Rlyss

Hi everyone, I've got a bit of a problem...

My friend is a really terrible driver. She doesn't believe there are blindspots in her car, so she never does head checks, and she never uses her mirrors. She changes lanes without indicating or looking, she slams on the brakes at lights, she accelerates excrutiatingly slowly. She doesn't look while turning, she doesn't look at intersections, she doesn't look out for Stop or Give Way signs, she doesn't look when she reverses.

Yesterday I was a passenger and I had to yank the handbrake on to avoid hitting a lady and her toddler and a baby in a pram at a pedestrian crossing which she didn't even notice.

Needless to say I am terrified being in her car.

If I insist on her driving her car then we almost die every time, and she doesn't seem to care, she just laughs it off and says 'I'm such a terrible driver!' and if I insist on driving her car she lets me, and I feel awful for not letting her get more experience, which she obviously needs.

I can't drive my car all the time. I share it with my family, and among 5 drivers we have one car. I'm not complaining, just stating a fact. Among four people in her family she has 4 cars.... that is, she has her own car, AND her parents pay for all her petrol, so it makes sense for her to drive at least as much as me if we decide to go out.

That's the thing, though - in order for us not to die, I have to drive either my car or hers, either way I'm either using my family's hard-earned petrol and hoarding the car, or I drive her car and still do all the work.

Sorry for the long-winded post here, the incident at the pedestrian crossing got me really scared and angry at her that she didn't seem to care that she almost hit a lady and her two children at 60km/h.

What am I supposed to do? She drives to work and university 5 days a week, uses a whole tank of gas in one week, so she does drive a lot. And in the two years I've known her she hasn't improved her driving with that amount of experience. So I'm terrified knowing she's out on the roads.

What am I supposed to do? Do I insist I drive my car everywhere? Do I insist on driving her car and letting her ride in the passenger seat? Do I just try and be patient with her and keep teaching her as I sit white-knuckled in the passenger seat? Do I tell her straight out that I won't be in her car anymore?

I'm really at a loss here and I honstly think it's just a matter of time before something bad happens, and I feel like it'll be my fault.

Thanks everyone.

CinnamonGirl

A friend of mine is also a pretty bad driver--not quite as bad as your friend, but bad enough to scare me when I'm in his car. Another friend and I always try to drive separarately and meet him somewhere, rather than having him drive US around.

As for the rest of the time...I really have no idea. Maybe you could suggest another round of driver's ed? Or just keep "teaching" her on your own, just out on country roads, away from pedestrians & such.

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amonkie

If you're that uncomfortable about her driving and it's not possible to meet, for the sake of your continued longevity of life, I would not feel bad about hogging the car. Maybe a solution to help fix her driving would be to practice and work at it when you're not actually driving to a specific place. Gas has been expensive of late, so that might not happen as much as you'd like.

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Cynthetiq

if she doesn't kill anyone first... she eventually will get into several accidents. at that point her insurance will go up, and well, you either learn or you pay extra.

IMO I never trusted my friends in HS, not that they were bad drivers, but just was a thing for me. I drove everywhere, even was the designated driver. It's impractical in your situation, but since you are taking your life in your hands and she obviously doesn't care, IMO, you need a different friend.

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Qazwsxedc

why don't you teach her at night when there are fewer cars around.. be her driving instructor/examiner.

She obviously wasn't taught well enough and if she drove like that during her driving exam i can't imagine her passing. Obviously she did pass so she must possess the skills of an adequate driver - she just needs a reminder about what makes a good safe driver..

Rlyss

I try and teach her all the time, but when it's her behind the wheel she just doesn't care. She's convinced her car doesn't have blind spots (when I demonstrate that her car does, by standing in them, she says it's different on the road). Her car does indeed have blind spots, I know since I've driven her car hundreds of times.

She only drives if she has to, if she hasn't got a choice. If there's any chance of someone else driving she'll refuses to drive, so any attempts at teaching her during times of low traffic are fruitless, since if she doesn't *have to, she just won't.

And then when she has to drive, she just doesn't care. She doesn't look, she doesn't give way, she just barges on ahead.

It especially amazes me since whenever I've been a passenger in her care, every single time (not exaggerating) something has happened, a near miss, a car honking at her, etc., yet she drives to and from uni, and to and from work every day and I just don't understand how she hasn't had an accident... yet.

After thinking about it I've come to the conclusion that nothing I do is going to change things about the way she drives. I've tried teaching her for almost two years, being helpful in the car when she's driving etc., and I've come to think that instead of helping her I'm just doing the work for her. Instead of me helping her she sees me as the person who checks the mirrors so she doesn't have to when she's driving.

I don't think there's much I can do. I enjoy driving so when it's her car I think I'll ask to drive it as much as I can, and when I have the opportunity to drive my car I'll do so. During those times when her car is the only option we have, I think I'll just continue to look out for our lives and hope some of it rubs off on her.

Thanks for the advice everyone. As for her learning by having accidents, she already reversed into a stone mailbox and destroyed her tail light but it hasn't made a difference. As awful as it sounds, I can only hope that minor things like that keep happening and she learns from them, instead of having a major accident and only perhaps surviving to learn from it.

amonkie

hmmm.... I wonder how possible it is to leave an anonymous tip that someone driving __________ model car at such and such a place and such and such a tip will be breaking the law. Maybe getting a ticket or have some monetary pains might give insight into why's it's not good not to care?

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WarWagon

I definitely have to disagree with that one. Driving exams these days are an absolute joke. They won't deduct points for things like accelerating absurdly slow, late braking, etc etc. And how many people do you know drive normally as they did when being forced to pay attention to detail during their license exams?

ladyadmin

She needs to be taken off the roads or retake drivers training. How she passed when she drives like this is beyond me. An anonymous call to the police about her driving could do some good for you,her and the lives of the mom and her kids that could have been struck and killed.

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Yakk

Try "I want you to be a better driver. I'm concerned something will happen to you. As a favour to me, can we meet up and I will teach you how to drive safer?"

Worth a shot. =) (notice you are making the driving lessons a favour they can do for you.)

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Last edited by JHVH : 10-29-4004 BC at 09:00 PM. Reason: Time for a rest.

ratbastid

Bingo.

It's not about driving skills, it's about attention. She sounds to me like a supremely inattentive and careless driver. Is she sloppy and inattentive in other areas of her life too? I'll bet she is. This car she drives around--is it a filthy mess all the time? Probably.

You're never going to change her. What you can do is set it up so that the negative impact to you is minimized as much as possible.

Kaos

Something bad happening seems to be the only way she's going to change her attitude about driving. I think the only thing you can do is decrease the chance of you being in the car (as a passenger) when it does happen.

Boo

Its all about responsibility.

Ask her if she will be responsible for telling the father that she killed his wife and kids.

Ask her if she will be responsible for changing the diaper on the person that she put into a coma.

The people that I have met that "just don't care" have never been in my list of friends. I suggest you find another as she will take you down with her.... with no remorse.

Some people just should not drive.

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agball

Unfortunatelly, most people learn from there mistakes. This means it will be tough for you to get her to change until she has an accident. From you post, it does not sound like giving driving advise makes any difference. Do you have any friends that are Cops? if so, get one of them to pull her over and give her a good scare! Otherwise I would do the driving even if its her can. "better to be safe then sorry"

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moonstrucksoul

to me the answer seems really simple, don't ride with them. But apparently if you do, you might end up saving somebody's life

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Cynthetiq

Oh jeezus flashbacks.... I remember that was another reason why I made sure I drove safely. Thanks for that reminder.

paulaboots

hiya just reading ur reply on ur friends driving, if her driving is that bad i would not put myself at risk by sitting by her, or u could ask her 2 go on an advanced driving cource ,that might help her see what driving is all about ,with someone which is well advanced sitting by her,and the things what she is doing wrong know well maybe they could be put right after she finished the advanced driving course ,u never know if she did do it , well she would b a better driver then. best of luck anyway. hope she does it 4 her sake .

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bermuDa

I was going to suggest something similar to paulaboots. She clearly needs some real instruction on how to drive. If she continues to drive like this she's either going to get into a minor accident and maybe start paying attention, or a major accident and who knows what might happen in that case.

tell her that safety precautions are there for a reason, and blindspots still exist when the car is moving. If she doesn't care that you're worried for her safety (or your own) then she's not a very good friend.

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