Parenting my Parents - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

Brooke · 12-06-2004, 03:33 PM

This is not going to be a Christmas that I will be able to look forward to. My mother is in Wisconsin looking after her mother who has had a series of dibilitating health problems. My father is lost without her. And tired. And running their business on his own.

And I am here at College (not living at home), not ready for the responsibility of supporting them emotionally. I have had alot of problems in my own life that they dont know about, and I face many financial struggles that have kept me from baerly even living the past three months. I am tired, and after exams I will be literally exhausted. I have then to go home and run a christmas in the absense of my mother, keep my father and brothers who are very bull headed and stubborn, from general chaos, and keep my own life in order so I can face again another very tough semester.

I was just on the phone with my mom and saying over and over agian "it is okay" "I love you" and I was thinking to myself - since when did the roles get reversed? I am not ready to parent my parents at the ripe old age of 21.

Is this the right forum? It is parenting - and it is most tilted, as is the rest of my life.

neveroddoreven · 12-06-2004, 04:43 PM

i spent much of my young life parenting my mother. it's tough, but you can do it. don't take any crap from your dad and brothers over the holidays. i say, let them fend for themselves a little. don't forget to take care of yourself too.

maleficent · 12-06-2004, 04:59 PM

all you can do is what you can do... you are not the parent, and you do have your life to think about. Your brothers are capable of helping, they don't need to be taken care of, they can pitch in -- DON't pick up after them, don't wait on them -- worry about yourself --

martinguerre · 12-06-2004, 05:57 PM

i've seen a lot of situations like this play out...

the most sucessful resolutions involved some emotional distance, not letting the parent's drama take over the kid's life. when, and how much distance is a tougher question.

your school have any counseling services available? or if you're so inclined, a chaplaincy? you don't need someone to tell you what to do, but you might find it handy to have someone to try out ideas with, vent a little, and get some support for making your life work.

Brooke · 12-06-2004, 06:43 PM

counseling service is available - and I already have planed an advisory meeting. I will be working most of the time - hopefully *crosses fingers*

My schooling is in question every semester - finances and such. So it is nerve racking to have me dad look at my grades and make comments on my usually low perfomance for three weeks before rendering his final decision. The thing is that I work in the shadow of my younger brother who is stellar straight A's. I constantly struggle with academics and work hard to be a B - C student. B's and Cs dont often bring in the money. If I could get private scholarship I would - but there are so few not tied to the government, and my school doesnt accept government money.

*grits teeth* life is complicated. I hope 21 is a better year for me than 20.

Dirty · 12-07-2004, 03:47 PM

I can understand most of your problems. I went from being an A student in High School with an awesome scholarship for my First and second semester, but I lost it after my second semester. I needed a 3.0 and i got a 2.968. There was nothing I could do.

So this is my first semester to have to dig deep in my pocket and pay for all my own stuff. I don't have a job during the semester, but next semester I am going to have to .

As for parenting your parents, I parent my brothers and all his friends all the time. They are constantly calling me telling me about their problems and asking me for advice to what they can do. Probably a good thing I am going into Psychology, eventually I can start charging them. But don't give up easily. Just thing it will get better. It will get a lot better.

Brooke · 12-07-2004, 08:06 PM

I am going into history! *sobs* I am going to be a teacher. I wasnt to Go Away from all of it! far far away!

*sighs* thanks for the understanding. I will deal with it - now I have to wonder if my roomie will keep playing christmas music till we leave

- life never ends does it?

UtterlyConfuseD · 12-08-2004, 03:36 AM

Sometimes its absolutely neccessary to reverse the roles for a while...I hope things get better soon!

Just be thankful your folks dont have Alzheimer's...then things will start getting ugly

Cheers!

12-06-2004, 03:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
Brooke Crazy	Parenting my Parents This is not going to be a Christmas that I will be able to look forward to. My mother is in Wisconsin looking after her mother who has had a series of dibilitating health problems. My father is lost without her. And tired. And running their business on his own. And I am here at College (not living at home), not ready for the responsibility of supporting them emotionally. I have had alot of problems in my own life that they dont know about, and I face many financial struggles that have kept me from baerly even living the past three months. I am tired, and after exams I will be literally exhausted. I have then to go home and run a christmas in the absense of my mother, keep my father and brothers who are very bull headed and stubborn, from general chaos, and keep my own life in order so I can face again another very tough semester. I was just on the phone with my mom and saying over and over agian "it is okay" "I love you" and I was thinking to myself - since when did the roles get reversed? I am not ready to parent my parents at the ripe old age of 21. Is this the right forum? It is parenting - and it is most tilted, as is the rest of my life. __________________ And so its over Your fantasy life is finally at an end And the world above is still a brutal place And the story will start again

12-06-2004, 04:43 PM	#2 (permalink)
neveroddoreven Upright	i spent much of my young life parenting my mother. it's tough, but you can do it. don't take any crap from your dad and brothers over the holidays. i say, let them fend for themselves a little. don't forget to take care of yourself too. __________________ sticking feathers in your butt does not make you a chicken!

12-06-2004, 04:59 PM	#3 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	all you can do is what you can do... you are not the parent, and you do have your life to think about. Your brothers are capable of helping, they don't need to be taken care of, they can pitch in -- DON't pick up after them, don't wait on them -- worry about yourself -- __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

12-06-2004, 05:57 PM	#4 (permalink)
martinguerre whosoever Location: New England	i've seen a lot of situations like this play out... the most sucessful resolutions involved some emotional distance, not letting the parent's drama take over the kid's life. when, and how much distance is a tougher question. your school have any counseling services available? or if you're so inclined, a chaplaincy? you don't need someone to tell you what to do, but you might find it handy to have someone to try out ideas with, vent a little, and get some support for making your life work. __________________ For God so loved creation, that God sent God's only Son that whosoever believed should not perish, but have everlasting life. -John 3:16

12-06-2004, 06:43 PM	#5 (permalink)
Brooke Crazy	counseling service is available - and I already have planed an advisory meeting. I will be working most of the time - hopefully crosses fingers My schooling is in question every semester - finances and such. So it is nerve racking to have me dad look at my grades and make comments on my usually low perfomance for three weeks before rendering his final decision. The thing is that I work in the shadow of my younger brother who is stellar straight A's. I constantly struggle with academics and work hard to be a B - C student. B's and Cs dont often bring in the money. If I could get private scholarship I would - but there are so few not tied to the government, and my school doesnt accept government money. grits teeth life is complicated. I hope 21 is a better year for me than 20. __________________ And so its over Your fantasy life is finally at an end And the world above is still a brutal place And the story will start again

12-07-2004, 03:47 PM	#6 (permalink)
Dirty Tilted Location: AR	I can understand most of your problems. I went from being an A student in High School with an awesome scholarship for my First and second semester, but I lost it after my second semester. I needed a 3.0 and i got a 2.968. There was nothing I could do. So this is my first semester to have to dig deep in my pocket and pay for all my own stuff. I don't have a job during the semester, but next semester I am going to have to . As for parenting your parents, I parent my brothers and all his friends all the time. They are constantly calling me telling me about their problems and asking me for advice to what they can do. Probably a good thing I am going into Psychology, eventually I can start charging them. But don't give up easily. Just thing it will get better. It will get a lot better.

12-07-2004, 08:06 PM	#7 (permalink)
Brooke Crazy	I am going into history! sobs I am going to be a teacher. I wasnt to Go Away from all of it! far far away! sighs thanks for the understanding. I will deal with it - now I have to wonder if my roomie will keep playing christmas music till we leave - life never ends does it? __________________ And so its over Your fantasy life is finally at an end And the world above is still a brutal place And the story will start again

12-08-2004, 03:36 AM	#8 (permalink)
UtterlyConfuseD Upright	Sometimes its absolutely neccessary to reverse the roles for a while...I hope things get better soon! Just be thankful your folks dont have Alzheimer's...then things will start getting ugly Cheers! Last edited by UtterlyConfuseD; 12-08-2004 at 03:41 AM..