Ample

Last night “pool girl” calls me plastered, (she was slurring her words, and I could barely understand her) she wanted me to pick up a 30 pack of bud light for her. I told her I was almost home, and then she asked if I would come over. She was having a little get together with a few friends. I told her that I need to pickup my kids from my outlaw’s house in a little while, and that I might come over a little bit. I got home and was a little hesitant to go over there with her being so drunk, but she said that she had other people over and I really want to meet more people from my complex so I went over.

I get over there, and it just two guys playing her PS2, some boxing game. After about 20 minutes we decided to go over to my place and have 1 beer before I go and pick up my daughters. We start walking over to my place (I have to keep my arm around her so she can walk straight). Almost to my house, she tells me that when she is drunk that she is honest, and that she is falling in love with me. I really didn’t know what to say, so I said nothing. We get back to my place and sitting on the couch watching the football game, and she tells me it again, and if it bothers me that she feels that way. I was pretty frank with her, letting her know that I wanted to take that part pretty slow, and that we haven’t know each other that long. 15 minutes later I took her home and picked up my girls. I got a text messages from her last night, “Embarrassed. I am sorry I got so drunk and talked WAY too much. I still miss you!”

On a related side note, just yesterday or the day before she asked me casually if I was ever going to sleep over, and I told her that is how things got complicated in my last relationship, so NO I wasn’t.

I like “pool girl” and I like hanging out with her, and the truth is she is the best fuck I have ever had. But that is pretty much where it ends I have zero romantic feelings for her, and I won’t be developing any for her. From day one I have been pretty careful about the words that I use. Never once told her how I felt about her, never tried to stake any claim to her, in fact I even told her that I came real close to going home with a girl when I was on vacation. Never once used words like girlfriend, dating, seeing when talking about us. I never planned on this turning into nothing more than a summer fling. This time last year I was still legally married, and have no plans in getting in a relationship with someone right now, its fun time for me. I know its selfish, but this is my time to act that way.

Okay so do I give her a pass, cause she was drunk? If I don’t have any plans of taking the next step should I cut my ties as soon as possible? If I do cut it off, I want to do it in the smartest way possible, and not get the boiling bunny when I get home from work. Again, I do like hanging with her, and she is soooooo freakin’ good in the sack. I really don’t want to end it, but if I must I will. Has this change the dynamics of our relationship, and it can never be what it was?

__________________

Her juju beads are so nice
She kissed my third cousin twice
Im the king of pomona

JamesB

Wow. Sounds like you have entered no-man's land here dude.

The problem as I see it is that you both started this out with the understanding that it is simply casual. The only problem being that you really can not dictate what your emotions will do - even if you want to.

She is falling in love with what she sees as an attractive, fun and interesting guy. That is not such a bad thing.

You on the other hand have decided to take the stance that you will not enter a relationship for any reason.

Now we see the problem.

So ask yourself this: do you really want to avoid relationships? If the answer is no or any version thereof, why not just allow yourself to feel?

I am sure that this is not much help to you .. but I strongly believe that you have to allow yourself to feel things naturally. So that is my advice.

If you do NOT want to let yourself feel then let her know. The best course of action in this case is to remove yourself from her life to prevent hurting her.

__________________
-- apt-get install spare_time --

Sage

I'd say give her some space. Sometimes girls just get funny things in their head and decide they want to be with someone for no better reason than being with someone. She could just think you're the crush of the month, or she could really be devloping feelings for you. Either way, you hanging around her is only going to make it worse- because no matter what you say or do, she's still going to think the same way. Let her work this out on her own.

And there's a MILLION other girls that are good in the sack, trust me... take what you've learned from this gal and go educate the masses!

__________________

Toaster126

Just tell her that you're completely not interested in developing that aspect. She'll either be okay with it, or she won't. It's not your problem if she gets all heartbroken if you are clear and upfront with everything.

__________________
"The question isn't who is going to let me, it's who is going to stop me." (Ayn Rand)
"The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers." (M. Scott Peck)

Ample

Right now, absoulty. I spent my whole entire 20s married, and I want to go out with different women, try new things. I look the best, feel the best, and have the most confidence than I did in my entire life. I just have no desire right now to be tied down
Good call, she is supposed to make dinner for me this weekend, but maybe I should take a raincheck. Give her some space, would you avoid all contact all together, or just seeing each other in person?
I know her type, and she is the type that will probably be more attracted (regardless if that is what she wants something different) to me when she finds that I am less obtainable or more of a challenge.

Grrrrrrr

__________________

Her juju beads are so nice
She kissed my third cousin twice
Im the king of pomona

JamesB

Whatever you do - just think of the karma (whether or not you belive in karma).

I am sure you would not willingly hurt her feelings - just be mindful of what you do and how it may effect her.

Be up front, honest and to the point with her. What you want is sex without the strings. Let her decide if she can settle with only that - the typical answer at this stage however is 'no'. She may not even tell you that she can't settle with only sex.

Be the good guy - we actually don't finish last .. it just sometimes feels that way.

__________________
-- apt-get install spare_time --

fresnelly

Take some comfort that her drunken confession does not indicate a full blown sober obsession. Not yet anyways.

If you break it off, she will be hurt, and you're going to have to face that, but I doubt you'll be breaking her heart and utterly crushing her. If you really don't wan't a relationship, now is the time to firmly state your intentions. By drawing it out you're only letting her interest build.

__________________
Building an artificial intelligence that appreciates Mozart is easy. Building an A.I. that appreciates a theme restaurant is the real challenge - Kit Roebuck - Nine Planets Without Intelligent Life

genuinegirly

If she confesses her love when she is sober, then state: "no. this was our agreement. I have no feelings for you. Do you want to cut things off?"

await her response.

Until then, I would pretend that the drunken confession never happened. If she asks about it, you can say something along the lines of "I never believe anyone when they're drunk."

Looks like you're putting your kids first. The fact that she is getting so plastered drunk is not healthy or safe. She needs to learn to take care of herself. For this reason alone, she would not make a good mother. Just another angle to work, if she doesn't understand why you're not interested in anything deep.

__________________
"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy