Xsas

Well, it seems that everyone is looking for the best way to raise their child, and I have found it!

I come from a family where the parents were always there, but it didn't seem like they cared. So my parents were also very controlling, and that led to social problems that made me a loser until I finally broke free.

My other friend, however, has parents that have let him do whatever he wants (he's still only 15, I"m 18) and he seems to have lived the life. They let him learn from his own mistakes, and he has become very self sufficient.

Basicaly, don't smother your kids, and let them learn on their own and make mistakes on their own.

Cynthetiq

that may seem like it works for you... but then again each situation and person is different.

my sister and I raised by same parents have very different outlooks on life, and we were raised slightly differently due to monatary reasons. I was born into a poor family, she was born into a middle class one.

I had no restrictions and she had many. Each of us are pretty well balanced individuals.

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Polyphobic

Then there's me and my wife.
I was raised in a strict religious household. Then I rebelled and started using drugs. Eventually, ended up in jail and almost threw my life away.
My wife had very little rules and ended up having more problems than I have had. Together we have brought sense into each others lives. Alone we were going down a dead end road.
I just don't think there's a clear cut path to take here. Just raise your children to the best of your abilities. We have a beautiful 9 month old boy and we plan on giving him the childhood we never had.

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Xsas

Just don't smother them.

thespian86

I just think that ou should lay donw basic rules and guide them. Don't smother but don't let loose.

Edit: Also get them a good english tutor [laughs at his typos]

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raeanna74

punkmusicfan21 has got it.

My brother and I grew up in a very strict religious home.

I haven't messed up my life. I've had hard knocks and learned f
from them.

My brother on the other hand has been arrested more than once. Has hit his wife, and is doing poorly.

What you do with what life gives you is what makes the difference. I learned early on not to give up, and to work hard. It has gotten me where I am today. My brother was brought up differently. He was the baby and spoiled. He still acts spoiled.

I'm giving my daughter a lot of freedom I believe. I give her more freedom as I see that she is responsible with what I give her. I watch her closely for the first few times she does something new. When she's proven herself. I let her go on her own. She's only almost 4 even now - but I'm speaking with learning to ride without training wheels, going to a friends apt to play, doing more things on her own. I hope to keep doing the same as she grows older. Even now she has learned that she looses priveledges when she doesn't listen to important things I say. I don't usually butt either unless she's doing something dangerous or irresponsible.

It's all about balance. Freedom and bounderies. Love them and you'll be able to do your best.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

:::OshnSoul:::

I won't let my child do just whatever he wants, but I always let him be aware that he has choices, and all choices have certain outcomes and concequences. They have to have guidance, but they need to experience their choices. Make it a balance, and they will grow up with a healthy, strong attitude.

frolichoek

The truth of the matter is that if you try and follow any hard/fast guidelines, you will not be doing your kids justice. What works for one child will probably not work for another child because of a million different factors. I think the one thing that you SHOULD always do is make sure they know you love them. Smother them if they need it, and back off and let them learn if they need it. It is all a matter of teaching them that their judgment is the only thing that will keep them on the right path. As long as your kids know you love them, things usually work out in the end. The problem comes along when a parent thinks that they are showing their kids love by letting them do whatever they want. That isn't loving your kids, that is just being irresponsible. Parents have to be their kids concience to an extent, and have to let them make their own mistakes if they can learn from them.

Xsas, I know your intentions are good, and thanks for trying to help. Luckily, everybody who is a parent was also a son/daughter at one time, and hopefully their parents guided them along properly to realize that they didn't know everything when they were a kid, even though we may have thought we did. I know I sure as heck I though I knew everything back then.

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la petite moi

Xsas, I am your age too, and I would have to agree.

However, for every kid, it varies. When I was my sister's age (16), I listened to my parents- I obeyed them to a tee. My sister, on the other hand, is rebellious. She doesn't get good grades and last year she used to smoke and get drunk.

The best advice I would give is to let your kid try things when you think they are at a reasonable age (i.e. the typical 16 for dating age). If they break your trust, tell them so (ground them, some kind of punishment), and then after awhile let them try again. I know that I hate how my parents hold grudges and never let me try something again because of something that happened YEARS before (for example, my dad just recently was trying to argue that we couldnt hide a key in the planter because when I was in elementary school I lost the key...that must have been ten years ago.)

I would definitely say to be open with your relationship and let them have their own views. Support them, like you've always heard. Parenting must be tough!

MXL

I believe that the truth lies somewhere in between. I treat my children with a great deal of respect, but I set boundaries. These boundaries of course expand as they earn it through responsible behavior.

Xsas

Well, my parents seemingly fucked up with my brother too. I went through depression/suicidal thoughts before, and now he is too. My mom was crying the other day and I asked why, and she said it was because my brother said, "I don't want to live anymore." So ya, my parents totally fucked up as parents.

WarWagon

My parents were control freaks, and are now trying to pass off supporting me financially as a means of justification for absolutely destroying me and my siblings self esteem during our youth.

Keep them in check every once in a while, and they'll turn out just fine.

insidious_machinae

This message has been deleted.

killklaus

Giving a child too many rules, or no rules at all is just crazy. Those extreme parenting methods always mess up children.

Oh, and there is no clear cut "best" parenting technique. It all depends on the child and its surrounding.

ARTelevision

As far as I am concerned, children are raised by the mass media. Period.

The silly romantic idea that parents still do anything that remotely competes with the processes of acculturation is a self-congratulatory myth.

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mxyzptlk

Just as in nature, parents are teachers, not jailers, not bosses, not buddies (that comes later). My daughter has learned from her mistakes with my guidance and from my mistakes as she was old enough for me to reveal them.

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raeanna74

This is why we need to filter their television viewing until they are more mature. Too much television - less parental influence.

I'm not saying get like my parents - throw out the television and only listen to Paul Harvey on the radio, and homeschool the kids. That will make them too naive and unprepared.

Just educate them about what the media is saying and WHY.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

Luki

I once new a kid who's parents were like this. We were sitting in class one day and most of the students were complaining about how strict their parents seemed to be. They complained about a cerfew and all that.

This guy, a very strong, big guy whom you'd never think would get so torn up quieted our class with "At least when you don't come home for days your parents are looking for you. My parents wouldn't know it if I was dead in a gutter and they don't act like they care."

Everyone got really silent and kinda stared either at the floor or the guy who had a streak of a tear on his face.

Think about it like that. I would rather have my parents frantic about where I am and what I'm doing then be so distant they wouldn't know if I came home for days on end. Honestly... you really should stop and thank your parents for being at least someone strict and more caring then you realize.

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la petite moi

Very true Luki. My mother has come to that point where she leaves the house without telling me where she's going and I never talk to her.

VeXteR

Only if you let your children be raised by the media.

For starters, you controll, and converse with your children about what they have been exposed to. You guide them into understanding.

You set boundaries. You punish when the boudaries have been broken. YOU DONT WARN excessivly. One warning more then enough.

You dont YELL constantly...

You talk to your kids. And then you listen. And then you talk. And then you listen. And listen.

Your kids will tell you what they need if you listen hard enough.


Of course, you kids will be effected by the media, but its the parents resposibity to GUIDE them through the muck....


And I cant say enough, LISTEN LISTEN.

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AfterBurn

My parents arn't really 'parents' at all, they just pay for the things i need/want and that's it, i usually never talk to my parents and i sometimes go away for the weekend without ever telling them or call and they usually don't do anything about it. I don't think that smothering has anything to do with the childs social standing, it's up to the person to develop social skills etc, as long as the parents allow their kids to go out and have friends/don't abuse the child then it's not the parents fault if the child lacks social skills

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Yakk

I was raised by books, not the mass media, thank you very much. =)

And I wonder why my eyes are so crappy!

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Last edited by JHVH : 10-29-4004 BC at 09:00 PM. Reason: Time for a rest.

MSD

The single most important thing a parent can do is to build understanding before allwoing exposure. My mother ripped out pages of Time and Newsweek that were too graphic for my maturity level, she guided me to my room with a good book to avoid exposing me to the Gulf War on TV, she didn't let me play with toy guns because she firmly believed that guns are not toys. Violent movies were out of the question unti lI could separate fantasy from reality.

Unfortunately, she smothered my with a traditional Catholic brainwashing, indocrinating with the delusion that sex is evil, and that much of what I could do would result in a quick trip to hell. I took almost 15 years to break out of that, but now, at 20, I think for myself and fully intend to pass on the good that my parents did, an avoid the bad.

Polyphobic

I was raised by overly religious parents. We did not have a tv or much of any media.
My own child is allowed to watch tv. However, it is what we feel is appropriate.
My child being raised by mass media? Never. My wife and I are responsible for his education and upbringing.

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