Jozrael

We all know highly motivated people. They're likely to be some of the most successful people around - each defining it in their own way. Someone may be highly motivated towards achieving a 'subprime' position in life dictated by normal societal views, but that's their prerogative. Likewise, we all know those who are less than motivated.

I would like to discuss the source of motivation, largely as a sieve for insight in relation to my recent blog post of like name. Case study: my family. The following is my personal experiences on the matter and not the subject of this thread, though you can certainly comment on it as much as you like (point being I'd like you to bring up your experiences as well).

I am the eldest, with a sister two years my junior and a brother five. Of us three, my sister is by far and away the most motivated. In fact, I would place her on the top 15 list of most motivated people I have ever met (and that is considerable praise). My brother and I are less so motivated. Now let us turn to our childhoods.

My mother was the dominant figure in our household, and she pushed us very hard. Since I am only one mind I can only speak for myself, but by and large she pushed my sister and I in a similar manner. Being the baby and having more experience under her belt my brother was given far more leeway.

Despite these fairly similar outer forces, my sister and I grew up very similarly until high school. We were highly motivated, but personally my motivation was largely external. I would've been fairly content playing computer games all day had my mother not been there over me, guiding, nudging, and at times cattle prodding. My sister I believe drew her motivation more and more from within over the years.

As I entered my rebellious teenage years, my mother's influence over me waned, and thus did my motivating force. My sister went through the same period but with little to no effect on her motivational drive. My brother is currently going through the same period and it's really too early to call the jury in.

I'm currently searching on building my own personal form of motivation, but I was wondering where the source of it really lies within each of us.

Amaras

I too, am searching for the ur-motive, if you will permit me my small arrogance.
I, presently, am 6'1", 200 lbs. This fact is implicit in the way I was reacted to as I grew
up, rather than any way I thought the world reacted to me.
I worked damned hard when it came to sports. I earned my way up the ladder, bit by
goddamn bit.
I am, and was gifted, in many ways.
I always refused to take credit for it.
Then I saw a project I felt would help people I loved.
I fuckin' performed.
I got it done.
I'm not sure if this makes sense, but
given the chance, if I see something worthwhile doing
I would do it.

__________________
Propaganda is to a democracy what the bludgeon is to a totalitarian state.
-Noam Chomsky
Love is a verb, not a noun.
-My Mom
The function of genius is to furnish cretins with ideas twenty years later.
-Louis Aragon, "La Porte-plume," Traite du style, 1928

grumpyolddude

It's interesting to me, Joz, that your situation kinda mirrors what I've observed in my own children. Our middle child is highly motivated, and quite accomplished in many areas. There's somewhat less of this in the elder and younger siblings (not a criticism.. they are both doing just fine!). As in your family, their mother is the dominant character in their upbringing, and each of the children has been treated and nurtured as unique individuals. I think there might be some birth order influence at work here.

Finding what motivates you, personally, is a worthwhile endeavor. I realize that, for myself, I'm highly motivated by how my actions, or inaction, will affect those around me. My most motivating goals are generally shared goals with family, the band, coworkers. My individual accomplishments are more meaningful to me if they also advance a shared benefit.

I can't tell you when I came to that realization. That hasn't been a conscious part of my introspection. It just seems to be how I function best. There's probably some id/ego psychobabble that's relevent.

__________________
"Regret can be a harder pill to swallow than failure .With failure you at least know you gave it a chance..." David Howard

anti fishstick

I am the only child and am having a hard time finding that inner source of motivation. I am the kind of person that does well with outside schedule and routine.. So, classes and college did WELL for me. Now that I am out in the 'real world', i feel like i'm kind of flailing around a bit. Not sure what to do next.. I think we all have inner motivation SOMEwhere, its just a matter of cultivating it, and doing it..

__________________
And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

savmesom11

I am exactly this way. Maybe it is the social worker in me, but it is far more rewarding and motivating to accomplish a task that benefits others as well as yourself. Unfortunately I burn out or become disgruntled without proper self-care, so it is an area I have recently been paying more attention to.

In regards to birth order, my family could be described very similar to the posts above but the older we got, the more this changed. I am the youngest of three girls, all of whom were raised by a dominant female figure. Today the oldest has a 10th grade education, 4 children with 3 different men, is on her second marriage, and has never held a job longer than 2 years. My middle sister was always the organized, responsible, self-motivator. She thrived on order, always looked her best, and was always the most relied upon of us three. Today she is in her mid-thirties with 1 young son, she graduated from trade school (AAS in Accounting) when she was 20 and basically stopped there. She has never advanced her career through education or further training, never invested in owning her a home, or demonstrated any other kind of financially responsible behavior; but she still dresses in Prada, you could eat off her kitchen floor and her house smells like a garden.

Then there is me, the baby. As a grade school kid I was baaad! Always in trouble and mom was always getting a phone call from the principal. By the time I was a teen-ager she was entirely too worn out. I basically had a free pass to do as I pleased, but some where deep within me was the fear factor. The fear factor kept me from the real dangerous stuff: drugs, violence, involvement with the police but I still ended up pregnant my senior year of high school. I had a few issues with rebellion in my twenties but managed to put myself through college twice, buy my own home at 23, and advance my career steadily.

For me the motivation was wrapped around being the youngest. I watched my mother and sisters settle for the same mediocre life and figured out early that I would never be that way. I could never imagine waiting for the right man to come along and rescue me, I would never accept poverty was God’s plan for me, and most important to me; I refused to be another statistic.

Now the tough stuff has always come easy for me but I haven’t put laundry away in weeks!

__________________
* I do not believe that struggles are a sign of life falling apart, but rather a step of life falling into place. *