Misc. Works by Pan
 

SELF DEFINITION BY PHILIP ANDREW NORRIS

Sitting here realizing I've lost control.
Don't know what to do where to go
Darkness seems to be my only friend
I only am happy in dreams where life ends

No solace to take
In front of others emotions to fake
Can't let anyone know the pain
Cause noone likes to hear another complain

No crying it's a sign of being weak
But it's hard not to do when my very existence is so bleak
Put on a smile when I have to go out
But only to buy cigarettes soda and back home is the route

Living life was all I wanted to do
But now I can't leave, living a waking death waiting for my time to come due
Scared to go out to let others see
That I am just a shell of what was once me

Buried so deep feelings of pain, anger and hate
Stay in my self made cell losing track of the date
Afraid if I try I shall fail
So I live life in my self made hell

Punish myself for making loved ones sad
They don't understand I do this cause my mind has gone bloody mad
Tired of hurting others yet don't know how to stop
How weird is it that my olny wish is dead I drop

Wanting to die
But so damned scared to try
Something else to fail at
Something else for which to be yelled at

So here I sit refusing life to try
Cause inside all I know is I want to die
Yet a love of this hell for it is all I know
And even if I could change there's nowhere left to go

That was a very honest and personal view you've written there. The words are very precise, and evoked some strong feelings as I was reading it. Thanks for sharing :)

Thank you Amonkie, your words and you are deeply appreciated. going through some really trying times and find in writing I am getting my feelings out.


She By Philkip Andrew Norris

She came into my life when I had given up hope
Around my heart she tied the hangman's rope
She taught me to love again
Erased the past's pain

But as we got closer she found ways to inflict hurt
Just push the knife deeper and tear out the heart then laugh at the hurt
Nothing was good enough nothing would make her happy
She would just laugh and say, "get rid of all you love if you want me."

Inflicting pain was her game
And she'd do anything in it's name
When she'd break I'd believe in her and support her like no other
Yet if I'd break she'd say I was weak and make sure I knew was beneath her

My dog was in her way
She'd tell me to get rid of it everyday
No matter what i did it wasn't good enough for her
She didn't care if it was my best, it wasn't good enough for her

So since she has left why do I miss her so
Why have I let my life be destroyed, and let my dreams to hell go
Why am I wanting to live in exile
Alone in my mind on my own little Isle

Thank God above I still have my dog
For the love in her eyes when she sees me, the bleeding her love will clog
With me she plays and lies
And knows how to bring a smile during one of my cries

I shall arise again for this I know
And I shall someday let this pain go
But until then I live so alone
For I lost the only woman's love I have ever known

PAN, you're breaking my heart, bud :( I'm glad writing is helping work through a tough time, never forget dogs are a man's best friend :)

Lying on the emerald green grass
Staring up at the moving cottony clouds
Daydreaming of days gone past
Memories that in the mind crowds

Smiling faces remembered with joy
Remembering times of love
Remembering wonderments when I was a boy
Now just lying watching the clouds move above

Clouds of purest while turning dirty gray
The sun gets hidden away
Times remembered of days that didn't stay
Losing those memories,what a price to pay

Spirits talk in hidden ways
Trying to teach the wisdom of their days
Listen with open mind to what they say
For their voices may keep you safe today

Lost in translation
Misunderstandings, confuse your soul
False beliefs leading to misrepresentation
Leading to a negative soul

But with open mind and accepting the light
The spirit teaches what we need
So open the mind, do not fight
And to what the spirit teaches take heed

Secrets we keep hidden deep within
Things we did that caused such sweet sadness
Not letting go is the biggest sin
For it prevents us from finding true happiness

Lover want to share their lives with
But what is hidden causes the fights
Lovers pushed away when they want each other to be with
Secrets kept hidden darker than the darkest night

Secrets we bury and never want to share
For they may see our darker side
And if they do how can they care
So hidden secrets become part of the soul while innocence has died