Some advice please :( - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

thebeat · 09-28-2004, 11:41 AM

Here is the deal :

I generally associate myself with attractive women....but i have the hardest of times just being only a "friend." Outside of the physical aspect of being attracted to them, I find things about them (personality, etc) that just makes me want all of them, even though I just want female friends, for some reason I can not mentally establish that line. Its not really even a sexual things, I just happen to be one of those emotional guys that just get attached. Help please

tecoyah · 09-28-2004, 12:49 PM

My opinion only......

You are a young male. You are not "Emotional" as you would put less emphasis on physical attraction if you were. You are instead, failing to control your physical needs, and ignoring the psycological. You are "Attached" to the body of these women, not the mind, and will inevitably pursue that which you have become attached to.

If you honestly want advice, rather than support, here you go:

Enjoy the youthful mindset while you can, but do not become a "User" of women.
Do not "Look" for the right woman, as she will eventually find you. When you are ready, be prepared for the most difficult aspect of life.....dealing with a woman as a partner, and lover. Done well it is a beautiful thing, the other 90% of the time, it is a livivg hell.

"Lick Dick and Bush in 2004"

Rodney · 09-28-2004, 01:34 PM

I had a real hard time with this before the age of 25. Got easier afterwards. It's kind of a shame that a lot of us have a hard time relating to the other sex as complete people because we keep thinking about sex all the time, but that's the way it is. I was there myself. But I had this ideology going at the time that stated that I shouldn't start making friends with a woman if the major factor was that I was sexually attracted to her. That was all real humanistic, but it kept me from having sex until a moderately late age by today's standards; if I could go back in time and rethink things, I might, though this approach did keep me from making several really (on hindsight) bad decisions.

So far both I and tecoyah are assuming this issue is sexual at the root, and you may disagree. But if we're wrong, why do you have this problem only with _attractive_ women? Raging hormones don't just induce a feeling of lust, but of obsession also.

Meier_Link · 09-30-2004, 09:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by When Harry Met Sally

Harry Burns : You realize of course that we could never be friends.
Sally Albright : Why not?
Harry Burns : What I'm saying is - and this is not a come-on in any way, shape or form - is that men and women can't be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.
Sally Albright : That's not true. I have a number of men friends and there is no sex involved.
Harry Burns : No you don't.
Sally Albright : Yes I do.
Harry Burns : No you don't.
Sally Albright : Yes I do.
Harry Burns : You only think you do.
Sally Albright : You say I'm having sex with these men without my knowledge?
Harry Burns : No, what I'm saying is they all WANT to have sex with you.
Sally Albright : They do not.
Harry Burns : Do too.
Sally Albright : They do not.
Harry Burns : Do too.
Sally Albright : How do you know?
Harry Burns : Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her.
Sally Albright : So, you're saying that a man can be friends with a woman he finds unattractive?
Harry Burns : No. You pretty much want to nail 'em too.
Sally Albright : What if THEY don't want to have sex with YOU?
Harry Burns : Doesn't matter because the sex thing is already out there so the friendship is ultimately doomed and that is the end of the story.
Sally Albright : Well, I guess we're not going to be friends then.
Harry Burns : I guess not.
Sally Albright : That's too bad. You were the only person I knew in New York.

Bah, not sure if I agree with this but it certainly fits the bill.

jenjen · 10-08-2004, 10:37 PM

You say right off the bat that you only associate yourself with attractive women...why is it so important that they be attractive if you're really only in it for friendship? Seems to me you're probably looking to hook up with them from the start...at least on a subconcious level

NetForce · 10-09-2004, 09:20 PM

tecoyah.. you're probably right, i'm 19 and i fee the exact same way.

Quote:

Originally Posted by tecoyah

"Lick Dick and Bush in 2004"

lol.. nice touch to such an intelectual reply.

doomed · 10-10-2004, 05:10 AM

i have that friend, she's so beautiful, and attractive, maybe you're saying that look he's her friend because of the physical attractive, but my answer would be "NO, i just see this in ppl's eyes"; because she is now my ver best friend, i support her, and ask about her, and go out with her, and talk to her about her bf and her life, and vice versa! ppl envy me for what i have, they are surprised that two minds would be compatible to each other this way, i just look at her and read her mind, our eyes speak sometimes,it maybe unbelievable for some, but those who had this type of realtions know what i talk about here, it's lovely and hard at the same time, it feels good but you can't go with unless you know you want it....
anything wont come between us and that's the good thing, that nobody and no desire would kill our friendship...

ibis · 10-10-2004, 06:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by thebeat

I generally associate myself with attractive women....but i have the hardest of times just being only a "friend."

That's a good thing kiddo. Stop trying to be someone you're not. If you feel an attraction, go for it.

09-28-2004, 11:41 AM	#1 (permalink)
thebeat Insane Location: Deep South	Some advice please :( Here is the deal : I generally associate myself with attractive women....but i have the hardest of times just being only a "friend." Outside of the physical aspect of being attracted to them, I find things about them (personality, etc) that just makes me want all of them, even though I just want female friends, for some reason I can not mentally establish that line. Its not really even a sexual things, I just happen to be one of those emotional guys that just get attached. Help please __________________ random

09-28-2004, 12:49 PM	#2 (permalink)
tecoyah Illusionary	My opinion only...... You are a young male. You are not "Emotional" as you would put less emphasis on physical attraction if you were. You are instead, failing to control your physical needs, and ignoring the psycological. You are "Attached" to the body of these women, not the mind, and will inevitably pursue that which you have become attached to. If you honestly want advice, rather than support, here you go: Enjoy the youthful mindset while you can, but do not become a "User" of women. Do not "Look" for the right woman, as she will eventually find you. When you are ready, be prepared for the most difficult aspect of life.....dealing with a woman as a partner, and lover. Done well it is a beautiful thing, the other 90% of the time, it is a livivg hell. "Lick Dick and Bush in 2004" __________________ Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

09-28-2004, 01:34 PM	#3 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	I had a real hard time with this before the age of 25. Got easier afterwards. It's kind of a shame that a lot of us have a hard time relating to the other sex as complete people because we keep thinking about sex all the time, but that's the way it is. I was there myself. But I had this ideology going at the time that stated that I shouldn't start making friends with a woman if the major factor was that I was sexually attracted to her. That was all real humanistic, but it kept me from having sex until a moderately late age by today's standards; if I could go back in time and rethink things, I might, though this approach did keep me from making several really (on hindsight) bad decisions. So far both I and tecoyah are assuming this issue is sexual at the root, and you may disagree. But if we're wrong, why do you have this problem only with _attractive_ women? Raging hormones don't just induce a feeling of lust, but of obsession also.

10-08-2004, 10:37 PM	#5 (permalink)
jenjen Tilted Location: Oregon	You say right off the bat that you only associate yourself with attractive women...why is it so important that they be attractive if you're really only in it for friendship? Seems to me you're probably looking to hook up with them from the start...at least on a subconcious level

10-10-2004, 05:10 AM	#7 (permalink)
doomed Upright	i have that friend, she's so beautiful, and attractive, maybe you're saying that look he's her friend because of the physical attractive, but my answer would be "NO, i just see this in ppl's eyes"; because she is now my ver best friend, i support her, and ask about her, and go out with her, and talk to her about her bf and her life, and vice versa! ppl envy me for what i have, they are surprised that two minds would be compatible to each other this way, i just look at her and read her mind, our eyes speak sometimes,it maybe unbelievable for some, but those who had this type of realtions know what i talk about here, it's lovely and hard at the same time, it feels good but you can't go with unless you know you want it.... anything wont come between us and that's the good thing, that nobody and no desire would kill our friendship...