saut

Maybe this belongs in Philosophy or Nonsense or some other forums, but eh, this seemed like the place to go.

How would I go about invoking the wrath of Old Testament God? Aside from the usual things, like conducting an improper census or dancing naked around a golden calf. Any suggestions?

filtherton

Watch south park.

iccky

conducting an improper census? I missed that part of the bible.

Look at Leviticus, basically a big book of things not to do, according to the old-testament God. Among my favorites:

Don't eat Camel: Lev 11:4

No sex with a woman on the rag: Lev 18:19

Don't premenantly exchange land: Lev 25:23

John Henry

You could try some of the following:

Neglect the sanctuary and the altar;
Act unfaithfully toward the devoted things;
Starting to count the men, but not finishing;
Helping the wicked and loving those who hate The Lord;
Not warning people not to sin against The Lord;
Having a brother who fails to warn people not to sin against The Lord;
Having a proud heart and not responding to the kindness shown to you;
Mocking His messengers, despising His words or scoffing at His prophets;

Think I'd better give it a rest there.

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"No one was behaving from very Buddhist motives. Then, thought Pigsy, he was hardly a Buddha, nor was he a monkey. Presently, he was a pig spirit changed into a little girl pretending to be a little boy to be offered to a water monster. It was all very simple to a pig spirit."

Arc101

Oops - looking at things not to do I think I'm in the shit. Ah well I'll just have to hope I catch him in a good mood when the time comes.

Bill O'Rights

By Dissing Alyson.

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"I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires." - Susan B. Anthony

"Hedonism with rules isn't hedonism at all, it's the Republican party." - JumpinJesus

It is indisputable that true beauty lies within...but a nice rack sure doesn't hurt.

Ustwo

By not sending me money.

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saut

By the way, this is for an essay that I'm writing (right now, as a matter of fact). We have to "propose" something, so I'm proposing we invoke Old Testament God's wrath to downsize the out of control population. I'll post it here when I'm done with the draft, as I'm really getting a kick out of writing this so far.

iccky

I imagine it would take care of a good %99.9 percent of the population.

though probablly most of TFP too...

saut

Oh, by the way, if anyone has heard of the "Thou shalt not wear a cloth of two threads" verse, could you direct me to an actual quote from the Bible on it? I'd really like to use it, but I can't find out where it came from.


Edit: found it: lev 19:19

saut

Here's the rough draft:

An Audacious Proposal<p>
One of the great problems of our times is the exponential rate at which the world’s population is swelling. There are

a little more than six billion people living today (and in this case, “a little more” means three hundred million), and that

number is steadily increasing (US Census). Fifty seven million square miles of inhabitable land (Enchanted Learning) on the

surface of the earth are parceled out among these masses. Breaking it down further, one hundred and five people per square

mile -- or fifty square feet of land for each person living on the earth. To get a feel for how much space this is, imagine a

room with each wall measuring seven feet in length. This room, though to call it a room is to exaggerate, is exactly

forty-nine square feet of floor area. The truth of humanity: every man and woman stamped and catalogued, each stowed away in

a dismal seven-by-seven drawer -- “A place for everything, and everything in its place” (Samuel Smiles). How do we escape

this dire situation, this ultimate imbroglio? There is no easy fix, to be sure. Experimental legislation in China that limits

each husband and wife to a maximum of one child has fallen short. I doubt very much that it would fare any better as a

population stifling agent in other regions of the world. Colonizing nearby planets, another possible solution, is a

fantastical idea that would only be able to be put into effect many generations from now. Seeing results would take several

more generations -- by this time the earth’s population will have nearly quadrupled. The walls of our drawers are shrinking,

perpetually caving in; ready to bind us. Man has failed. We must turn now to the tender mercies of God. <p>
We cannot, however, deal with the kinder, gentler God that we have all come to know and love -- the God who

organizes grandmother’s Friday night BINGO game and the annual bake sale. No, we must coax Him into the rash ways of His

youth. Gone are the days when the good old angel of death would sweep across the land in a green haze, murdering the first

born of every house (while Charlton Heston hunkers down in his bungalow, snacking on matzah and droning out cryptic hymns).

Alas, parenthood changes everything. But what we need now, in order downsize the population, is some of that Old Testament

medicine -- a smiting of the first degree! “But why would God return to his old ways after two thousand years?” you ask. The

answer is simple: a mid-life crisis. Middle aged men, longing for a return to youth, do things like buy sports cars, ride

motorcycles, and go skydiving. But when you’re omnipotent, Harleys and Lamborghinis must be pretty lame. So what would God do

in the midst of a mid-life crisis? Get back to smiting the wicked, that’s what he’d do! Finally, a real solution to

overpopulation! The only complication is speeding the holy crisis up -- time is pressing, my friends. “What can I do to

help,” you want to know? Well, for starters, when you pray, be sure to slip in little comments like “was that your hair at

the bottom of my tub this morning?” or “you could really stand to lose a few there, big guy” or “dude, God, you were such a

party animal back in the day -- what happened?” Feeding on insecurities is a surefire way to hasten God’s return to the

wrathful ways of His divine boyhood. I can see Him now, standing in a celestial bathroom, staring at His love handles in the

mirror, thinking to Himself, “I used to be in such good shape… Am I still cool? … Is that a gray hair!?” Finally, He’ll

snap.<p>
When He snaps, He’ll notice all the smite-worthy affairs we’ve been carrying on down here for the past two millennia.

Acts of the utmost abhorrence. “People wearing cloth of two threads -- cotton-polyester blends, the outrage! (Leviticus

19:19). Governments conducting censuses -- infuriating! (First Chronicles 21:1). And the coup de grace, working on the

Sabbath! (Exodus 31:14). The only possible atonement for these sins is death!” Says God. He will then ascend from the

heavens, bearing His favorite weapons with Him: pestilence, famine, and plague (and of course enlisting the help of his

buddies in Israel to take care of the war part). Sure, it’ll be hard for a while and most of us will probably die in some

horribly painful fashion, with all the “burning ague that shall consume the eyes…” and such going on (Leviticus 26:16), but

what’s important is that we’re solving the great problem of overpopulation, a most worthy cause to sit upon the edge of

Eschaton for. We shall finally be delivered from the creeping cinch of the vice. The walls of our drawers shall become as the

walls of Jericho, and crumble to ruin. With the task of thinning the human population complete, the mid-life crisis will come

to an end, and God will go back to His home in that great sacrosanct suburbia in the sky, reassuming the gentle, New

Testament disposition that we hold so dear. <p>
Though there will be much suffering and death by taking this route, I believe that it is now the most feasible option

that we have in facing the issue of overpopulation, as more conventional methods have failed. I urge all that read this to

fill the quiet spaces in their prayers with little hints at God’s increasingly “over-the-hill” appearance and behavior, as we

must take action immediately. A long road is ahead of us, brothers and sisters, but think of your children and grandchildren:

we’ll be making their drawers much roomier. So pray long, pray hard, and don’t forget to stock up on lamb’s blood.

twotimesadingo

awesome.

simply... awesome.

__________________
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and all your demons.
I'll be the one to protect you from a will to survive and voice of reason.
I'll be the one to protect you from your enemies and your choices, son.
They're one and the same I must isolate you, isolate and save you from yourself."
- A Perfect Circle

saut

I have a thread for my essay in Literature, link here: http://tfproject.org/tfp/showthread....threadid=51586

Ustwo

The only problem is the world population isn't out of control

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Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

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saut

For the purposes of my essay, it is.

Anyway, in 100 years, the population (goverened by the fucntion 6e^.013t, where t is the amount of years from 1999) will be around 22 billion. That is out of fucking control.

tecoyah

Want to piss off the old testamant god? Act normal.....you really couldnt piss in the wrong direction without getting your pecker burnt off , or some other overreaction from it.

Sure glad its fiction, wasn't that written by Stephen King?

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

KellyC

Hahahaha, I am now convinced that humor is everywhere on TFP.

That being said, you should look up "things to do while watching the Passion" in the humor board. Doing one or a few of those activities will guarantee you the wrath of god instantly.

__________________
Him: Ok, I have to ask, what do you believe?
Me: Shit happens.

Ustwo

Really?

You do know the populations of Europe are shrinking?

You do know that the US population is almost static?

Biology doesn't follow formulae very well. We will not have 22 billion people in 100 years. Populations are self limiting.

__________________
Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host

Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

saut

You are right, I suppose. However, for the purposes of my essay, I wanted to be a little sensational about it. It's satire if you can't tell.

Yakk

The thing is, if one segment of society manages to build a self-sustaining exponential growth rate in Europe or America, it wouldn't take long to dominate the population.

Let say some subculture of 1% of the population starts having 6 kids (1 / 2 years, starting at age 20), and indoctrinate their children to do the same.

Quick simulation run. Spread that 1% out over the ages of 5 to 30.

The rest of the population shrinks at 0.5% / annum.

Result:
Year 0000: 2500 k breeders 247500 k normals 250000 k total. 1.00% breeders
Year 0005: 3950 k breeders 241374 k normals 245324 k total. 1.61% breeders
Year 0010: 5450 k breeders 235399 k normals 240849 k total. 2.26% breeders
Year 0015: 6950 k breeders 229573 k normals 236523 k total. 2.93% breeders
Year 0020: 8150 k breeders 223891 k normals 232041 k total. 3.51% breeders
Year 0025: 9975 k breeders 218349 k normals 228324 k total. 4.36% breeders
Year 0030: 13125 k breeders 212945 k normals 226070 k total. 5.80% breeders
Year 0035: 17600 k breeders 207674 k normals 225274 k total. 7.81% breeders
Year 0040: 21900 k breeders 202534 k normals 224434 k total. 9.75% breeders
Year 0045: 26200 k breeders 197521 k normals 223721 k total. 11.71% breeders
Year 0050: 32062 k breeders 192632 k normals 224694 k total. 14.26% breeders
Year 0055: 41150 k breeders 187864 k normals 229014 k total. 17.96% breeders
Year 0060: 52937 k breeders 183214 k normals 236152 k total. 22.41% breeders
Year 0065: 65425 k breeders 178679 k normals 244104 k total. 26.80% breeders
Year 0070: 78906 k breeders 174257 k normals 253163 k total. 31.16% breeders
Year 0075: 97700 k breeders 169944 k normals 267644 k total. 36.50% breeders
Year 0080: 125300 k breeders 165737 k normals 291037 k total. 43.05% breeders
Year 0085: 159271 k breeders 161635 k normals 320907 k total. 49.63% breeders
Year 0090: 196937 k breeders 157634 k normals 354572 k total. 55.54% breeders
Year 0095: 240537 k breeders 153733 k normals 394270 k total. 61.00% breeders
Year 0100: 299309 k breeders 149928 k normals 449237 k total. 66.62% breeders

It isn't nearly as bad if I work in "breeder defection", but the point is that any subculture that convinces its members and offspring to have lots of children will reasonably quickly come to dominate the population, and then it's growth dynamic will take over (it takes about 120 years for a takeover if you allow for 25% of the "breeders" children to defect).

I'm worried we will have to use force to control population growth. Hopefully economic force/social force will be enough, but I'm not yet completely convinced.

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Last edited by JHVH : 10-29-4004 BC at 09:00 PM. Reason: Time for a rest.

John Henry

That essay is very cool.

I have found some more ways to incur wrath. Try being a man of Judah and not circumcising yourself or not circumcising your heart

Just ignoring the big guy seems to piss him off (always rattles me)

If it helps, I'm getting all these from a site called 'Bible Gateway'

__________________
"No one was behaving from very Buddhist motives. Then, thought Pigsy, he was hardly a Buddha, nor was he a monkey. Presently, he was a pig spirit changed into a little girl pretending to be a little boy to be offered to a water monster. It was all very simple to a pig spirit."

Seer666

I love the essay. Now, I can reasonably argue that by breaking into a church and haveing sex on the alter, I am doing it "for the sake of all man kind". You are my hero!

__________________
Bad spellers of the world untie!!!

I am the one you warned me of

I seem to have misplaced the bullet with your name on it, but I have a whole box addressed to occupant.

MojoRisin

You are my hero!!! LOL! Doing things like this is what got me through school.

__________________
Dropping a barbell he points to the sky and says "The suns not yellow, It's chicken!"

:::OshnSoul:::

That which you call "God" does not consist of anger, so how could you possibly incur "God's" wrath?

saut

See: Old Testament.

raeanna74

BTW If I remember right this was referring to Wool and Cotton. I heard (I can't substantiate it at this time but if anyone knows of it please let me know) that The electromagnetic fields of the molecules in cotton and in wool are such that they draw extra electrons from other sources (static electricity I think) this supposedly draws energy from your own body and would tire you. Maybe it was just a hoax I heard of who knows.

As for incuring the wrath of God. My mother is convinced that I will/have done so by making friends with people who are not of the exact same religion and set of beliefs. She says we are "unequally yoked with unbelievers."

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

:::OshnSoul:::

I know, but that "God" does not exist. Plain and simple, so you will not be able to invoke anything of "God" other than that which you believe to be true. All your thoughts create your reality. If you want to experience the Wrath of God, be my guest.

saut

Point taken. My essay was not to debate the existance of such and such a god. I was looking for ways to "incur wrath" for satire. I wasn't really looking for debate in this thread.

Jay Francis

Well...there IS a passage somewhere in Luke I think that advises that all sins can be forgiven except cursing the Holy Spirit, that can never be forgiven (Christians forget this one). So cursing the Holy Spirit, whatever the heck that is, would probably incur Old Testament God's wrath too.

Jay Francis

Re: Exponential growth rate within a subgroup. One need look no further than the disaster that is the Palestinians to see confirmation of what happens when you have huge families having huge families, with limited resources and jobs.

:::OshnSoul:::

Oh, I didn't see where you said it was for an essay in the original post you made. I apologize.

saut

Quite alright. I do agree with you though, at least to some extent.

bermuDa

there are still people who think the god of the old testament did and still exists, and that he's waiting to press the button anytime soon to get the apocalypse rolling.

i think "god's wrath" is just an self-righteous way of saying "i told you so"

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John Henry

If I remember correctly, it appears that cursing the holy spirit means claiming that something which has been done by the holy spirit is the work of Satan. I think Jesus was doing a miracle and some pharisees or whoever starting saying it was the work of the devil and he starts saying you can say what you like about me and the father but don't blaspheme the holy spirit (by whom these things were presumably being done, through Jesus) or you're not going to get forgiven.

I wouldn't recommend trying it, though. Just in case...

I think there is another unpardonable sin, which is something like sinning whilst knowing you're doing so, just because you expect God to forgive you afterwards.

__________________
"No one was behaving from very Buddhist motives. Then, thought Pigsy, he was hardly a Buddha, nor was he a monkey. Presently, he was a pig spirit changed into a little girl pretending to be a little boy to be offered to a water monster. It was all very simple to a pig spirit."

Astrocloud

There was one scene from my life where I was having a religious discussion with some friends in a lightning storm. Basically the discussion was something about God's wrath because of the Lightning and I ended up running outside into the rain and Lightning shouting things like "Fuck You God!"; and "You don't fuckin Exist!";

My friends thought it was hysterical btw.

rollo

To quote the simpson's devil,
"Lie, Cheat, Steal, and listen to Heavy Metal Music"

__________________
-sanity is not statistical-

soccerchamp76

You could rape a nun on an alter and the whole time scream "Fuck God Fuck God Fuck God"

I am sure that would piss off God to no extent.

And to add more, after you are done, kill her and start worshipping other gods.

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Brian Griffin: Ah, if my memory serves me, this is the physics department.
Chris Griffin: That would explain all the gravity.

Pellaz

/pointless post alert

tap 2ww



I'm sorry, someone had to.

__________________
" ' Big Mouth.
Remember it took three of you to kill me.
A god, a boy, and, last and least, a hero.' "

saut

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