I've Written Some Porn in 1st Person Narrative NSFW, unless you work in porn - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

mixedmedia · 09-25-2007, 01:25 PM

I've been, well, really pent up lately and my outing on Saturday inspired this fantastical and tawdry tale of a parking lot rendezvous...well, for me it is fantastical, for others perhaps it is a typical Saturday night...

Now, generally, I don't appreciate porn from a literary standpoint - there are exceptions, of course - this not being one of them, lol. Writing about sex can be dreadfully clumsy at times, unless the writer is so gracefully talented that they can rise above the biological drudgery and repetitive mechanics of the acts themselves. Like Anais Nin, for instance. Otherwise, I generally view erotica as a fairly artful means to an end.

But I found this enjoyable to write for the most part and thought, perhaps, other people who are turned on to the same things I like to do during sex might enjoy reading it...as, uh, a means to an end.

Please don't be offended if you are turned off by the vague ideas of female sexual submission and/or humiliation in this fantasy. I only purport them as a means of pleasure, not a way of life - at least not for myself. It's all in the name of good erotic fun between consenting adults. I certainly am not submissive in many other areas of my life, lol, as you may or may not know.

But it goes something like this:

The Secret Smile

'I need to be fucked....please fuck me.'

He turns me to face him, pushing me up against the door of his car. The faint thundering boom, boom, boom of the nightclub is drowned by the sound of blood racing through my head as he presses himself into me and kisses me. His hands roaming freely over my body - inside the low cut bodice of my dress to fondle my breasts and pinch my hardened nipples; both hands running down my sides to firmly grasp my hips and press them towards him; a hand running up the inside of my thigh to first grope at the softness inside my moistened panties, then to push two fingers around the cloth and penetrate me with soft, pulsating thrusts. At this I start to moan, pulling my body even closer and wrapping one leg around his waist, matching his finger thrusts with my own undulating hips.

I put my lips close to his ear and whisper, 'I like it rough...'

I hear a chuckle at this. Then his hand is in my hair, pulling my head back insistently. There is more menace in his presence now and in the set of his body against mine. The motions of his hand become more assertive, less romantic - the thrusts deeper. Then he is biting my neck and shoulders.

I hear a low growl emanating from his lips and the words, 'so you want to be my slut tonight?'

'...yes, oh yes...'

Any lingering hesitancy and resistance is wiped clean from my body in that instant and I become like clay in his arms - the pleasure of surrender making my nerve endings tingle like a million tiny sparklers shimmering beneath the surface of my skin. My moans and pants become stronger and he covers my mouth with his hand as I come, my body jerking and writhing, my arms groping him desperately as he pushes me even harder against the car door. I can feel my flesh being pressed against the bumps and grooves of the car's surface, but I feel no pain. Only desire and ecstasy coursing through my veins like white fire.

Once the orgasm passes, I am limp as a rag doll, still crushed firmly between his body and the side of the car. His cock is rubbing persistently against my abdomen, I can feel it is fully erect and anxious to be free from the torturous constraint of his clothing. I lower my hand to rub against the hardness through his jeans. Our eyes meet and I smile mischievously. Suddenly he grabs me and turns me roughly to face the car. Pressing me hard against the surface he whispers again.

'You just may have taken on more than you bargained for...'

He sidesteps our bodies towards the rear of the car until he can push the upper half of my body down so that I am bent over its trunk. I hear him unzip his pants and push them down while one hand is held firmly on my back. I am breathing heavily and adrenaline is surging through my body and ringing in my ears - partly from fear, partly from arousal. I feel him lift my skirt and pull down my underwear roughly, exposing me completely in the dark parking lot. His hands force my legs wide and grope at my pussy wantonly.

'mmmm, I do believe you are getting wetter by the second...this really turns you on doesn't it...being my trampy little bar slut tonight...'

I bury my head in my arms and push my ass wider and up towards him, giving myself to him fully. I feel the head of his cock start to press against the slick opening of my cunt - teasing me. I respond accordingly by moaning loudly and pushing my ass, my entire body, back towards him trying to impale myself on his hardness. With a very sudden movement he then pushes me forward violently against the car and fucks me recklessly - hard and fast.

'this is what you needed, huh?...to be fucked like a little slut whore...to have your pussy fucked by a man who knows how to fuck a little cunt like yours?...yeah, I'll fuck you alright, you sweet little slut...'

...and other tender obscenities that unfortunately have been lost to the moment.

I come almost immediately and he leans over to cover my mouth again. Now he is hovering over me closely, grinding his hips hard and rough into my ass with his hand still held over my mouth. After my cries of tyrannical pleasure subside, he entangles his hand in my hair and continues to grind into me. I can hear that he is about to come. I can hear the gruffness in his voice and his breathing as he mutters 'oh yeah, baby, that's some good pussy' over and over again under his breath. I lift my ass as much as I can - trying to meet his relentless, animalistic thrusts. His body stiffens and a loud groan escapes his lips. He continues to plunge against me, less emphatically, until his own euphoria passes. Then we rest there for a minute, both of us catching our breath and re-gaining our composures.

He lifts himself off of me and pulls up his pants, tucking in his shirt. I stand, a little shakily, and pull up my underwear, taking a moment to straighten my dress and shake out my hair.

'It was very nice to meet you. Thanks for the fun,' I say and hold out my hand.

He smiles a little sheepishly, takes my hand and we shake.

'It was my pleasure. Perhaps we will run into each other again sometime.'

'It's a distinct possibility,' I say with a wink, 'good night,' as I turn and walk away to find my car.

Once again, the faint thundering boom, boom, boom of the nightclub invades my senses, the chill of the night air envelops me and I smile.

The end.

Midnight · 09-25-2007, 01:37 PM

With the exception of the nasty talk, (which just happens to be a turn off of mine - don't take that the wrong way) VERY nice MM. *evil grin*

mixedmedia · 09-25-2007, 01:42 PM

thanks, midnight

but, oh yeah, I loves me some nasty talk *evil grin*

Jenna · 09-25-2007, 03:02 PM

Well I really enjoyed this. Maybe I'll have to try this sometime! (Role play that is)

Actually, I loved the nasty talk, it's one of my favorite things. Bravo!

SecretMethod70 · 09-25-2007, 03:36 PM

mixedmedia: Quite an enjoyable read

First person was a good choice

mixedmedia · 09-25-2007, 03:42 PM

Thanks folks. I'm so glad you enjoyed it, but you know, I had the hardest time hitting the submit button on this thing...submit button, haha! Jeez, I kill myself.

But yeah, I'm glad you liked it.

SecretMethod70 · 09-25-2007, 03:48 PM

Oh, I enjoyed it.

(just got the "submit button" joke...*groan*

)

RenaissanceII · 09-25-2007, 05:59 PM

You have a gift mm....

kramus · 09-25-2007, 06:03 PM

/me likes the way you write mm. I remember in another thread you made passing reference to riding a fellow while licking and biting at the soft underside of your raised arms. Is there potential new writing of yours that may carry some of that visual impact?
As a sidebar, not wishing to share your vision of the TFP Forum Master who has had so many submit to him (including yours truly with well over a thousand submits to date

), I instead push past futile resistance and at the end of this reply I key "Enter" with a manly thrust of my forefinger.
Umnghuh! Ahhh!

mixedmedia · 09-25-2007, 06:16 PM

lol, some buttons are harder to submit to than others.

But, the arm thing, I dunno, inspiration is a fickle bitch, ya know? I'll meditate on it.

And thank you, too, Ren. You flatter me.

JStrider · 09-25-2007, 06:53 PM

very good story! I really enjoyed it.

Plan9 · 09-25-2007, 07:05 PM

Holy excessive porno potty mouth!

Nah, it was nice. Got my crotchbat thumpin'.

But-yeah... I can't get into the dirty talk.

mixedmedia · 09-25-2007, 07:11 PM

and here I thought everybody liked dirty talk....at the very least in fantasy...

and, thank you both.

ubertuber · 09-25-2007, 07:21 PM

mixedmedia · 09-25-2007, 07:24 PM

what?

*blinks innocently*

Plan9 · 09-25-2007, 07:24 PM

I like dirty talk lots and engage in it all the time with partners, but not degrading-title dirty talk.

Is that a viable difference, ya suppose?

I don't like calling women negative names. Makes my soul sad.

mixedmedia · 09-25-2007, 07:34 PM

oh, well...in the context of the story, I see what you're saying...it's not very likely that I would engage in something like that with a stranger...that's why it's a fantasy...

but in the right situation, I enjoy it very much

SecretMethod70 · 09-25-2007, 07:42 PM

"cunt" rocks.

onodrim agrees.

mixedmedia · 09-25-2007, 07:44 PM

liberating these words from a shameful context is very, well, liberating

ARTelevision · 09-26-2007, 08:37 AM

Self revelation is as significant in lit as it is in photog. We have become quite inured to sexually suffused visual imagery of all kinds. For example, it does not compare with the power of your words here.

As all self-revelation, your text says as much about us as it does about you.

Your contribs elevate our discourse.

Appreciated,
Art

mixedmedia · 09-26-2007, 10:24 AM

gawrsh

RenaissanceII · 09-26-2007, 10:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ARTelevision

Self revelation is as significant in lit as it is in photog. We have become quite inured to sexually suffused visual imagery of all kinds. For example, it does not compare with the power of your words here.

As all self-revelation, your text says as much about us as it does about you.

Your contribs elevate our discourse.

Appreciated,
Art

And to acknowledge it, at least for myself, is a very healthy thing......

onodrim · 09-26-2007, 01:07 PM

Erotica usually doesn't do much for me...clearly there are exceptions....

The writing it really excellent, very sensory, it plays out in your mind effortlessly. Of course it could be that this very closely mirrors many of my own fantasies!

snowy · 09-26-2007, 02:18 PM

MM, I really enjoyed this. There is nothing I love better in the world than well-written smut.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

JustJess · 09-26-2007, 05:47 PM

^^ Exactly right! Well written smut.
While the *idea* of a stranger is appealing in that purely fantastical way, it's far more enjoyable in real life with a partner, in a role-playing sort of set up. At least for moi. But in my mind, you're correct about the titles etc, MM... after all, it's a *fantasy* to be out of control. We never really are, tho, and that's just the thing about it. To be both completely in and completely out of control all at once... well... it requires a trusting relationship.

Anyhow, my point is, it was evocative and well-put. Aka well written smut!

Anxst · 09-26-2007, 06:56 PM

Well written, MM. Great visuals, nice pacing. Not sure I would have changed anything if I had written it, which is always a good sign. Well, from my point of view, anyway. If you hate every post I make, you might feel otherwise.

mixedmedia · 09-27-2007, 01:41 AM

Thank you everyone for your kind words. But I must admit I am kind of bowled over by them.

I'm really, really happy that you enjoyed it.

analog · 09-29-2007, 03:05 PM

This was very well written.

Too often, people can't, or don't take the time to, relate details which really drive the story. You set up the parking lot, and you used the car as more than just a surface; it was an actual part of the storytelling, as it should be, and not just a prop. The thing I liked most about that was you repeatedly referencing being pressed on it, and then relating the feeling of the "bumps and grooves" on its surface. That was really something.

The context is great, your use of pacing is really good, the dirty talk is awesome and completely appropriate for the scene- a lot of the time, it seems like people don't talk dirty enough or talk too dirty in certain situations that seem to better evoke the opposite. Also, the first-person is really nice as the woman. A lot of the time it's either first-person from the man's point of view, or just 3rd person narrative. This was very good.

All in all, very well done. And don't worry about the dirty talk- not only is it fine for the format, but it's almost demanded by the storyline.

mixedmedia · 09-29-2007, 03:16 PM

Thank you, analog. I appreciate your insight very much...and it will be useful. I'm kind of sort of thinking about writing another one.

analog · 09-29-2007, 11:16 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mixedmedia

I'm kind of sort of thinking about writing another one.

Then you should definitely let it keep going, as long as you've got the inspiration to do it.

My past experiences reading erotica were that female authors tended to focus less on the act and more on the context. This is not to say "more on emotion than the in-and-out", but they tend to write erotica for women, which trends towards contextual depictions of sexuality and sex, rather than the actual bump-and-grind.

I'm not saying you write like a man. lol... I'm saying you write what I'd more readily call true erotica, and not "romance novel"-style erotica. It's quite good. Keep it up (heh...) as long as you've got the muse, you've got a good talent to continue to cultivate.

mixedmedia · 09-30-2007, 03:52 AM

Thanks again.

I think it may be telling that my favorite erotica authors tend to be either fully or partially in the 'leather lesbian' genre. Even though I don't have much of an impulse toward sex with women, that's really irrelevant. It is that not only physically, but psychologically, 'rough' attitude towards sex that I enjoy reading and thus writing about.

Leather lesbians got that shit goin' on.

Sultana · 09-30-2007, 06:24 AM

I like it, a lot, EVERY WORD.

If you do that kind of thing (and here I refer to that particular style of dirty talk), well, there is a technique...it's hard to break down, but you gotta trust the other person to a degree and you also have to believe what they are saying at that point to a degree. It's gotta be...authentic. Convincing.

Anyways, well done MM. It definitely works for me.

loquitur · 09-30-2007, 12:15 PM

yeah, I know about that "submit" button reticence, MM. I have some old pornolit that I wrote a loooooooooong time ago. I went back and read some of it recently and I would definitely do it a bit differently now. But it's interesting to read because it's my "voice" but still not really my voice, at least not the 2007 version of my voice. I had a momentary flash of thought about uploading it. Or maybe I should write something fresh, dunno........

mixedmedia · 09-30-2007, 03:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sultana

I like it, a lot, EVERY WORD.

If you do that kind of thing (and here I refer to that particular style of dirty talk), well, there is a technique...it's hard to break down, but you gotta trust the other person to a degree and you also have to believe what they are saying at that point to a degree. It's gotta be...authentic. Convincing.

Anyways, well done MM. It definitely works for me.

Thank you, Sultana.

And you're absolutely right about that. I've been there, I know...that's why all this shit is swimming around in my head, lol. Can't let go...

And loquitor, post it up...maybe we'll start a new era of TFP pornica...then we can publish it.

09-25-2007, 01:25 PM	#1 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	I've Written Some Porn in 1st Person Narrative NSFW, unless you work in porn I've been, well, really pent up lately and my outing on Saturday inspired this fantastical and tawdry tale of a parking lot rendezvous...well, for me it is fantastical, for others perhaps it is a typical Saturday night... Now, generally, I don't appreciate porn from a literary standpoint - there are exceptions, of course - this not being one of them, lol. Writing about sex can be dreadfully clumsy at times, unless the writer is so gracefully talented that they can rise above the biological drudgery and repetitive mechanics of the acts themselves. Like Anais Nin, for instance. Otherwise, I generally view erotica as a fairly artful means to an end. But I found this enjoyable to write for the most part and thought, perhaps, other people who are turned on to the same things I like to do during sex might enjoy reading it...as, uh, a means to an end. Please don't be offended if you are turned off by the vague ideas of female sexual submission and/or humiliation in this fantasy. I only purport them as a means of pleasure, not a way of life - at least not for myself. It's all in the name of good erotic fun between consenting adults. I certainly am not submissive in many other areas of my life, lol, as you may or may not know. But it goes something like this: The Secret Smile 'I need to be fucked....please fuck me.' He turns me to face him, pushing me up against the door of his car. The faint thundering boom, boom, boom of the nightclub is drowned by the sound of blood racing through my head as he presses himself into me and kisses me. His hands roaming freely over my body - inside the low cut bodice of my dress to fondle my breasts and pinch my hardened nipples; both hands running down my sides to firmly grasp my hips and press them towards him; a hand running up the inside of my thigh to first grope at the softness inside my moistened panties, then to push two fingers around the cloth and penetrate me with soft, pulsating thrusts. At this I start to moan, pulling my body even closer and wrapping one leg around his waist, matching his finger thrusts with my own undulating hips. I put my lips close to his ear and whisper, 'I like it rough...' I hear a chuckle at this. Then his hand is in my hair, pulling my head back insistently. There is more menace in his presence now and in the set of his body against mine. The motions of his hand become more assertive, less romantic - the thrusts deeper. Then he is biting my neck and shoulders. I hear a low growl emanating from his lips and the words, 'so you want to be my slut tonight?' '...yes, oh yes...' Any lingering hesitancy and resistance is wiped clean from my body in that instant and I become like clay in his arms - the pleasure of surrender making my nerve endings tingle like a million tiny sparklers shimmering beneath the surface of my skin. My moans and pants become stronger and he covers my mouth with his hand as I come, my body jerking and writhing, my arms groping him desperately as he pushes me even harder against the car door. I can feel my flesh being pressed against the bumps and grooves of the car's surface, but I feel no pain. Only desire and ecstasy coursing through my veins like white fire. Once the orgasm passes, I am limp as a rag doll, still crushed firmly between his body and the side of the car. His cock is rubbing persistently against my abdomen, I can feel it is fully erect and anxious to be free from the torturous constraint of his clothing. I lower my hand to rub against the hardness through his jeans. Our eyes meet and I smile mischievously. Suddenly he grabs me and turns me roughly to face the car. Pressing me hard against the surface he whispers again. 'You just may have taken on more than you bargained for...' He sidesteps our bodies towards the rear of the car until he can push the upper half of my body down so that I am bent over its trunk. I hear him unzip his pants and push them down while one hand is held firmly on my back. I am breathing heavily and adrenaline is surging through my body and ringing in my ears - partly from fear, partly from arousal. I feel him lift my skirt and pull down my underwear roughly, exposing me completely in the dark parking lot. His hands force my legs wide and grope at my pussy wantonly. 'mmmm, I do believe you are getting wetter by the second...this really turns you on doesn't it...being my trampy little bar slut tonight...' I bury my head in my arms and push my ass wider and up towards him, giving myself to him fully. I feel the head of his cock start to press against the slick opening of my cunt - teasing me. I respond accordingly by moaning loudly and pushing my ass, my entire body, back towards him trying to impale myself on his hardness. With a very sudden movement he then pushes me forward violently against the car and fucks me recklessly - hard and fast. 'this is what you needed, huh?...to be fucked like a little slut whore...to have your pussy fucked by a man who knows how to fuck a little cunt like yours?...yeah, I'll fuck you alright, you sweet little slut...' ...and other tender obscenities that unfortunately have been lost to the moment. I come almost immediately and he leans over to cover my mouth again. Now he is hovering over me closely, grinding his hips hard and rough into my ass with his hand still held over my mouth. After my cries of tyrannical pleasure subside, he entangles his hand in my hair and continues to grind into me. I can hear that he is about to come. I can hear the gruffness in his voice and his breathing as he mutters 'oh yeah, baby, that's some good pussy' over and over again under his breath. I lift my ass as much as I can - trying to meet his relentless, animalistic thrusts. His body stiffens and a loud groan escapes his lips. He continues to plunge against me, less emphatically, until his own euphoria passes. Then we rest there for a minute, both of us catching our breath and re-gaining our composures. He lifts himself off of me and pulls up his pants, tucking in his shirt. I stand, a little shakily, and pull up my underwear, taking a moment to straighten my dress and shake out my hair. 'It was very nice to meet you. Thanks for the fun,' I say and hold out my hand. He smiles a little sheepishly, takes my hand and we shake. 'It was my pleasure. Perhaps we will run into each other again sometime.' 'It's a distinct possibility,' I say with a wink, 'good night,' as I turn and walk away to find my car. Once again, the faint thundering boom, boom, boom of the nightclub invades my senses, the chill of the night air envelops me and I smile. The end. __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

09-25-2007, 01:42 PM	#3 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	thanks, midnight but, oh yeah, I loves me some nasty talk evil grin __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

09-25-2007, 03:36 PM	#5 (permalink)
SecretMethod70 Human Administrator Location: Chicago	mixedmedia: Quite an enjoyable read First person was a good choice __________________ Le temps détruit tout "Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

09-25-2007, 03:42 PM	#6 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	Thanks folks. I'm so glad you enjoyed it, but you know, I had the hardest time hitting the submit button on this thing...submit button, haha! Jeez, I kill myself. But yeah, I'm glad you liked it. __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

09-25-2007, 03:48 PM	#7 (permalink)
SecretMethod70 Human Administrator Location: Chicago	Oh, I enjoyed it. (just got the "submit button" joke...groan ) __________________ Le temps détruit tout "Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

09-25-2007, 01:37 PM	#2 (permalink)
Midnight Banned Location: Chicago's western burbs	With the exception of the nasty talk, (which just happens to be a turn off of mine - don't take that the wrong way) VERY nice MM. evil grin

09-25-2007, 03:02 PM	#4 (permalink)
Jenna Psycho Location: Wisconsin	Well I really enjoyed this. Maybe I'll have to try this sometime! (Role play that is) Actually, I loved the nasty talk, it's one of my favorite things. Bravo!

09-25-2007, 05:59 PM	#8 (permalink)
RenaissanceII Psycho Location: Grand Rapids	You have a gift mm.... __________________ *And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.* Anais Nin I Wish *You* Well.

09-25-2007, 06:03 PM	#9 (permalink)
kramus loving the curves Location: my Lady's manor	/me likes the way you write mm. I remember in another thread you made passing reference to riding a fellow while licking and biting at the soft underside of your raised arms. Is there potential new writing of yours that may carry some of that visual impact? As a sidebar, not wishing to share your vision of the TFP Forum Master who has had so many submit to him (including yours truly with well over a thousand submits to date ), I instead push past futile resistance and at the end of this reply I key "Enter" with a manly thrust of my forefinger. Umnghuh! Ahhh! __________________ And now to disengage the clutch of the forebrain ... I'm going with this - if you like artwork visit http://markfineart.ca

09-25-2007, 06:16 PM	#10 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	lol, some buttons are harder to submit to than others. But, the arm thing, I dunno, inspiration is a fickle bitch, ya know? I'll meditate on it. And thank you, too, Ren. You flatter me. __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

09-25-2007, 06:53 PM	#11 (permalink)
JStrider Poo-tee-weet? Location: The Woodlands, TX	very good story! I really enjoyed it. __________________ -=JStrider=- ~Clatto Verata Nicto

09-25-2007, 07:05 PM	#12 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	Holy excessive porno potty mouth! Nah, it was nice. Got my crotchbat thumpin'. But-yeah... I can't get into the dirty talk. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

09-25-2007, 07:11 PM	#13 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	and here I thought everybody liked dirty talk....at the very least in fantasy... and, thank you both. __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

09-25-2007, 07:21 PM	#14 (permalink)
ubertuber spudly Location: Ellay	__________________ Cogito ergo spud -- I think, therefore I yam

09-25-2007, 07:24 PM	#15 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	what? blinks innocently __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

09-25-2007, 07:24 PM	#16 (permalink)
Plan9 I Confess a Shiver	I like dirty talk lots and engage in it all the time with partners, but not degrading-title dirty talk. Is that a viable difference, ya suppose? I don't like calling women negative names. Makes my soul sad. __________________ *Whatever you can carry.* "You should not drink... and bake."

09-25-2007, 07:34 PM	#17 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	oh, well...in the context of the story, I see what you're saying...it's not very likely that I would engage in something like that with a stranger...that's why it's a fantasy... but in the right situation, I enjoy it very much __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

09-25-2007, 07:42 PM	#18 (permalink)
SecretMethod70 Human Administrator Location: Chicago	"cunt" rocks. onodrim agrees. __________________ Le temps détruit tout "Musicians are the carriers and communicators of spirit in the most immediate sense." - Kurt Elling

09-25-2007, 07:44 PM	#19 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	liberating these words from a shameful context is very, well, liberating __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

09-26-2007, 08:37 AM	#20 (permalink)
ARTelevision I change Location: USA	Self revelation is as significant in lit as it is in photog. We have become quite inured to sexually suffused visual imagery of all kinds. For example, it does not compare with the power of your words here. As all self-revelation, your text says as much about us as it does about you. Your contribs elevate our discourse. Appreciated, Art __________________ create evolution

09-26-2007, 10:24 AM	#21 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	gawrsh __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

09-26-2007, 01:07 PM	#23 (permalink)
onodrim Cosmically Curious Location: Chicago, IL	Erotica usually doesn't do much for me...clearly there are exceptions.... The writing it really excellent, very sensory, it plays out in your mind effortlessly. Of course it could be that this very closely mirrors many of my own fantasies! __________________ "The world is so exquisite with so much love and moral depth, that there is no reason to deceive ourselves with pretty stories for which there’s little good evidence. Far better it seems to me, in our vulnerability, is to look death in the eye and to be grateful every day for the brief but magnificent opportunity that life provides" -Carl Sagan

09-26-2007, 02:18 PM	#24 (permalink)
snowy Kick Ass Kunoichi Location: Oregon	MM, I really enjoyed this. There is nothing I love better in the world than well-written smut. Thank you for sharing this with us. __________________ If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

09-26-2007, 05:47 PM	#25 (permalink)
JustJess Unencapsulated Location: Kittyville	^^ Exactly right! Well written smut. While the idea of a stranger is appealing in that purely fantastical way, it's far more enjoyable in real life with a partner, in a role-playing sort of set up. At least for moi. But in my mind, you're correct about the titles etc, MM... after all, it's a fantasy to be out of control. We never really are, tho, and that's just the thing about it. To be both completely in and completely out of control all at once... well... it requires a trusting relationship. Anyhow, my point is, it was evocative and well-put. Aka well written smut! __________________ My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

09-26-2007, 06:56 PM	#26 (permalink)
Anxst Condensing fact from the vapor of nuance. Location: Madison, WI	Well written, MM. Great visuals, nice pacing. Not sure I would have changed anything if I had written it, which is always a good sign. Well, from my point of view, anyway. If you hate every post I make, you might feel otherwise. __________________ Don't mind me. I'm just releasing the insanity pressure from my headvalves.

09-27-2007, 01:41 AM	#27 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	Thank you everyone for your kind words. But I must admit I am kind of bowled over by them. I'm really, really happy that you enjoyed it. __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

09-29-2007, 03:05 PM	#28 (permalink)
analog Banned	This was very well written. Too often, people can't, or don't take the time to, relate details which really drive the story. You set up the parking lot, and you used the car as more than just a surface; it was an actual part of the storytelling, as it should be, and not just a prop. The thing I liked most about that was you repeatedly referencing being pressed on it, and then relating the feeling of the "bumps and grooves" on its surface. That was really something. The context is great, your use of pacing is really good, the dirty talk is awesome and completely appropriate for the scene- a lot of the time, it seems like people don't talk dirty enough or talk too dirty in certain situations that seem to better evoke the opposite. Also, the first-person is really nice as the woman. A lot of the time it's either first-person from the man's point of view, or just 3rd person narrative. This was very good. All in all, very well done. And don't worry about the dirty talk- not only is it fine for the format, but it's almost demanded by the storyline.

09-29-2007, 03:16 PM	#29 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	Thank you, analog. I appreciate your insight very much...and it will be useful. I'm kind of sort of thinking about writing another one. __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

09-30-2007, 03:52 AM	#31 (permalink)
mixedmedia has all her shots. Location: Florida	Thanks again. I think it may be telling that my favorite erotica authors tend to be either fully or partially in the 'leather lesbian' genre. Even though I don't have much of an impulse toward sex with women, that's really irrelevant. It is that not only physically, but psychologically, 'rough' attitude towards sex that I enjoy reading and thus writing about. Leather lesbians got that shit goin' on. __________________ Most people go through life dreading they'll have a traumatic experience. Freaks were born with their trauma. They've already passed their test in life. They're aristocrats. - Diane Arbus PESSIMISM, n. A philosophy forced upon the convictions of the observer by the disheartening prevalence of the optimist with his scarecrow hope and his unsightly smile. - Ambrose Bierce

09-30-2007, 06:24 AM	#32 (permalink)
Sultana Falling Angel Location: L.A. L.A. land	I like it, a lot, EVERY WORD. If you do that kind of thing (and here I refer to that particular style of dirty talk), well, there is a technique...it's hard to break down, but you gotta trust the other person to a degree and you also have to believe what they are saying at that point to a degree. It's gotta be...authentic. Convincing. Anyways, well done MM. It definitely works for me. __________________ "Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come." - Matt Groening My goal? To fulfill my potential.

09-30-2007, 12:15 PM	#33 (permalink)
loquitur Junkie Location: NYC	yeah, I know about that "submit" button reticence, MM. I have some old pornolit that I wrote a loooooooooong time ago. I went back and read some of it recently and I would definitely do it a bit differently now. But it's interesting to read because it's my "voice" but still not really my voice, at least not the 2007 version of my voice. I had a momentary flash of thought about uploading it. Or maybe I should write something fresh, dunno........