How do you ask a girl out without her knowing? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

LLL2 · 05-15-2005, 01:04 PM

How do you ask a girl out without her knowing? Alright at work there this hot chick there,or should i say the hotess outta the group of 5.So how do I ask the hot one out with her knowing ? I ask this because if she has a b/f and turns me down i wanna try ask the other 4.We all know how women talk to each other.I don't think the other 4 want to be 2nd one to be ask out.So how do you do it ?

ratbastid · 05-15-2005, 01:37 PM

....

Ask her out... without... her knowing...

That sounds like a really great plan. Maybe in a few years you'll find a way to have her marry you and have your children without her knowing!

If you're going to play the relationships game, I recommend playing full out. Trying to protect yourself from embarassment won't ever really get you what you want.

maleficent · 05-15-2005, 01:42 PM

Lemme see if I got this right...
OK, so basically there's a group of 5 women you would like to ask out, and you are intending to ask them out in order of hotness... and pretty much their hotness is the only reason why you want to ask them out...

Are you trying to ask this one woman out without the other 4 knowing? Or are you trying to ask her out on an un-date... where you think it's a date, except you don't pick up the bill, and she doesn't run to her girlfriends with the story of the date... So that way if it doesn't work out you can ask the second hottest out on an undate.

Advice: Fishing off the company pier isn't wise. Don't do it. There are plenty of women outside the workplace who are dateable...

ShaniFaye · 05-15-2005, 01:49 PM

is there not one of these girls you're wanting to go out with because you actually might like them?

tuner · 05-15-2005, 02:02 PM

Quote:

Advice: Fishing off the company pier isn't wise. Don't do it. There are plenty of women outside the workplace who are dateable...

I'll second that... Regarding the topic at hand, I am confused. Just ask her out. If that doesn't work, wait a while and then ask the other one. Don't just bounce from the one to the other... This is both rude and inconsiderate.

filtherton · 05-15-2005, 02:03 PM

I hate to break it to you, but if you're going to ask a lady out, odds are exceedingly high that the lady will find out. I would even go so far as to make the bold claim that the lady must find out. The verification of my hypothesis might require some experiment on your part, but i am confident you will see the results i predict, in two weeks or less, money back guaranteed.

I would also imagine that if you did somehow ask a lady out without her knowing, a.k.a. going the "friend" route, you'll no doubt be finding your way eventually to the "nice guys never get the girl" thread to complain about how women only express romantic interest in people who are *ahem* courageous/considerate enough to be forthright with their intentions.

analog · 05-15-2005, 02:04 PM

Um... they'll know. There's pretty much no way of going about it differently.

Oh- and take it from me who's dated two girls from two different places i've worked at- it's not a really good idea.

f6twister · 05-15-2005, 02:26 PM

Why does it matter if the others find out anyway? If any of the five truly want to date you, they won't care if you asked out someone else (or at least they shouldn't). If you ask one of them out, it just makes it known that you are both available and looking. That should give them the chance to come after you, if that is what they want.

cj2112 · 05-15-2005, 03:33 PM

why would you want to ask somebody out that has a boyfriend?

MsNobody · 05-15-2005, 03:33 PM

Nothing like trying to have a back-up plan. I say you ask the one girl you like, out, and forget the rest. Sounds more like your trying to scam these girls, or to get a little something-something, than, your a nice guy who just wants to take a girl out.

jhkayakr · 05-15-2005, 03:34 PM

ask em all out, you might get REALLY lucky.

tecoyah · 05-15-2005, 03:56 PM

You have GOT to be kidding...right.....your kidding me right....this is a joke.....please tell me this is a joke.....

you are kidding.........Right

TexanAvenger · 05-15-2005, 04:18 PM

I hear the old "club 'em" method still works, and if you come up from behind she won't know it was a date with you... or even that there was a date to start with.

Seriously, if you're interested enough to ask her, just ask her. She has a boyfriend, fine. That issue'll be dealt with when you get to it.

Why does it matter to you if the other 4 know? Are you planning on 'un-dating' them all in rapid succession and're afraid the 5th'll think you're shallow?

And for the record, hotness is hardly a factor to focus on if there's a relationship at stake. Plenty of both sexes are hot as hell, only to be shallow and spiteful underneath. Unless it's an exceptionally quick thing that you're looking for, hotness is not the way to go.

Gilda · 05-15-2005, 06:32 PM

I'll take it seriously.

Let's assume you're at a dance. This is exactly the advice I give to the boy's in my classes about how to ask a girl to dance. I can't take credit for it; I stole it from John Gray.

There's a group of five girls standing together, any of whom is nice enough to dance with, although one is a lot nicer than the others. What do you do to maximize your chance of getting a dance? First, don't pick them out and ask in order of attractiveness. After girl A turns you down, girl B knows you're her second choice. By the time you get to E, she's going to be really insulted. Even if girl A does say yes, the others will still know they were your second choice.

Here's your best strategy. Approach the group as a whole, and say, "Would any of you lovely ladies like to dance?" Chances are that one of them is going to be willing. When you're done, drop her off, and ask the group again. Now you have a second chance, but you haven't insulted any of them; you may get to dance with all of them. No joke, I've seen computer nerds dance with half a dozen girls at a dance using this strategy, and have an absolute blast.

Now lets apply this to an adult situation.

Make friends with the whole group. Hang out with them, have lunch with them, make small talk. Don't target any one, wait until one of the girls shows interest, or until you know enough about her to know that she's compatable with you, and then ask her out.

Or even just apply the dance strategy directly. Approach the group, and ask them out as a group. If there are any takers, you've got a date, and what's more, it's with a girl you now know is interested in you, which is a piece of information you don't currently posess.

K-Wise · 05-15-2005, 06:37 PM

^ Said what I couldn't manage to put together quickly enough

Asta!!

soundmotor · 05-15-2005, 07:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilda

This is exactly the advice I give to the boy's in my classes about how to ask a girl to dance. I can't take credit for it; I stole it from John Gray.

Truly great advice!

soundmotor

soundmotor · 05-15-2005, 07:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilda

Make friends with the whole group. Hang out with them, have lunch with them, make small talk.

Pretend you're gay!

soundmotor

K-Wise · 05-15-2005, 07:13 PM

^ Yeah that'll go over great when he finally decides to ask one of em out on a date and leans in for a kiss at the end of the evening.

Asta!!

soundmotor · 05-15-2005, 07:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by K-Wise

^ Yeah that'll go over great when he finally decides to ask one of em out on a date and leans in for a kiss at the end of the evening.

Asta!!

OT:

I've known several girls over the years who were hot for gay guys. They couldn't explain it either but I'd bet I am not the only one here who has run into a "reformer".

soundmotor

Borgs · 05-15-2005, 09:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by soundmotor

OT:

I've known several girls over the years who were hot for gay guys. They couldn't explain it either but I'd bet I am not the only one here who has run into a "reformer".

soundmotor

Girls want what they cant have, eh?

anti fishstick · 05-15-2005, 10:40 PM

yea girls are smart. we know when you like us. and we know when you're playing us too.

MSD · 05-15-2005, 11:00 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anti fishstick

yea girls are smart. we know when you like us. and we know when you're playing us too.

They don't even need to be smart to see through that, they just need to not be incredibly stupid. Seriously, man, how old are you that you haven't figured this out yet?

soundmotor · 05-16-2005, 01:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

Advice: Fishing off the company pier isn't wise. Don't do it. There are plenty of women outside the workplace who are dateable...

I did & we've been married 17 years.............but, I'd say it was the exception not the norm. Successful outcomes are rare in that scenario. Were I single now, I'd follow the above advice like the gospel. Thinking back on when my wife & I were dating, it was just like being in high school again with all of the whispering from coworkers.

soundmotor

Charlatan · 05-16-2005, 04:42 AM

Answer: You don't.

guthmund · 05-16-2005, 12:28 PM

I was going to advise slipping it into the middle of a very boring conversation very, very fast.

So.....do you like the band? I....find them to be a tad pretentious, I mean they sound great the the lead singer is fantastic, but *heyyouwannagogetabeerwithmelater* the lyrics leave something to be desired.

Your right. That probably won't work. That's the problem, I think. Any devious way we come up with will only be exposed as the silly plan it really is. Women, who are oh, so much smarter when it comes to stuff like this.

05-15-2005, 01:04 PM	#1 (permalink)
LLL2 Crazy	How do you ask a girl out without her knowing? How do you ask a girl out without her knowing? Alright at work there this hot chick there,or should i say the hotess outta the group of 5.So how do I ask the hot one out with her knowing ? I ask this because if she has a b/f and turns me down i wanna try ask the other 4.We all know how women talk to each other.I don't think the other 4 want to be 2nd one to be ask out.So how do you do it ?

05-15-2005, 01:42 PM	#3 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	Lemme see if I got this right... OK, so basically there's a group of 5 women you would like to ask out, and you are intending to ask them out in order of hotness... and pretty much their hotness is the only reason why you want to ask them out... Are you trying to ask this one woman out without the other 4 knowing? Or are you trying to ask her out on an un-date... where you think it's a date, except you don't pick up the bill, and she doesn't run to her girlfriends with the story of the date... So that way if it doesn't work out you can ask the second hottest out on an undate. Advice: Fishing off the company pier isn't wise. Don't do it. There are plenty of women outside the workplace who are dateable... __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

05-15-2005, 01:49 PM	#4 (permalink)
ShaniFaye Submit to me, you know you want to Location: Lilburn, Ga	is there not one of these girls you're wanting to go out with because you actually might like them? __________________ *I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!*

05-15-2005, 02:04 PM	#7 (permalink)
analog Banned	Um... they'll know. There's pretty much no way of going about it differently. Oh- and take it from me who's dated two girls from two different places i've worked at- it's not a really good idea. Last edited by analog; 05-15-2005 at 02:07 PM..

05-15-2005, 02:26 PM	#8 (permalink)
f6twister Addict	Why does it matter if the others find out anyway? If any of the five truly want to date you, they won't care if you asked out someone else (or at least they shouldn't). If you ask one of them out, it just makes it known that you are both available and looking. That should give them the chance to come after you, if that is what they want. __________________ A little rudeness and disrespect can elevate a meaningless interaction to a battle of wills and add drama to an otherwise dull day. Calvin

05-15-2005, 01:37 PM	#2 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	.... Ask her out... without... her knowing... That sounds like a really great plan. Maybe in a few years you'll find a way to have her marry you and have your children without her knowing! If you're going to play the relationships game, I recommend playing full out. Trying to protect yourself from embarassment won't ever really get you what you want.

05-15-2005, 02:03 PM	#6 (permalink)
filtherton Junkie Location: In the land of ice and snow.	I hate to break it to you, but if you're going to ask a lady out, odds are exceedingly high that the lady will find out. I would even go so far as to make the bold claim that the lady must find out. The verification of my hypothesis might require some experiment on your part, but i am confident you will see the results i predict, in two weeks or less, money back guaranteed. I would also imagine that if you did somehow ask a lady out without her knowing, a.k.a. going the "friend" route, you'll no doubt be finding your way eventually to the "nice guys never get the girl" thread to complain about how women only express romantic interest in people who are ahem courageous/considerate enough to be forthright with their intentions.

05-15-2005, 03:33 PM	#9 (permalink)
cj2112 Unbelievable Location: Grants Pass OR	why would you want to ask somebody out that has a boyfriend?

05-15-2005, 03:33 PM	#10 (permalink)
MsNobody Tilted Location: Southern California	Nothing like trying to have a back-up plan. I say you ask the one girl you like, out, and forget the rest. Sounds more like your trying to scam these girls, or to get a little something-something, than, your a nice guy who just wants to take a girl out.

05-15-2005, 03:34 PM	#11 (permalink)
jhkayakr Insane Location: under the skirt	ask em all out, you might get REALLY lucky. __________________ ........gotta need for speed....

05-15-2005, 03:56 PM	#12 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	You have GOT to be kidding...right.....your kidding me right....this is a joke.....please tell me this is a joke..... you are kidding.........Right __________________ Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

05-15-2005, 04:18 PM	#13 (permalink)
TexanAvenger Born-Again New Guy Location: Unfound.	I hear the old "club 'em" method still works, and if you come up from behind she won't know it was a date with you... or even that there was a date to start with. Seriously, if you're interested enough to ask her, just ask her. She has a boyfriend, fine. That issue'll be dealt with when you get to it. Why does it matter to you if the other 4 know? Are you planning on 'un-dating' them all in rapid succession and're afraid the 5th'll think you're shallow? And for the record, hotness is hardly a factor to focus on if there's a relationship at stake. Plenty of both sexes are hot as hell, only to be shallow and spiteful underneath. Unless it's an exceptionally quick thing that you're looking for, hotness is not the way to go.

05-15-2005, 06:32 PM	#14 (permalink)
Gilda 32 flavors and then some Location: Out on a wire.	I'll take it seriously. Let's assume you're at a dance. This is exactly the advice I give to the boy's in my classes about how to ask a girl to dance. I can't take credit for it; I stole it from John Gray. There's a group of five girls standing together, any of whom is nice enough to dance with, although one is a lot nicer than the others. What do you do to maximize your chance of getting a dance? First, don't pick them out and ask in order of attractiveness. After girl A turns you down, girl B knows you're her second choice. By the time you get to E, she's going to be really insulted. Even if girl A does say yes, the others will still know they were your second choice. Here's your best strategy. Approach the group as a whole, and say, "Would any of you lovely ladies like to dance?" Chances are that one of them is going to be willing. When you're done, drop her off, and ask the group again. Now you have a second chance, but you haven't insulted any of them; you may get to dance with all of them. No joke, I've seen computer nerds dance with half a dozen girls at a dance using this strategy, and have an absolute blast. Now lets apply this to an adult situation. Make friends with the whole group. Hang out with them, have lunch with them, make small talk. Don't target any one, wait until one of the girls shows interest, or until you know enough about her to know that she's compatable with you, and then ask her out. Or even just apply the dance strategy directly. Approach the group, and ask them out as a group. If there are any takers, you've got a date, and what's more, it's with a girl you now know is interested in you, which is a piece of information you don't currently posess. __________________ I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that. ~Steven Colbert

05-15-2005, 06:37 PM	#15 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	^ Said what I couldn't manage to put together quickly enough Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

05-15-2005, 07:13 PM	#18 (permalink)
K-Wise It's All About The Ass!! Location: In a pool of mayonnaise!!	^ Yeah that'll go over great when he finally decides to ask one of em out on a date and leans in for a kiss at the end of the evening. Asta!! __________________ "I love music and it's my parents fault (closing statement)." - Me..quoting myself...from when I said that...On TFP..thats here...Tilted Forum Project *It ain't goodbye, it's see ya later! I'll miss you guys!* - Asta!!

05-16-2005, 04:42 AM	#24 (permalink)
Charlatan Getting it. Super Moderator Location: Lion City	Answer: You don't. __________________ "My hands are on fire. Hands are on fire. Ain't got no more time for all you charlatans and liars." - Old Man Luedecke

05-15-2005, 10:40 PM	#21 (permalink)
anti fishstick Post-modernism meets Individualism AKA the Clash Location: oregon	yea girls are smart. we know when you like us. and we know when you're playing us too. __________________ And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. ~Anais Nin

05-16-2005, 12:28 PM	#25 (permalink)
guthmund big damn hero	I was going to advise slipping it into the middle of a very boring conversation very, very fast. So.....do you like the band? I....find them to be a tad pretentious, I mean they sound great the the lead singer is fantastic, but heyyouwannagogetabeerwithmelater the lyrics leave something to be desired. Your right. That probably won't work. That's the problem, I think. Any devious way we come up with will only be exposed as the silly plan it really is. Women, who are oh, so much smarter when it comes to stuff like this. __________________ No signature. None. Seriously.