Lovie

I dated *Seph* for over a year. We started dating two summers ago, before I left for Kansas State University. We decided to stay together, as he is going to North Carolina State University. Our love for each other blossomed over the year that we were apart. We saw each other at every opportunity, all breaks and even occassional weekends. During the spring semester I decided to transfer to NCSU so that we could be together. I could not bare another year apart from him. I ended up being accepted however my parents refused to let me go to school with him. So I decided to live at home, 4 hours away from Seph, work and take community college classes. I was very unhappy and took a lot of it out on him. Our relationship was strained and eventually he told me he wanted to break up.

I was devastated by this. That weekend, I ended up going to down to see other friends, but he was there. He told me that he missed me, but he couldn't be with me now. He said to date other people, but not sleep with them. I guess I took this as a positive sign, now I realize it was nothing.

Over the last semester I would go down and see everyone, him included. We would end up sleeping together, I know, very bad. Before Christmas I went down again. Seph and I ended up getting in a big fight. I left with the intention of never talking to him again, online or in person. He told me a couple days after the fight that he didn't think we could be friends. I took this because I had to. All of Winter break, we did not talk. I thought about him all the time, but I was getting better. I was able to be my own person and have fun, although he was still the first person I thought of when something bad happened.

Despite us breaking up, I was not going to let him interfere with my education. I transfered to NCSU as planned. My first week here, he left me three messages online. I did not respond to any of them. I was not sure what was going on. That weekend, I went to dinner and he was there. He came up to me and said, why are you avoiding me? I said I wasn't, even though I kinda was. He then said that he really did miss me and missed hanging out like we used to. And then our sleeping together pattern started again.

We go through this now. He calls when he wants to talk, and I answer and talk away. Apparently there are other girls "after" him. I do not want to be one of five girls. I want him to miss me and want to be with me. But I am beginning to think that is never going to happen. Am I supposed to move on? How does a long distance relationship work and then fall apart? I am confused and devastated. Any thoughts would be appreciated. (I'm sorry this is so long too.)

jth

i could be wrong but...

It seems to me like this guy is after your sex. It seems crude and mean to say this but from your side of the story I have the feeling that he really just wants to have sex with you or anyone at any opportunity he can. He says he has like 5 other girls after him, that doesn't seem to me like a good life style for you to be involved, at least you know you don't want to be one of 5 girls that he shares his bed with. Either way, it seems to be the situation.

Clearly you still have a lot of feelings left over with this guy, but I feel that you just need to get over him and move on. Despite what he might tell you in terms of 'missing you' etc, it's all a story I think he is giving you in order to keep you dangling on the line. Sounds harsh and heartless, I hope I am wrong about him.

If you want to continue to be with him I think you really need to be clear with him what you want. If you want to get back with him exclusively then tell him. Otherwise he's going to string you along until you've finished your whole degree and he has taken all that time from you when you could be out meeting other men, making new relationships and seeing how many fish there are out in the sea yourself.

Anyway, my thoughts at least

poundpuppy34

... you wernt avoiding him. He cut you out of his life by telling you you guys cant be friends and you were respectinmg him for that. now thats over... delete his aim name from your list and block him if he calls you be polite and impersonal... and if he meets you somwhere out and about the look him in the eyes tell him that you are over and that you have no interest in him physically... even if it isnt true. Its not fair that he uses you. that is unless you wish to be used... you need time for the pain to heal... and the only way you'll get time is if he's out of your life. find someone new that treats you like a godess not a lefty over... Dump him and his ideals out of his head.

HoneyPot

I have been in this situation, time and time again! Be careful with your heart. No matter how many times we try to tell ourselves that emotions won't get in the way of sex, they do. Someone usually ends up getting hurt and the outcome isn't too good. Put yourself first. Don't let his physical need for sex burden your emotions. Sex to guys is different than it is for girls, sometimes. Just be careful.

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Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder.

tecoyah

Reality check. You would be wise to leave this situation completely....as in forever gone. Indications are he is not interested....let alone ready to be devoted to you, and will therefore continue to cause you pain. If indeed you want to learn a few hard lessons on love, by all means continue to be played.
There are many things you will be dealt in this life, and emotion carries the most Valuable lessons, with these will come alot of pain. But, you need to know when the lesson is over....and be ready for the next.

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Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

Babes

I hate to say it because I know it hurts but I agree with Tec. I have a friend who is dealing with a guy that sounds just like this. I'll tell you what I've told her: No one deserves to be treated like that. You may still have feelings for him, but you've recognized that you've grown as a person and I think that's all you can learn from this. You are a better person without him. Get back out there and continue to better yourself in other ways. There has to be someone better for you.

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Sorry, I got a lot of woman to sling around.

Lovie

Thanks everyone for the advice. I think it is best for me to move on. I think I might be in love with who he was and am confusing the past and the present. Everytime I have tried to move on, he has come barreling back into my life. But this time I am going to stick with it. If he wants to be with me, he is going to have to prove it. I am not going to be walked all over.

I think the experience has made me stronger and hopefully I will find someone who will appreciate me. And love the me that I love.

NotAnAlias

He's treating you like shit, as said, you'd probably be better off without him.

[edit] i should refresh after leaving the page for ages :P best of luck [/edit]