raeanna74

How much is too much information, too early?

My daughter, who is 5, has recently started asking some very pointed questions. In a way I've created the situation because I allow her in the bathroom with me. Also she enjoys watching medical programs on TV, and though I don't let her watch just anything, I did let her watch "A Baby Story" the other day. She's walked in on hubby and me twice recently. During remodeling we don't have a door on our room and the stairs don't sqeak anymore so there's no warning there. So now she's got some ideas and she knows enough to ask specific delving questions. She's asked questions like "what do you do with a tampon?" "I want to see?" EEK! and "How does a Mom and a Dad make a baby?" "So a girl has THREE holes?" Ummmm. Sheesh - the kids only 5 years old.

Soooo, at this age, how much is too much information? I can see explaining thigns in detail once she's nearing 9 and 10 and getting ready for puberty. But now? She doesn't need to know the details. BUT telling her half the story isn't enough for her. She just comes up with more questions.

I'm just kindof afraid of it coming out with her friends and what other parents would say about me giving her too much information and such things. Is too much information 'abuse'?? I know technically it shouldn't be but in this day and age there is so much that is suspect even when it could be completely innocent.

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Willravel

I answer any and every question I am asked to the best of my ability, nothing is taboo. Think of it this way. I remember learning about sex over about 3 years when I was in early elementary school. Much of this was misinformation that took years to unlearn. Wouldn't you rather give your kids the benifit of knowing the truth about things? Innocence has more to do with being able to avoid being jadded, and less about not knowing. An intiligent child is not necessarily a child that is less innocent.

Charlatan

Answer her questions honestly. Stay on the scientific side of information rather than the porn side (if you follow my exageration).

I wouldn't worry too much about pushing birth control and all that kind of information until she's older (unless she askes specifically). Don't worry about the other parents and and what they might think. Rasing your kid, how you see fit is your responsibility, not theirs. It isn't your job to shelter their children from information, either

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snowy

When I was five, my mother bought me a great book: the Human Body. It has detailed illustrations of all the systems of the human body, including the reproductive system. I gobbled it up, even that last bit. Then I went to my mom: "So Mom, I know about the sperm and the egg and fertilization, but I don't get how the sperm gets to the egg." The book hadn't explained that part.

She told me the truth, fully and honestly, and emphasized that it was something "mommies and daddies do when they really love each other."

Being candid with your children in regards to sex is very important, regardless of their age. Just err on the side of science, and use the proper terms for body parts. As they get older they'll learn the slang terms from peers and even sex ed. Remember, you have the ability to set her up for her sexual future, and by telling her the truth now, you make it clear that sex is something that can be talked about with you, and trust me, she'll remember that later.

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abaya

YES, I fully agree. Owl, you are going to make a great mom. I am learning a lot from TFP in general about how I will talk to my own potential children about sex... and man, it will be different from how I was raised! Thank god.

Raeanna, I haven't raised a kid yet, but I'd say that it's best to answer your daughter as clearly and objectively as possible. Take a deep breath and then just answer her questions as she fires them off... no scooting around issues, no shuffling them off till later, no sign of embarrassment. I think that if you demonstrate a model of a confident woman who is open to her child's questions about sex (or anything else), then your daughter's character can only be strengthened by your integrity. Even if other kids do find out from her... who cares? Better that she found out from you, than from them. And maybe those other parents will be upset, but deep down they are just ashamed that they can't be as open and professional as you are.

/two cents.

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raeanna74

It's reassuring to hear the comments here. I just hadn't expected so detailed of questions until she was a little older than this. I seems YOUNG to be asking THESE questions.

I have been fairly open and matter of fact with her about stuff. Not really giving anymore information than what she asks but at least answering what she asks.

She even asked to see what I did with a tampon. That, I told her I would tell her how to do when she was more ready to use them and that she shouldn't try it until she was a little older or it might not fit right. Knowing her she'd try it on her own now. She's that curious and adventurous. I wasn't so sure I should literally show her what I did with it. Although I'm sure it would help her in the future. It's what she wanted. I just told her that down there was her private place and that she shouldn't show it to anyone that she didn't WANT to show it to and that didn't want to see her. No matter how matter of fact I could manage acting I was squirming inside like a worm on a hook with that question.

My mom was very open with me and spoke scientifically about things. There were some things that she herself wasn't aware of but considering her level of education on the subject she did a good job explaining things to my brother and myself.

I had a neighbor kid ask me a question about porn lately too. Asking how old my daughter would have to be for me to let her look at it. (I know this girl is curious about it now - 10 yrs old.) I told her I thought it was best that a person not even bother looking at it till they are old enough to have sex and that I didn't think a person was old enough until they were close to 18. I wasn't adamant on the age thing but knowing this one she needs a little higher age limit than some other kids do. She's a magnet for trouble.

Oh and as for birth control. My daughter knows I took BC pills. She's already learned that you take them until you're ready and able to care for a child. She already told me that when she's old enough she will take them until she's married and then she'll not take them anymore cause she wants "lots of kids." I never mentioned marriage even. She came up with that one on her own.

I guess we're off to a good start.

__________________
"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.

CaliLivChick

I agree that being open and answering her questions now is the way to go. That way, she'll feel comfortable coming to you in the future with all her other sex questions. Also, being confident about your self and your body makes you a good role model, and she'll be less likely to be pressured by the media or peers.

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Redlemon

Bumped thread, but what the heck, I missed it the first time around.

I just heard of what sounds like a fantastic book, I plan to order it soon: Everything You Never Wanted Your Kids to Know About Sex (But Were Afraid They'd Ask) : The Secrets to Surviving Your Child's Sexual Development from Birth to the Teens. Despite the title, it is supposed to take an honest approach: "Acknowledging that kids are "inherently sexual" (male fetuses, for example, have erections in utero), the authors show how parents can influence their children's sexual development in healthy ways through honest communication."

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ClostGoth

I got hit with these questions pretty early because my kids are 3yrs apart. So they wanted TMI at 3! The older they get, the tougher the questions get. May I recommend a GREAT book that helped my kids understand the process? It's called "A Child is Born" by Lennart Nilsson. It's got GREAT pictures, and manages to be graphic without being pornographic, if that makes sense. I thought it was TMI when my eldest first wanted to look at it, too, but better informed than not I suppose. The book was originally gifted to me when I was pregnant with my second because it has such GREAT shots of babies in different stages of development in utero. Awesome, awsome book!

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CaliLivChick

My mom has probably one of the original versions of that book, and it was facinating to me when I was around 10. I never thought about it as being a book about sex, I mainly looked at the pictures of babies developing.

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Don't trust anything that can bleed for a week and not die. Oh wait, that's me... nevermind... you can trust me.