anon85pd

I'm 19 and living at home, got a pretty good job doing design work for a company in jupiter (florida). the office is about 40min away. I pay a lot of money to drive my car for what I make, so I'm currently paying that off along with a few other bills. So by many people's standards, I've been living it up, but I feel its time to start saving and move towards getting my own place.

Now I've been with my girlfiend for 2 1/2yrs now and everything is going pretty well, although we're both busy with work and school. So its obviously one of my options to move in with her. The thing is that I don't know if I like the idea of being financially dependent on her to live away from home, or anyone for that matter. I know you hope and work for the best, but stuff can happen, for better or worse, so I'm hesitant about it. I feel like I'd rather have my own place, and she can live there with me. A good friend of mine seems to think this may be a trust issue.

Give me some advice to moving out, and moving out with the gf, I could use all the help I can get. Thanks.

- Dave

chickentribs

You have plenty of time to move in with somebody. Living by yourself for a bit will teach you a lot about you. Trust that nagging feeling inside you that knows your not ready.

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Oft expectation fails...
and most oft there Where most it promises
- Shakespeare, W.

f6twister

I agree. If you do not feel as though you are ready and are not being forced out, stay for a while longer. Use the time to get your finances in order and to develop a method for keeping it there. Once you are out, one mistake can send you down a path that may be very hard to get back out of.

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A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Calvin

ShaniFaye

Unless Im misunderstanding...the living together isnt the problem...its "who's" place it is.

I dont think its quite fair for you to want her to be "dependant" on you for a place to live, when you dont want to do the opposite. "Stuff" can happen no matter who's name the place you live is in.

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Rlyss

How do you get along with your parents? Are they hinting for you to move out, do they support you at home or otherwise not making you pay rent? If they're happy for you to live with them for free then stay at home. You say you want to save up some money to move out - the moving out comes after some money is saved, not before

Keep your relationship with your girlfriend the way it is, get some money together and enjoy living at home, I say. If you don't need to move out then don't!

anon85pd

Everything is great at home, I'm not paying rent right now, and my parents are cool about letting me stay there, my Dad got kicked outta his house at the age of 20 and he had a hard ass time, so he's told me that I can stay as long as I need to. Up until now I've just kinda been floating along, which is cool I suppose, but I feel like in a year or so I'm really wanna move out, so I figure now is a good time to head towards being more independent, saving up some money (and learning how to keep it, lol), just looking for some tips on making it happen. As far as the girlfriend issue goes, perhaps what I said came off wrong, I don't necessarily want her to be dependent on me, and wouldn't mind either way I suppose if she lived with me or not. Of us both, I am the only one who will be ready to make this move anytime soon, financially that is. I am just looking for other people's opinions and experiences on moving in with their gf.

And trust me, I'm not necessarily in any rush to be paying all my own bills or anything, I'm enjoying the expendable income, I'd just like to head in that direction.

- Dave

JustJess

^^^ ShaniFaye, I think you've got it. anon8, if you feel ready* to live with your girlfriend, then I suggest finding a place for both of you to move into. It can feel awkward moving into space that someone is already settled into, no matter the money situation, so it's reasonable to want the two of you to have a new place. Try to avoid having either person depend on the other, at least in the beginning.

*And about that - don't move in with her unless: 1. you can support your half and feel comfortable doing so. 2. you feel comfortable with her ability to support her half. 3. you are willing to have one of those conversations about money, how you will deal with paying rent, utilities, etc. 4. you feel okay about her personal habits - i.e. you're messy, she's not, etc.

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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

vanblah

Why do you want to move in with your girlfriend? Can you come up with one good reason? I don't know what your relationship is like.

The one thing I can tell you is that you should never move in with a significant other if the reason is financial; ie. we could save a lot of money on rent etc.

The ONLY reason to move in together is because you love that person enough to make the commitment.

A significant other is not a roommate. You get roommates if you can't handle the rent.

<b>I'm NOT saying that it wouldn't work out if you did move in together.</b>

maleficent

I'm one of those people that beleive your parents are responsible for you til you turn 18 - -then you have to work on your own responsibility, if you have a job, you should pay rent, whether it be to a landlord or your parents, you shouldn't get a free ride if you are working.

Maybe you want to cut some sort of deal with your parents... you pay them rent, plus maybe a portion of the utilities and they put a portion of that money aside for you when you are ready to move out on your own... That way you are paying rent, being responsible and all that, but you also know that you are forcing yourself into saving that money you will need when you move out.

Moving out on your own for the first time costs a big chunk of change (you generally need first and last months rent, some places demand an additional security deposit, utilities companies will often want a deposit, plus there's the matter of furniture and other incidental living expenses.

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Sage

Seriously ask yourself why you want to move in with your GF. I made a HUGE mistake by moving in with someone straight out of the college dorms, and was set back doubly when we broke up and I was living on my own. Learning to live on your own when you're used to living with someone is HARD, so my advice is learn to live on your own first. Live by yourself for six months or so, and then see if you still want to move in with your GF. Plus, you grow a lot as a person when you live on your own, and that equates into a better relationship with others (including your GF). Know Thyself!!

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anon85pd

Hey all, thanks for the advice, lots of slightly different angles on the subject, kinda confusing for me right now </idiot> I love spending time with her and I think it would be great living together, but I also think it would be cool to have a place of my own, thats what I've been leaning towards. I don't quite think I am getting a free ride, although granted its not exactly tough either. I owe about 8 grand on my car still and plan to have that paid off before I move out, so I figure it would be best to pay that off with money I would be saving and save myself that money in interest. by the time i get that paid off i should have gotten another raise and i'll be ready to roll ^_^

- Dave

thingstodo

I think it's good to get out. I did so at 17 when my parents moved my sr. year of high school.. I alsi think it is important to be able to support yourself, so you are right on when it comes to depending on your gf.

Another thing to consider....you guys have been together for some time during a time when you change a lot with more change to come. Who knows how long your relationship will last. If it does change, you'll need your own place anyway, so just prepare for that.

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Sage

I just realized that you're 19. Please do yourself a favor and live by yourself first. Like I said before, you learn a lot about yourself living alone, and often the "glamor" of moving in with a GF/BF far, far, far exceeds the reality of it. I'm not saying that it can't be fun, just that when you live together you see a another whole side of your loved one that you haven't ever seen before.

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anti fishstick

I say if you have to ask, then you're not ready.

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And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.
~Anais Nin