sonuva72

I'm approaching the point when I'm going to ask my girl the big question, and I'm planning to use a cheap placeholder ring for the actual event. Afterwards, I'll take her shopping for the actual ring. She's the type of girl who, after my roommate got engaged, started ranting about Debeers, monopoly, worker exploitation, etc (I know, she's great). So I'm assuming we won't be looking at diamonds. There are guides all over the place for diamond shopping, but much less in the way of other colored stones. If I were to get a diamond, I'd be looking at a few grand, so my price range is anywhere from there on down. Does anyone have advice on where to go and what to look for?

I live in a big city, so finding locations shouldn't be a problem. Any places I should look online as well? Are most jewelry stores going to be able to help me out, or do most just focus on diamonds? Should I look into buying a loose stone, and getting a custom ring? What stones do you all like? Ruby, emerald, tanzanite, sapphire? Any advice on how to judge the stones, and what size I might be looking at?

Finally, what about the band? Platinum or white gold? Looking at past threads, there seem to be supporters both ways.

Thanks all!

maleficent

an engagement ring can be whatever you want it to be -- the colored gems are different and i think they're pretty.... what's her birthstone?

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spindles

My personal opinion is that she should end up with a ring she *wants* to wear all the time - not because of what it symbolises but what it looks like. My first wife ended up with an rose gold ring with an aquamarine stone because "she liked it and it fit our budget at the time". My current wife has a platinum ring with 6 tiny diamonds that are sunk into the ring - we also got our wedding rings from the same jeweller - so her wedding ring and engagement ring match - though the wedding rings are rose gold (yellow gold looks a bit cacky on both our hands).

So I say buy something you like, and get the jeweller to give you a valuation, especially for insurance purposes...

Finding a jeweller whose work you like is half the battle - you can save money if you get the stones separately, but you kinda have to know what you are looking at or trust the guy selling it to you.

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clavus

Find a family-owned jeweler. Find someone who will take the time to talk to you and explain the differences in the stones.

I don't know where you are, but the Grebitus family in Sacramento has a couple stores staffed by friendly people who really know their stuff.

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Sue

IMPO, blue's my absolute FAVE color. for Xmas I got a diamond & tanzanite ring from my mother, and I LOVE how it looks. I'm not one to wear gold, I've never really liked it on me. I'm a silver person myself. The band itself on my ring is white gold. Looks silver, but it's gold. hell, the ring could actually almost look like an engagement ring, from the cut it is. If my dang digital camera weren't broken I'd take a pic for you to see it.

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la petite moi

You don't have to have a ring when you pop the question- you could maybe just have something sweet to symbolise it. I dunno, maybe ask her and then give her a flower, and then say that you'd like to get her a ring of her choice.

nwlinkvxd and I came to a consent to get engaged, and it was fun and emotional to go to the jewelry store together and pick out rings.

martinguerre

match her eyes, a favorite color for her to wear. buy a pair of earrings with her...

go shopping, and ask her opinion about all kinds of stones, etc...

Use that information to select the ring. and then, if you suceed...the earrings will match the ring you get, and it becomes a set.

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sonuva72

Thanks for the feedback so far. I do plan to wait to give the actual ring until after I've asked, so that I can take her shopping to see what she likes. I'm mostly looking for advice on how to go about the shopping process, and tips as far as what other have liked.

I like the "shopping for earrings" approach if I decide to try surprising her after all.

maleficent

Not sure where you are located, but for shopping, I would stay away from the chain jewelry stores, you probably aren't going to get the best quality or the best price. Find a local jeweler. Some jewelers have estate jewelry, that if she likes antiquish or just a unique piece, it might be perfect for her - - I have a bracelet that a friend bough as a piece of estate jewelry, and it's gorgeous.. I don't see anything like it anywhere I go.

Decide at the outset how much you want to spend - -like - what's your maximum. It's not asking you to put a pricetag on your love, but you want to be realisitc, you probably don't want to spend 25 dollars for a ring, but 25,000 is gonna be excessive. Really figure out what your budge is. (Rule of thumb has been 2 months salary, but that's from a different place and time -- spend what you are comfortable spending)

Going for a colored gem, is going to be a lot less than a diamond you will also be able to get a bigger stone.

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maleficent

Other things you want to consider in the setting. (I used google images for sapphire engagement ring and came up with a few different styles)

A solitare?

A solitaire with a diamond on each side


A solitaire surrounded by diamonds? (this was popular style because it looked like Princess Diana's Engagement ring)
[img]ttp://www.faycullen.com/_pics/800/b1003r1s/p.jpg[/img]

or something a little more unique



Some rings will take abuse better than others, she migh prefer a setting that is closer to her hand, rather than sticking out, if she works a lot with her hands..

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la petite moi

That's not necessarily true- when I went in with nwlinkvxd to talk to a representative at Helzberg Diamonds, we really felt like the people were extremely helpful and we got my ring for at least 800 dollars less than usual because of a sale at the time. The reps were friendly and told us to take our time. They are also a big chain store. I've been in one of our local jewelry stores, and I didn't find them to be as attentive or helpful.

I think the best advice is to go to many places and shop around. If the place you find to be the nicest or the most helpful or the cheapest is a chain, then you should still go with them. Then again, if they are local, go with them just the same.

ShaniFaye

This is my engagement ring. I cant stand diamonds, they do nothing for me. I also prefer silver than gold, white gold, or anything else. Since I have a love for all things Scottish this ring was perfect for me and it was less than 100 dollars US

Its an amethyst

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lurkette

Good for your girl! Diamonds are overrated and overpriced.

If you want to get her a "promise ring," pick out an inexpensive ring with a stone you know she'll like. She can always wear it later as just regular jewelery.

A nice thing to do is to go with her to a local jeweler who does custom designs and have them help you pick out a stone and craft a setting. It'll be one-of-a-kind, personalized, and you'll be supporting artisans instead of conglomorates. I have several friends who have gone this route, and their rings are so beautiful I just can't stop looking at them.

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JustJess

Mine is a diamond ring (quadro had his own opinions!!), but it has two sapphires on either side - they're gorgeous stones. All three are princess cut, the side stones being a touch smaller. I love it. My mother has an emerald ring, oval stone set sideways, and it's beautiful too. Unless you know she likes a particular style, it's usually best to go for simple designs. If you're in the NY/LI area, I can also highly recommend the people he went to - we bought our wedding bands there and are very happy. Sapphires have been *very* popular lately, and so have three-stone rings as opposed to solitaires.
As for finding out what she likes… you could try it Quadro’s way. *sigh* He asked me a lot of questions about what I liked and all that, then gave me a hard time if I ever brought it up after that. Then he proposed out of the blue 10 months later. Punk.
Good luck!!!

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Carno

Ahhhh... diamonds.. the rare stones that aren't rare.

I applaud anyone who chooses not to buy diamonds.

StanT

We went up to the courthouse and got married, her ring was done after the fact.

My wife hates diamonds so we shopped around and bought a single loose emerald that was absolutely beautiful. She took the emerald to our local rennaisance fair and had a unique gold band made to fit it. Her ring is stunning and is exactly what she wanted.

Sage

martel and I looked through a big box of opals, and found one that was just perfect! We had the guy at the store put it into a setting and then onto a ring, and it held up well until last week when the band snapped. We're going to get the opal set into a more permanent setting soon. I love opals- they're so pretty- mine is a deep blue with a lot of different color variations in it. They're a soft stone, tho, so they're gonna wear out eventually. For Martel and I, that's ok, cause our ring was just something fun on the side while we were waiting for everyone else to be let in on the secret of our marriage. Our wedding bands cost $30 alltogether- they're matching sterling silver bands with a cool Indian inspired design on them. major props for not buying diamonds- once you learn the truth about DeBeers, you never want to look at a diamond again. However, the process of making synthetic diamonds that are virtually the same as the "real thing" has been perfected, and they're starting to come out on the market a bit. When they get to be a bit more widely avaliable, I want to get a synthetic diamond just as a "fuck you" to DeBeers. I don't buy this "a diamond is forever" crap.

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Lead543

Ask around to people in your area. An honest jeweller is key. My stepmom and stepsister have had diamonds/gemstones switched in their rings on several different occasions. The last thing you want to do is pay money for a piece of coloured glass. As for the gold/gemstone, drop hints to your girlfriend. "Oh I really like this type of gold...what do you like?" It varies from girl to girl, I'd love for my boyfriend to *suprise* me with something he's put together just from random details he knows about me. Congratulations and good luck!

Grasshopper Green

I was lucky; we found the perfect ring at the first store we walked into, which was a small, but not family owned, company. We went shopping together, since we were already married when we got our rings. I got an emerald with small diamons on each side of it, and then more emeralds going down the side of the ring. I have received many, many compliments on my ring, and I love it just as much now as when we got it. IMO, colored stones are prettier and more unique for a ring than diamonds, and I wouldn't think twice about getting a ring with colored stones if I had it to do over.

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Acetylene

Kel did exactly what you're proposing--I'm wearing my promise ring now and we will go engagement ring shopping later. I'll tell you about my ring because the decisions involved some criteria which most people don't consider, but which are important to me.

My ring is black titanium with a tension-set sapphire in the middle. Like this one but with a sapphire, not a diamond: http://store1.yimg.com/I/titanium-rings_1840_2688141

I dislike diamonds because of the corruption and market manipulation. But, I like shiny things. Also, durability and comfort are the two most important things for me because I tend to destroy anything on my hands. Hence, titanium--strong and light. I also like the tension setting because it doesn't stick out or catch on anything. If I had a stone in a prong setting I'd be terrified I'd accidentally put someone's eye out with it! Not to mention all the times it would snag on my clothes.

I like sapphires because they are a pretty color, rare, and special, very tough--but honestly, Kel thought of that on his own. The black metal I liked because the chemical process of making it black makes the metal 5x harder and more scratch-resistant. plus looks awesome.

But for my actual engagement ring, I was thinking grey titanium and moissonite. Moissonite is more expensive than cubic zirbonium but much, much harder, and without that sort of fake "whiteness" to it. It is also shinier, with more fire, and we've established how I feel about shiny things. But I'm sticking with the tension set, and I've added a new criteria--no little nooks for dirt to get into. I have to clean my ring like every other day because crud gets into the groove--I think it's mostly soap, even though I usually take it off to wash things. Actually I don't think I want to know what that gunk is, I'd rather just have a smooth ring that doesn't GET gunk in the first place! I keep seeing all these fancy, inlaid, ornate rings and thinking they look so pretty, but when I imagine wearing them, I shudder at cleaning it!

Anyway, 2 cents.

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sonuva72

Acetylene, that's one good looking ring. I'll have to show her something like that, and see what she thinks. If I were wearing it, I'd go for that look.

cellophanedeity

I'd also make sure you find out where the company gets their gems if your girl is concerned about worker rights. Diamonds aren't the only gems that people get exploited by.

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Redlemon

This is the exact path my wife and I took. I used her silver Claddagh ring (given to her by her grandma) as her first engagement ring, simply moving it from one hand to the other to be in the appropriate position. For the second ring, we used her mom's platinum Tiffany setting, since her mom had removed the stone to be reset in gold. We went to a family-owned store in Boston that was well-known for colored gemstones (DeScenza), and picked a dark blue sapphire.

There's something that I didn't anticipate as well; the pale ones are the most expensive, but she really liked the rich deep colors. I got off way easy on price this way. Also, she has said that she wouldn't feel comfortable carrying a few thousand dollars around on her hand every day.

You didn't say what area you are from; people could give you store suggestions if we knew that.

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