BigDonkey2

So I met this girl at the gym and apparently she's had the hots for me for a long time and now I'm finally single. She didn't think I would be interested because she's 35 and thought she'd be too old for me. I'm not one to discriminate and I've never dated an older woman before but have always wondered about it. I'm not looking for anything serious right now, just looking to have some fun and I don't think she's looking for a serious relationship either.

Here's the problem. Its nothing with her, rather my parents. This girl and I hung out last night and I told my parents I was going out with a friend from the gym. They were fine with that. They just don't know that shes 35. I know my mom is going to throw a shit fit when she finds out, which she eventually will. My mom goes to the same gym as me and we know a lot of the same people. Also, word travels fast around the gym, but I don't think anybody will tell my mom about this girl; well, at least her age. Anywho, I know my parents probably won't approve of this girl being 35, but frankly I don't care. I guess I'm just looking for some advice on how to handle the situation. This girl is really cool and a lot of fun. I just want to casually date her and have some fun, but I don't know what my parents think. I know it'll mainly be my mom. She'll just say "What are you doing with a 35 year old?" Honestly I don't know what she'll say, but its only a matter of time before she finds out. I want to try to keep a secret as long as I can though. Should I just come out and tell her she's 35? What should I do?

Thanks guys.

-BigD

Willravel

You're 21, who cares what your mom thinks?

"What are you doing with a 35 year old?" That's simple. You like her, she likes you, you want to explore that. If your mother has a problem with the age difference, which is only 14 years, then remind her that you are mature enough to make your own decisions in life. You aren't telling her who to date, so who is she o do the same?

Oh, and have fun. I've dated older women before and it's a singularly enjoyable experience. I ended up marrying one.

BigDonkey2

Well, I just told her and just ask expected a suprised "WHAT!? Oh c'mon." Whatever. I'm over it. She told me shes just looking out for my best interest. Oh well. I'll do what I want.

LLL2

I know this is kinda going sound stupid, but there is a reason why STD don't stop in one generation. Have fun ,but becareful dude, she could been around the block for years. But swing away, son. If she is hot i would hit it too. Also whatever you do , always use a condom, atleast you won't knock her up , somewhat....


Plus it's your mom, if she isn't caring about yoou, your posting about how no one gives a shit about you.... Be happy someone out there loves you enough to care about you, some people don't even get that much.

Ustwo

You can't blame your mother on this one in any way. Thirty five is prime baby age, its when the biological clock says 'NOW NOW NOW' and you are only 21.

Its one thing if its a sport fuck, its another if this woman decides its time to start a family.

I'm 36 and just had my first child about 2 years ago. When you are 34 she will be 48. A little past baby prime zone.

Your mother worries about your long term future here, she thinks of the 'what if's'.

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Boo

Life is short, enjoy your time together. If anyone (including your mom) gets in your business, just ask why they don't want you to be happy. Because she makes me happy....

Hopefully she has been around the block and knows what to do with it. When I was young a guy said that older women are great because "they don't tell, they don't swell and they appreciate it."

Enjoy your experience. 35 is just a pup anyway.

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Temporary_User

you stated that you don't want a long term thing, just some fun.
for this reason I would advise you to just stay away. be friends.
reasons:
you both go to this gym. things would be awkward when you to decide to "quit having fun"
you both know alot of people who frequent this gym (your mom one) and they are all nosy types and word gets out quick.

I'm 21 as well, and saw a 26 year old for a while. not that great of age difference, but definately there. Both started out casual just having fun, but eventually she saw herself getting older and wanted to settle down make things more serious.

I dunno though, something tells me your going to do it.
so ill just say live and learn. have fun while doing it!

cyrnel

Enjoy yourself. Enjoy each other. Most relationships are made or broken by timing, and this is one of the biggest spreads you'll encounter. She may be finding herself, trying to hang onto her youth, or just getting off on your stamina. Or she might be a wonderful person you'll feel lucky to have known the rest of your life. Live. For yourself, and without fear of the junk from others. I had a very similar situation at 20 and it was a great experience for both of us. You already know the odds are against you for a long term anything, so don't expect too much. I'm guessing you'll be very pleasantly surprised.

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Rodney

I might call this paranoid... but I saw it happen once.

Him, about 20; sharp computer geek supporting himself well without a college degree; her, a truly hot 34 who'd always got by on her looks even though she had a brain. Her looks, and her willingness to get next to well-known or otherwise desirable people by going to bed with them. She was big in science fiction fandom for a while, and had basically f*cked every A-list sf author on the west coast (who was open to it, and yeah, that included Harlan Ellison.)

And she found herself getting a little older and worrying about it. They moved in together, things didn't work out all that well, and they were on the verge of splitting. But before they split she "forgot" to use her birth control, took a several-month trip, and came back five months pregnant. Surprise.

It wasn't about having the kid (she'd had some by a previous marriage), it was about holding onto the meal ticket. Which worked. Eighteen years later, they're still together -- you do the math -- but I don't know how happy they are. Haven't checked.

All that said, older women can be great. At that age, they know what they want and aren't afraid to be straight and true about it. You just need to check for the occasional one who's got a hidden agenda. Good or bad, they're not girls anymore. They're women -- experienced people who know a lot more tricks than you do.

Seaver

Just know what you're getting into, and make sure you understand to lay down ground rules at the beginning of the relationship.

I'm 23, I've been dating a 38 year old for almost two years now. Things are great, she's a lawyer so makes good money (so she tends to pay when we go out) yet in no way makes me feel like the woman in the relationship. No kids, never married yet she looke 25 and is amazingly hot.

Just make sure she cares about you more than her clock. Not every woman is a slave to her biological clock, and not everyone will use trickery (though many have).

Just like any relationship you have to get to know the person you're with, and they you. Age does not determine a person's motives or methods.

Demeter

This happened to me, in reverse. I was involved with a younger man who didn't want kids, period, although he had no issue with the ones I had...fast forward two years and we are living together & he starts asking me to reconsider having his baby.
I'd lost a child midway through a pregnancy, so I was hesitant about ever getting pregnant agian... and after a divorce & being a single parent there was no way I was going back to a point where I was changing diapers again, when I wanted to get ahead a bit & go back to school.
He ended up begging me to have a child with him...but it never happened.

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doncalypso

I'm 24 and my current girlfriend is turning 37 in a month.

The only problem in our relationship right now is that we have very different (if not incompatible) sex drives: I want it all the time whereas she hardly has any desire for sex because of the interaction of her birth control and the medicine she's taking for a thyroid condition.

Anyhow, she treats me very well, is very caring and loving, and she puts no pressure on me whatsoever for marriage or family. She has made it known that she does hope to settle down with me, but she won't roll over and die if we don't have children because she'd been single for a long time when we met and was pretty much ready to live the rest of her life without a husband or children.

The way I see it, the biggest hurdle in dating an older woman isn't so much the proverbial biological clock but rather giving her the comfort and security that comes from knowing that you're committed to the relationship and that you won't just up and leave her after a few years because you feel it's time you got with someone younger. But then again, maybe I'm just very lucky.

A few friends of mine know about the age difference between me and my girlfriend, but it's not big deal. Besides, my parents both know about her, they've met her, and they really like her---so much that they even invited her to come spend a few days at our home in Haiti for Christmas (assuming the political situation doesn't get any worse).

This being said, I think BigDonkey2 should be very discreet about his relationship with that older woman at the gym since he makes it sound like that place is rife with gossip. Eventually some people will figure out something is going on between him and that woman, but so long as he and the ones who know about his relationship keep their mouths shut then everything will be alright.

A word of advice for other guys reading this who are dating or are considering dating an older woman.

When you're with a woman who is 10+ years older than you don't be surprised by the fact that she's most probably dated a whole helluva lot more than you have and therefore could possibly have had a lot more sexual partners than you. Even if she has a clean bill of health and is STD-free, the fact of the matter is that she's probably been with more men than you'd be comfortable with, so be sure you can handle that and won't let it drive you crazy.

Sure she may have a lot more sexual experience than women you've been with thus far, but this means she probably has been with guys who are more experienced than you and were probably better lovers and more well-endowed. In all likelihood you are not the best she's ever had in bed, but you must come to terms with that and realize that there's a reason why she dumped the other guys and is with you now, so don't sweat it.

And finally, if she's lived in the area for quite some years you're more than likely bound to run into some of her former boyfriends and lovers from time to time. It may be awkward, but you have to remember that there's a reason why she's with you and not with them, so if your ego can handle the fact that she's been with other men and had a life before you then you're all set. But if you can't deal with the reality that an older woman may have had a more "fruitful" past than you're comfortable with, maybe you shouldn't be dating them.

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dlish

just a thought on why u refer to a 34 year old woman as a 'girl'?

hope u dont say it to her..she might get upset!

anyone else pick that up or was that just me

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BigDonkey2

I didn't mean to refer to her as a girl dlishsguy, just a habit. Shes definately a woman. haha. That being said thanks for the advice everybody. I appreciate all your help. As of now I don't know where its going. We've only hung out a few times and haven't had too much time to talk, but its definately in the works for me. Like many of you said, I'm just going to have fun with it and see where it goes and just live life. I don't quite know what her motives are or what shes looking for but I'll definately talk to her about it. As far as the gym is concerned, shes not in the gym everyday. Her schedule is different everday so she doesnt have too much time to get in the gym. Right now I'm just going to enjoy myself and have fun with it. She's a really cool person and I enjoy her company, but at the same time I still have to be a little cautious, but I'm sure a nice talk will help make some things a little more clear. Anywho, thanks again guys!

Suave

"What are you doing with a 35 year old?"

"Well Mom, we're having wild, passionate sex."

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toxic515

urbancougar.com

NSFW Unrelated Booby link ... stick to the discssion at hand, please.

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Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies
like a banana.

Krycheck

That's the first thing that came to my mind Toxic!

Dude, don't worry about your mom so much and especially don't let her know you're worried about your mom! It may not matter if this is for fun now but she may see you in a different light if she finds this out. Personally I wouldn't tell her. If she finds out at the gym so what, it's your private life. She needs to let go.

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His pants are tight...but his morals are loose!!

Willravel

Can I take back my last response? Suave made a better one.

james t kirk

When I was 24, I was dating a 32 year old.

My mom had a shit fit, albeit a quiet one. Never the less, she wasn't impressed. "How old is she?" "She looks cold to me"

It didn't go the distance, but we remain friends, so what the hell. I say go for it and let the chips fall where they may.