paparora

I have two very wealthy doctors in my family. One is a Physician, whereas the other is an Orthodontist. Both make close to a million in gross income. Naturally speaking, they have amazing houses, drive beamers, are able to put a significant amount into their 401k, designer clothes..u get the idea. Needless to say, they are successful, happy people.

How do you measure success?

archpaladin

If I get through the day having successfully applied the life lessons that I learned the day before, that is success to me.

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Halx

1) Doing what you want
2) Enjoying it

Notice how money and possessions have little to do with it.

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snowy

Bingo. I believe we've had other threads on what it means to be successful, and this is pretty much what it comes down to for me--doing what I love.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

The_Jazz

I know multimillionaires that are some of the most miserable fucks you'll ever meet. They hate their lives. I know one guy, though, that is also much wealthier than I (and I do pretty well) that is the happiest person I know because he realizes what's important. That's why he's home for dinner with his kids every night that he's not traveling and calls during dinner when he is.

Money only equates to sucess when you limit the terms to business only. If you expand the definition at all, you'll figure out very quickly how unimportant money is in a successful life.

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"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
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filtherton

A nice pair of boots.

World's King

I have two degrees. I live on my own. I pay my own bills. I'm 27. I'm healthy. I do what I love for a living. I have a close knit family that supports me.



I'm an Obsessive Compulsive Alcoholic. I've spent time in jail. My life is controlled by my probation officer. I've suffer from extreme depression. I'm on the verge of tears most every day.



What do you think? Am I successful? I think I am. Because despite all the bad stuff. I still have the good.

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heavy is the head that wears the crown

forseti-6

I have to agree. I always think back to the part in the movie 'The Bucket List' in which Morgan Freeman tells Jack Nicholson about how the Egyptians measured someone's life before allowing/disallowing them into heaven. They would ask two question: Have you had happiness in your life? Have your brought happiness to other's lives?

To look at it from another angle. Think about Maslow's hierarchy of needs. What's the highest rung? Self actualization. It has nothing to do with material wealth.

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jaker

Success is mindfulness every moment
Success is a word for past events, events which probably dont have the relationship to one another that we imagine to have created that imagine event- misquotations from reality - an idea that hinders, because of its attempt to gauge and analyze, present reality

Baraka_Guru

Success is being able to help others while not being a burden to to anyone.

(I'm thinking there are many definitions of this.)

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Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

ratbastid

I don't think that's "needless to say" in the slightest. I'd bet my car and my house (modest though they are in comparison) that a little probing would uncover the same pit of emptiness at the core of their being that the rest of us have.

Here's the thing about people with all the exterior signs of "success"--there's NO freedom for them in that. They're always compensating for something, and the more they compensate, the bigger that thing they're compensating for gets. They HAVE to succeed. They're DRIVEN to succeed, and COMPLETELY out of control about it, and they're TERRIFIED about what would happen if they didn't succeed.

This isn't to say that everyone else on the planet isn't driven and terrified too, because we all are. It's just, on really "successful" people, it's easy to forget about that because the surface looks so good. But it's all a big show to distract from how desperately their duck feet are paddling beneath the surface.

I measure my success by the difference I make for others. And I create specific games for myself to play that are designed to make a difference and have specific, measurable outcomes.

paparora

Props to World's King, its good to hear that you are getting on the right track. Effort is half the battle, the other is lady luck.

I hate the amount of studying that is required out of the medical profession, but God damn it has success written all over it. Ill be 31 before I start making real money. Those who are happy with their careers, how did you guys decide on them? In my opinion, a career is a major part of your life, and in order to be happy in life you have to be happy with your career. Am I wrong in thinking this way?
-----Added 22/8/2008 at 04 : 02 : 52-----
LOLLL!!! Am I the only one who finds this funny?

Some deep points you brought up in this post. Have an analysis on your conclusion?

It's just, on really "successful" people, it's easy to forget about that because the surface looks so good. But it's all a big show to distract from how desperately their duck feet are paddling beneath the surface.

Xazy

I consider it being content. To me that means having REAL friends, family being able to pay bills, and of course my wife and daughter.

I consider myself successful.

Poppinjay

Your post tastes like crying. I think I'll go jump off a cliff somewheres.

I am also OCD. Success for me is letting go of a situation. Not being annoyed if all the people on the plane have put their seatbacks and tray tables up when told to do so. That's a biggie with me. I wish I could channel that compulsion into excercise or writing.

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I think the Apocalypse is happening all around us. We go on eating desserts and watching TV. I know I do. I wish we were more capable of sustained passion and sustained resistance. We should be screaming and what we do is gossip. -Lydia Millet

levite

Happiness is the measure of success. That, and perhaps mindful gratitude. If one is truly happy, with oneself and one's life; if one is frequently if not constantly aware of savoring the joys and bitternesses of this world...then one is successful.

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Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

Ayashe

Financial success would not be True Success to me. I know a lot of people who are very financially successful but they are also frustrated at all the time and energy they put into gaining and keeping that success. I believe money could never make me truly happy. It may make me more comfortable, it certainly would buy some pleasurable things that I could not otherwise afford. Would it make me happy? Call me a romantic but ideally for me it would be a warm home, a well-bonded relationship with someone that I love with all my heart, health, feeling trust and security in my relationships. No amount of money can really buy that.

fnaqzna

Gotta watch out with possessions. If you're not careful, they'll end up owning you.

paparora

Without money, you cant take vacations. Cant buy the luxury items. They bring happiness.

I mean a life without money with your daughter/son, wife...would be pretty dull. Its living like Amish people except you don't have the tasks that they did to keep themselves occupied.

The_Jazz

Wow. That's an incredibly offensive statement.

What you're saying is that life is only worth living if you have money, and that's just not true at all.

Let me peel back the curtain just a bit for you since your youth and inexperience is showing: I probably make as much or more money than your family members. I also work incredibly hard to get it. I travel 3 or 4 times a week and habitually work 55 hours+ each and every week unless I'm REALLY busy when it goes to 75+.

As you can see in my signature, I have 2 young kids. I don't for a second think that I'm successful in anything but a strictly financial sense. I am successful because I have those boys and my wife. Frankly, as much as I love my job, I'd quit in a second if I didn't know I'd be seriously unhappy without a job like that. My family defines me more than any monetary thing ever will. I can also state as fact that there are several board members who make SUBSTANTIALLY less than I do that are as happy or happier than I am with my life.

Things do not bring happiness. Someday you'll grow up enough to realize that. If you really think that joy in life comes from material possessions, your parents did a poor job teaching you priorities.

__________________
"They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin
"There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush
"We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

Baraka_Guru

I agree.

If someone who could see the future told me that I would never be able to go away on vacation or ever afford luxury items for the rest of my life, I wouldn't be concerned about my happiness or the happiness of my family. It's people that create happiness, not anything you can buy. This is not to say you can't have happy experiences using lots of money; but I do say having lots of money isn't necessary to a happy life. There are many examples of this.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

snowy

I'm pretty happy most of the time and by most people's standards, I'm monetarily poor. I have enough to make my ends meet, no more, no less. And that's good enough. Why waste time chasing after those things when what's really valuable are the people around you and the time you spend with them, or the time you spend doing things you truly enjoy? I get far more satisfaction out of cleaning up my garden than purchasing a material possession. To me, those kinds of possessions are just chains. Happiness is not consumerism.

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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

tiger777

Bravo we have a winner!

MSD

I have a job that I'm overqualified for three times over, I have no car, and I'm 24 and still live with my mom. On any given day, I'm more likely than not to be at least content, but I wouldn't call myself happy or successful. Maybe it's about living up to my potential, which I'm clearly not.

jewels

Nice

I've been on all sides of this equation at one time or another during my lifetime. Happiness hasn't a thing to do with a prestigious occupation or the car you can drive.

I've switched occupations several times over the years, trying to find my own place of happiness. At my tender age, I plan to be back in school before the end of this year so that I can do what I've always wanted to do.

When I was married and had a good-paying "career", everyone though I was so happy and successful. My ex and I were expert at our roles because we were able to accomplish what we thought we were supposed to achieve. Truth is, we were both utterly miserable.

I finally was able to recently purchase a home, but my purpose is to have an investment to leave for my children. I have had many weeks where I had to ask my daughter to limit how much milk she drank in a day because I couldn't afford another gallon.

Am I successful? I think so. I've done a fine job of raising my girls to be strong, independent and respectful young ladies. I'm loved by the three of them and a wonderful man. My parents view me as successful, because they're proud of the job I've done with my children. Although I don't have much materialistically, I give as much as I can of myself.

These are the things that matter. Your question should be rephrased. How much money would make me successful?

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We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess.
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paparora

Yeah, I have been thinking a lot about the posts, and in general conversation with my parents, friends. Yes, they are very materialistic but they are only looking out for me. Being miserable with money > being miserable without money. One of the things I think that I have done wrong is I have searched for happiness incorrectly. I never fully gave anything a shot, and that is why I am not sure what makes me happy (too complicated to explain lol). I am 21 (almost 22) and I think its a good mature time to correct my mistakes, and enjoy the search for happiness.

Thank you all for this thoughtful thread. Hopefully I can take this discussion and amend my life.
-----Added 24/8/2008 at 06 : 49 : 57-----
I am going to Alaska...sike but that is a really good movie. (Into the Wild)

ratbastid

Maybe. But this is a thread about success, not about getting along despite your misery.

Although that certainly IS what passes for success for most people, if we really tell the truth about it.

Sun Tzu

Having the liberty and resources to whatever whenever

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kangaeru

"People who think money will make you happy don't have money" -David Geffen

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curiousbear

Originally Posted by levite
Happiness is the measure of success. That, and perhaps mindful gratitude. If one is truly happy, with oneself and one's life; if one is frequently if not constantly aware of savoring the joys and bitternesses of this world...then one is successful.


Hapiness cant be the metrics all the time. Some times you take a goal or ambition knowingly the pain and suffering involved. For example working for cancer patients. I am sure it will be lot of tough, unhappy and sad moments. But if you had made meaninful difference to few peoples lifes I think that is still successful. It is a corner case thou.

You set your goal. There is no standard. If you meet your goals you are successful.

anti fishstick

I agree with curiousbear. I measure happiness as success. Success to me is being my own person, having independence, doing what I want to do, and having a balanced, happy life. Am I successful right now? Not by my standard. BUT, I am trying. Sometimes, all you can do is try. This is cheesy but I used to have a favorite childhood cup that said "You can be a winner if you try!" So, in that respect, I am successful just in my efforts. People need goals in life if you want to truly participate in life, and not just be a spectator.

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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin

tiberry

The word "success" implies that there exists some measurement criteria or rules...much like keeping "score".

I perceive that it may have been the intent of the original poster to discuss what other's interpretations of the criteria/score are.

In my opinion, the word "success" has almost no significance...the word "happy" carries more weight, which seems to be the common thought.

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My life's work is to bridge the gap between that which is perceived by the mind and that which is quantifiable by words and numbers.

girldetective

love, peace, happiness, freedom, and choice.

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As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons...be cheerful; strive for happiness - Desiderata

unacceptablyme

Success, to me, is measured by happiness. Do what I want, enjoy doing it, make money out of it, and make other people happy in the process.

Does something like this exist? I'm still looking.

Jozrael

If money makes someone happy, like the OP, who am I to say that's not so?

I find I need more than just money (which I don't have yet, still being in college) to keep me happy. I would be quite sad if I was alone. My SO makes me a success.

skizziks

If you wake up in the morning and usually think "YEAH! I can't wait to see what happens today!" then you are successful. If you wake up in the morning and usually think "Crap, another day I have to make it through" then you are not.

Money, social status, relationships, are not a factor (other than if they make you say "yay" or "damn")

little_tippler

success isn't the same as happiness. That's why the words are not one and the same.

What does the word success mean exactly? Success at what?

Success comes from having goals and achieving them, whatever they may be. They will be different for everyone, so I can't say what I could say is success to anyone else.

Generalized success in my personal life, to me would mean feeling that I have a good base of dependable and loyal friends, and an SO who I can trust implicitly and whose company I enjoy 99% of the time. Also, the emotional support of my family.

Generalized success in my professional life, to me would mean a job where I am not exploited, that I thoroughly enjoy, where there is flexibility, dynamics, and creativity. Also, there has to be a pleasant work environment. The pay check allows me to live comfortably and engage in my favourite hobbies, and to provide for my family.

That's it. I have no idea if I'd be happy with no money. That would mean a total adjustment of my life up to the present, and I can't say what I'd wish for if I was in that position. The same goes for if I had bundles of it. Would I be happier than I am now? I don't know because I've never been there.

Success can't be considered proportional to the amount of money one has, that is obvious. I'm not sure it can be proportional to the amount of happiness you feel either. Either you feel successful or you don't. Sometimes the highest achievers aren't happy. When I say the highest achievers, I don't mean millionaires, I mean people who set goals and are able to attain them quite often. They are successful at achieving their goals, but whether they are happy or not depends on their state of mind in that moment, I'd say.

Halx put it well, but I'm not sure how doing what you want automatically excludes money/possessions.

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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.

Fernando Pessoa, 1918

BogeyDope

Success to me is learning what you love, and then applying that knowledge everyday [for better or for worse, whatever gives you kicks]. At 18. I consider myself a success, especially some of the stuff I've seen and done, things that some people go their entire lives oblivious too.

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Focus. Control. Conviction. Resolve. A true ace lacks none of these attributes. Nothing can deter you from the task at hand except your own fears. This is your sky.