TexanAvenger

Alright, I'm 19. Why the hell do girls make my brain turn to mush? I've recently found a lot of confidence lately and it's been helping enormously in every arena of my life save this one. It's like I'm Superman (and who's to say I'm not...?) and nearly every other member of the opposite sex is kryptonite. Talk about a pain in the ass trying to walk around Metropolis...

Alright, here's the story. A couple of weeks ago I got a girl's phone number. Big deal, I know... But I never had before. With me, relationships always just kind of happened out of friendships. It's always been a really easy take-off because nearly every one of my friends is female and we generally get along really well. They were never actively instigated.

This isn't to say that I don't know the girl at all, I still don't think I'm up to that. I've met her at a few parties and whatnot, and the usual flirting occurs that usually happens between a girl and I. That is, she flirts heavily because she's interested (confirmed fervently through mutual friends), while I blush, can't make eye contact, and laugh nervously... All while I spurt strings of mono-syllabic words to form the kind of phrases one usually hears in a place named something like "Happy Hills." Yeah... it's a gift.

So now I have this girl's number... Correction, numbers. She gave me her home and cell number because she told me she really wanted me to call. This is cool with me, because I have every intention of calling her and asking her out because she's awesome and I don't want to pass this up.

So I pull out my phone, punch the tiny, tiny buttons, occasionally have to backtrack because, while my fingers aren't fat, neither are the buttons on my bite-size cell phone (it seemed so cool when I bought it...). So, after checking the number against my slip of paper so I know I won't accidently call King's House of Earthly Desire, and clearing my throat so I can say, "Hey *name withheld*, it's Oz." in the coolest manner possible, I go to hit that positron-sized 'send' button. That, my friends, is where the issue at hand lies...

I freeze up. I sweat like a large, hairy man from Kyrgyzstan in a sauna. I get as nervous as the new kid come time to shower in the locker room after gym class. My throat constricts, my pulse quickens, my stomach verbally threatens to jump out of my mouth if I come another centimeter closer to that itsy-bitsy button.

Am I scared of this girl? Not really. Am I afraid of being rejected? Not particulary (unless I happen to wait a little longer...). It's as if a beautiful, intelligent, witty, funny, slightly exotic, eclectic, and downright cool girl is the trigger that turns off my higher brian functions. I don't even know how good of an excuse that is though... Ug McRockface can go club himself a girl, while I can't even ask one to a club. And dear god, don't even mention being in person around this girl. The sheer volume of pheromones is enough to knock me off-balance, even forgetting who it is that they're coming from.

So I'm at a standstill here. I can't get myself to call, my body undergoes a mutiny against my brain, but I really want to call. Nevermind really needing to call before she totally gives up on me...

Yeah, I know all guys fall to pieces around a great girl. Yeah, I need to just shut up and punch 'send.' Even if I have to try a couple of times because I miss that microscopic target. I know I can be a really good guy, I'm still on really good terms with all my old girlfriends and they occasionally wonder aloud what exactly wasn't awesome about the relationship... So I'm not even worried about that.

I just felt like I needed to share this little embarassing detail of my life with the rest of the world. Thanks for listening, begin the ridicule.

joemc91

I used to have the same problem. Just stop thinking and press the "talk" button. As soon as you do you'll realize you don't have much of a choice at that point. Just imagine her as a good friend who you would normally call. That's pretty much all the advice I can and should give because I suck at these situations too.

abaya

CALL HER.

That is all.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran

Carno

I had that same problem too, but after I called her, it turned out to be that she was really boring and then I dreaded calling her.

Hope it doesn't happen to you!

TexanAvenger

Not the kind of response I was expecting, but thanks.

And believe me, this girl is anything but boring. I think it'd be easier to call her if she was...

Starlight4

Just think about this... you already got the hardest part done... you got her NUMBERS... ers (not just one) and SHE gave them to you. That's code for, "yeah, i'm interested in talking to you". Now all you have to do is see if you actually like her and if you have something in common...

Dating isn't always about selling yourself... you gotta see if the girl is "worthy" of you too!!! Good luck!

theusername

Imagine her on the toilet? haha. Just call man seems like the girl digs you no matter how scared you are you have reason to be confident.

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NegativeNine

From what you've said, just say "hey, its me." and she'll do the yapping from there .

Or occupy yourself with something else. Talk to her while doing something you're familiar with and enjoy.

Good luck!

lindseylatch

Plan out the WHOLE convo, like exactly what you're going to talk about, where to ask her out to, etc. Maybe write it down even. Then, you won't run out of things to say.
Whenever I call people for the first time, I prey I get their answering service.

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pattycakes

lol record what you want to say to her. hit the play button when she picks up :-) even if it is just hi its oz

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cj2112

call her dammitt! if ya run out of things to talk about, tell her about this thread, then read her your original post....she''l think it's cute and sweet and all that other stuff that girls say about stuff like this

settie

cj2112: haha, very true. If he showed her his original post, she would probably think it is cute.
TexanAvenger: I understand your frustration, because I have the same problem with boys. Guys turn my brain to mush. I always seem to manage to screw up something I say or do when I'm around a guy I like. But I think I am a bit more lucky than you because I am branded as a klutz (lol) probably for the rest of my life, so if I mess up, I just say "hey, I'm a klutz, what can I do?" lol :P

flamingdog

Girls have got diseases. Delete her number and burn the slip of paper.

Coppertop

Give me her number. I'll, uh, call her for you.

Seriously though, just call her. You know how many guys are out there that would kill to be in your shoes? Step up, bro.

Gilda

I gave this advice in another thread: Positive Visualization.

Close your eyes. Picture yourself calling her, every step of the process, punching in the number, pressing send, waiting as the phone rings. Picture here answering the phone. Greet her, and practice what you're going to say. Imagine her response, she's pleased to hear your voice, and she says something positive in response. As you talk to her, you're calm, cool, relaxed, funny, and charming. She responds positively, and you have a pleasant conversation that you both enjoy.

That's a bare sketch, but fill it in with the details--what she's wearing, the look on her face as she laughs, the exact wording of what you're going to say, and always imagine her responding positively.

Seriously, this works. I've used it before presentations, job interviews, my doctoral orals, and most recetnly when I interviewed for a job as a college instructor.

Calling up a girl you like can be difficult, I know from experience, but I also can tell you from experience that if she likes you, and your OP seems to indicate that she does, she's going to try to make things easy on you, and is just as worried about saying the wrong thing as you are. Really, we're not all that different from you guys in that way.

If you don't call, you're guaranteed not to have a good conversation. If you do, you're more likely than not to have a good one. The upside is much bigger than the downside.

phathom

I used to have the same problem too, but remember she wants you, you da man. and just dial as fast as you can that way you don't have time to look back. before you know it you'll be talking to her, and even if there are a couple of minutes of awekward silence, it will end soon and you will be talking to her, asking her out, and hopefully starting a relationship with this girl, and if she has the same interests and it gets to be a smooth conversation and likewise after that, then you know you two will click together further down the road.

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-snooch to the nooch

MSD

Give me her number and your number, and I'll start a conference call. I've let opportunities like this slip away and I don't want it to happen to you. It's been two days and you're going to start losing your window of opportunity if you don't call soon. I expect the next post of yours to be telling us that you're going out with her sometime this weekend.

Look at my avatar. Do you want to make happycat sad? If not for you, do it for happycat.

skier

Dude, all it takes is practice. This is like your first time getting into the driver's seat of a car. You're just not going to be comfortable with the controls right away. But it gets easier every time you sit down.

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"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

muttonglutton

Treat it like an online conversation. If she just popped online, what would you say to her? Why would it be any different if you're on the phone?

Also, think of it from her end. She really, really wants you to call, she's probably nervous wondering what she's going to say to you.

If you make the call, you can't bung it up. I promise.

:: Promise void in Indiana, or if the promisee makes any mention of axe murderers, bodily functions, or ex-girlfriends within the duration of said phone call.

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Cellar Door.

NotMVH

I thought about how I wanted to answer this post and came back for it.

The most important thing for myself was realizing that I wanted my relationships and sexuality to be fun and enjoyable experiences. If I am not comfortable calling a woman or asking her out I let it go, it is healthier for me. Once you get past the need to pursue, the NEED to meet someone, things for myself have become much more relaxed and enjoyable. It has nothing to due with the caliber of woman I seek or my own self esteem, it has to do with what I enjoy and feel.

liquidlight

Dude, if you're that interested and having that hard a time, pull the chickenshit route. . . call her house when you know that she isn't going to be there and leave a voicemail! Give her your number and the usual shmooze and how much you'd like to talk to her, hope to hear from her soon, etc. . .

With the interest that she's already shown it should be a cakewalk when she calls you back, and then she's doing the hard part and you're covered.

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Halfway to hell and picking up speed.

TexanAvenger

I hope happycat'll settle for she and I doing something next weekend, as this weekend is pretty much over and I just called her about an hour ago...

Aside from the whole "I can't breathe and my hands're slightly shaking" thing, that was pretty easy. We'll go grab some lunch, catch a movie, then just go hang out over at her house.

Just so you know, none of this is for me. It's all for happycat. I promise I won't have any fun of my own.

MSD

It's good to see that someone a few years younger isn't screwing up the same way I did. If this lasts a long time, she'll look back and comment on how cute it was that you were afraid to call her and make you turn bright red.

thalakos315

and then say how you turning red is cute, afterwards she'll go out of her way to make you blush, anyway she can. seems to always work out that way

congrats on the date now you have to go through the anxiety right before you actually meet. although that isn't nearly as bad, because at that point, theres no way out of it

Stare At The Sun

If you're really that nervous, write down on a little piece of paper 10 filler questions that you can use to keep the convo going, and laugh/be happy when you call her.

1. What are you up to today
2. what are you doin this weekend
etc

JustJess

Thanks, TexanAvenger. You just made me remember all the reasons I think boys are cute. Have a great time!!! And let us know how it went!!

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My heart knows me better than I know myself, so I'm gonna let it do all the talkin'.

Eviltree

I know exactly what you mean for I have the same problem.... Sucks don't it? So far, all my relationships have 'fallen into place' so I'd say that just don't think about it. Look at it from the perspective of a Zen master: all the fears in your head are just thoughts, they are nothing, just thoughts. (this makes more sense when told by a zen master)

Supple Cow

This IS really cute. Glad you finally called her.

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"I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. Twenty-six times I've been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed."
(Michael Jordan)

TexanAvenger

heh... I forgot this was here...

It went well...We got lunch, skipped the movie and just ended up walking around downtown, then went back to her place to hang out. She asked me why it took so long to call her, I tried to tell her, got all flustered, and just ended up pulling up TFP and printing this off... I'm telling you, I'm ridiculously less intelligent in the presence of a girl like her... And it ended with a hug, a kiss on the cheek, and... a distinct feeling that it won't work out as a relationship. (Surprise!) I was kind of surprised after the fact how much I couldn't think of her as anything other than a good friend. We clicked. We clicked well. But we just didn't hit it off in a romantic sense... (Though there were moments...)

Maybe next time... heh.