pan6467

SELF DEFINITION BY PHILIP ANDREW NORRIS

Sitting here realizing I've lost control.
Don't know what to do where to go
Darkness seems to be my only friend
I only am happy in dreams where life ends

No solace to take
In front of others emotions to fake
Can't let anyone know the pain
Cause noone likes to hear another complain

No crying it's a sign of being weak
But it's hard not to do when my very existence is so bleak
Put on a smile when I have to go out
But only to buy cigarettes soda and back home is the route

Living life was all I wanted to do
But now I can't leave, living a waking death waiting for my time to come due
Scared to go out to let others see
That I am just a shell of what was once me

Buried so deep feelings of pain, anger and hate
Stay in my self made cell losing track of the date
Afraid if I try I shall fail
So I live life in my self made hell

Punish myself for making loved ones sad
They don't understand I do this cause my mind has gone bloody mad
Tired of hurting others yet don't know how to stop
How weird is it that my olny wish is dead I drop

Wanting to die
But so damned scared to try
Something else to fail at
Something else for which to be yelled at

So here I sit refusing life to try
Cause inside all I know is I want to die
Yet a love of this hell for it is all I know
And even if I could change there's nowhere left to go

__________________
I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"