anleja

I am a dad raising a 17 month old daughter largely by myself. Mom isn't out of the picture, but sees her very infrequently.

So, my question is, how do kids cope with living with only one parent when they get older? Is it different because I'm a man (as opposed to a woman, who seem more nurturing by nature)?

I know this is a very vague question. I guess if anybody has any advice or stories relating to the situation of being a single dad, I'd like to hear them.

cj2112

My ex-wife decided she didn't want to be a wife or a mom 6-1/2 years ago. My daughter was 4 my son was 21 months. I have been raising them on my own ever since. She hasn't spoken w/ the kids in well over 3 years. It's all the kids have known and they have adapted reasonably well, my daughter misses her mom at times, but she is dealing well with it. My son never really knew his mom so to him the concept of having a mom is kind of abstract. I believe that the kids look to their parents to see how to react to situations, treat as normal, and they will most likely look at it as normal. The best piece of advice I ever received about this situation was from my sister. She said "(insert real name here) Those kids NEVER need to hear you talk bad about their mother, no matter what she has done." and they never have, nor will they ever. I am pretty open with them about things but there are some things (like her affairs, or repeated suicide attempts) that they don't not need to know about.

twotimesadingo

I have a decent friend back home who's raising a little girl on his own. I really don't expect any problems - he's a really amazing parent - but I did sit down with him two years ago before I went away to college, and we chatted about some stuff like that (I am a quasi-uncle, so this stuff interests me). He told me, in essence, that he really wasn't worried, that everything that had transpired up to that point just indicated that, as a single dad rather than a single mom, the only thing he really thought needed to be any different was that a stronger communication structure had to exist between him and his daughter than most parents/children.

So, as a young man and not a parent myself, I guess that's all I can offer for advice: make sure that your communication lines are open, and that you're open-minded with what goes on.

This is probably not very helpful, as it's fairly obvious, I would think, but I admire you for the care your showing your children in asking for advice.

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sexymama

Ibelieve the only difference between being a single mother and a single father is how society looks at you. You are a hero. A single mother is a slut.

Given that, what both need are a good support system. I suggest playgroups, sports for your kids where you can meet other parents, church, etc. Also, take time for yourself. Your kids are very important -- but if you don't take care of yourself, who, ultimately will take care of them? You have to refuel in order to keep running for them.

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NoSoup

To make a long story short, my mother got knocked-up, my dad stepped up and married her, 4 short years later they got divorced. After a short period of living with my mother, my father took custody of me and never looked back.

I can certainly tell you that it isn't "the norm," - but being raised in a single parent household, regardless of the sex of the parent, is becoming much more commonplace. Seldom has the issue even come up, simply because I didn't think it was odd, since it had always been that way.

I also had little to no contact with my mother, and I can tell you the best decision my dad ever made is to let me see what a bitch my mother was. Don't get me wrong, he never, ever spoke poorly about her, but when I grew older, probably around 13-14, I decided that I wanted to be proactive in seeing my mother, as she obviously didn't care to take the time to attempt to contact me. My father, realizing what the results were going to be, and knowing that I was going to be caused a lot of pain (we talked about it several years later) gave me the go-ahead and I started on my task. After weeks/months of cancelled plans, unreturned phone calls, and excuse after excuse, I finally got the picture. Sure, it sucked, but at least I knew for myself that it was futile to attempt to form a relationship with her.

Had my father not allowed me to contact her, I certainly would have hated him for it, although it would have saved me from a tremendous amount of heartache.

Hope this helps

iamtheone

Whoa! Why does she have to be a slut? There are many circumstances on why one is a single mother.

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telekinetic

I think she just meant that was how society viewed them...people might look at a single father and say 'how noble' because he choose to raise the kids...whereas they might assume a single mother was just 'stuck' with them.

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tim2shady

please.....on the flip side i've been looked upon as a "dead beat dad" simply because my son doesn't live w/ me. In reality, I fought in court for full custody and in Indiana...well, mom gets whatever she wants even if she almost caused his death last year due to her not watching him while he ingested drano...OK enough..

dad will be just fine in all situations as long as your there to love, care, and listen.

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Charlatan

I think the 'slut' line goes a little too far... If anything society might pre-judge a single mom from a lower income group as being a slut... but middle and upper middle income groups... forget it.

You're more likely to hear the dead beat Dad prejudgment in that part of the equation in those circumstances.

...I'm being very sweeping and general here.

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