former newt

ok this is a question to any parents of a teen between 15 and 19 (where i am). how late do you allow your children to stay out? are there conditions to staying out? what are your reasons for the curfew time you give your child?

let me introduce myself. i'm about to be a senior in high school. while i'm not the MOST responsible kid out there, i'm definitely a good kid, and one of the more responsible kids around here. i've kept my 4.0 thus far (which was no easy task, let me tell you) i've gotten high scores on the big 2 (ACT: 32, SAT:1410) and i have never gotten into drugs or alcohol. i hang out with kids who are generally similar to me: from smart to average, womanizers to romantics, and pretty much all of them avoid drinking, smokin, etc. i take summer classes to get a head start and i even agreed to study over the summer to try to up my scores on the big 2. probably the biggest mistake i've made within the last year was sliding on a patch of ice driving home and knocking over a brick mailbox.

so now that you have a picture of me, let me explain my situation. my parents will NOT let me stay out past 12 on weekends. that's not the part i'm complaining about. on weekdays (this is summer break btw) they've expected me back by 11:30. again, this isn't too bad (i grind my teeth and deal with it) but recently my mom's been pushing my curfew for weekdays earlier and earlier....today she expected me back by 10:30.

please tell me how i can convince my parents to let me stay out a little later. this is seriously getting to me. i know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but i can't help thinking they're going out of their way to piss me off. they pull the whole "we have to work, be considerate" thing and how they "can't sleep knowing i'm not home". and while i do feel guilty, i don't believe they should refuse to go to sleep while i'm at a friends house playing CRANIUM with 9 people til 11:30.

are all parents this uptight

Hash_Browns

First off...yes we are all this uptight...it's our right to be so. Second, we usually have a good reason to make the choices we make. You have listed that the people you are with are all great people...they probibly don't know that...and I would lie about it if given the chance, which my Mom knew.

I can't say what they are doing is right or wrong, because they are the boss. But I can give you some advice about ways to open communication with them.

First you need to talk to them...not argue, or try to make yourself look better by comparing to other kids (they aren't you...). Second if you can get through that part, ask them if there is a way to compromise the days you can spend out late. If you are sure to be home every night during the week before curfew except one day, would that be reasonable? Then you need to pick a day ahead of time to make plans and then ask themabout it...

I can't really say more because you have to get through that part first. And remember, they aren't just worried about your actions but the actions of other people here...you see what you want to see being the teenager you are (same thing I did when I was younger), they see what other's do and how that can effect you without you even noticing.

In the words of my Mom (who at 18 made me be home by 10 p.m. every night...unless my plans were made by 7:30 p.m. with a name number and address):
If you think you have it so rough, go live somewhere else and make your own rules...

OR

If you think (insert friends name here) has such a great life because his parents don't give a rats ass...go live with them...I'll even help ya pack your bags.

In other words, it's not that bad, and there is a reason..like it or not. Just tough it out for a bit longer and you can do whatever the hell you please!!

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thebeat

I'm not a parent, nor do I play one on TV, but rest assured when I was in high school (graduated in 2001 I believe my curfew when I was 18 was around midnight, perhaps 1am on the weekends, but just remember, your parent set this curfew for you because they care =\ Just remember, as my dad used to say "As long as your under my roof you abide by my rules, and I was cool with that (not really) but I respected him cause he's my dad =\

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maleficent

Your parents are concerned about you, would it be better if they let you run around all night and do whatever you please?

Why not have your friends come to your house and hang out? So your parents won't worry about you, won't wait up for you, and can meet your friends.

Your parents will wait up for you because they love you and care about you. Until you are out of the house and on your own, and they won't stop caring about you then either, respect that, and their rules.

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Bill O'Rights

Just for the record...my 16 (17 next month) old daughter has a 10:00pm curfew. Same as mine, when I was her age. Now, this is not carved in granite. I can be flexible. However, with that flexibility comes an interogation that would awe the CIA.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

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amonkie

I never really had an established curfew. However, my younger brother has a curfew of midnight on the weekends, 10:30 on the weekdays. Even within the same family, they took different routes depending on the kids. Most of the time, my plans were with people my parents had met, making it easier for them to be flexible. Maybe try doing something at your house once, and inviting your friends so your parents at least get a chance to put a name to a face when you say you're going places.

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shakran

I'm surprised your parents are able to set your curfew that late. When I was your age (not so very long ago), the city had a curfew for kids under 18 set at 10pm. Anyone out after that got tossed in the back of a cop car and taken home.

You say your mom has been pushing your curfew back, but you don't say why. Find out. Maybe there's something you need to know.

unoaman

Would love to know why you are a former newt...but that isn't the topic...

My son was a great deal like you, (ACT 32, SAT 1460), president of the student body, all state football, all state wrestling...more friends, and girlfriends than his dad would ever hope to have, but...HE DIDN'T HAVE A CURFEW. Either when planning his evening, or before leaving we would talk about the upcoming events. if 11:00 p.m. would catch it, then fine. If it required 1:30 a.m., that was fine too, but his mother and I knew, where he was going to be, and who he was going to be with. Sure kids can lie to parents, who didn't on ocassion? But you can't lie all the time, because sooner or later it will catch up with you...so he just told us, and together we set the time limits. But he was very much aware of one thing...if he was late God help him...We knew that, he knew that...and because of that his teen years were spent in a wise, yet fun manner by him, and virtually worry free for us.

One other quick thing...we have a very open home, and his friends spent lots of time here, in other words we knew them. Also he had a phone, and knew how to use it...a quick call saying "I'll be a half hour late"! is far easier than two weeks at home with your little sister.

I'm unoaman to you, but I'm unoadad to him...

former newt

well. glad to see some different perspectives.

i can see that i don't have it as bad as some, although i knew that already. i think when i posted the message, i was a bit steamed about the situation, but now i'm getting a little less angry about it...my mom suddenly went back to being a little more lenient, so now if she wants be back a bit earlier every once and a while, i don't mind

aphroditeskiss1

Dude, stop complaining! I'm 18 and I have to be home by 10:30 every weeknight, no ands, ifs, or buts. If I am late, I am grounded for half as many days as minutes. For example, if I am 5 minutes late, I am grounded for 2.5 days. On the weekends, I can get midnight IF I'M LUCKY!! So don't complain, ok? There are kids who are the same age, if not older, who have given their parents no reason to be uptight who have to be home way before you, so shut up. Curfew's not a big deal. Every time it bugs me, I think that my parents have to be up in the morning to pay for my education, food, housing, transportation, etc. If your parents pay for any of the aformentioned items, deal with it. If it becomes too big of a deal, come home at the alloted time and find a way to sneak out of your bedroom and go back out. ONLY do this if you know whether or not your parents are ligh/heavy sleepers and how you can get back in.

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shakran

Agreed. Hell I wasn't even allowed to date unless it was Friday or Saturday night. Otherwise I was home doing my homework unless there was a school-sponsored activity I had to go to. My parents were raised in the 50's and they acted like it

JStrider

when i was in highschool... my parents always wanted a contact number and 12 was curfew on the weekends, 11 on weekdays... if i was gonna be more then 15 minutes late i had to call and let them know

if I was with someone they knew they would usually let me stay till 1 or 2 if i called a little before midnight and asked them if it was alright...


now that im in college its a bit different... their a good bit more relaxed about it... dont require a phone call and its alright to come back whenever as long as i dont wake everyone up...
but i still give em a call around midnight to let them know whats up...


as for sneaking in and out... i only did it a couple times... but i had an awesome system...
go out to the backyard through my window...
duck down below the sensor on the motion detecting light in the back...
unlock and go in through the backdoor of the garage...
pull manual release on garage door, slowly open garage door
push car out into driveway
slowly close garage door
let car coast down out of the driveway into the street, start car... drive away...

sneaking in was the same... just reversed...

now my parents have an alarm system that beeps every time a window or door is opened... had to help my sister figure out how to defeat that the last time i was home...

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-=JStrider=-

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quadro2000

I don't even remember my curfew, but I do remember my friend's parents - they didn't set him a curfew. All they asked was to know where he would be, and they asked him to call if he wasn't where he said he would be, or if plans changed.

They told him he could stay out all night, but with that amount of freedom, I believe he came home a little after midnight every night anyway. As long as his grades were good and he wasn't useless the next day, they trusted him to make good choices.

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gondath

that's a good, working system. I never did understand the curfew thing. It has no effect on good or bad behavior. Kids should just understand how to juggle their time and they'll be alright.

Try the above approach with your parents. See if they'll let you out if you tell them where you'll be and what in general you plan on doing. You can probably get the curfew bumped up if nothing else, unless they're tyrants.

former newt

after what happened recently, this thread is no longer of any significance.

how do i lock it?

Averett

Just PM a moderator and they'll take care of it for you.

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ShaniFaye

In highschool my curfew was 1030 and only on Friday and Saturday nites. (during the summer I could go out two additional nites during the week). I couldnt date until I was 16, 1984 (I was a Junior in school then). My parents said there was not one unobjectionable thing that I could do after 1030 that I couldnt do before 1030 so their was no reason to be out later. When I was 17 and allowed to go to concerts I was allowed an extension until 12. I moved out for 18 months after graduation then came back home. I thought for sure the curfew would be disbanded....I was wrong....in an effort to not have one I offered to pay rent, the money was taken and my curfew pushed up to 1130 where it stayed until I got married when I was one month away from being 22.

Oh, and if I tried to get around it by spending the nite with friends who had later curfews, it didnt work...my mother called their mother and told them that under no circumstances could I go out unless I was back at their house by 1030 (unless we were out doing something with the friends parents there)

I was not a troublemaker, I had never been in "trouble", I was the smart kid---My parents always told me that if I was late and it had not been an emergency and I had not called I would regret it. I dont know what they would have done...I never tested it. I made it a practice to be in by 1015 . The ONE and ONLY time I was late, my boyfriend had had car trouble and called my parents themselves to ask my dad if he could come out and help....and he called them at 10 pm when it was obvious that he couldnt get me home in time.

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done