Tirian

I thought I'd post the lyrics to a song. This is my first attempt at lyrics (I don't sing much) and I'd love feedback.

For context, the song is in the style of a 2 verse jazz standard sort of tune. Performed with room for improvised solos etc. which is why it is fairly short lyrically.

Perhaps I should not mention my thoughts, but basically this is a song praising or simply noting the subjects eternal optimism.

You See Spring

[verse]
When the nights turn to frost, and the flowers fade.
When the leaves take wing; You see spring.
When the sun's all but gone, and the nights are long.
When the birds cease to sing; You see spring.

[chorus]
You see silver in the cloud when I see gray.
When I see February, you see May.
When the roadblocks of life get in your way you just say,
When the leaves take wing, I see spring.

[verse]
In the midst of the cold, and the falling snow,
That the cold winds bring; You see spring.
When the stream turns to ice, and the waters slow,
When you see anything; You see spring.

[repeat chorus]

J.R.V.A.

I like it, thanks.

__________________
And as she plays,
her sweet song of laughter
floats through the air
and warms my heart

Angel

This is great!
"when the leaves take wing, I see spring"
This is a visual song and I like it. I would love to hear it to a tune.
Ya won me over at the get go since Spring is my favorite season!
Thanks for sharing.

__________________


In the depth of winter, I finally learned that there was within me an invincible summer.
~Albert Camus

grumpyolddude

Nice phrasing and rhythm. Grumpy likes!

__________________
"Regret can be a harder pill to swallow than failure .With failure you at least know you gave it a chance..." David Howard

Tirian

thks for the comments folks...

Mael

i like it. one thing you might want to consider though, is that you repeat "i/you see spring" alot. repitition can be a good thing, but also it can be inappropriate/overdone for a song. just food for thought, something to keep in mind when writing in general. if this is one of the first set of lyrics you've ever written, you're off to a really good start.