Sage

I finally got the nerve today to write a letter to my old best friend, K, and now that it's in a little envelope on the desk in front of me, all ready to be mailed with my neat writing on the front, I feel like I'm slightly timid about mailing it. I haven't talked to K in over a year, and we used to be inseperable, but perhaps I'm looking at the friendship through rose-colored glasses and can't see it for what it was. I would like to think that my eloquence will make her swoon and remember how great being friends was, and see her beating down my door to reconnect with me. I suppose I can hope. I feel like I'm unsure whether or not I should even be sending this letter, making this connection after it was dropped a year ago, because I feel like I don't know what the outcome of sending it will be, and if I can deal with it.

K and I used to be very good friends, although I felt like there was always a part of herself she kept hidden and didn't share, but I understood that. Her father died when she was younger, that I know, but I don't know more about the situation. She was never one to complain around me, or cry on my shoulder... actually I don't think I ever saw her cry. But we used to have a lot of fun together, being young and in college, and it really confused and hurt me when she stopped returning my calls. This was about the same time Martel and I were getting serious, so perhaps she saw that as a threat to our friendship and decided to cut her losses before I began to get distant from her, wanting to be with Martel all the time. As I look back on it, I know that was what would have happened, because once Martel and I realized we were in love, it was all either of us could think about. Perhaps I loved Kate too and couldn't admit it to myself, or perhaps I'm applying too much nostalgia to the situation. I do know that I've thought about her almost every day for the past year and a half, ever since she stopped calling. A lot has happened between then and now, for one, I'm married. I don't know what I'm expecting, or wanting really. In an ideal world I feel like I'd want her to come to the door and say "Oh, yes, I've missed you, I always had a thing for you, is that your husband? Gee, he's cute!" and I could have my cake and eat it too, with sprinkles and some whipped cream. But I suppose that's a pipe dream.

I love you guys- I'm glad you'll never stop returning my calls. I feel like I've written K a "Dear John" letter only in reverse. What is going on??

pig

I would suggest sending the letter, but not being surprised if she doesn't come running...is she prone to vast emotional swings? If it were me, I would avoid dropping too many emotional revelation bombs on her, but then again nothing risked, nothing gained. She's already out of your life right now, so what do you really have to lose? I would definately make the contact though - life is short, and if you don't try you very well will spend the rest of your life regretting it from time to time. best of luck.

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cierah

I don't think it's ever a good idea to go back. Obviously, you guys stopped being friends for a reason. If life causes your paths to cross again then go for it, but I don't think that deliberatly going out of your way is a good idea but that's just me. That's how I make friends - if our paths cross enough to make us friends then fine but I ususally don't go around trying too hard. If it happens fine. If not fine.

lindseylatch

I think you've got more to gain here than lose. You could regain a wonderful friendship that was one of the highlight of your life, reconnect with an old friend and make another connection in the world. She could be the missing third of your soul (along with you and the husband), that could finally make you a whole and happy person.
Or you could waste a little paper and a 37 cent stamp.
Sounds like a "go" to me...

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ShaniFaye

I recommend sending it....you never know....she may be thinking the same things but feels awkward about approaching you. The worst that can happen is ..... nothing, but then at least you'll know and you'll know that you made the attempt and the ball is now out of your court.

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pig

great gotham, batman. I just realized i totally failed to give any input on your actual question. poo poo to me.
depends. when you and martel got together, did y'all do the old fall in the blackhole of love move? do you think your friend K might have just reason to hold a grudge against you? my personal opinion is that when you see your friends get hit with the fall-in-love, you pretty much just say bye to 'em for some period of time, but you don't get mad at them because they're all being in love. depending on the nature of your previous interactions with K, she either has a semi-valid reason for being hurt (ie. she was in love with you and feels you bolted) or she doesn't. it would seem that you feel badly because you may have...lets not say not broken, but rather bent the heart of a friend. it happens. communication can get y'all over it - maybe you end up with a friend...maybe you end up with a friend maybe you end up with nothing, but you won't have lost anything that isn't already functionally lost.

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You don't love me, you just love my piggy style

Cynthetiq

i've gutted my phone book on occassions...

i've told people that they weren't friends any longer...

i've reconnected with old friends...

i've lost some of those reconnections based on difference of growth...

it's life.

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abaya

I "reconnected" with an old friend a few years after we'd fallen out of touch... not for any reason, but she'd accidentally included me on a spam list (how thoughtful) and I spontaneously decided to reply to her.

We exchanged quite a few e-mails in a short time period, mostly about why things sort of slipped with us, but it wasn't like we were back to being chummy. Even though I don't think either of us would have held it against the other if we never saw/heard from each other again, it was refreshing to hear the other person's perspective and to be able to "close" that relationship in a cordial manner.

We met for coffee a year or so later, and it's been a couple more years since the last time we talked... but at least now there isn't that lingering "wha-happened?" feeling. I feel like if we ran into each other on the street we would be genuinely glad to see each other, chat things up a bit, but probably not rekindle the old bond.

So I say send it for yourself, and expect nothing. If something happens, great... if not, you did what you felt you needed to do.

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And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Grasshopper Green

I've had relationships like this, people that I thought would be a part of my life forever who end up being someone that I call and see less and less. A part of me feels sad over the loss of the relationship but another part realizes that it would be a burden to re-establish it because it failed in some way, usually because we had gotten older and had changed in some way. I don't think you have anything to lose by sending the letter, but I wouldn't get your hopes up either. People grow apart from each other and trying to keep a relationship going that is based in the past doesn't seem to work. Even if your friend doesn't want to re-establish your friendship, I hope you can have some sort of "closure" for lack of a better word, so you don't wonder for the rest of your life.

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Formerly Medusa

pinkie

An old friend from ten years ago found me just the other day via the Internet. Interestingly enough, he was a hitchhiker I met on my way driving back to St. Louis after a weekend away. He was 16 at the time, and when I stopped I just rolled down the window a tiny bit to ask him where he was going and if he was a safe person to give a ride to. He answered in this thick Canadian accent, “Of course I won't harm you, I'm safe I promise.” After hearing his voice, which was amusingly proper, I immediately trusted him and let him in. He was beaming with harmlessness.

It was only a 25 minute drive to St Louis and I told him that was as far as I was going. He then asked politely, yet quite fearlessly if he could "crash" for the night on my couch. I didn't mind, and he didn’t seem weird in any way so I said yes. He was a very polite guest, but needed a shower. I let him get cleaned up and talked with him for a while. He'd been on the road three days since leaving Sudbury, Ontario. I was impressed in his timing. He had a full beard, so he didn't look his age at all. Plus he was a big guy. He'd left his High School, and was agonizing with guilt over the Shakespearean play he was director of. He was worried that his classmates would be cross with him. Something in me just knew that he was a really great guy.

I've always loved Canadians since meeting him, and have thought of him so often since he left. He came back to St. Louis two weeks after he left for Chicago I think, and we spent the day together. I wasn't in town when he arrived so I hid my key for him. I got home and he was there. It was the early afternoon so we went to a park. While there he climbed a tree and attached the watch I gave him to a tree limb high up in this tree. He'd been wearing it for about two weeks and decided time was a farce. That watch is probably grown a part of the tree by now. I also gave him my book, The Prophet, and a silver dollar my dad had given me. We lay on our bellies in the sunshine, playing with the water in the pond we were laying by, at Tower Grove Park and talked. On that day we made ourselves honorary brother and sister.

So he finds me, and he's living in Taiwan teaching English. He sent me pictures, and told me how all these years he's tried to find me, and that I was this special person to him, “One of the few...” He looks so different now! He’s very handsome and very trimmed down. He freaked out on how different I looked too, because when I met him my hair was shorter and black. This happened just last Monday. It's amazing the people who touch our lives though our journey called living. I’m just glad he’s okay. Hilariously enough, he’s only a year younger than my husband is.

Go ahead and send the letter.

pinkie

Actully it's called Tower Grove Lake. Here's a picture from the side we were actually on. This picture is from early 1900s - 1917 I think.

Sage

wow, that's so cool pinkie!

I sent the letter- I'll let y'all know what happens!

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pinkie

Cool, thanks. I'll look for your reply!