HedwigStrange

I'm trying to write and illustrate my own children's book. Here is a first draft. Feel free to critique harshly.



As Yet Untitled Story of Cake


In the small, rainy town of Wicket, there lived a family by the name of Gant. The Gants ran the town inn, called The Turnip. The Turnip Inn was a fitting name for the Gant family business, since Sir Gant was as round as a turnip and Mistress Gant as stubborn as a turnip stuck in the ground. As for their daughters, the elder Lucilia was as pretty as a turnip flower, and young Jemina was as fiesty as a turnip sprout.

Mistress Gant made every meal with turnips: soups and sauces, pot pies, casseroles, and salads. Even breakfast had turnips – scrambled eggs with turnip greens and fresh squeezed turnip juice!

Everyone in Wicket seemed to like turnips. It was, they would all say firmly, an admirably filling and healthy root vegetable! Everyone in Wicket always ate all their vegetables, and any one who didn’t finish their turnips or canned peas or steamed broccoli could expect a firm lecture.

Jemina Gant rather liked vegetables too, but as she dug into a yet another dinner of turnip stew, she longed for something different.
“Momma,” she said, “Tomorrow may we please try something new for dinner?”
“Of course,” Mistress Gant replied, “How about beans and turnips? Or beets with boiled cabbage and turnips?”
“I was wondering if maybe we could try something the traders told me about. ‘Cheese’, I think they called it?” asked Jemina.
Traders came to tiny Wicket only once a year, and they told her about places and things and foods the villagers of Wicket had never even dreamed of. Jemina waited for an answer, but her mother and father exchanged worried glances and told her to eat her turnips.

In the morning, after turnip oatmeal, Jemina decided that if her parents wouldn’t tell her about other foods, she would have to find out herself. First she asked her sister, Lucilia.
“Lucilia, aren’t you tired of vegetables?” she complained.
Lucilia looked up from her ever-present book.
“No. Now leave me to my reading!” she said, and Jemina had no choice but to go on.

Next, Jemina visited the town baker, Mr. Brohncrust.
“Excuse me, Mr. Brohncrust, but I was wondering, do you have any new recipes I could borrow?”
Mr. Brohncrust lauched into a whole list of turnip recipes, but Jemina stopped him quickly.
“Sorry to interrupt, but do you know any recipes for cheese? Or that other one, ‘choc-lit’? The traders talked about them, and I thought you might know, being a baker and all.”
Mr. Brohncrust got the same worried look as her parents, and turned her away with a “Busy busy! I need to be getting back to work now! Run along!”


Jemina decided to try Friar Wensley next, but when she asked him about recipes and cheese and choc-lit, the Friar looked shocked.
“Young lady, those are terrible terrible things, and you musn’t ask about them!” he scolded. “Stick to your cabbages and turnips, and forget about the traders!”

Jemina thought about the Friar’s warnings, but they didn’t really make sense to her. If the foods the travelers talked about were so bad, why would anyone eat them? If no one else knew, she would have to ask… Old Lady Araminta. Old Lady Araminta lived in the clock tower, and all the other children thought she was scary. Jemina was scared too, but she walked to the tower, and knocked on the door.

“Come in, my dear, and have a some tea,” called the old woman. Jemina came in and accepted a cup.
“I came to ask you -” She started, but Old Lady Araminta interrupted.
“I know my dear, I know. Turnips. I like ‘em well enough, but the townsfolk suddenly get turnips for ears when you want ask for something else. I think I have something that will help you.” The old lady pulled out a large and dusty book from a shelf and handed it to Jemina.
“My grandmother gave this recipe book to me, and it will tell you what you want to know.”
Jemina thanked her, and asked one more thing.
“Ma’am, do you know why no one else would tell me about traveler’s foods?”
“Call me Minty.” She said, and leaned in. “They’re trying to protect you, pumpkin. They just want to be healthy and they think the traders’ food is bad for the body. Any food can be bad though, the key is not to have too much of any one thing.” She walked Jemina to the door, and said, “Though I wouldn’t mind a little too much of page eighty-two.”


That night, Jemina poured over the book. It was full of things she had never heard of, and had lovely pictures. The most beautiful however, was page eighty-two, titled ‘Cake.’” She knew she would have to make it at once, but it had a lot of strange ingredients, like “sugar” and “butter” and “vanilla.” Luckily, she had some pocket money saved. Maybe, she thought, she could order some from the travelers the next time they came to town for the Summer Faire!

Three long weeks passed, and the travelers arrived. Jemina was so excited, she went to see the traders first thing on the first morning of the Fair. She walked right up, and asked a man, “Excuse me, where can I get some sugar?”
“Well,” said he, looking surprised, “We don’t usually bring any to sell, there’s no market for it. But I’ll see if my wife has any – is there anything else you need?”
Jemina turned over her list, and the man returned with an armful of ingredients. She didn’t have enough coins, but he didn’t mind.
“If you’d be willing to share the Cake,” he said slyly, knowing what she was making, “Then a slice or two would make us more than happy.”
Just as she turned to go, he added, “Oh! And sorry, my lass, but I don’t have any vanilla. You will have to find that one on your own.”

Jemina, so excited, was devastated. How would she make her Cake? She asked the other traders and Old Lady Minty, the baker and the town wives, but no one had any vanilla. She was trudging around the Faire feeling terribly glum when Lucilia walked up beside her, and asked, “What’s wrong, turnip-head?”
“I haven’t any vanilla!” she sobbed.
“You’d better not let mum and dad know that you’re making sweets,” she whispered, and before Jemina could ask how Lucilia knew about sweets, Lucilia said, “Come on home, I’ll read you a book.”
They read a nice book, but Jemina didn’t feel much better. The next morning, she went to sit down for breakfast when she noticed a little bottle on her chair. She looked up, and Lucilia winked and said,“I happen to know a bit about making Cake. I’ll help you, if you’d like.”

That day, while Mistress and Sir Gant were out, Lucilia and Jemina started the Cake. They mixed creamy butter and fine sweet sugar, fresh eggs, and vanilla, then added flour and salt. They stirred and scraped and baked and filled the house with an amazing aroma. Then time for the “frosting” tinted pale lavender with a touch of beet juice!
When they finished, Jemina thought she had never seen anything more beautiful.

Just as the sun was starting to set, Lucilia and Jemina brought the cake to the Fair to share with the travelers. The townspeople stared as the two walked by.
“What smells so delicious?” they said to eachother, “What could that thing be?”
Curious, they followed the girls to the big Faire tent. The girls found the trader, Rufus, and his wife, and set down the cake.
“We’ll need some music and dancing to go with that lovely cake” said his wife, Gillian, and the villagers looked scared.
Friar Wensley cried “Cake! Not Cake! That’s an evil thing, Cake!”
Sir Gant shouted, “I’ll not have my children poisoned by Cake!” while Mistress Gant looked severely at her girls.
“Nonsense” snapped Gillian, “Just relax and dance and there’s no harm at all!”
And with that, the fiddles and pipes began, and Gillian swept the Friar into a jig and Rufus offered a hand to the surprised Mistress Gant.


So the villagers and the traders, the children, and even Old Lady Minty danced until late into the night, until finally, it was time to cut the Cake. Jemina cut everyone a piece, and once every one was served, they each took a bite. Most of them thought it was the most delicious thing they had ever eaten. Lovely and creamy and sweet and perfect, even some of the old men decided it was almost as good as turnips. The town and the traders ate the entire cake, and when they finished they were too happy to leave. So everyone stayed and danced until the dawn when they watched the rising sun together.



It was the best Fair that had ever been, and the travelers promised to return soon with ingredients for many of the recipes in Old Lady Minty’s book, and for other recipes the traders gave the town folk. The traders even asked Mistress Gant if she would like to write a Wicket Book of Healthy Turnip Recipes for them. Everyone agreed that there should be more than one Faire each year, and definitely more dancing. And no matter what time of the year, there would have to be more, but not too much, Cake.

shesus

I really enjoyed your story.

I would definitely read this to my students and discuss food groups, change, curiosity, etc. It has a lot of different ways to use it in a classroom.

I'm not an editor, so as for critiquing it, I'm not much help. However, did you have an age group in mind? The vocabulary you used makes me think that you were writing for 8-10 year olds.

__________________
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I heard you sold it

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HedwigStrange

Yes, I was going for around that age frame. I don't know that many children, so it's hard for me to gauge how much difficulty different age groups would have with the language. I'm glad you think it could be used in discussions... I wanted the lessons about food and culture to be clear but not so overwhelming that the story wasn't enjoyable. I remember how much children's stories influenced me and I wanted to write something to make an impression on children concerning eating habits. I live in Boulder, where healthy living is so emphasized you feel like a pariah for buying a pizza. One of my friends is dealing with an eating disorder as well, and so I was hoping to make a a story that would promote moderation and understanding.
If I can find a scanner or someone with a scanner, I'll get my concept drawings up here, but that might take a while
Thanks so much for the comment!

HedwigStrange

I know I'm not supposed to post links to my artwork, but... I have lots o' homework and this is much less time consuming, so here is my deviantart account:

HedwigtheStrange on deviantART

It's all rough concept sketches right now, but I hope they look promising. Let me know what you all think!