Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community  

Go Back   Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community > The Academy > Tilted Life


 
 
LinkBack Thread Tools
Old 02-01-2005, 08:59 PM   #1 (permalink)
Crazy
 
Will we ever know what it is?

I have second thoughts about my actions and words. It makes it very hard to function on a daily basis. I recently came to a realization that the reason for this may be the lack of confidence I have in my looks. I have lost some weight over the last month and have really toned up. My assumption was partially right because my confidence did go up, and as a result I second guess myself a lot less. Now here's the part that bothers me. I went through a phase for about a week, where I felt completely confident in everything i did and said. It didn't bother me if others disagreed or had negative thoughts about my actions or opinions, because I felt that since I did em, it was right. For some reason I knew this couldn't last, and it faded away in about 5 days and I went back to my second guessing ways.

Lately, instead of not being confident at all, it's more of a wave effect where I feel totally confident in one setting, and totally second guessing myself in another. Am I just chasing a bubble which explodes every time I get close? Or is there hope for me? I just want to be able to live a life where I worry about the real things, and not whether my co worker thinks I am an idiot because of the chain letter I sent him, since he hasn't responded. Hopefully as I continue to get toned up, and continue to feel proud of the way I look, I can have the confidence in my words and actions that I get a slight sneak preview of every now and then.

I gotta say, life would be such a joy if that feeling existed 24/7. Success would be so much easier, as you would only concentrate on things you could control. For now, we'll keep on reading all these inspirational quotes of "one play at a time" "trust your instincts, you know all the answers". How can we trust our instincts when we don't even know which voice it is? Most of the time it's three voices arguing against one another. By the time you make a decision it's forced and the moment has passed. Maybe one day we can all lead our ideal lives where we only worry about what we can control. Good luck trying to actually accomplish it. I know I haven't been able to.
dualman7 is offline  
Old 02-01-2005, 09:10 PM   #2 (permalink)
Crazy
 
please move this to tilted living.
dualman7 is offline  
Old 02-01-2005, 09:43 PM   #3 (permalink)
Republican slayer
 
Hardknock's Avatar
 
Location: WA
I can say that I had (and maybe still have a little) the same issue you're going through now. Not to be blunt, but I've come to the realization that you have to just say fuck it and whoever likes you will like you and whoever doesn't, it's their problem not yours. You have to realize that you can't please everyone in the world. Stop trying to make everyone else happy. Concentrate on making yourself happy. Once you do that, I believe that it will radiate to everyone else around you and you'll be a happier person for it.
Hardknock is offline  
Old 02-02-2005, 08:30 AM   #4 (permalink)
Mad Philosopher
 
asaris's Avatar
 
Location: Washington, DC
Don't worry too much about it. As far as I can tell, everyone has times where they're constantly second-guessing themselves. No one is always self-confident, and most people are far less self-confident than they appear.
__________________
"Die Deutschen meinen, daß die Kraft sich in Härte und Grausamkeit offenbaren müsse, sie unterwerfen sich dann gerne und mit Bewunderung:[...]. Daß es Kraft giebt in der Milde und Stille, das glauben sie nicht leicht."

"The Germans believe that power must reveal itself in hardness and cruelty and then submit themselves gladly and with admiration[...]. They do not believe readily that there is power in meekness and calm."

-- Friedrich Nietzsche
asaris is offline  
Old 02-02-2005, 12:30 PM   #5 (permalink)
Twitterpated
 
Suave's Avatar
 
Location: My own little world (also Canada)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Hardknock
I can say that I had (and maybe still have a little) the same issue you're going through now. Not to be blunt, but I've come to the realization that you have to just say fuck it and whoever likes you will like you and whoever doesn't, it's their problem not yours. You have to realize that you can't please everyone in the world. Stop trying to make everyone else happy. Concentrate on making yourself happy. Once you do that, I believe that it will radiate to everyone else around you and you'll be a happier person for it.
I don't think you're describing the same problem. You're talking about wanting everyone to like you; he's talking about indecisiveness and lack of confidence in his actions.

I've got the same thing. Guess how I quit my last job? I flipped a coin. Well, it kept coming up heads, but tails was the "quit" side, so eventually I just got fed up and quit, but I think it shows something when a decision like quitting your job has the flip of a coin brought into it.

I think the best thing to do is firstly, don't overthink anything. If it's possible, act on impulse when the situation warrants (don't go overthinking which situations warrant acting on impulse either :P ). Secondly, once you've finished an action, stop thinking about it. Realise that it is done, you can't go backwards in time, and trying to change it is both futile and probably detrimental to the situation.
__________________
"Few people are capable of expressing with equanimity opinions which differ from the prejudices of their social environment. Most people are even incapable of forming such opinions." - Albert Einstein

"Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools, because they have to say something." - Plato
Suave is offline  
Old 02-02-2005, 02:01 PM   #6 (permalink)
Wehret Den Anfängen!
 
Location: Ontario, Canada
Second guessing, and thinking too much about what other people think of your actions, are different things. Dualman seems to be convolving them into one problem.

There is nothing wrong with thinking you could be wrong. Realize you cannot get the ideal answer. Pick one, it doesn't matter if it isn't ideal or perfect, and go with it.

This doesn't mean you should, can or will only have one solution or belief in a situation. It means you should pick one of those beliefs quickly (it doesn't matter which one) and ride it, until shown otherwise.

Being able to see more than one side of an issue, problem or situation is a gift. Just don't let it paralyze you.
__________________
Last edited by JHVH : 10-29-4004 BC at 09:00 PM. Reason: Time for a rest.
Yakk is offline  
Old 02-02-2005, 02:15 PM   #7 (permalink)
Crazy
 
thanks for the replies. I wish it were the case yakk, but unfrotunately I don't think there's too much genius in this noggin.

I'll give you an example; as I type this, as soon as I hit submit, instantly I will second guess regarding my choice of words. Then when nobody responds for about fifteen minutes, I am sure I'll think of a different self sabotaging thought. 90% of the time I am just so insecure that it's not even funny. What gives me hope is that there are those times when I feel totally confident.

When having conversations with certain people I am uncomfortable with, I feel like I am performing infront of Simon Cowell. Waiting and dreading for their response to see if they approve. Am I better off just being quiet around these people? Damned if I do, damned if i don't type of things. I keep trying to figure out why i am so uncomfortable around them but I can't. They haven't really offended me in anyway. And they are pretty nice most of the time. Wish i knew why I am so uncomfortable around most people.

I have had a great childhood with two parents who love me. For the last six years I have been a real loner, and I am sure this has a lot to do with it. There are a few friends I have, who make me feel very comfortable and I become extremelly outgoing, outspoken, and very confident, but as we depart, so does the confident me.

After reading all that it's probavly hard to believe, but I am actually an inspiring director. Same thing though. When i enter the booth, the confident me magically shows up and I produce great work while being a very good leader. Then it all magically fades. Life is flying by, and I am watching more reality TV then actually living in reality.


This is way too complex for anyone to respond to, I understand that. just started writing and didn't stop. I am just so uncomfortable in my skin, and it affects everything I do. I do work out twice a day. hopefully slowly but surely the confidence will come and stick. I feel like I have truly been blessed with amazing talents, but I am hindering myself with all of my insecurities. I won't be able to live with myself If i don't accomplish my goals. But the way things are now, I sometimes drop so low that I can't even look people in the eyes. I look in the mirror way too much, which I can't explain.

Last edited by dualman7; 02-02-2005 at 02:31 PM..
dualman7 is offline  
 

Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are On



All times are GMT -8. The time now is 12:50 AM.

Tilted Forum Project

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2024, vBulletin Solutions, Inc.
Search Engine Optimization by vBSEO 3.6.0 PL2
© 2002-2012 Tilted Forum Project

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 36 37 38 39 40 41 42 43 44 45 46 47 48 49 50 51 52 53 54 55 56 57 58 59 60 61 62 63 64 65 66 67 68 69 70 71 72 73 74 75 76 77 78 79 80 81 82 83 84 85 86 87 88 89 90 91 92 93 94 95 96 97 98 99 100 101 102 103 104 105 106 107 108 109 110 111 112 113 114 115 116 117 118 119 120 121 122 123 124 125 126 127 128 129 130 131 132 133 134 135 136 137 138 139 140 141 142 143 144 145 146 147 148 149 150 151 152 153 154 155 156 157 158 159 160 161 162 163 164 165 166 167 168 169 170 171 172 173 174 175 176 177 178 179 180 181 182 183 184 185 186 187 188 189 190 191 192 193 194 195 196 197 198 199 200 201 202 203 204 205 206 207 208 209 210 211 212 213 214 215 216 217 218 219 220 221 222 223 224 225 226 227 228 229 230 231 232 233 234 235 236 237 238 239 240 241 242 243 244 245 246 247 248 249 250 251 252 253 254 255 256 257 258 259 260 261 262 263 264 265 266 267 268 269 270 271 272 273 274 275 276 277 278 279 280 281 282 283 284 285 286 287 288 289 290 291 292 293 294 295 296 297 298 299 300 301 302 303 304 305 306 307 308 309 310 311 312 313 314 315 316 317 318 319 320 321 322 323 324 325 326 327 328 329 330 331 332 333 334 335 336 337 338 339 340 341 342 343 344 345 346 347 348 349 350 351 352 353 354 355 356 357 358 359 360