Journeyman

Ok, so I went away for college this spring, and when I'm out there I find out that one of my best friend's wife has died (very nice people, neither of them deserved such a fate after less than one year of marriage). Then I actually get home, and find out that one of my favorite JC professors wife has died (who also taught at the JC, and I can tell you she did not deserve to go so young). And then I find out that my above-the-rest favorite JC professor has divorced his wife... because she was cheating on him... for 13 years. I mean, this is the guy that I looked at as giving marriage a good name. Sticking it out and being faithful, good kids, good wife. Now, after having solid proof that she was fucking around on him, the court still jacked him for a lot that she asked for.

After this, I ran a tally. I'll start by saying that my parents divorced when I was a year old, and got back together (but never remarried) when I was five. They've been together since, with a little brother born thereafter to boot. But still... they're divorced.

On my father's side is one uncle, and one aunt. The uncle is long divorced from his first wife. Never remarried but shacked up with a lovely woman. My aunt, who is currently married, is also divorced from her first husband. So that's my father's side, all divorced.

On my mother's side is one uncle, two aunts. My uncle is divorced, I'm not sure what he's up to now. My aunt who lives out in my state left her husband to shack up with some limp wristed accountant (no seriously, my mother actually noted to me that shaking hands with him was like handling a dead fish). My other aunt... umm, some 3 husbands I think, I'm not really sure what her status is. I found out a few months ago that I have a cousin I never knew about, who's some 9 years old. But yes, many divorces there. So that's my mother's side, all divorced except for the aunt that's fucking some other guy... and come to think of it, they may or may not be divorced. I haven't been updated in a while.

So that's my family, all divorced.

In a country of (the last I heard... and I do mean "heard," I haven't read any definitive statistics) a 54% divorce rate, just by being an American I have a better-than-chance chance of getting divorced, and looking in my family... well the only people that stuck with "till death do you part" were all born prior to 1935 (grandparents, you know).

All I can say is, What the fuck? This is what I have to look forward to?

maleficent

Not necessarily, 46% of marriages are a success, why can't you be one of those?

From my perspective, I've seen too many people, friends and acquaintences get married for the wrong reasons, some married too young for themselves (I think I'm too young to get married, and I'm almost 40), some married to get out of a bad situation (needed help with bill paying or something), there's a lot of reasons why people do get married, and a lot why they shouldn't.

When you do meet Miss Right, if you can ask yourself the question, do I want to be with this person for the rest of my life, knowing that the rest of your life is a long time. Are you willing to be with this person thru good times and some really shitty times, not out of obligation but because you want to be by their side, then this is the person that you should marry. Otherwise Run Away.

__________________

Rodney

Nearly all my friends who got married, stayed married. We all lived with people, sometimes for years, and broke up with them, too, but when we did get married it generally stuck. But by then we were all experienced people who knew who we were, what we wanted, what we needed from a partner, and what we had to offer them.

Translation: to increase the odds, marry no earlier than 25-30. A lot of people, including me, don't really know themselves until then or later. And if two people who don't know themselves get married, what happens a few years later when one or both of them realizes what they _really_ want out of life is something the other isn't prepared to give them?

Sure, people get married younger and make it stick. But the more experience you have, the more likely both of you will be making the right decision.

Stompy

You don't HAVE to get married, ya know. It's just tradition, nothing more.

People are ALWAYS asking me, "So when ya getting married?!" as if I'm expected to do it... to which I usually respond: "Probably never." My girlfriend understand this as I told her from the start that I don't believe in marriage. Does it mean our relationship isn't as serious? Nope, not at all.

If you guys love each other enough to spend the rest of your lives together, then just do it. Why do you need a piece of paper legally binding you as a husband & wife to reinforce that?

People are always growing and changing mentally. If you grow and change together in a positive way, then perfect! If not, and you aren't happy in the relationship, you can go your own separate ways. Divorce is costly and messy. If you weren't married to begin with, it's not as complicated.

..and for what, a piece of paper binding you as a couple?

__________________
I love lamp.

la petite moi

You have to be sure before you marry. Live with each other, learn everything about each other, make sure you are compatable, and don't rush into things. If you feel doubt, then wait a little while longer.

Cynthetiq

You don't. However, from a survivorship standpoint, and also HIPPA and medical type laws, will be hurdles to cross if you are not married. A sibling, parents can all try to get anything after you die, and have more rights than a live in boyfriend or girlfriend.

I felt the same way as you Stompy, but I have been converted since I'm now married for 2 years. It's VERY different to be married, I can't put it into words, but every man and woman that I know who eventually made the leap after living together all express the same thing. It's very different.

My wife did not take my last name, and that alone has it's own challenges.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

:::OshnSoul:::

ok, first of all, that doesn't mean YOU will get divorced. Divorce is not genetically inherited. It's simply not being in a healthy relationship OR giving up on the relationship. Why run with the trend? You could stop the trend simply by BEING YOu and truly knowing that you are with someone you unconditionally love and who unconditionally loves you back and that you would want to spend the rest of your lives together.
Second of all, who says you have to get married? That's your choice. Maybe marriage isn't for you.
But all of that is for you to decide. You are your own person, aside from the trend of divorces in the family. Just ask yourself some questions about how YOU feel about marriage & relationships, WITHOUT intersecting what has happened in the family. That has nothing to do with YOU. Decide for yourself and go with your feelings.