Bratty relatives - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Grasshopper Green · 04-17-2005, 05:26 PM

This is just kind of a rant, but any advice from someone in a similar situation is appreciated.

My stepsister and her husband have the most spoiled, brattiest child I have ever had the misfortune to come across. This makes family gatherings a pain in the ass for me, because me and my husband are the only other family members with a child. Anything she does is fine, unless it's going to damage something. If she speaks rudely to my son, it's fine. If she doesn't want to share, it's fine. I don't think her mom even cares; I know the father would like to discipline her, but that is their marriage and not my business. I guess I just don't feel like it's my place to tell her to not speak so rudely or whatever, because parenting is such a touchy topic with some people. I really don't like my son playing with her though, although he is still so young that I don't think he minds. GRRRRRRRRRRRR...I just don't understand it when people can't see their child is a brat. And I can't exactly keep them apart at family gatherings as they are the only two kids and of course they are going to gravitate to each other. *sigh*

canuckguy · 04-17-2005, 05:47 PM

I feel your pain, I was at a family birthday party yesterday, same thing. Now my daughter is only 1 and my wifes relatives kid is 6. But I can already sense the troube that this kid is gonna cause with my child. I'd tell you some experiences but based on your post I can see were in the same boat.

ratbastid · 04-17-2005, 06:09 PM

It's an opportunity to educate your son on manners. He can see what it's like being around somebody who's spoiled and rude. You can say, "I'm so glad that in OUR house, we...."

Doctor_Max · 04-17-2005, 06:10 PM

My neice is the same way. She cries whenever she doesn't get her way and she thinks she should be the center of everyone's attention (in the annoying way). I just tend to ignore her, and usually that solves it.

ngdawg · 04-17-2005, 06:12 PM

You would be within your rights at times when, should she aggravate or provoke your child, to at least tell her you won't accept that. If you catch her doing something wrong, tell her no. This especially would apply if it's in your home. Rules are rules and children need them. No child, whether it was a relative's or friend's has ever been allowed to misbehave or carry on in my house and no one ever reprimanded me for sticking to my values in that regard.
If she speaks rudely again to your son, tell her, " don't say that, please. it is not how we talk here." Your son will try to do it as well, compounding the problem, if you don't speak up.
Shame, really, on those parents. Depending on your relationship with them, it may even behoove you to tell them you're not fond of her behavior around your child.

sexymama · 04-19-2005, 06:41 PM

ngdawg is right, you don't have to tolerate misbehavior or rudeness. However, telling a child don't is like saying "don't think of a pink elephant." Where is the fist place your brain goes? To the elephant, right? Instead try telling her what she can do. "My son will play with you when you ask nicely." "I will get you a cookie when you say please." "In our house we keep our hands to ourselves." This can be said very nicely and will be good modeling for her parents. Good luck!

Hash_Browns · 04-25-2005, 11:01 AM

I agree with sexymama's response to this situation. The way that those things are stated sounds just about right to me, without you having to sound as if you are repremanding her out right. You are just making your childs environment safe, and i see nothing wrong with that.

I have this kind of problem with my friend and her 4 children. 3 of them are her step kids and she is soo hard on them it kinda makes me mad and I let them do things that she wouldn't because they might get dirty. Now her youngest is her and her fiance's child andhe is spoiled to death. She claims all these allergies and what nots and has an excuse for everything, and let me tell you, It gets sooo old. Ok, the more I think about it, it's really not the same more of the opposite, I guess I am the spoilee when it comes to her older kids but only because they really are great kids, when they are allowed to be kids...but her youngest is going to be 2 and I just can't believe the things she lets him get away with, then she yells at her oldest son (9 yrs.) for not watching him...gets so rediculous!

Ok, I'm gonna go off topic if I don't stop. But again I like how sexymama phrased the responses and I hope that in the future you will be able to handle them in a manner that makes you more comfortable. Your son depends on you to make sure he is safe and treated fairly, so I see nothing wrong with your want for that

Grasshopper Green · 04-25-2005, 01:43 PM

Thanks for the suggestions, everyone. Unfortunately, family gatherings are only at my dad's house, or her house, or her sisters house...which would make said suggestions hard because I can't enforce "my" rules at their houses. I've talked about this with my dad, and he and my stepmother have mentioned the bad behavior (nicely, of course) to my stepsister but she gets very defensive, so approaching her would probably do no good. I'm still thinking of how to handle future get togethers, because my dad holds a lot of barbeques in the summer. Thanks for listening to me, everyone!

liquidlight · 04-25-2005, 02:06 PM

Hey, I'm pretty local and do very well as the "designated asshole"

If you need somebody to come put the kid in the corner I'll volunteer, and I don't mind if your stepsister hates me!

Grasshopper Green · 05-01-2005, 05:56 PM

Lmao, thanks for the offer liquid, and should it ever come down to that, I'll definitely keep you in mind

Meditrina · 05-01-2005, 06:23 PM

I have been with bratty relatives many times. I have 2 nieces, 1 on each side of the family, that are bratty. My daughter, age 8 now, has learned to be nice anyway, and sometimes will go out of her way to include them in whatever she is doing. I am very proud of her for that. Since your stepsister in not approachable about it, I would focus on teaching your son how to handle bratty kids. I have made comments to my daughter, loud enough for my sister to hear, about the way you should behave. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesnt.

Grasshopper Green · 05-04-2005, 05:00 AM

That is an excellent idea, sportswidow. I'll have to start doing this at the next get together. Thanks!

Charlatan · 05-04-2005, 05:27 AM

Medusa... I would take a bit from Ratbastid's suggestion and a bit from Sexymama...

1) use it as an example of bad behaviour for your son... this worked well for me with my son.
2) Even if you are at your Father's place, there is nothing wrong, in the right context, of making suggestions to the child that she behave properly before she gets to do something or get something... the most important aspect of this is, as sexymama points out, providing a model for the parents.

raeanna74 · 05-04-2005, 06:52 AM

I have a nephew who is quite often rough. My daughter is a little bit of a tomboy and she gets wound up and just a rough if I let him play like that. Most of the time I redirect him as much as possible. I don't do it in a punishment way. Sexymama described it well. What you are doing then is telling them how you will respond to their actions and giving them a choice to act so that you respond much more positively.

My SIL can be quite nasty about some things but she's not complained yet when I have interved or corrected her son. I try to do it in such as way as to not userp her authority. Sometimes if he's asking rudely for things I may even ask her "Would you mind if he has more soda? Do you like him to say please for things?" She seems cooperative at least. I think most of the time the parent doesn't want to bother, especially when they are enjoying the company of friends or family.

04-17-2005, 05:26 PM	#1 (permalink)
Grasshopper Green ...is a comical chap Location: Where morons reign supreme	Bratty relatives This is just kind of a rant, but any advice from someone in a similar situation is appreciated. My stepsister and her husband have the most spoiled, brattiest child I have ever had the misfortune to come across. This makes family gatherings a pain in the ass for me, because me and my husband are the only other family members with a child. Anything she does is fine, unless it's going to damage something. If she speaks rudely to my son, it's fine. If she doesn't want to share, it's fine. I don't think her mom even cares; I know the father would like to discipline her, but that is their marriage and not my business. I guess I just don't feel like it's my place to tell her to not speak so rudely or whatever, because parenting is such a touchy topic with some people. I really don't like my son playing with her though, although he is still so young that I don't think he minds. GRRRRRRRRRRRR...I just don't understand it when people can't see their child is a brat. And I can't exactly keep them apart at family gatherings as they are the only two kids and of course they are going to gravitate to each other. sigh __________________ "They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king" Formerly Medusa

04-19-2005, 06:41 PM	#6 (permalink)
sexymama My own person -- his by choice Location: Lebell's arms	ngdawg is right, you don't have to tolerate misbehavior or rudeness. However, telling a child don't is like saying "don't think of a pink elephant." Where is the fist place your brain goes? To the elephant, right? Instead try telling her what she can do. "My son will play with you when you ask nicely." "I will get you a cookie when you say please." "In our house we keep our hands to ourselves." This can be said very nicely and will be good modeling for her parents. Good luck! __________________ If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

04-25-2005, 11:01 AM	#7 (permalink)
Hash_Browns Psycho Location: Right behind you...BOO!	I agree with sexymama's response to this situation. The way that those things are stated sounds just about right to me, without you having to sound as if you are repremanding her out right. You are just making your childs environment safe, and i see nothing wrong with that. I have this kind of problem with my friend and her 4 children. 3 of them are her step kids and she is soo hard on them it kinda makes me mad and I let them do things that she wouldn't because they might get dirty. Now her youngest is her and her fiance's child andhe is spoiled to death. She claims all these allergies and what nots and has an excuse for everything, and let me tell you, It gets sooo old. Ok, the more I think about it, it's really not the same more of the opposite, I guess I am the spoilee when it comes to her older kids but only because they really are great kids, when they are allowed to be kids...but her youngest is going to be 2 and I just can't believe the things she lets him get away with, then she yells at her oldest son (9 yrs.) for not watching him...gets so rediculous! Ok, I'm gonna go off topic if I don't stop. But again I like how sexymama phrased the responses and I hope that in the future you will be able to handle them in a manner that makes you more comfortable. Your son depends on you to make sure he is safe and treated fairly, so I see nothing wrong with your want for that __________________ Smile It makes people wonder what you're up too!

04-25-2005, 01:43 PM	#8 (permalink)
Grasshopper Green ...is a comical chap Location: Where morons reign supreme	Thanks for the suggestions, everyone. Unfortunately, family gatherings are only at my dad's house, or her house, or her sisters house...which would make said suggestions hard because I can't enforce "my" rules at their houses. I've talked about this with my dad, and he and my stepmother have mentioned the bad behavior (nicely, of course) to my stepsister but she gets very defensive, so approaching her would probably do no good. I'm still thinking of how to handle future get togethers, because my dad holds a lot of barbeques in the summer. Thanks for listening to me, everyone! __________________ "They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king" Formerly Medusa

04-25-2005, 02:06 PM	#9 (permalink)
liquidlight AHH! Custom Title!! Location: The twisted warpings of my brain.	Hey, I'm pretty local and do very well as the "designated asshole" If you need somebody to come put the kid in the corner I'll volunteer, and I don't mind if your stepsister hates me! __________________ Halfway to hell and picking up speed.

04-17-2005, 05:47 PM	#2 (permalink)
canuckguy I read your emails. Location: earth	I feel your pain, I was at a family birthday party yesterday, same thing. Now my daughter is only 1 and my wifes relatives kid is 6. But I can already sense the troube that this kid is gonna cause with my child. I'd tell you some experiences but based on your post I can see were in the same boat.

04-17-2005, 06:09 PM	#3 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	It's an opportunity to educate your son on manners. He can see what it's like being around somebody who's spoiled and rude. You can say, "I'm so glad that in OUR house, we...."

04-17-2005, 06:10 PM	#4 (permalink)
Doctor_Max Tilted Location: North Carolina	My neice is the same way. She cries whenever she doesn't get her way and she thinks she should be the center of everyone's attention (in the annoying way). I just tend to ignore her, and usually that solves it.

04-17-2005, 06:12 PM	#5 (permalink)
ngdawg peekaboo Location: on the back, bitch	You would be within your rights at times when, should she aggravate or provoke your child, to at least tell her you won't accept that. If you catch her doing something wrong, tell her no. This especially would apply if it's in your home. Rules are rules and children need them. No child, whether it was a relative's or friend's has ever been allowed to misbehave or carry on in my house and no one ever reprimanded me for sticking to my values in that regard. If she speaks rudely again to your son, tell her, " don't say that, please. it is not how we talk here." Your son will try to do it as well, compounding the problem, if you don't speak up. Shame, really, on those parents. Depending on your relationship with them, it may even behoove you to tell them you're not fond of her behavior around your child.

05-01-2005, 05:56 PM	#10 (permalink)
Grasshopper Green ...is a comical chap Location: Where morons reign supreme	Lmao, thanks for the offer liquid, and should it ever come down to that, I'll definitely keep you in mind __________________ "They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king" Formerly Medusa

05-01-2005, 06:23 PM	#11 (permalink)
Meditrina Junkie Location: LI,NY	I have been with bratty relatives many times. I have 2 nieces, 1 on each side of the family, that are bratty. My daughter, age 8 now, has learned to be nice anyway, and sometimes will go out of her way to include them in whatever she is doing. I am very proud of her for that. Since your stepsister in not approachable about it, I would focus on teaching your son how to handle bratty kids. I have made comments to my daughter, loud enough for my sister to hear, about the way you should behave. Sometimes that works, sometimes it doesnt. __________________ "Toughness is in the soul and spirit, not in muscles." ~Alex Karras

05-04-2005, 05:00 AM	#12 (permalink)
Grasshopper Green ...is a comical chap Location: Where morons reign supreme	That is an excellent idea, sportswidow. I'll have to start doing this at the next get together. Thanks! __________________ "They say that patriotism is the last refuge to which a scoundrel clings; steal a little and they throw you in jail, steal a lot and they make you king" Formerly Medusa

05-04-2005, 05:27 AM	#13 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Medusa... I would take a bit from Ratbastid's suggestion and a bit from Sexymama... 1) use it as an example of bad behaviour for your son... this worked well for me with my son. 2) Even if you are at your Father's place, there is nothing wrong, in the right context, of making suggestions to the child that she behave properly before she gets to do something or get something... the most important aspect of this is, as sexymama points out, providing a model for the parents. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

05-04-2005, 06:52 AM	#14 (permalink)
raeanna74 I'm not a blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot! Location: Upper Michigan	I have a nephew who is quite often rough. My daughter is a little bit of a tomboy and she gets wound up and just a rough if I let him play like that. Most of the time I redirect him as much as possible. I don't do it in a punishment way. Sexymama described it well. What you are doing then is telling them how you will respond to their actions and giving them a choice to act so that you respond much more positively. My SIL can be quite nasty about some things but she's not complained yet when I have interved or corrected her son. I try to do it in such as way as to not userp her authority. Sometimes if he's asking rudely for things I may even ask her "Would you mind if he has more soda? Do you like him to say please for things?" She seems cooperative at least. I think most of the time the parent doesn't want to bother, especially when they are enjoying the company of friends or family. __________________ "Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama My Karma just ran over your Dogma.