:::OshnSoul:::

My husband and I more and more value how much positive attention changes everything.
For one, it's less stressful for us, and for two, it creates a more effective and positive response from our son.
When he throws fits, ignores us, says "no", resists........we simply take a deep breath and calmly respond, not ignoring, but responding to him with Love. We simply repeat, for example, if he wishes to play a game, we ask that he get his jammies on first. After a few minutes of whining, he figures out that he's got to do what we ask in order to get what he wants. Makes life a whole lot simpler and eases unessecary stress.
You hear the saying that kids will take any attention, positive or negative. Why not give them positive? Positive energy only creates and reacts with more positive energy. Negative energy only creates and reacts with more negative energy.
This can be applied to everyday interactions with people, but is most effective and valuable to a child's life. It will help them throughout their life and develop a healthy social manner with everyone. It will help them use patience and positive interaction.
Especially when you want to pull your hair out, that is when you need to just take a deep breath and summon patience into your mind. At first you may have listen to an hour of screaming and whining, but they will soon realize you mean business- positive business.

gibingus

indeed. teaching with positive reenforcement also carries the additional benefit that your kids will be motivated by winning your approval. that pays off big time down the road when they are older. they may still do dumb stuff, but they will ask themselves "what would my mom and dad do here?" everytime.

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if everyone is thinking alike, chances are no one is thinking.

Derwood

The only danger is to not go too far with it. Meaning, don't overly praise your child for mundane tasks. Be positive, but don't bubble and glow every time they do something good. Save the big praise for when they make strides or do something new, and otherwise let them know you are happy with them when they behave.

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"You can't shoot a country until it becomes a democracy." - Willravel

:::OshnSoul:::

ya, but there's a difference between positive attention and praising/leniancy.
What I mean is simply speaking and reacting in a calm, patient manner, instead of impatience and raised voice.

fnaqzna

Calm and patience is a good thing.

Raising your voice and exhibiting anger can be a useful tool, but if you over do it, you'll lose the effectiveness.

I learned the trick in the military. Displaying anger without actually feeling it, was just as useful but without the stress. My kids don't have a clue that it is more than likely just an act.

raeanna74

Keeping a balance, and keeping in control of yourself is so effective. It's always best to give positive reinforcement when you can. It's a given that negative reinforcement will be use. We can't forget to praise too though. One child I had that would burst into a temper several times daily to the point of breaking things (he was 5) was such a challenge. When I began saying things like "I know you can control yourself." or "Thankyou for calming down. That took work." I could literally see the tension drain from him. I wasn't going head to head with him and part of his tantrums was a rebellion. Children will do only as much as you expect of them. If you expect them to be disobedient and little brats then you will have more trouble. If you expect them to be good and you act accordingly then they will be more cooperative.

There were times when one loud word "STOP" or something similar would get my students, children's attentions. Then I would continue talking in a quite calm voice. Children will reflect your moods. If you are angry and yelling they will get loud and hyper. If you are calm, controlled, and quiet then they will usually stay more reserved. I couldn't believe how well behaved my students were and quiet when I lost my voice from a cold. I think it was partly because if they did anything wrong they would still have consequences coming but wouldn't know it until I was at their desk to whisper it to them. They could tell by watching my face if they were in trouble and they shaped up much faster. I learned a lot that week.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

sexymama

Grandparents rule: "when you _______, then _______" works every time. (When you put on your helmet, then you can ride your bike. When you clean your room, then we can go to gymnastics; etc) Note: it is never if ________, then ______ because that implies choice. They do not have a choice to put on a helmet or clean their room -- these are things that must be done.

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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

:::OshnSoul:::

^^ I would rather make it a choice, to see that they have a choice and that they can experience the consequences of the choice they make. We always ask our son to say, clean up his toys before he does something he wants- even if it takes a while, he will eventually do it, because he may think "if I don't clean them up, I won't get what I wanted. But if I clean them up, I will be able to get it." Saying IF definately implies a choice, and I want my child to be raised on independent choice, so that he is able to see that his choices affect what happen. It's good for thinking out choices and actions beforehand. Because, for now he tends to just experience the consequences, but down the road he will remember the consequences of the experience before, and think through his choices the next time. It helps them realize that there is choice and consequences, and that he is aloud to make choices.
Either they can do what they are asked to do in order to do what they want to do, or they can face the consequences of not making the wisest choice.

sexymama

I definitely agree choices are very good! I give my kids tons of choices; but there are some things that are not choices. For example, it is not a choice to go without a helmet, or to not brush their teeth. When choices are not a good choice for the parents, then grandma's rule works very well.

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If you can go deeply into lovemaking, the ego disappears. That is the beauty of lovemaking, that it is another source of a glimpse of god

It's not about being perfect; it's about developing some skill at managing imperfection.

qtpye4u84

I took personial relationship, family relationship and child education. So to me positive reinforcement is the best way for them to learn and feel good about them self.

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The QTpie