rUn-gUn

Hey guys, I never ask for advice or anything on these forums but Im going to college next year and im feeling sorta strange... I mean, im done highschool which is great im excited about going but im VERY Shy.. I always think of what people will think about my voice, the way I look and such and Im very shy with anyone especially girls :/

I didnt goto prom, I havent had a girlfriend for at least 2 years... And I want to change all this , I think college will be a great place to meet people and such , I just dont know how anyone will want to meet me. Anyone have any advice on how I can deal with this? I mean i know i should just try being my self but I dont think it works.. I cant even make the first move to talk to a girl , it seems they have to make the first move which never seems to happen. I live in a small town of like 21000 people so maybe it will be different at college but I dunno.... Like Im not depressed or anything just nervous/shy and want to fit in at school.


Thanks guys/girls

iamnormal

You should look up "social phobia" .
You don't sound to bad off like me.
Check out some sites on social phobias and see if it sounds like you.
Then talk with your doctor to set you up with a counselor.

Skettios

Hey bro,

nothing to worry about here. Your situation isn't the slightest bit abnormal. There's hope too, because college is going to be a great opportunity for you. Remember, no one at college knows you, so you don't have to be the shy guy.

First things first. Live in the dorms. I'm still friends with many of the people I met in the dorms, and I'm out of school for a year now. Dorms at my school typically ate together, and went to parties together. I say, until you're feeling confident, just stick with the group. Absolutely do every group activity, they're not only fun, but provide useful social networking.

Next step... parties. I'm giving you unconditional permission to get loaded. If that's what you have to do, to stop being nervous and relax, then by all means. Don't overdo it, but remember, a little social lubricant can go a long way. It makes introductions smooth, conversation easier, and girls prettier. In college, there's no such thing as bad publicity. If you get wasted, and bring home roadkill of a girl, or if you get sick and puke in the hall, people won't hate you, they'll think it's funny. It's all a part of the shared experience.

Finally... Class. Be the guy that talks in class. Go to office hours, the prof will respect you for it. I never got below a B in any class where I went and talked to the prof. Go to every class, it will be difficult, but all you really have to do in college to get the grade is show up for class. Be the guy that starts the study group. People respect that, and odds are there will be cute girls in your classes that need help with their homework. Studying together also takes some of the pain out of the harder classes. One of my college girlfriends, I met because we studied together for philosophy class (she was impressed because I filled out the whole exam without opening a book, but that's a different story). If your school has a kiniesiology program, I recommend a health and nutrition class, it's useful information and full of girls.

Remember, as a freshman, that everyone is going to feel new and relatively insecure. No one is going to judge your actions, so feel free to do whatever you want.

I hope this helps, and wish you the best of luck in college. You're gonna have a great time.

__________________
Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.

Frederich Nietzsche

rUn-gUn

thanks alot skettios, yea I dont really drink much from bad experiences but I like smoking , im usually quite talkative then , And yea the point about no one knows me I guess makes sense.. I guess Ill just have to see what happens

djtestudo

One thing he forgot.

Depending on the college you go to, there will most likely be an organized group or club for anything you could possibly be interested in. Look around, ask around, find one or two. Go to their meetings and meet the people. I guarentee you will find some people you like if you do that.

As an example, I joined the sports staff of the radio station at my college. I met a bunch of people who I instantly got along with because we had at least two things in common: a love of sports and a desire to be on the air.

Just remember to go and be yourself. You'll enjoy your time much more, and meet people that want to know YOU instead of whatever other person you try to be.

__________________
"Final thought: I just rented Michael Moore's Bowling for Columbine. Frankly, it was the worst sports movie I've ever seen."
--Peter Schmuck, The (Baltimore) Sun

skier

skettios- i don't agree with rez/dorms. Too much like highschool in them. If you want to set a new pattern (this one being confidence in social situations) you have to break the old patterns.

__________________
"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

rUn-gUn

Well im prolly not doing rez, i think im moving into an appartment with a friend of mine thats close to the college.

Stare At The Sun

Honestly, I would advise against this. When i went to college, I lived off campus in an apartment. The weekends and parties were great, but I never had a lot of social interaction w/ dorm friends and the like I'd say live on campus for the first year. I wish i would have, in hindsight.

Flat

Quick advice : When in school, you tend to think of it as your world .Not accepted in school =you're fucked, the cool kids in class = awesome in general etc.

As soon as you get to college you'll see that in a student population of 1000s all those things mean jack shit.

So yeah, feel like a champ or something, there's no reason not to.

__________________
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rUn-gUn

well , its a FULL house with about 6 people in it, all going to university/college , and it is alot cheaper than rez

Plus , Im going Computer Security and Investigations , im not sure how many cute girls will be doing that course but my campus is close to the main trent university campus so there will be lots of people around im sure D;

Takkitaman

you are feeling the way you do because you live in a diffrent train of thaught. you do not see the world as the "norm" does. you might not like this but, it accually gives you an advantage over things. if i were you instead of socializing and joining and changing, seek out others like you. I would love to talk about this with you. so just reply something if you want

Skettios

I agree.

The point of college is to meet new people that don't know you. If you just go live with your friends, you're going to continue in the same vein that you did with highschool.

If that's what you want, then fine, but you should change the title of this thread to:

'Self Concious and unwilling to try anything different to improve my situation.

__________________
Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.

Frederich Nietzsche

Jesus Pimp

I want to go back to college dammit. I've been out for six months. It's so hard to meet girls now. As for dorm life I recommend living in the dorms for at least 2-3 years. Then getting an apartment your senior year. By that time you will have a good network of friends to party and meet new people.

__________________
Never date anyone who doesn't make your dick hard.

rUn-gUn

well see the house im moving into, i dont know anyone in it , except one guy i play counter-strike with .. and he and his girlfriend live tehre , and 5 otehr guys, its a HUGE house... And no rules , i can bring anyone home with me and i get my own huge bedroom and such, im going to SIR SANFORD FLEMMING college in peterborough im not sure if any of you know of it , Its in Ontario, Canada. Hey takkitaman what do u mean exactly? D:

Rodney

Well, I agree with all the others that dorm is the way to go if you want to meet a lot of people fast. And you don't have to get into the high school groove, there are plenty of others there who aren't into it.

A house isn't as good, but if you have numerous roommates and a lot of people come and go, it could still be a good way to meet a lot of folks. Probably not as many women, though, especially in your field. Still, you'll probably get a fair number of invitatations from people to go with them to do this-and-that. If it doesn't seem utterly stupid or illegal, take them up on it.

ratbastid

You just need to be yourself, that's all. People will like you or not. Hang out with the ones who like you. Don't worry about the ones who don't.

College is all about exploring who you are and who you aren't. You can't do that when you're pretending to be something you're not. Just relax.

tecoyah

Exude confidence......most people are drawn to someone who is strong. If you act the part, eventually it becomes the reality.

__________________
Holding onto anger is like grasping a hot coal with the intent of throwing it at someone else; you are the one who gets burned. - Buddha

WarWagon

I wasn't very social in high school either, but things changed drastically in college. I'm sure part of it is the sheer size of the school, but don't really worry about how to go about meeting people. Between classes, your dorm, etc, there are so many people you really can't help but interact with them.

monkeysugar

Moving away from your hometown and going to college give you a really cool opportunity: You basically get a fresh start on your social identity. You can choose who you want to be. You will discover that all the petty bullshit that was so important to everyone in high school goes away.

Whether you decide to live in the dorms or move into a house with some people, try to meet as many people as possible. Lots of interaction will probably help your self-consciousness. It did for me at least. I was extremely shy coming into college, now four years in, I can't spend five minutes on campus without running into someone I know.

__________________
I've got the love of my life and a job that I enjoy most of the time. Life is good.

k1ng

My vote goes to living in dorm for AT LEAST your freshman year. It sounds good to have your own place, but if you are looking for ways to meet new people, then I would strongly suggest living on campus.

A lot of good suggestions have already been made, but there is one more than I thought of that might help you out. Get a job working with people your age. Not only will you get a little extra cash, but you will be put in another setting where you can meet people. Besides, a little extra cash goes a long way in college.

__________________
"Delight in excellence is easily confused with snobbery by the ignorant." -Joseph Epstein

jRuntlets

Hey there, you sound like me - only I'm a girl.

I am just finishing out my first year at a community college, which is great for me because it costs less.

I'm EXTREMELY shy, although no one would know. Going into the first day of school I said to myself "It's time to make some changes and get out of this shell!" So that's what I did. I smiled at people and they came to start conversations with me. I sat in different areas of the class each time to meet new people. It worked out well and I forgot about how shy I was. I know this sounds weird but wear something your first day that you feel represents you - and that makes YOU feel good.

I wore a skirt my first day to show off my tattoo, which was a great conversation starter with both men and women. Try approaching just men to say hi, if it'll make you more comfortable.

__________________
Horses come and go, but some leave permanent hoof prints on your life.

rUn-gUn

thanks alot for all the ideas, suggestions guys , appreciate it

blizzak

heya run, drop me a line sometime
my msn is right in my profile here, or i'll cya on irc
i'll teach you how to meet the people in first year don't you worry
heh, tty soon

__________________
Fueled by oxytocin!

Skettios

Seriously though Run, I can't say it enough. If you want to do something different, you can't just hide in a house with your friends. I don't know what kind of school you go to, but sitting in a house playing counter-strike isn't going to change your life. I've seen to many of my friends live off campus, and they're always the first people to feel uncomfortable at a party.

__________________
Convictions are more dangerous enemies of truth than lies.

Frederich Nietzsche

skysooner

It's all about getting exposure with other people. jRunlets had the right idea. She went about it the perfect way. I'm 38 and still feel uncomfortable in crowds, but I feel very comfortable in smaller group settings. This comes from my college days of going out with small groups of friends or hanging out with friends from the dorms. There are many, many people in this same situation (I ended up marrying one), so there is never a lack of people who feel the same way as you do.

skier

Skettios, I love a party, and feel uncomfortable in the kinds of bars/pubs that have tight knit groups that don't like people joining in the group. It takes a lot to open a set of 8 or more people that really don't want to see you there at first. I live off campus. Living in dorms is a good way to meet new people, but I've found my friends that live in residency have the same kind of groups that were around in high school-- "cliques" as it were. Some people just couldn't hang out with some other people. All the high school drama seemed to continue in the rez hallway. I'm happy to live off-campus and continue to meet new people, not just the people that happen to live on my floor. Besides, it's much easier to take a girl home when you don't have to sign her in downstairs and listen to cat-calls from the peanut stand in the lounge area.

__________________
"Asking a bomb squad if an old bomb is still "real" is not the best thing to do if you want to save it." - denim

Ryan

Echo'ing what everyone else has said. You can start over and since no one knows you dont be afraid to "get out there." Put your worries aside and just try and be social. Yea, I know its a lot easier said then done, but this is what you gotta do.

Clubs and study groups will be crucial in your ability to meet quality friends who have some of the same interests as you do.

I disagree with the "permission to get loaded" statements though, You dont want to over do it and come off as a drunken asshole.. (Not saying this is you or anything just a warning).

A good tip if you are staying in the dorms is while you and roommate are both in the room have an open door policy invite people on the floor over for drinks or to play games watch tv etc.

Good luck breaking outta your shell. and enjoy college.

rUn-gUn

yea , im staying in a house cuz it turns out b eing cheaper for me... But yea thanks alot for all the suggestions and Ill let you know what happens next year!