HIV+ relative coming to town - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

powerclown · 09-12-2006, 07:17 AM

A family member from California who is HIV+ is in town and staying with me and my 2 young kids, with the intent of getting his own apartment soon. This person is 45 years old, homosexual, works only sporadically, has a history of multiple sexual partners, likely addicted to sex, a non-drug user as far as I can tell and he says, has a history of making manipulative, reckless, self-destrutive and impulsive decisions, and currently appears to have an open sore on his mouth...from what, I do not know - he says from shaving, but Im thinking another in a long series of his stds.

The concern is the children getting infected, blood to blood. This person is in no way a pedophile, we are just concerened about an accidental/incidental blood to blood transmission of a non-sexual nature. We are unsure as to how to approach this prudently and practically.

I mentioned it to him, and he accused others of ignorance and prejudice. We continued to discuss it calmly, but the issue still stands in our minds. While this is a family member, I am uneasy about the whole thing, about my kids safety, and admittedly probably don't have all the facts about HIV person-to-person transmission. We will be talking to a pediatrician tomorrow about this.

Looking for comment, opinion or shared experience. Thanks.

Jinn · 09-12-2006, 07:24 AM

For once, I'm stumped. I'm sorry power, but this is something I'd have no clue how to deal with. There's the common sense stuff -- wash your hands, no sharing cups, the usual.

I just don't know how I'd keep my kids safe without being a complete asshole to my family member. Is there any way you can back out of the lodging situation as it stands?

ratbastid · 09-12-2006, 07:32 AM

HIV is a fragile little virus. It's surrounded in a lipid envelope that can really only stay intact inside the body. Once exposed to air, it dies very quickly. Transmission requires that the virus be despoited directly in the recipient's bloodstream.

That makes incidental transmission through casual contact extremely unlikely. While you're right to be aware of it, you really don't need to worry all that much about it.

ShaniFaye · 09-12-2006, 07:35 AM

just to educate a little (I still recommend talking to your kids dr though!!)

you do not catch HIV from drinking or eating after someone...geez I'd think people in the 21st century would know this....this can be found MANY places as SO many people seem to be under the misconception, but for this purpose this is where I copied this from

http://www.healthology.com/focus_art...&b=detroitnews

Quote:

HIV contraction
HIV is contracted through an exchange of bodily fluids, such as blood, semen, or vaginal secretions. As a result, the most common ways of acquiring HIV are sharing needles while doing intravenous drugs, and sex, especially anal intercourse. While the highest risk of HIV transmission is associated with anal intercourse, vaginal intercourse is becoming a common means of spreading HIV. Vaginal intercourse is the most rapidly growing risk factor for acquiring HIV infection in the United States and in the developing world it is the most common method of HIV transmission. Everyone must take appropriate steps to prevent the spread of HIV: Safer sex with condoms and dental dams and not sharing needles can help prevent the spread of HIV.

Common misconceptions about contraction
People are often concerned that HIV can be contracted through common contacts with an HIV-infected person, such as shaking hands or sharing glasses or eating utensils. These are not risk factors for contracting HIV. There is no evidence that HIV can be spread through these means, and people should not be afraid to be around people who have HIV or to use a glass, eating utensils, or plate that an HIV-infected person has used, or to have other common contacts.

or you might read this

http://www.sfaf.org/aids101/transmission.html

Quote:

Contact with saliva, tears, sweat, feces or urine

Transmission can only occur when a sufficient amount of HIV enters the bloodstream, through cuts or mucous membranes. These "bodily fluids" either contain no HIV or it exists in a quantity too small to result in transmission.

HIV is not transmitted by saliva. There is a great deal of evidence to support this fact. In a study of 79 men with AIDS, the virus could be found in the saliva of only one. This man had PCP, thrush, and other mouth and throat lesions. Even in this man, the level of virus found in his saliva was 10,000 times less than the level in his blood. To this study we can add the evidence of the countless numbers of people who have had saliva contact with people with AIDS or others who have been infected with HIV. This contact has occurred through kissing, sharing food, and many other means. They can find no evidence that these activities have transmitted the virus even a single time. Recent findings suggest that saliva contains an enzyme which kills HIV. Certainly there is a lot at work in the mouth combining to make it an inhospitable site for the virus: acids, enzymes, friction, dilution, air, and more.

maleficent · 09-12-2006, 07:47 AM

the only concern that i honestly would have is intentions are good - but unless he's got a plan in place, he'sa freeloader and you've got a permanent houseguest...

powerclown · 09-12-2006, 08:27 AM

Thanks for your thoughts people...thanks for the info ShaniFaye.

Yeah, he's a freeloader maleficent, but he's *our* freeloader, you know?
He senses our concern, and understands it. I'm sure it makes him feel shitty...this has been a pattern throughout his life. The family is conservative and disapproves of his ways.

He is going to talk to his mom about securing an apartment tomorrow. He called me 3-4 times on his way driving to Michigan for gas money, says he slept in his car. The mom and dad are extremely pissed off he is even back in the picture. He is a disruption to the status quo in their eyes.

JustJess · 09-12-2006, 08:58 AM

While it is definitely unlikely, I would still not share currently-being-used glasses or utensils due to the open sore. Hugging your kids? Fine. Kissing on the forehead? Fine. (Really.) Oh, btw, that is a common symptom of HIV+ people - lots of them get lesions. It's not necessarily due to a separate STD.

Just remember - he might be/have been promiscuous, but this is still a death sentence just for having some sex. Way too harsh a penalty. I'm glad that you consider him "your freeloader" - I'm sure he's pretty nervous about being near family again too, and can use all the positivity you've got.

Good luck!

Jinn · 09-12-2006, 09:05 AM

Quote:

you do not catch HIV from drinking or eating after someone...geez I'd think people in the 21st century would know this....this can be found MANY places as SO many people seem to be under the misconception, but for this purpose this is where I copied this from

I'm not sure if this was directed at me; I advised such because of the sores, not because of the HIV. I'm well aware of it's unlikely transmission through saliva.

magictoy · 09-12-2006, 11:47 AM

The sore in the mouth could be a great many things. People with AIDS who have had multiple sexual partners are at increased risk for syphilis (yes, you can get it in the mouth, which is why unprotected oral sex is risky), herpes, hepatitis, and a slew of others. If I haven't upset you enough, here's a link to other opportunistic infections.

http://www.aegis.com/topics/oi/

That said, I don't know of a polite way for you to say, "I don't want you to infect my kids with anything."

Oh, and Shani, I understand your point, but IMO some of the more outspoken gay activists, by making it a political disease, have succeeded in casting suspicion upon themselves. When it's politically incorrect to say ANYTHING bad about a gay person, it's not a huge mental leap for the average person to wonder if he's hearing the whole story about the likelihood of AIDS transmission.

Of course, if you believe everything the government tells you ...

The_Jazz · 09-12-2006, 12:29 PM

I'm unclear on exactly how the kids would pick up the virus. I really can't think of a viable scenario that would work at all. Even if he has a open sore on his face, are you afraid that he's going to rub it on their open wound? You stated blood-to-blood transfer is your only concern, but I don't know of even any anecdotal evidence of transfer that involved pools of blood outside the body and no sharp objects. I'm certainly no expert, but it seems that kind of transmission would be discussed amongst those who are experts as to the real-world viability of the virus outside the body.

My confusion aside, kudos on taking in the black sheep. He may be "your" freeloader, but sometimes people just need that little bit of help to turn things around. I certainly hope that you're the ones to help your family member. Good luck!

Ustwo · 09-12-2006, 12:31 PM

No matter how safe a nuclear waste storage facility is, no one wants to have one put in their back yard.

I can't blame you for being uneasy, this man comes to you with a self inflicted death sentence, has a history of being a loser at life, and you can't help but think of your own kids.

I'd be uneasy as well. Its fine and good to talk about how its impossible to get aids from casual contact, but you have to think of all the 'what ifs'.

The general consensus is you can not get aids through casual contact. I have no reason to think this is false, though due to the political nature of the disease I have to wonder if its 100% true as well. Aids gets treated far differently than other diseases, so I have to wonder if any 'unknown' cases are filed that way to prevent a panic that its possible via casual contact.

ShaniFaye · 09-12-2006, 12:40 PM

Well I can offer this....one of my dearest friends in the world is like your family member...roamed about between miami, atlanta, kansas city, houston and minnesota where his mom and dad lived after he lost his job. I finally told him I was tired of watching himself try to kill himself before the HIV did and begged him to come share my house with me and my daughter.

He lived with us for 6 months (with my blessing...I was very sad when he left) while he got himself *well* from scavaging around and being a bum. He didnt *live* off me exactly....I did not charge him rent...but he contributed to the groceries and never asked me for a dime. He got a job at walmart and eventually worked his way up to management....met a truly amazing guy (and trust me he'd been with some doozies from what I witnessed) and they have now been together for 3 years. While he is still HIV positive (it has not progessed to AIDS yet...and he's been postive for 7 years) of course neither I nor my daughter or Dave are.

Its a great thing your doing...sometimes they just need to know SOMEBODY gives a damn while they walk around living with a time bomb that is a death sentance.

Please keep in mind when a person has HIV it is killing their immune system, so any cut or sore they might get is VERY hard to heal...it could be a cold sore, or it could be what he said. If it is a cold sore I would take the normal precautions like what was suggested of course...but he could very well be telling the truth on the shaving incident...I saw that with Jeff many many times in the last 7 years

powerclown · 09-12-2006, 07:11 PM

Thanks again, people.
Yeah, he's pretty nervous about returning home. It's been 20 years. He freaked out pretty good once the kids got home and started doing their thing. He's never been around young children much. My daughter is extremely talkative, which threw him for a loop. He smoked a half pack of cigarettes in about 2 hours lol.

Before he got into town, I had a talk with both the kids, telling them that M has a disease and is ill (though shows no effects yet) so they somewhat knew what to expect. They were both very excited to see him regardless...my daughter wrote and colored him a nice letter in school before meeting him today...which he seemed to like.

Thanks for the link magictoy.

How's this The_Jazz: someone more neurotic and smarter than I suggested this scenario: she asked me if my 2 cats were declawed. No. So according to her, one of the cats could theoretically scratch M, draw some of his blood onto their claws, then scratch one of the klds, thus transmitting the disease. I guess that would indeed be within the realm of possibility.

Thanks Ustwo. The general consensus seems to be that once the virus is airborne, it dies (as was mentioned). I guess he's a loser but I grew up with him and saw the mental abuse he took from his father so I have much empathy towards him. If you've ever seen the movie "Five Easy Pieces", he's Nicholson in that movie. He's a trained classical pianist, highly intelligent, charismatic, cuts through the social bullshit right to the essence of a situation, speaks his mind, got straight A's at the University of Michigan, has 3 degrees (one in Law)...but he has no self esteem because his father so completely and mercilessly cut him down early in life (when he discovered his son was gay, mid-teens), so he can't navigate through "respectable society". In another lifetime, I believe his personality would've made him a success in the field of his choosing. Such is life.
Thank you again, ShaniFaye.

JustJess · 09-13-2006, 05:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ustwo

I can't blame you for being uneasy, this man comes to you with a self inflicted death sentence, has a history of being a loser at life, and you can't help but think of your own kids.

(emphasis mine) I take issue with this. No one gives themselves HIV, and I doubt he went and TRIED to get it. What is so difficult for people to understand? This is a disease that you can get just for having sex. That's it. It only takes one person. He didn't DO this to himself, it just happened. Do you blame someone for getting cancer? Christ on a piece of toast!

Quote:

The general consensus is you can not get aids through casual contact. I have no reason to think this is false, though due to the political nature of the disease I have to wonder if its 100% true as well. Aids gets treated far differently than other diseases, so I have to wonder if any 'unknown' cases are filed that way to prevent a panic that its possible via casual contact.

Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiight, because the WHO is so concerned with political correctness, they would just ignore any evidence of the possibility of transmission through other, more casual means, and put people in danger of having HIV become even more widespead. Right.

/end threadjack

Good luck, powerclown.

maxhooters · 09-13-2006, 07:31 AM

it you are so uneasy about it then why are you letting him stay with you, you have to put your kids welfare before them. and from the way that you talked about him it does not sounds like he is that great of a person and i would not want that around my kids around that and it would have nothing to do with the HIV part

Jinn · 09-13-2006, 08:06 AM

Quote:

(emphasis mine) I take issue with this. No one gives themselves HIV, and I doubt he went and TRIED to get it. What is so difficult for people to understand? This is a disease that you can get just for having sex. That's it. It only takes one person. He didn't DO this to himself, it just happened. Do you blame someone for getting cancer? Christ on a piece of toast!

If they got cancer by smoking ten cigarettes a day, yes. It's their own fault, and they should take personal responsibility for it. If he had unprotected sex and ended up with AIDS - again, he should take personal responsibility for it. It's not like AIDS dropped from the sky and fucked him. You don't have to TRY at something to make it your fault. I can not be TRYING to kill someone, but if I kill them its definitely still my fault. The notable exception would be HIV via a blood transfusion, but based on power's description I think we can safely assume that is not how the transmission occured. It's a self-inflicted wound like any other.

Bill O'Rights · 09-13-2006, 08:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJess

No one gives themselves HIV, and I doubt he went and TRIED to get it. What is so difficult for people to understand? This is a disease that you can get just for having sex. That's it. It only takes one person. He didn't DO this to himself, it just happened. Do you blame someone for getting cancer?

Welllllll...I'm not so sure that I agree.
Oh sure, no one really goes out (I hope) saying to themselves; "I'm gonna do my level best to contract this deadly disease." However...I feel that if the precautions are not taken, especially given all the information that's available, then it may very well be considered self inflicted.
Russian roulette doesn't "just happen". There are steps that are taken. The gun may be lying on the table, but one has to pick it up. aim it, and pull the trigger. Every pull on that trigger lessons your odds.

As far as blaming someone for getting cancer? Oh, you bet your cute little bottom that we do. We hound, harrass, and look down our societal noses everyday at these people. We call them...smokers.

ShaniFaye · 09-13-2006, 08:22 AM

am I the only one that understands the cancers Jess was talking about?

JustJess · 09-13-2006, 08:26 AM

You get cancer from smoking, fine, agreed, they're the idiot. But it's not necessarily a death sentence (though it often is). You get syphyllis, yep, you're an idiot, but you're not going to die. The same for any other STD.

You get AIDS from sex, you're going to die. Very very much earlier than normal, and from something stupid, like a bad cold that turns into pneumonia. I'm just saying that it's a pretty harsh penalty to being a bit stupid. I've been stupid in the past, have you? Ever? Did you ever try smoking? Have any unprotected sex when maybe it wasn't the best idea? Depended on the pull out method? No, never? Bullshit. But you're not going to die because of your mistake, and you're not ostracized and demonized and blamed for being sick like someone with HIV is.

(**thanks, Shani. :* )

snowy · 09-13-2006, 08:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJess

You get cancer from smoking, fine, agreed, they're the idiot. But it's not necessarily a death sentence (though it often is). You get syphyllis, yep, you're an idiot, but you're not going to die. The same for any other STD.

You get AIDS from sex, you're going to die. Very very much earlier than normal, and from something stupid, like a bad cold that turns into pneumonia. I'm just saying that it's a pretty harsh penalty to being a bit stupid. I've been stupid in the past, have you? Ever? Did you ever try smoking? Have any unprotected sex when maybe it wasn't the best idea? Depended on the pull out method? No, never? Bullshit. But you're not going to die because of your mistake, and you're not ostracized and demonized and blamed for being sick like someone with HIV is.

(**thanks, Shani. :* )

Jess...I just gotta say...I give you major, major kudos for this post. It is dead on. Everyone makes mistakes--EVERYONE. Not a single one of us is a perfect, ideal human being; therefore, each and everyone of us has, in fact, put ourselves in a similar position. We can, at the very least, have some sympathy for someone who is going to die for their choice or mistake.

People die from traffic accidents every day because of human error.

Bill O'Rights · 09-13-2006, 09:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJess

I'm just saying that it's a pretty harsh penalty to being a bit stupid.

I agree. It is.
But...we know what that penalty could be, before we "go in".

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJess

I've been stupid in the past, have you? Ever?

Of course I have. But that doesn't release me from the potential reprocussions.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJess

Did you ever try smoking?

I smoke now. Again...I know the potential reprocussions.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJess

Have any unprotected sex when maybe it wasn't the best idea?

I'm a child of the 70's. Of course I've had "unprotected" sex.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJess

Depended on the pull out method? No, never? Bullshit.

Nope...never did that.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JustJess

But you're not going to die because of your mistake, and you're not ostracized and demonized and blamed for being sick like someone with HIV is.

If I end up with cancer, youd better believe that I'm gonna be ostracized and demonized. Hell, I am now. Still...it's my choice. I'm the one that's ultimately responsible.

Don't get me wrong. As far as unprotected sex goes, I do feel for those inflicted with HIV. After all, there but for the grace of God...
I'm not special. I was just lucky. And...it was a different time. Back then, a shot in the ass took care of our "afflictions". But, we learned.

Jinn · 09-13-2006, 09:31 AM

Quote:

You get AIDS from sex, you're going to die. Very very much earlier than normal, and from something stupid, like a bad cold that turns into pneumonia. I'm just saying that it's a pretty harsh penalty to being a bit stupid. I've been stupid in the past, have you? Ever? Did you ever try smoking? Have any unprotected sex when maybe it wasn't the best idea? Depended on the pull out method? No, never? Bullshit. But you're not going to die because of your mistake, and you're not ostracized and demonized and blamed for being sick like someone with HIV is.

Being sentimental and understanding the death sentence they have doesn't in any way refute the statement that it was SELF-INFLICTED, which was the statement YOU took issue with.

Faulting someone for their self-inflicted diseases does not make them "ostracized and demonized" but it certainly does mean they're being blamed. Call it for what it is. The fact that we all make mistakes does not change the fact that they made a deadly one. Just like someone who makes the deadly choice to race their car on a packed highway and dies. We could be just as sympathetic for them, but that doesn't change the fact that they (a) made a choice and (b) made a deadly mistake by making that choice.

Sugarmouse · 09-13-2006, 10:31 AM

Sorry for the late reply.
I think this >>> forum for http://www.thebody.com/index.html
info about HIV.debate aside, it is a fragile virus.I understand why people would be concerned.The only scenarios in which I can see your children ebing at slight riskin a usual house scene is if they were to mistakedly use his toothbrush or razor. and stil the transmisiion rate woukld be veeeeeeery low!

congratulations on your open mindedness and compassion though

09-12-2006, 07:17 AM	#1 (permalink)
powerclown Junkie Location: Detroit, MI	HIV+ relative coming to town A family member from California who is HIV+ is in town and staying with me and my 2 young kids, with the intent of getting his own apartment soon. This person is 45 years old, homosexual, works only sporadically, has a history of multiple sexual partners, likely addicted to sex, a non-drug user as far as I can tell and he says, has a history of making manipulative, reckless, self-destrutive and impulsive decisions, and currently appears to have an open sore on his mouth...from what, I do not know - he says from shaving, but Im thinking another in a long series of his stds. The concern is the children getting infected, blood to blood. This person is in no way a pedophile, we are just concerened about an accidental/incidental blood to blood transmission of a non-sexual nature. We are unsure as to how to approach this prudently and practically. I mentioned it to him, and he accused others of ignorance and prejudice. We continued to discuss it calmly, but the issue still stands in our minds. While this is a family member, I am uneasy about the whole thing, about my kids safety, and admittedly probably don't have all the facts about HIV person-to-person transmission. We will be talking to a pediatrician tomorrow about this. Looking for comment, opinion or shared experience. Thanks.

09-12-2006, 07:24 AM	#2 (permalink)
Jinn Lover - Protector - Teacher Location: Seattle, WA	For once, I'm stumped. I'm sorry power, but this is something I'd have no clue how to deal with. There's the common sense stuff -- wash your hands, no sharing cups, the usual. I just don't know how I'd keep my kids safe without being a complete asshole to my family member. Is there any way you can back out of the lodging situation as it stands? __________________ "I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

09-12-2006, 07:47 AM	#5 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	the only concern that i honestly would have is intentions are good - but unless he's got a plan in place, he'sa freeloader and you've got a permanent houseguest... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

09-12-2006, 08:27 AM	#6 (permalink)
powerclown Junkie Location: Detroit, MI	Thanks for your thoughts people...thanks for the info ShaniFaye. Yeah, he's a freeloader maleficent, but he's our freeloader, you know? He senses our concern, and understands it. I'm sure it makes him feel shitty...this has been a pattern throughout his life. The family is conservative and disapproves of his ways. He is going to talk to his mom about securing an apartment tomorrow. He called me 3-4 times on his way driving to Michigan for gas money, says he slept in his car. The mom and dad are extremely pissed off he is even back in the picture. He is a disruption to the status quo in their eyes. Last edited by powerclown; 09-12-2006 at 08:32 AM..

09-12-2006, 08:58 AM	#7 (permalink)
JustJess Unencapsulated Location: Kittyville	While it is definitely unlikely, I would still not share currently-being-used glasses or utensils due to the open sore. Hugging your kids? Fine. Kissing on the forehead? Fine. (Really.) Oh, btw, that is a common symptom of HIV+ people - lots of them get lesions. It's not necessarily due to a separate STD. Just remember - he might be/have been promiscuous, but this is still a death sentence just for having some sex. Way too harsh a penalty. I'm glad that you consider him "your freeloader" - I'm sure he's pretty nervous about being near family again too, and can use all the positivity you've got. Good luck! __________________ My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

09-12-2006, 07:32 AM	#3 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	HIV is a fragile little virus. It's surrounded in a lipid envelope that can really only stay intact inside the body. Once exposed to air, it dies very quickly. Transmission requires that the virus be despoited directly in the recipient's bloodstream. That makes incidental transmission through casual contact extremely unlikely. While you're right to be aware of it, you really don't need to worry all that much about it.

09-12-2006, 11:47 AM	#9 (permalink)
magictoy Crazy	The sore in the mouth could be a great many things. People with AIDS who have had multiple sexual partners are at increased risk for syphilis (yes, you can get it in the mouth, which is why unprotected oral sex is risky), herpes, hepatitis, and a slew of others. If I haven't upset you enough, here's a link to other opportunistic infections. http://www.aegis.com/topics/oi/ That said, I don't know of a polite way for you to say, "I don't want you to infect my kids with anything." Oh, and Shani, I understand your point, but IMO some of the more outspoken gay activists, by making it a political disease, have succeeded in casting suspicion upon themselves. When it's politically incorrect to say ANYTHING bad about a gay person, it's not a huge mental leap for the average person to wonder if he's hearing the whole story about the likelihood of AIDS transmission. Of course, if you believe everything the government tells you ...

09-12-2006, 12:29 PM	#10 (permalink)
The_Jazz Asshole Administrator Location: Chicago	I'm unclear on exactly how the kids would pick up the virus. I really can't think of a viable scenario that would work at all. Even if he has a open sore on his face, are you afraid that he's going to rub it on their open wound? You stated blood-to-blood transfer is your only concern, but I don't know of even any anecdotal evidence of transfer that involved pools of blood outside the body and no sharp objects. I'm certainly no expert, but it seems that kind of transmission would be discussed amongst those who are experts as to the real-world viability of the virus outside the body. My confusion aside, kudos on taking in the black sheep. He may be "your" freeloader, but sometimes people just need that little bit of help to turn things around. I certainly hope that you're the ones to help your family member. Good luck! __________________ "They that can give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety." - B. Franklin "There ought to be limits to freedom." - George W. Bush "We have met the enemy and he is us." - Pogo

09-12-2006, 12:31 PM	#11 (permalink)
Ustwo Pissing in the cornflakes	No matter how safe a nuclear waste storage facility is, no one wants to have one put in their back yard. I can't blame you for being uneasy, this man comes to you with a self inflicted death sentence, has a history of being a loser at life, and you can't help but think of your own kids. I'd be uneasy as well. Its fine and good to talk about how its impossible to get aids from casual contact, but you have to think of all the 'what ifs'. The general consensus is you can not get aids through casual contact. I have no reason to think this is false, though due to the political nature of the disease I have to wonder if its 100% true as well. Aids gets treated far differently than other diseases, so I have to wonder if any 'unknown' cases are filed that way to prevent a panic that its possible via casual contact. __________________ Agents of the enemies who hold office in our own government, who attempt to eliminate our "freedoms" and our "right to know" are posting among us, I fear.....on this very forum. - host Obama - Know a Man by the friends he keeps.

09-12-2006, 12:40 PM	#12 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	Well I can offer this....one of my dearest friends in the world is like your family member...roamed about between miami, atlanta, kansas city, houston and minnesota where his mom and dad lived after he lost his job. I finally told him I was tired of watching himself try to kill himself before the HIV did and begged him to come share my house with me and my daughter. He lived with us for 6 months (with my blessing...I was very sad when he left) while he got himself well from scavaging around and being a bum. He didnt live off me exactly....I did not charge him rent...but he contributed to the groceries and never asked me for a dime. He got a job at walmart and eventually worked his way up to management....met a truly amazing guy (and trust me he'd been with some doozies from what I witnessed) and they have now been together for 3 years. While he is still HIV positive (it has not progessed to AIDS yet...and he's been postive for 7 years) of course neither I nor my daughter or Dave are. Its a great thing your doing...sometimes they just need to know SOMEBODY gives a damn while they walk around living with a time bomb that is a death sentance. Please keep in mind when a person has HIV it is killing their immune system, so any cut or sore they might get is VERY hard to heal...it could be a cold sore, or it could be what he said. If it is a cold sore I would take the normal precautions like what was suggested of course...but he could very well be telling the truth on the shaving incident...I saw that with Jeff many many times in the last 7 years __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!* Last edited by ShaniFaye; 09-12-2006 at 12:43 PM..

09-12-2006, 07:11 PM	#13 (permalink)
powerclown Junkie Location: Detroit, MI	Thanks again, people. Yeah, he's pretty nervous about returning home. It's been 20 years. He freaked out pretty good once the kids got home and started doing their thing. He's never been around young children much. My daughter is extremely talkative, which threw him for a loop. He smoked a half pack of cigarettes in about 2 hours lol. Before he got into town, I had a talk with both the kids, telling them that M has a disease and is ill (though shows no effects yet) so they somewhat knew what to expect. They were both very excited to see him regardless...my daughter wrote and colored him a nice letter in school before meeting him today...which he seemed to like. Thanks for the link magictoy. How's this The_Jazz: someone more neurotic and smarter than I suggested this scenario: she asked me if my 2 cats were declawed. No. So according to her, one of the cats could theoretically scratch M, draw some of his blood onto their claws, then scratch one of the klds, thus transmitting the disease. I guess that would indeed be within the realm of possibility. Thanks Ustwo. The general consensus seems to be that once the virus is airborne, it dies (as was mentioned). I guess he's a loser but I grew up with him and saw the mental abuse he took from his father so I have much empathy towards him. If you've ever seen the movie "Five Easy Pieces", he's Nicholson in that movie. He's a trained classical pianist, highly intelligent, charismatic, cuts through the social bullshit right to the essence of a situation, speaks his mind, got straight A's at the University of Michigan, has 3 degrees (one in Law)...but he has no self esteem because his father so completely and mercilessly cut him down early in life (when he discovered his son was gay, mid-teens), so he can't navigate through "respectable society". In another lifetime, I believe his personality would've made him a success in the field of his choosing. Such is life. Thank you again, ShaniFaye. Last edited by powerclown; 09-12-2006 at 07:18 PM..

09-13-2006, 07:31 AM	#15 (permalink)
maxhooters Crazy	it you are so uneasy about it then why are you letting him stay with you, you have to put your kids welfare before them. and from the way that you talked about him it does not sounds like he is that great of a person and i would not want that around my kids around that and it would have nothing to do with the HIV part __________________ making four left turns is not a sport!!!!!

09-13-2006, 08:22 AM	#18 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	am I the only one that understands the cancers Jess was talking about? __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

09-13-2006, 08:26 AM	#19 (permalink)
JustJess Unencapsulated Location: Kittyville	You get cancer from smoking, fine, agreed, they're the idiot. But it's not necessarily a death sentence (though it often is). You get syphyllis, yep, you're an idiot, but you're not going to die. The same for any other STD. You get AIDS from sex, you're going to die. Very very much earlier than normal, and from something stupid, like a bad cold that turns into pneumonia. I'm just saying that it's a pretty harsh penalty to being a bit stupid. I've been stupid in the past, have you? Ever? Did you ever try smoking? Have any unprotected sex when maybe it wasn't the best idea? Depended on the pull out method? No, never? Bullshit. But you're not going to die because of your mistake, and you're not ostracized and demonized and blamed for being sick like someone with HIV is. (*thanks, Shani. : ) __________________ My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

09-13-2006, 10:31 AM	#23 (permalink)
Sugarmouse Insane Location: Preston lancs(i know i know)	Sorry for the late reply. I think this >>> forum for http://www.thebody.com/index.html info about HIV.debate aside, it is a fragile virus.I understand why people would be concerned.The only scenarios in which I can see your children ebing at slight riskin a usual house scene is if they were to mistakedly use his toothbrush or razor. and stil the transmisiion rate woukld be veeeeeeery low! congratulations on your open mindedness and compassion though __________________ Sugarmouse=Festered