcise your son if you have one and I've heard guys who grow back their foreskin can enjoy increased sensation so you might want to try that.

Sticky · 03-13-2007, 09:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by frikirk

I'd be very surprised if your problem isn't soley the result of you being circumcised like most American boys. By design or by evolution you are meant to cum so you can pass on your genes. But some dumb ass f*cked with the formula because he thought boys were masturbating too much and since he considered it dirty, he and other people introduced circumcision. Male circumcision has exactly the same goal in mind as female circumcision but that fact is only just starting to come to light.

I strongly advise you not to circumcise your son if you have one and I've heard guys who grow back their foreskin can enjoy increased sensation so you might want to try that.

What are you saying?
- That circumsicion keeps men from ejaculating and passing on their genes?
- That circumcision causes lower sperm count?
- That circumcision inhibits sperm from entering the vagina?
- That circumcision causes men to feel pain when they have sex so they no longer want to have sex?

Or are you just saying that the sensation is different and perhaps better if a man is uncircumcised?

frikirk · 03-18-2007, 06:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sticky

What are you saying?
- That circumsicion keeps men from ejaculating and passing on their genes?
- That circumcision causes lower sperm count?
- That circumcision inhibits sperm from entering the vagina?
- That circumcision causes men to feel pain when they have sex so they no longer want to have sex?

Or are you just saying that the sensation is different and perhaps better if a man is uncircumcised?

Circumcision reduces a man's sensation so he can still ejaculate but not as strongly and not as frequently - a longer respite is needed. Sperm count is not changed. Circumcised sex also requires more lubrication because the penis is not as well suited to movement and the circumcised penis during sex acts as a pump to remove lubrication from the vagina. So technically, a slightly less lubricated vagina makes it more difficult for sperm to enter the uterus (not the vagina).

Also circumcised men thurst harder and prefer anal and oral sex more than uncircumcised men do because of the sensitivity difference.

Circumcised men still love sex and obviously still have a strong desire for it. Quite possibly just as much as men with intact penises, although circumcised mens preferences are generally more towards non-vaginal sex.

02-25-2007, 07:14 PM	#1 (permalink)
P-Naughty Crazy Location: Georgia Southern University	Not getting off during sex So, there is a problem I have always had with sex. Not something to be too ashamed of, but nothing to be proud of either. It's this... Not being able to get off. Now as a guy, I know this is somewhat odd. It isn't that I've only been with females who weren't the most pleasant looking. It doesn't matter how good it is or feels, there's just nothing happening in terms of ejaculation. It's not a matter of not going at it long enough either. The main concern I have with it is this: how the female feels. My current girlfriend is amazing and I love her with all my heart. However, she feels like she's lacking something in the looks or skill department when she's far from it. The first time it happened she cried. She fealt like she was the one with the problem. I fealt horrible. It's just always come down to me having to do it myself to cum. I've tried visualization, but that really isn't a problem with my current girlfriend. I've tried relaxing. I don't know if it's a comfort issue or what. It's not a feeling of "lacking" in a certain area, either. If anything, the opposite has been true in the past. It's not for lack of time. If anything, exhaustion sets in after a while. The only thing I can remotely narrow it down to is self image. (I weighed 445 about 18 months ago and I'm down to 244 at 6'5"... there's some "left-overs") But I love this girl, she loves me, and has long been accepting of me for both the perfections and flaws. Any advice? __________________ I will not walk so that a child may live! - Master Shake

02-25-2007, 07:18 PM	#2 (permalink)
Acetylene Addict Location: under a rock	http://www.merck.com/mmhe/sec22/ch250/ch250f.html This is interesting reading. __________________ There's no justice. There's just us.

02-25-2007, 08:35 PM	#4 (permalink)
cadre The Worst Influence Location: Arizona	Have you tried different positions? I know my boyfriend would never get off in some positions but in others he's fine. Other than that, just try to make it as clear to your girlfriend as you can that she is not the problem. __________________ My life is one of those 'you had to be there' jokes.

02-25-2007, 09:56 PM	#5 (permalink)
Seaver Junkie Location: Fort Worth, TX	You're using a condom aren't you? A lot of men can't cum with condoms, because it lowers the sensitivity so much. Maybe have sex, wash yourself and have her give you a bj afterwards. Or even ask her to get on the pill. Another thing is you can control you own sensitivity. Don't masterbate so much, you generally hold yourself much harder than a woman's vagina would hold, after a few weeks your member will get more sensitive. __________________ "Smite the rocks with the rod of knowledge, and fountains of unstinted wealth will gush forth." - Ashbel Smith as he laid the first cornerstone of the University of Texas

02-26-2007, 03:47 AM	#6 (permalink)
Lucifer Husband of Seamaiden Location: Nova Scotia	Have you tried having her do something that really turns you on. For example, I can last for hours (okay, well not hours, but a good fucking long time) with my current partner too, but when she's had enough she starts to play with her boobs, and for me it's like flicking a switch from motion to orgasm. __________________ I am a brother to dragons, and a companion to owls. - Job 30:29 1123, 6536, 5321

02-26-2007, 05:48 AM	#7 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	When you say "sex", do you mean intercourse? Can you orgasm from oral sex or hand jobs? Frankly, there's a lot going on during intercourse. I often don't find intercourse itself as satisfying as some other things, because I'm busy holding myself up or managing my timing or doing that thing she likes.... I can't just relax and enjoy it the way I can a blow job.

02-26-2007, 08:15 AM	#8 (permalink)
P-Naughty Crazy Location: Georgia Southern University	1.Yes, I've tried different positions. The only problem is that there is a 12" height differnce that kind of limits our possibilities. We use pillows to get the angle and all, but still. 2. Yes, I use condoms. I've become convinced that the Magnum in Magnum means that it could stop a .357 hollowpoint. But usually by the time she's done and I take it off, she's tired and I'm tired. But a straight BJ doesn't work either. 3. I have cut down on masturbation. I work out on a regular basis, both cardio and weights, plus I do manual labor on occassion. I need my testosterone. 4. She's tried alot of different things. 5. She gives amazing BJs, but they don't do anything. __________________ I will not walk so that a child may live! - Master Shake

02-26-2007, 10:49 AM	#10 (permalink)
dabossy2k Insane Location: Cali	Well man a lot of people wouldnt consider this a problem as you get to please your woman, but I can honestly say I feel your pain. A little background info I am 6'2 my gf is 5'2 and I had this problem. She is very hyper and wants it all the time and when we first started having sex I couldnt come, and ya to do all that work without release sucks. So the only way I was able to be able to come with intercourse mind you was to completely stop masturbating. I had to do it for like a month straight before I got back to where I could come with her in like 45 mins to a hour. Only other thing I can reccommend is her doing kegel exercises. __________________ Recovering nice guy

02-26-2007, 05:26 PM	#13 (permalink)
hagatha Addict	Have you considered the possibility that this is physiological? __________________ Thats the last time I trust the strangest people I ever met....H. Simpson

02-26-2007, 06:09 PM	#14 (permalink)
ASU2003 immoral minority Location: Back in Ohio	It might be psychological. Are you focused on yourself and what your sensations are? Are you circumcised and missing some sensitive areas? Use medical tape to tape the remaining shaft skin over the head for a week or two and see if it feels different. Are you breathing normally, very fast or holding your breath? Try holding your breath for 20 seconds or so if you feel like you are getting close. And make sure you both have plenty of foreplay ahead of time. How do you masterbate? Do you focus on the glans/head, move the shaft skin back and forth, or rub the area on the bottom of the penis right behind the glans? Last edited by ASU2003; 02-26-2007 at 06:12 PM..

03-02-2007, 05:34 PM	#15 (permalink)
joemc91 Insane Location: Chicago	I have the same problem as P-Naughty, exactly the same in fact. Usually it was ending with her finished up and I tired, happy, but not quite satisfied. Not blue balled though. The only thing that got me off was sex without the condom. Not that I tried on purpose, it just broke. I recommend getting both of you tested and then her on birth control. __________________ I prefer desert wines to dessert wines. Dry and red

03-03-2007, 07:04 PM	#17 (permalink)
serlindsipity Psycho Location: Boulder Baby!	here's my question - what to do if they have no condom (post STD-test and birth control) and still nothing works? For I as well have a BF in the same boat, and its horrendiously belittling. Its been since August of 2006 since i last made him orgasm. Sigh, yes i know the general date. __________________ My third eye is my camera's lens.

03-05-2007, 07:30 PM	#18 (permalink)
ASU2003 immoral minority Location: Back in Ohio	http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Delayed_ejaculation I can't believe I forgot to ask about anti-depressants? I know that they delayed my orgasm. Also, exercising can help. Blood pressure plays a role I think, but I have no way of knowing for sure. http://greatsexgames.com/forums/showthread.php?t=871 Here is another forum with this same issue. You might need to register, but if you are interested in some other ideas, they are here. Last edited by ASU2003; 03-05-2007 at 07:40 PM..

03-11-2007, 06:27 AM	#19 (permalink)
frikirk Upright	I'd be very surprised if your problem isn't soley the result of you being circumcised like most American boys. By design or by evolution you are meant to cum so you can pass on your genes. But some dumb ass f*cked with the formula because he thought boys were masturbating too much and since he considered it dirty, he and other people introduced circumcision. Male circumcision has exactly the same goal in mind as female circumcision but that fact is only just starting to come to light. I strongly advise you not to circumcise your son if you have one and I've heard guys who grow back their foreskin can enjoy increased sensation so you might want to try that.