Misc. Works by Pan - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

pan6467 · 08-23-2004, 04:05 AM

SELF DEFINITION BY PHILIP ANDREW NORRIS

Sitting here realizing I've lost control.
Don't know what to do where to go
Darkness seems to be my only friend
I only am happy in dreams where life ends

No solace to take
In front of others emotions to fake
Can't let anyone know the pain
Cause noone likes to hear another complain

No crying it's a sign of being weak
But it's hard not to do when my very existence is so bleak
Put on a smile when I have to go out
But only to buy cigarettes soda and back home is the route

Living life was all I wanted to do
But now I can't leave, living a waking death waiting for my time to come due
Scared to go out to let others see
That I am just a shell of what was once me

Buried so deep feelings of pain, anger and hate
Stay in my self made cell losing track of the date
Afraid if I try I shall fail
So I live life in my self made hell

Punish myself for making loved ones sad
They don't understand I do this cause my mind has gone bloody mad
Tired of hurting others yet don't know how to stop
How weird is it that my olny wish is dead I drop

Wanting to die
But so damned scared to try
Something else to fail at
Something else for which to be yelled at

So here I sit refusing life to try
Cause inside all I know is I want to die
Yet a love of this hell for it is all I know
And even if I could change there's nowhere left to go

amonkie · 08-23-2004, 06:35 AM

That was a very honest and personal view you've written there. The words are very precise, and evoked some strong feelings as I was reading it. Thanks for sharing

pan6467 · 08-23-2004, 10:30 PM

Thank you Amonkie, your words and you are deeply appreciated. going through some really trying times and find in writing I am getting my feelings out.

She By Philkip Andrew Norris

She came into my life when I had given up hope
Around my heart she tied the hangman's rope
She taught me to love again
Erased the past's pain

But as we got closer she found ways to inflict hurt
Just push the knife deeper and tear out the heart then laugh at the hurt
Nothing was good enough nothing would make her happy
She would just laugh and say, "get rid of all you love if you want me."

Inflicting pain was her game
And she'd do anything in it's name
When she'd break I'd believe in her and support her like no other
Yet if I'd break she'd say I was weak and make sure I knew was beneath her

My dog was in her way
She'd tell me to get rid of it everyday
No matter what i did it wasn't good enough for her
She didn't care if it was my best, it wasn't good enough for her

So since she has left why do I miss her so
Why have I let my life be destroyed, and let my dreams to hell go
Why am I wanting to live in exile
Alone in my mind on my own little Isle

Thank God above I still have my dog
For the love in her eyes when she sees me, the bleeding her love will clog
With me she plays and lies
And knows how to bring a smile during one of my cries

I shall arise again for this I know
And I shall someday let this pain go
But until then I live so alone
For I lost the only woman's love I have ever known

amonkie · 08-23-2004, 11:48 PM

PAN, you're breaking my heart, bud

I'm glad writing is helping work through a tough time, never forget dogs are a man's best friend

pan6467 · 08-25-2004, 05:17 PM

Lying on the emerald green grass
Staring up at the moving cottony clouds
Daydreaming of days gone past
Memories that in the mind crowds

Smiling faces remembered with joy
Remembering times of love
Remembering wonderments when I was a boy
Now just lying watching the clouds move above

Clouds of purest while turning dirty gray
The sun gets hidden away
Times remembered of days that didn't stay
Losing those memories,what a price to pay

pan6467 · 08-25-2004, 05:21 PM

Spirits talk in hidden ways
Trying to teach the wisdom of their days
Listen with open mind to what they say
For their voices may keep you safe today

Lost in translation
Misunderstandings, confuse your soul
False beliefs leading to misrepresentation
Leading to a negative soul

But with open mind and accepting the light
The spirit teaches what we need
So open the mind, do not fight
And to what the spirit teaches take heed

pan6467 · 08-25-2004, 05:27 PM

Secrets we keep hidden deep within
Things we did that caused such sweet sadness
Not letting go is the biggest sin
For it prevents us from finding true happiness

Lover want to share their lives with
But what is hidden causes the fights
Lovers pushed away when they want each other to be with
Secrets kept hidden darker than the darkest night

Secrets we bury and never want to share
For they may see our darker side
And if they do how can they care
So hidden secrets become part of the soul while innocence has died

08-23-2004, 04:05 AM	#1 (permalink)
pan6467 Lennonite Priest Location: Mansfield, Ohio USA	Misc. Works by Pan SELF DEFINITION BY PHILIP ANDREW NORRIS Sitting here realizing I've lost control. Don't know what to do where to go Darkness seems to be my only friend I only am happy in dreams where life ends No solace to take In front of others emotions to fake Can't let anyone know the pain Cause noone likes to hear another complain No crying it's a sign of being weak But it's hard not to do when my very existence is so bleak Put on a smile when I have to go out But only to buy cigarettes soda and back home is the route Living life was all I wanted to do But now I can't leave, living a waking death waiting for my time to come due Scared to go out to let others see That I am just a shell of what was once me Buried so deep feelings of pain, anger and hate Stay in my self made cell losing track of the date Afraid if I try I shall fail So I live life in my self made hell Punish myself for making loved ones sad They don't understand I do this cause my mind has gone bloody mad Tired of hurting others yet don't know how to stop How weird is it that my olny wish is dead I drop Wanting to die But so damned scared to try Something else to fail at Something else for which to be yelled at So here I sit refusing life to try Cause inside all I know is I want to die Yet a love of this hell for it is all I know And even if I could change there's nowhere left to go __________________ I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?" Last edited by pan6467; 08-23-2004 at 04:10 AM..

08-23-2004, 06:35 AM	#2 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	That was a very honest and personal view you've written there. The words are very precise, and evoked some strong feelings as I was reading it. Thanks for sharing __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

08-23-2004, 10:30 PM	#3 (permalink)
pan6467 Lennonite Priest Location: Mansfield, Ohio USA	Thank you Amonkie, your words and you are deeply appreciated. going through some really trying times and find in writing I am getting my feelings out. She By Philkip Andrew Norris She came into my life when I had given up hope Around my heart she tied the hangman's rope She taught me to love again Erased the past's pain But as we got closer she found ways to inflict hurt Just push the knife deeper and tear out the heart then laugh at the hurt Nothing was good enough nothing would make her happy She would just laugh and say, "get rid of all you love if you want me." Inflicting pain was her game And she'd do anything in it's name When she'd break I'd believe in her and support her like no other Yet if I'd break she'd say I was weak and make sure I knew was beneath her My dog was in her way She'd tell me to get rid of it everyday No matter what i did it wasn't good enough for her She didn't care if it was my best, it wasn't good enough for her So since she has left why do I miss her so Why have I let my life be destroyed, and let my dreams to hell go Why am I wanting to live in exile Alone in my mind on my own little Isle Thank God above I still have my dog For the love in her eyes when she sees me, the bleeding her love will clog With me she plays and lies And knows how to bring a smile during one of my cries I shall arise again for this I know And I shall someday let this pain go But until then I live so alone For I lost the only woman's love I have ever known __________________ I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

08-23-2004, 11:48 PM	#4 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	PAN, you're breaking my heart, bud I'm glad writing is helping work through a tough time, never forget dogs are a man's best friend __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

08-25-2004, 05:17 PM	#5 (permalink)
pan6467 Lennonite Priest Location: Mansfield, Ohio USA	Lying on the emerald green grass Staring up at the moving cottony clouds Daydreaming of days gone past Memories that in the mind crowds Smiling faces remembered with joy Remembering times of love Remembering wonderments when I was a boy Now just lying watching the clouds move above Clouds of purest while turning dirty gray The sun gets hidden away Times remembered of days that didn't stay Losing those memories,what a price to pay __________________ I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

08-25-2004, 05:21 PM	#6 (permalink)
pan6467 Lennonite Priest Location: Mansfield, Ohio USA	Spirits talk in hidden ways Trying to teach the wisdom of their days Listen with open mind to what they say For their voices may keep you safe today Lost in translation Misunderstandings, confuse your soul False beliefs leading to misrepresentation Leading to a negative soul But with open mind and accepting the light The spirit teaches what we need So open the mind, do not fight And to what the spirit teaches take heed __________________ I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"

08-25-2004, 05:27 PM	#7 (permalink)
pan6467 Lennonite Priest Location: Mansfield, Ohio USA	Secrets we keep hidden deep within Things we did that caused such sweet sadness Not letting go is the biggest sin For it prevents us from finding true happiness Lover want to share their lives with But what is hidden causes the fights Lovers pushed away when they want each other to be with Secrets kept hidden darker than the darkest night Secrets we bury and never want to share For they may see our darker side And if they do how can they care So hidden secrets become part of the soul while innocence has died __________________ I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"