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Old 08-20-2004, 03:59 AM   #1 (permalink)
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Clueless About Other People?

Right. So I don't know whether anyone has posted something like this here, so if they have just let me know. Also I think this is the right forum to post this in, but again i'm not sure.

What I have to say is this. I'm clueless about other people. Does anybody else here feel the same? I feel this very intensely sometimes, I don't know if you get what I mean.

I have only a few people in my life that I consider good friends, family, etc. I seem to find it increasingly different to relate to other people, even though I do want to. I don't understand the first thing about how other people think, how to approach them, reach them. But it's what I most want, to truly understand and reach others.

Sometimes I'm positive about things and I think, no matter how many differences there might be between people, there's always basic things we have in common, that will bring us together eventually. But then sometimes I'm so negative that I just hate everyone outside of myself, because I think more and more so in western society, people isolate themselves and become sociopaths.

We have access to so many things, people, situations, too many in fact, but it seems to have the reverse effect on truly knowing other people. Being with people who you can really relate to, who you can love completely, who you can equate yourself with in total simplicity has become a rarity as life gets too complex to even just breathe.

At the end of the day I look at other people and I see blank faces and can read nothing into them. And I think I am a very easy going person, because (and I don't want to be in any way imodest) I have learnt throughout my life that it is so very important to listen to others, take their views/feelings into account, and generally that arguing for arguing's sake is so pointless when all you have is one short life to live. But I always seem to be hitting walls.

I may not be making much sense here anymore. Call it a rant, whatever. But I was hoping to shed some light on this subject as I feel at a loss to cross this barrier.

Just for a small example: the other day I was in my car, in a huge queue. It took me one hour to get to the road exit I wanted (this was about 10 km away from where I left). I was in the middle lane and htere was a right lane, that went in a different direction. Some guy who thought it would be smart, came down that right lane, undertaking all the queue, and came to stop by my car, signaliing that he wanted to be let in. I was so frustrated by this behaviou that I told him, "I have been in this queue for an hour. So maybe you should get in at the back of the queue and have some respect for others. You know what he said? "Why don't you go and suck on a huge turd?" (yelling). He had his wife and 2 kids in the car. I was speechless, and shocked to say the least. It's the sort of thing that makes me think, what a shit human being I just met. I could never understand that man.

This isn't my best example, but I hope you're not all going to talk to me about road rage because that is not the point. Teh thing is, sometimes I so don't know what to do next with regards to a particular situation with someone else, that all I can do is crumble inside, because I have tried every good feeling and thought in my power to reach them but I can't do it. Then all I feel is something like an intense burning inside me where I just want to disappear.

I'd like your input on what I just wrote, sorry it's so long! I hope you don't all think I'm nuts lol
__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.


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Old 08-20-2004, 05:11 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Quote:
Just for a small example: the other day I was in my car, in a huge queue. It took me one hour to get to the road exit I wanted (this was about 10 km away from where I left). I was in the middle lane and htere was a right lane, that went in a different direction. Some guy who thought it would be smart, came down that right lane, undertaking all the queue, and came to stop by my car, signaliing that he wanted to be let in. I was so frustrated by this behaviou that I told him, "I have been in this queue for an hour. So maybe you should get in at the back of the queue and have some respect for others. You know what he said? "Why don't you go and suck on a huge turd?" (yelling). He had his wife and 2 kids in the car. I was speechless, and shocked to say the least. It's the sort of thing that makes me think, what a shit human being I just met. I could never understand that man.
While not trying to pigeon hole the whole thing to road rage. Bad behavior is just that and those that "do the right thing" will never understand the selfishness that it takes to be such an asshole.

The father giving a good example to his kids and family of what it takes to be an ass, and since there is little to no repercussion, the chance will always be taken.

I see people like this all the time in NYC. Here I can understand it to some degree, because there's a finite amount of resources available to all the people and there's usually not enough to go around.
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Old 08-20-2004, 06:06 AM   #3 (permalink)
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i can really relate to what your saying and feeling.

i have two thoughts on that. why give them the power to ruin your day or time or moment. it doesn't matter to them how you feel. only you give them that power. it is a waste of my time and energy to think and worry about what they have done to make me upset. it doesn't affect them at all.

the other thing i've learned is that people respond and react to life in different ways than i do. have you ever read anything about typologies. it helps me to understand people that are different from me if i can figure out their typology.

it's no excuse for rudness but who knows what is going on in their lives.

i get down about people like you describe and sometimes think well that's the way the world is, i should be more like them but i would never want that. i like the way i am. even if i can't bring some joy into their life i think about the people i do bring joy to by just a smile, a recognition. i love seeing the sweetness on a strangers face when i smile at them. there can be a real connection for an instant.
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Old 08-20-2004, 06:40 AM   #4 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by little_tippler
Just for a small example: the other day I was in my car, in a huge queue. It took me one hour to get to the road exit I wanted (this was about 10 km away from where I left). I was in the middle lane and htere was a right lane, that went in a different direction. Some guy who thought it would be smart, came down that right lane, undertaking all the queue, and came to stop by my car, signaliing that he wanted to be let in. I was so frustrated by this behaviou that I told him, "I have been in this queue for an hour. So maybe you should get in at the back of the queue and have some respect for others. You know what he said? "Why don't you go and suck on a huge turd?" (yelling). He had his wife and 2 kids in the car. I was speechless, and shocked to say the least. It's the sort of thing that makes me think, what a shit human being I just met. I could never understand that man.
But the big question is, did you let him in or stay glued to the bumper of the car in front of you like I do?

I don't make it too apparent when things bother me. I pretty much just take the "just deal with it" path and eventually when I've had enough I'll either scream into a pillow, gather my thoughts and talk to one of my few good friends about it, or just say screw it, I shouldn't worry about stupid stuff like this because there's more important things to worry about.

I see this problem constantly at work, as I'm working with three other people in a new facility and not one of us really has all that much experience with our specific jobs so its been a learning curve for all. And to say there's been some roadblocks and frustrations is the worlds biggest understatement. I can't speak for the others (billege, perhaps you'd like to chime in on this?) but I've been conciously trying to take the apathetic "brush it off" type of attitude since whining and complaining really gets us nowhere.

I hope I read the above post right, because this sounds on-topic to me. If not, tell me and I'll grumble a bit and try again
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Old 08-20-2004, 06:47 AM   #5 (permalink)
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tippler-

I can understand what you mean to some point. Frankly, I'm not a big fan of people. I believe most people to be self-centered, ignorant (or worse, stupid) and rude. My best friend teases me and says that I act like an elitist. The problem with that statement is that, while I hate the general populous, it's not because I think I'm some wonderful human being. Simply put, I just strive to be even 1% better than that "suck a huge turd" humanity around me.

I have always had a small, select group of friends. I prefer it that way. I don't want to be friendly to people who are too lazy to get a job, too lazy to get an education, to rude to talk to or otherwise just wouldn't be enjoyable company. That happens to be a LOT of people, my friend!
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Old 08-20-2004, 07:01 AM   #6 (permalink)
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Oh yeah, one other thing... I live in the US (hence my location being Central OH), and I think if I heard anyone tell me to suck a huge turd I'd bust up laughing simply because it's not the "typical" fuck you, asshole, etc. comment normally heard in these type of situations around here.
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Old 08-20-2004, 07:29 AM   #7 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by xepherys
tippler-

I can understand what you mean to some point. Frankly, I'm not a big fan of people. I believe most people to be self-centered, ignorant (or worse, stupid) and rude. My best friend teases me and says that I act like an elitist. The problem with that statement is that, while I hate the general populous, it's not because I think I'm some wonderful human being. Simply put, I just strive to be even 1% better than that "suck a huge turd" humanity around me.

I have always had a small, select group of friends. I prefer it that way. I don't want to be friendly to people who are too lazy to get a job, too lazy to get an education, to rude to talk to or otherwise just wouldn't be enjoyable company. That happens to be a LOT of people, my friend!
yes you got me, I guess maybe you can call me an "elitist" too, small group of friends etc...Maybe i' just too demanding. I don't think I'm so great either, but I think sometimes I'm trying harder or seeing things just that little bit clearer than some people. And sometimes what I see is very demoralising...

And neekap, I'm glad to say I did NOT let the asshole in but surprise surprise he just revved up and got in front of the guy in front of me lol. Some people are just lost from the outset heh.

Anitra, I agre people will fit into typologies. But some of them, I just do not get. Are people happier living that way? (Aggressive, defensive, ignorant, inconsiderate, selfish...) What bothers me most is when I really am trying 100%+ to connect with someone and they are just not there. And I'm just burning to get through to them. It's sad. (I'm not talking about road rage here...). I also like being the way I am. I wouldn't want to be like that turd sucker lol.

And by the way the comment was not made in english, so that's why it sounds funny neekap lol. Eh, it sounds funny in Portuguese too.

As for a stranger's smile, yes that is a small remnant of coming together that persists in some people. I've seen it too
__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.


Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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Old 08-20-2004, 09:12 PM   #8 (permalink)
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Old 08-21-2004, 03:35 AM   #9 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by neekap
Oh yeah, one other thing... I live in the US (hence my location being Central OH), and I think if I heard anyone tell me to suck a huge turd I'd bust up laughing simply because it's not the "typical" fuck you, asshole, etc. comment normally heard in these type of situations around here.
Gotta be in England, on the English have such great insults. Seriously, all Americans do is swear--Ive seen some truly creative insults come out of British people


To add my two cents, I too believe that people (in the plural) are ignorant, frequently stupid, rude, and generally just assholes. The person in the singular is sometimes fine, but I frequently think there is a serious lack of brainpower in the world. And yeah, I know that makes me sound like an elitist, but its been shaped by my experiences dealing with others for most of my life.
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Old 08-26-2004, 06:06 AM   #10 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by little_tippler
And neekap, I'm glad to say I did NOT let the asshole in but surprise surprise he just revved up and got in front of the guy in front of me lol. Some people are just lost from the outset heh.
I would have gotten out of my car, walked up to his car, drug him out of the seat, and beat him senseless in front of his wife and kids.

"What we have here is a failure to communicate, some men you just can't reach." I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
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Old 08-26-2004, 11:13 AM   #11 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Meier_Link
I would have gotten out of my car, walked up to his car, drug him out of the seat, and beat him senseless in front of his wife and kids.

"What we have here is a failure to communicate, some men you just can't reach." I wouldn't lose any sleep over it.
I could never imagine an English guy doing that.
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Old 08-26-2004, 11:30 AM   #12 (permalink)
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I hear what you're saying, tippler. I have a small group of friends that I've know for a long time but I have a problem with strangers in the general public. People never cease to amaze me how rude or ignorant they can be. It makes me be very cautious when meeting new people. There seems to be a certain number of good people in this world and certain number of bad people. The bad people seem to outnumber the good by a LOT. I don't know how to act around people I don't know. I don't like confrontation so I am careful to keep to myself and try my best not to make any waves anywhere I go. It kind of sucks because that makes it very difficult to meet new people. As for your example, people get in a weird mode when they get in their cars. People seem to lose any sense of consideration for other people. As if they can hide in their vehicle and be as much of an asshole as they want. I don't get it. I don't understand people. This human race has disappointed me time and time again. I hope the good people of this world are strong enough to spread their ways and rub off on others. I guess the domino effect can go either way. Okay, back to the shadows I go.
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Old 08-26-2004, 09:39 PM   #13 (permalink)
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Quote:
Originally Posted by little_tippler
Sometimes I'm positive about things and I think, no matter how many differences there might be between people, there's always basic things we have in common, that will bring us together eventually. But then sometimes I'm so negative that I just hate everyone outside of myself, because I think more and more so in western society, people isolate themselves and become sociopaths.

At the end of the day I look at other people and I see blank faces and can read nothing into them. And I think I am a very easy going person, because (and I don't want to be in any way imodest) I have learnt throughout my life that it is so very important to listen to others, take their views/feelings into account, and generally that arguing for arguing's sake is so pointless when all you have is one short life to live. But I always seem to be hitting walls.
I spend every morning while driving to school thinking this same thing.
I've realized that I have two basic problems:
1.) I always tend to assume that people think the way I do. (they don't... or do they? I honestly don't know for sure)
2.) That there exists someone that <b><i>isn't</i></b> clueless about people.

When I see someone finish up a drink from a soda can, for example, I immediately assume that they are going to toss the can into the trash. When I see them toss it onto the floor, that is when I feel I don't understand this person.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Cynthetiq
Bad behavior is just that and those that "do the right thing" will never understand the selfishness that it takes to be such an asshole.
In college, the socially active (over overactive) people (e.g. fratboys and sorority girls) "seem" to "get" people; that is why they are able to socialize so freely... or is this completely untrue? Whenever I am exposed to this scene, I again find myself feeling the that tremendous lack of understanding. So why is it that these people can interact so easily with others, and not I? I have a tendency to assume that others know things I don't, things that are patently obvious--do these partygoers know something I don't?

It just seems to me that everyone suffers from this same anxiety, Tippler, some are just better at ignoring it than others.

I am actually extremely interested in the topic of this thread, because it relates directly to my daily thought process, so I feel I must add a bit more.

Quote:
Originally Posted by little_tippler
We have access to so many things, people, situations, too many in fact, but it seems to have the reverse effect on truly knowing other people.
I completely agree. I have a problem with the way communication works presently. I think we value communication with other people a lot less than someone from say 100 years ago would, who wrote a letter to a friend, and is waiting for a response. Receiving a response must have been a major delight, and I bet when they did receive a letter they'd read it over and over. Nowadays with cellphones and instant messaging, communication is so accessible that even when we have nothing to say, we still send instant messages though chat clients and initiate aimless phonecalls with friends over cellphones.

I might add some other stuff later.
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Last edited by Stiltzkin; 08-26-2004 at 10:08 PM..
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Old 08-26-2004, 10:51 PM   #14 (permalink)
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Kind of sounds like Asperger's syndrome. It's a varient of Autistic Disorder where you are physically incapable of reading body language, facial expressions, etc.
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