Kurant

Well, this is a story, so if you can stand to read it, any advice would be great.

About 10 years ago I began work for the company I'm presently employeed with. During that time, I made friends with 4 specific people and over that time, they've become my become my best friends, or so I thought.

We did everything together. Fishing, Hunting, general hanging out, going to big sportsman type shows, work, all of it. Until last year.

Last year the one of my friends that are apart of our little group got together the one female in the group. Since then, thing have just continued to decline, until tonight when I'd finally had enough.

The female, has 3 kids, by 2 dads. Been divorced, been a stripper, lived a tough life, and everything in her life is based around what other people think of her, and sex, somtimes, they go hand and hand. She's a very, how shall I put it.. active type of girl if you know what I mean. Since her and her boyfriend of whom she had a kid with 2 years broke up - before her and my best friend got together that's when most of it started. I had a real problem with her ex-boyfriend being at home with her kids, her showing up unannounced to things at my home she was not invited to so she could hang out with him. Basically saying anything she could about what we do as guys (looking at women, porn, fishing, whatever) insisting he would still have his freedom. Naturally, I told her I thought it was a great thing. Boy, was I wrong. He takes care of her, he supplys her money, he watches her kids, somtimes. MOst the time she just pawns them off to her parents.

Since then, the amount of petty shit she has done, and or said is amazing. For example, we were going to go to the sportsman show one night, and it was the weekend she had her kids. So, instead of asking him not to go, she broke down, got pissed off, started crying, and told him that "we" meaning me and my buddy didn't WANT her to go. Well, no one said anything like that, and I even asked if she was going with us. So naturally, he didn't go. When I questioned her about it, her comment was "Well, I've got him, so I don't give a shit what anyone else thinks".

Another time, he plans a small little lan party, and she gets drunk, starts her little "friendly" bullshit, next thign I know, they leave, go home and fuck, and my buddy just doesn't show up to somthing he planned. We drove 210 miles to go fishing, and he didn't show up, when I called, he was sleeping and said the woman kept him up late. I had to sit there the next day and listen to her bitch at people about him doing things that she didn't want him to do. Her exact words were "You guys aren't going to piss on my parade".

She has her "emotional" days she says, where she apologized for being a "bad friend". I kindly told her a couple months ago, that I really didn't care anymore. She has a man, quit using your "emotional days" as an excuse to find someone else to fall on. I aint that person. Go find your boyfriend.

Well, after all that, and her basically alienating herself in the workplace, and among all her friends walking around like people owe her somthing, I moved about 2 months ago, and flew back tonight and we were supposed to have dinner tonight since I only have 3 days in town. She couldn't go, she had her kids. We planned to meet for dinner at a restaurant at 8:00. I called the house at 8:20, and what were they doing. Sleeping. She said she had other plans for him, and they were laying in bed. So, I don't have to tell you what they were doing.

Tonight was the last straw.

I shortly after that, blew up. I had enough to that point. I was sick of the selfishness, and the fact that he, and her know they have commitments, and when she can't do it, or she has other responsibilities, she cries, or throws her pussy around to get him to do what she wants, basically manuplulating him. On the other side, I also told him it wasen't just her. It was him. He's seperated himself from us, yet when it's convinent for him, he wants to do things. When it's not, he allows himself to be put in those situations, commiting to things before he decides if he can really do them. Instead, he just stands people up. This wasen't the first time.

I feel bad, but I feel better. I had enough of the petty shit, and the fact she can't live without people paying attention, and her being the center of attention. She can't do anything by herself, she depends on someone else to do it for her. She just wants everything handed to her. With 3 kids, she still wants to be 21 and go out and drink on the weekends. I had enough, and tonight it all came out.

I'm just curious, was I wrong for voicing my opinion?

hrandani

I think that is the right thing to do. I would have blown up a long time ago from what you have detailed here.

Congratulations on how well you handled it. But sometimes you have to know when to hold them, and when to fold them.

eribrav

It's really sad when you lose a good friend like that, but this wasn't your doing. You deserve to be treated better. One of these days your friend is going to wake up and start thinking with the big head, and maybe things will change between the two of you. Unfortunately it sounds like it might be too late for that.

Jinn

..well done.

__________________
"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel

Siege

You're not going to be able to keep every friend you got for life.

__________________
"Your name's Geek? Do you know the origin of the term? A geek is someone who bites the heads off chickens at a circus. I would never let you suck my dick with a name like Geek"

--Kevin Smith

This part just makes my posts easier to find

Cynthetiq

damn.. that must be some good pussy...

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

JumpinJesus

Sadly these things can happen when someone gets involved like this. You took it for as long as you could. I don't think you can be blamed for blowing up over it. It was either that or continue to be treated this way by them for however long they last.

It sounds like this isn't the first time you tried to make your feelings known, either. It's obvious your friend has other priorities right now. It's sad, but like others have said, you can't always keep best friends.

__________________
"I can normally tell how intelligent a man is by how stupid he thinks I am" - Cormac McCarthy, All The Pretty Horses

analog

I'd have called bullshit on that a loooooong time ago, and I normally pride myself on my patience.

I've been in a relationship where the woman tried to control me and my penis. There can be a time where you don't really appreciate how you're being to others, but it's VERY brief. VERY. Anything after that, and she's just poisoned him, or he just melded into her assholishness.

You did correctly by telling them off. You can't keep all friends for forever, and these have run their course.

Marvelous Marv

I'm proudest of myself when I don't blow up. After the call in which you discovered they didn't seem to give a rat's ass about you, a classy thing to do would be to disappear, and keep the largest distance possible between you and the two of them.

If you plan something, and Mr. Dumbass asks why he wasn't invited, you can tell him in a calm voice that you aren't willing to put up with his or her behavior anymore. Something like, "Well, the last time I drove 210 miles to go fishing, you couldn't be bothered to show up."

Which is too bad, because you can make more friends, but he's certainly going to be needing some in the near future, if what you've said about the woman is even half true.

__________________
"The problem with socialism is that you eventually run out of other people's money."
Margaret Thatcher

Rodney

Yeah. I had something like that happen with a friend once, who basically was going downhill and took advantage of my trust; and didn't give a shit when I called him on it. I didn't blow up at him, but I separated myself. You can blow up, or not, but the best thing is to try to get past feeling angry (don't deny the anger, just don't indulge in it) and back off your friendship. If he wants to get back with you, say no. If he asks why, tell him. If he has a problem with that, it's his. Not yours.

With my friend, I backed off all contact for a couple of years and got over it; just accepted he wasn't a reliable friend. Thing is, he still wanted to be friendly and would call or stop by every couple of years. At that point, I was ready to see him, in part to catch up with what was happening with mutual acquaintances. But I was just friendly, not a friend. He has the sensitivity of a brick, so he probably didn't think what he'd done was especially insulting, nor even realize that I'd distanced myself from him.

Which made it possible for me to have my petty revenge. Eventually he straightened himself out and started going out with decent women. When he'd come by with his new serious girlfriend after a couple years' absence, I'd always start a friendly conversation about the "good old days" and wind up with that incident in which he heartlessly screwed me over. And I swear, both of the two girlfriends did the same thing: turned to him and said, "Gee Dave, you were a real asshole." At which point he'd swear he didn't remember a thing. Then I'd say "Oh right, you were blowing three or four joints a day in those days, weren't you?" Which would get him another dirty look from the girlfriend. One of them married him anyway. And keeps him on a tight leash, which he needs.

Kurant

Thanks for all the grat responses. I questioned if I did the right thing after I did it, but now that it's gone it's course, I'm absolutley sure of it. I don't expect to keep my friends forever, all I expected was a little respect, a little acknowledgement, and a bit of honesty.

He called me Thursday with a sad, piss poor message on my machine, with one from her a couple hours later talking about "being bad friends". Frankly, and I hate to say it, I really don't care. I talked to them that night, told him that and also said to him I didn't want anything more to do with it. I told him they can do whatever they want, but when they fall, no one will be there to pick up the pieces, and when that happens, remember this conversation. It was brief, but that was the end of it.

Half true?! It is half true, I wish I could tell you the other half, but you woulden't believe how crazy and controlling this woman really is. She lives in a box, a box Where nothing else matters except her. Not even her kids. It's a sad, sad thing to witness. She told me a long time ago she never had many friends in high school and growing up. I never understood why, I thought she was a completely different person. The real person has come through, and it's a sad, sad thing.

Thanks for the responses. I really do feel better about what I said and did. It needed to be done. Now, I've just got to seperate myself, and move on.