What's wrong with my friends? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

asudevil83 · 10-08-2004, 10:30 PM

I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet, so i'll try to just summarize this entire fiasco.

About 5 months ago two of my closest friends broke up, we'll call them A (the girl) and B (the guy). they had been together for about three year, and i guess it was just time for a change. the breakup was a mutual thing i guess, so they agreed to stay friends and stuff. they both started dating other people a few weeks later (i thought that that was just a little too soon.) B did some stuff that he felt a little bad about, i guess trying to get over her and stuff by messing around with other chicks.

about a 2 weeks ago, in a fucked up state of mind (mushrooms), B starts talking to one of my other good friends (we'll call her C) about how he has felt bad about doing what he did. he was very vague about it, and left her pondering. she then goes out and tells A. they both ponder this for a week or so. B then calls C back and tells her that he knew that she would go and talk to A about that and says that he was doing this to see how it affected A (in a way manipulating her.) well, C freaks out and tells B that she never wants to talk to him again because as well as she thought she knew him, he did a complete 180 on her.

this is where it involves me. in C's mind, a person's personality and actions are reflected in their friends. therefore, since I've known B since first grade, i somehow MIGHT have these same manipulative tendencies. FUCKED UP LOGIC. so basically, my integrity has been attacked, and trust is now an issue between us. i could definately see her reasoning if i had known her for a couple of months or so, but i've known her for over a year.

I used to talk to C and A all the time and hang out with them pretty much every fri, sat, and sun.....but since then not much of anything. i had lunch with A yesterday and she suggested that we go to a concert tonight. i called this evening and text messaged her confirming, but at the time it was supposed to start i got a last minute call cancelling because she "had no money for it" and that she was going to hang out with one of her girl friends tonight instead. other things like that are pissing me off. apparently they have no problem hanging out with me, but i get no calls to do so. am i supposed to call them up asking if i can hang with them? i dont think so. from my perspective their is still something wrong, and i dont want to "invite" myself to hang out with either of them if they are going to be waiting for me to fuck up.

i hate dealing with drama bullshit, and the way i do deal with it is by keeping myself away from it....and that's by distancing myself from them until things change. i have a feeling that unless i do something to keep myself in the picture, they'll just think that i'm done with them as friends. what the fuck do i do?

maleficent · 10-09-2004, 04:47 AM

"B" was out of line for using "C" to get to "A", but "C" seemed to go off the deep end at the '"guilt by association" factor.

Honestly, their drama is their drama, I'd stay out of it of the whole, A, B, C drama -- but they are your friends, keep in contact with them, for other activities, and keep planning activities... eventually they'll all settle down... I'd just try to avoid all conversations o their episodes

Glory's Sun · 10-09-2004, 12:53 PM

wow that was like solving a calculus equation. I'd have to agree with mal (she's always right!) I'd just avoid it and let it work itself out. Don't totally ignore them or anything but just do what you always do and act like you don't even notice it.

ratbastid · 10-10-2004, 08:36 AM

Just be bigger than the whole thing, and stand for the friendships you want to stand for. People can only run their drama games on you if you let them.

amonkie · 10-10-2004, 08:56 AM

As his sig states, Ratbastid speaks the truth.

Drama has no logic to it, no point in wasting your mental energy trying to figure it out.

citrid · 10-10-2004, 10:02 AM

... i guess its allowed to make your opinion clear ....

if u think its bullshit thats going on ....
if they are grown up, they will respect your words ...

i can understand "B" in a way .... manipulationg is a strong word for that.
tell him that it is simply respectless talking about his "intimous" life, in order to let this "hear" his ex .... but its weather crime nor sin ... simply ridiculess ....

C shoudnt freak out at all ... she is the one who let herself being manipulated ...
is that the reason she is not able to cope with the situation ?

let her know also ... be honest ....

lets say they all have to accept the situation ... a, b and c ....
tell them all ...

it not your problem in that way ... you are not the person who decided to do all that .....

but let them know that you have a problem with how things develop ..... be honest on that.
you give them a chance to reflect their own behaviour on what you - honestly - think about all that ...

yeah ... and stay in contact .... call them ... beneath friends, if so, its shit thinking about who is calling on whom ... its a way of showing interest in a person calling him/her ... so ... go on ...

grtz
citrid

william · 10-13-2004, 07:42 PM

Here's a simple answer - be who you are, and stand for that. It doesn't matter how you try to do the alphabet soup; stand-up! A is to B is to C - F**k that - either you're adults or your not. Stop acting like little kids and solve it!

isis · 10-13-2004, 08:55 PM

I'm sure you're worried about losing these friends over this stupid drama, but 9/10, friends who you TELL them why you're not calling them anymore and have a chat with them about it will come back around. If they truly are good friends, they'll find fault in their actions and who knows, you might even get an apology down the road.

stonegrody · 10-14-2004, 09:07 AM

You should have known this was going to happen when you first moved into Melrose Place.

10-14-2004, 11:28 AM

C is manipulating you. This is wrong. By her own words. Make sure she understands this. Tell them all to grow the f*ck up and stop behaving like teenagers. Seriously, havn't you got any better friends?

inharmony · 10-14-2004, 01:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by maleficent

"B" was out of line for using "C" to get to "A", but "C" seemed to go off the deep end at the '"guilt by association" factor.

Honestly, their drama is their drama, I'd stay out of it of the whole, A, B, C drama -- but they are your friends, keep in contact with them, for other activities, and keep planning activities... eventually they'll all settle down... I'd just try to avoid all conversations o their episodes

I agree, good luck.

pinkie · 10-15-2004, 05:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stonegrody

You should have known this was going to happen when you first moved into Melrose Place.

hahaha......

slimshaydee · 10-15-2004, 05:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by stonegrody

You should have known this was going to happen when you first moved into Melrose Place.

that made my day

timalkin · 10-15-2004, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by asudevil83

(mushrooms)

There's the problem.

alpha666 · 10-16-2004, 09:31 PM

i know how you feel, sounds like there is one big ole mess that is only going to sort it's self out with time!
the fact that a and c are blaming you for the actions of b sorta says to me that they are not the people that you thought they were.
either that or ... chances are there has been a lack of communication and somewhere along the track somthing is being taken out of context and things have to be straightened out. just sit the different parties down and explain your side of things and leave it at that......
one warning tho ..... dont make excuses for B ..... his fuck up is his fuck up not yours, i have personaly fallen into that situation and i tried to make excuses for a friend's bad behavior and eventually just got jack of doing that and now we dont speak, i would hate so see the same thing happen to you.
ya just have to get it all off your chest with all of them and you will be in the clear... let them sort their own probs out!

10-08-2004, 10:30 PM	#1 (permalink)
asudevil83 Psycho Location: Scottsdale, AZ	What's wrong with my friends? I'm going to try to keep this short and sweet, so i'll try to just summarize this entire fiasco. About 5 months ago two of my closest friends broke up, we'll call them A (the girl) and B (the guy). they had been together for about three year, and i guess it was just time for a change. the breakup was a mutual thing i guess, so they agreed to stay friends and stuff. they both started dating other people a few weeks later (i thought that that was just a little too soon.) B did some stuff that he felt a little bad about, i guess trying to get over her and stuff by messing around with other chicks. about a 2 weeks ago, in a fucked up state of mind (mushrooms), B starts talking to one of my other good friends (we'll call her C) about how he has felt bad about doing what he did. he was very vague about it, and left her pondering. she then goes out and tells A. they both ponder this for a week or so. B then calls C back and tells her that he knew that she would go and talk to A about that and says that he was doing this to see how it affected A (in a way manipulating her.) well, C freaks out and tells B that she never wants to talk to him again because as well as she thought she knew him, he did a complete 180 on her. this is where it involves me. in C's mind, a person's personality and actions are reflected in their friends. therefore, since I've known B since first grade, i somehow MIGHT have these same manipulative tendencies. FUCKED UP LOGIC. so basically, my integrity has been attacked, and trust is now an issue between us. i could definately see her reasoning if i had known her for a couple of months or so, but i've known her for over a year. I used to talk to C and A all the time and hang out with them pretty much every fri, sat, and sun.....but since then not much of anything. i had lunch with A yesterday and she suggested that we go to a concert tonight. i called this evening and text messaged her confirming, but at the time it was supposed to start i got a last minute call cancelling because she "had no money for it" and that she was going to hang out with one of her girl friends tonight instead. other things like that are pissing me off. apparently they have no problem hanging out with me, but i get no calls to do so. am i supposed to call them up asking if i can hang with them? i dont think so. from my perspective their is still something wrong, and i dont want to "invite" myself to hang out with either of them if they are going to be waiting for me to fuck up. i hate dealing with drama bullshit, and the way i do deal with it is by keeping myself away from it....and that's by distancing myself from them until things change. i have a feeling that unless i do something to keep myself in the picture, they'll just think that i'm done with them as friends. what the fuck do i do?

10-09-2004, 04:47 AM	#2 (permalink)
maleficent Junkie Moderator Emeritus Location: Chicago	"B" was out of line for using "C" to get to "A", but "C" seemed to go off the deep end at the '"guilt by association" factor. Honestly, their drama is their drama, I'd stay out of it of the whole, A, B, C drama -- but they are your friends, keep in contact with them, for other activities, and keep planning activities... eventually they'll all settle down... I'd just try to avoid all conversations o their episodes __________________ Free your heart from hatred. Free your mind from worries. Live simply. Give more. Expect less.

10-10-2004, 08:56 AM	#5 (permalink)
amonkie Drifting Administrator Location: Windy City	As his sig states, Ratbastid speaks the truth. Drama has no logic to it, no point in wasting your mental energy trying to figure it out. __________________ Calling from deep in the heart, from where the eyes can't see and the ears can't hear, from where the mountain trails end and only love can go... ~~~ Three Rivers Hare Krishna

10-14-2004, 09:07 AM	#9 (permalink)
stonegrody Brooding. Location: CA-USA	You should have known this was going to happen when you first moved into Melrose Place. __________________ This body holding me reminds me of my own mortality. Embrace this moment. Remember. We are eternal. All this pain is an illusion. Tool - Parabola

10-09-2004, 12:53 PM	#3 (permalink)
Glory's Sun Registered User	wow that was like solving a calculus equation. I'd have to agree with mal (she's always right!) I'd just avoid it and let it work itself out. Don't totally ignore them or anything but just do what you always do and act like you don't even notice it.

10-10-2004, 08:36 AM	#4 (permalink)
ratbastid Darth Papa Location: Yonder	Just be bigger than the whole thing, and stand for the friendships you want to stand for. People can only run their drama games on you if you let them.

10-10-2004, 10:02 AM	#6 (permalink)
citrid Upright	... i guess its allowed to make your opinion clear .... if u think its bullshit thats going on .... if they are grown up, they will respect your words ... i can understand "B" in a way .... manipulationg is a strong word for that. tell him that it is simply respectless talking about his "intimous" life, in order to let this "hear" his ex .... but its weather crime nor sin ... simply ridiculess .... C shoudnt freak out at all ... she is the one who let herself being manipulated ... is that the reason she is not able to cope with the situation ? let her know also ... be honest .... lets say they all have to accept the situation ... a, b and c .... tell them all ... it not your problem in that way ... you are not the person who decided to do all that ..... but let them know that you have a problem with how things develop ..... be honest on that. you give them a chance to reflect their own behaviour on what you - honestly - think about all that ... yeah ... and stay in contact .... call them ... beneath friends, if so, its shit thinking about who is calling on whom ... its a way of showing interest in a person calling him/her ... so ... go on ... grtz citrid

10-13-2004, 07:42 PM	#7 (permalink)
william Psycho	Here's a simple answer - be who you are, and stand for that. It doesn't matter how you try to do the alphabet soup; stand-up! A is to B is to C - F**k that - either you're adults or your not. Stop acting like little kids and solve it!

10-13-2004, 08:55 PM	#8 (permalink)
isis Insane Location: In the Woods.	I'm sure you're worried about losing these friends over this stupid drama, but 9/10, friends who you TELL them why you're not calling them anymore and have a chat with them about it will come back around. If they truly are good friends, they'll find fault in their actions and who knows, you might even get an apology down the road.

10-14-2004, 11:28 AM	#10 (permalink)
zen_tom Guest	C is manipulating you. This is wrong. By her own words. Make sure she understands this. Tell them all to grow the f*ck up and stop behaving like teenagers. Seriously, havn't you got any better friends?

10-16-2004, 09:31 PM	#15 (permalink)
alpha666 Tilted	i know how you feel, sounds like there is one big ole mess that is only going to sort it's self out with time! the fact that a and c are blaming you for the actions of b sorta says to me that they are not the people that you thought they were. either that or ... chances are there has been a lack of communication and somewhere along the track somthing is being taken out of context and things have to be straightened out. just sit the different parties down and explain your side of things and leave it at that...... one warning tho ..... dont make excuses for B ..... his fuck up is his fuck up not yours, i have personaly fallen into that situation and i tried to make excuses for a friend's bad behavior and eventually just got jack of doing that and now we dont speak, i would hate so see the same thing happen to you. ya just have to get it all off your chest with all of them and you will be in the clear... let them sort their own probs out!