Meier_Link

A strange thing happened today. I got a call from someone I haven't heard from in a while; several years in fact. Here's some background information.

Having been my best friend in middle school, but having parted ways in high school due to my moving, a few years ago I hear from him. At the time I was living with my girlfriend of about 2 years, and he was married. He was moving out of his apartment and needed a place to stay. My girlfrined, bless her naive little heart, thought it was a good idea for them to move in with us. The invitation was extended, and I didn't want to be the bad guy by retracting it, so they moved in. Drama, drama, drama; that's what I had to deal with while they were there. She worked at a strip club as a "cocktail waitress", my girlfriend was a waitress at a restaurant which subsequently closed down. She asked my girlfriend to work with her, telling her how good the money was, etc. As it turns out this "cocktail waitress" job was bullshit. They were strippers. Not just stripping on stage, but lap dances, VIP, the works. I had expressed to my girlfriend explictly that I didn't want her doing that. Repeatedly at that. I found out I was being deceived not only by my roommates, who I opened my house to, but my girlfriend as well, and I flipped. I kicked them out and moved out in the course of a week. I wasn't sure of the roll my former best friend in all of this, but I was sure he knew more than I did.

Here it is, 3 years later, and I get a phone call. It's him apologizing to me. He and his wife have split up, he needs his friends. Now, I wonder what roll I should play in all this. I know for a fact that he is manipulative, but I also know that he's mentally unstable and needs what help he can get.

Johnny Rotten

Fool me once.

roboshark

If you have an uneasy feeling about the guy, why bother? You've managed to get by just fine without him being around the last couple of years. What positive thing can he contribute to your current state of mind?

You supply very little detail on the role your friend has played during the entire episode with them moving in and the subsequent falling out. Ultimately, you know best whether the guy's worth it.

__________________
I want no escape.

Rlyss

I'm with Johnny Rotten. This guy should rely on the friends he's had for the past three years since you kicked him out. If he's a good guy, he'll have good friends closer than you. If he doesn't then there's a reason for it, most likely because he's the kind of person you've made him out to be. I'm not saying it was his fault that your girlfriend did those things (I'm also a little unsure of his role), but he came into your life, left a path of destruction, and now he wants back in.

He could have changed, but that's not something I'd be willing to risk. He can't get your old girlfriend back and make your life how it used to be, but he can possibly ruin it again, so it's not worth the risk. Tell him that the last time he stayed wtih you, things went to hell, and you don't want to have that happen again.

Rodney

You helped him before -- not entirely willingly -- and see what happened. He may "need help," but the help he really needs is to figure out how he's responsible for screwing up his own life. You bailing him out won't help, if he doesn't learn.

And it sounds like he hasn't. I agree with the others; if he's asking you for help now, after 3 years, he's already asked everybody he's met since and been turned down. Probably with good reason.

If he needed help to get into some kind of treatment program, maybe. But if he just needs help to continue "business as usual," forget it.

Meier_Link

Well, last night I went and hung out with him at a mutual friend's house. It went alright, he's obviously pretty depressed, but what else is new. I've decided I'll offer him advice if he needs it, hang out with him some, but I'm not doing him any big favors. If he needs someone to talk to, fine; if he needs a place to stay or to find work, he's on his own.

yakimushi

Sounds like a solid plan. Just don't get too involved because it'll be more difficult to pull back if he starts wanting more/bigger favors.

MSD

Great friend, always there when he needs you.

*Nikki*

It is of my opinion that ex's are ex's for a reason. Be that ex loves or ex friends.

Manic_Skafe

That's true but people do change and as experience is the greatest teacher, there's a possibility that he's learned something form how things went before. He could've changed or could be trying to change - either case would be more than reason enough to be his friend.

If I were Meier_Link I'd stick it out with this guy. Whether he's changed or he's the same snake in the grass, he'll show his true colors soon enough.. Give him another shot - he could be a completely different person who's in a rough spot and the last thing he'd need is a slap in the face for a mistake made in the past.

__________________
"Porn is a zoo of exotic animals that becomes boring upon ownership." -Nersesian

Dano069

Cut your losses and move on. He's on a pity-party and wants you to join in. Tell him thanks, but no thanks.

__________________
I may look attentive, but I'm taking peeks down your blouse faster than the human eye can follow.

Johnny Rotten

Well, respectfully, it's easy to say that you won't let him worm his way in--but in his mind, you may have already let him get his foot in the door. Since you didn't make your terms clear to him--from what I can glean--you're more willing to bend than I think you realize. I've had problems in the past with being too passive in a given situation, so this is familiar territory. You have to verbally establish boundaries, instead of just making a promise to yourself.

Hope that helps

Diamond

He has/had HIS problems, probably easier for you that they stay HIS.

Dane Bramage

My sentiments exactly. Relationships are reciprocal. Give and take. This guy just seems to be on the taking end. I may be an ass for this, but IMO, you don't need him. I would be pretty unforgiving if someone pulled shit like that on me.

DB.

__________________
Every passing hour brings the Solar System forty-three thousand miles closer to Globular Cluster M13 in Hercules — and still there are some misfits who insist that there is no such thing as progress.
Kurt Vonnegut - Sirens of Titan

Meier_Link

Ok, here's an update. I may be callous and cold-hearted, but I don't think it changes anything. I saw him yesterday at my one of my other friends houses. He had bandages around his wrists. I know he's pulled this "I'm suicidal" shit before, for attention, if nothing else. I didn't give it to him. I didn't mention it at all.