subz

Been a long time reader of this forum, but never really posted anything, anyway...

I was wondering what everyone's opinion was about moving out with a girlfriend (or boyfriend, if female). We've known each other as friends for a few years throughout high school, and just became "more than friends" last summer. She seems to not like her roommate and I had a falling out with my old roommate, so I'm back with my parents. She seems to hint toward us getting an apartment together.

We get along most of the time, but I've heard some bad things. I do really love this girl, and don't want anything to destroy this relationship. As you could understand, I am kind of desprate to get out of my parents place. So I've been tossing around the idea in my head. Anyone have any personal experience, or any advice they could give?

wilbjammin

My suggestion is this: don't do it unless you're towards the end or at the end of where you want to go with school and you know where you're headed in life. Too many times have I seen people live together in high school or early in college and have horrible break-ups because they were having such trouble finding themselves that the added pressure of living with a significant other was too much. It can work out, in some cases, but I would just warn that you're adding a lot of pressure on the relationship that you might not be ready for yet.

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skysooner

Living together is very difficult and makes it harder in some ways to break it off if you need to. It is very easy to let the feelings of intimacy from being with someone everyday overwhelm any problems you might have with the relationship. I did this one time when I was a sophomore in college. The girl in question was absolutely wrong for me, but the intensity of the sex and being together everyday made it seem to be a better relationship. It took me 9 months to escape from that trap and still ranks as one of my worst memories.

numist

OOOH an LTWFTW! (/obscure?)

6 months isnt a very long time to establish a working relationship. My g/f and I have gotten to the point recently when we could move in with each other and not have any problems, but going to school this far away from each other is a bit prohibitive.

Give it some time, dont rush into it. Its better for you to go out and get another place yourself and be right about being compatible for living together, than to move in and be wrong immediately.

After around a year of a good relationship (wait for the so called 'honeymoon phase' to finish, however long that takes) see what happens, and if it all looks good, go for it.

denim

If you do end up as roommates, make sure to at least have separate rooms. That way you can at least get away from each other if you need to.

Slims

Don't do it unless you guys are getting close to marriage.

Instead, get your own place, and let her spend the night every night .

That way you guys can get a taste for what it is like to live with someone without limiting your options. You won't have to worry about getting 'stuck' with someone because you are both on the lease and your relationship goes to shit.

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"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

sailor

I think that is some really good advice right there.

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Enka

Me and my gf are living together now...Its ok but i think that we need more time away from each other. Ever since we started living together, shes always hounding me about where i am, or why im late. I most definately think its something that maybe you should wait for till you are for sure getting married.

subz

Thanks for all the advice. I'd defnitaly have to have my own room.

I know in my head it makes sense not to do it, but I am so desprate to get out of my parents' house. They both drive me nuts. Most of the time I am at my gfs place though.

Also don't wanna have to explain to all our parents that we're getting a place...together. Can only imagine that akwardness...

Anyway, thanks again for the advice.

noblejr

I have heard that couples who live together before marriage have a higher divorce rate. Although I have no reference to support my statement, it might be something to look into.

Slims

I am willing to bet that's because couples who don't live together before marriage are usually deeply religious and won't consider divorce as an option.....no matter how unhappy their marriage is. They are good at depriving themselves of pleasures and resisting temptation, even the temptation to bail out of an uhnappy marriage....

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"Socialism is a philosophy of failure, the creed of ignorance, and the gospel of envy, its inherent virtue is the equal sharing of misery." - Winston Churchill

"All men dream: but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act out their dream with open eyes, to make it possible." Seven Pillars of Wisdom, T.E. Lawrence

Rubyee

This is where I disagree. My boyfriend were only going out for 8 months before we moved in together last April. Everything has been going great. These are the reasons why it has been going so well:

1) I saw him in his own apartment with another roomate before we moved in together. I got to see how he lived- how often he cleaned, how often he bought groceries, what he ate and cooked, how late he stayed up, how late he slept in, how often he handed over the remote, and whether or not he snored. I also got to talk to his roomate about him when he wasn't around, to see he if was different when I wasn't there.

2) I work days, he works nights. That way, we each get our alone time, but also have time before bed to see eachother.

3) We can get along fine apart from eachother. If he isn't home from work until four hours after his shift is over, that's fine. I can entertain myself, and I trust him, so I don't need to keep tabs on him.

4) We make decisions together. I don't go out and spend a bunch of money without telling him I am going to, just incase there is a bill that we need to have paid that I may have forgotten. This doesn't mean that I can't spend my money freely, but it means that I can only do so after all the bills are taken care of, which are usually split 50/50.

5) We know eachother's boundaries, and have known them. He knows not to read through my poerty journal, and I know not to wake him up too early. We don't overstep, and we don't assume the other knows.

You just have to be mature enough with eachother to make it work. As long as the two of you are able to get alone time if you need it, and know what does and does not piss the other off, I think you should be fine.

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denim

How old were you when you moved in with each other?

Rubyee

We were both 20.

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You don't know from fun.

denim

Well, that idea goes out the window. I was going to suggest that you had more experience than subz probably does. Yet another theory shot down by an inconvienient fact.

DEI37

Ain't that usually the case. Either way, it's this little word that causes BIG problems...communication. Its presence is great, and it's absence is devastating.

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sipsake

Bad idea. Find a roommate. This sounds like a decision based on convenience, not commitment.

Moving in with your girlfriend because you want to get out of your parents house sounds pretty convenient, but it's likely to cause more problems than it solves.

When you and your girlfriend are ready to make a commitment to one another you can revisit moving in together.

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Rubyee

GOOD POINT! If you go into it for the wrong reason, then things may not turn out for the better. Also, I want to point out that it is harder to break up when you move in together. I had to give this a lot of thought before I moved in with Ryan, and even though there is no stated committment with moving in, there is a huge committment. We signed a year lease, so we knew that we had better stay together for at least that long. Also, you will buy so many things together that if you did break up, it would be a great hassle. Moving in with someone is practically like getting married, just without the ring and the parties.

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daydream

I would love to have the opportunity to move in w/my bf... but at this time in my life I just don't have the money to move out of my parents house.... I think that if you really love her, and you are both up for it, and can afford it... go for it. If you love each other, then you will learn to live with each other and there shouldn't be any major problems.

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taliendo

I have to agree here. I moved in with my girlfriend of a year, and we broke up inside of three months. I'm not saying that moving in together had everything to do with the break up (we had problems to work on when we made the decision to move in together.) BUT, it definitely didn't help matters at all.

Oh, and we decided to live together simply out of convenience. I'm not sure that either one of us were truly ready for that experience. . .

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lonster

This is a few days old but i thought i would throw my bit in anyway. My girlfriend and i moved in together after only 3 months. Alot of people have said that this was a little too quick, us both being 22, but it has been fantastic. We both moved away from home, started new jobs and it has been wonderful. We both get our own time to do what we like and ts all good.
Though i have to agree with alot of people - check your reasonings for moving out with her.
Which ever way you decide to go hope it all works out. Keep us posted

aintyoboyfriend

Don't do it man. Step away from the girl.

Prince

Breaking a lease is something you don't want to end up having to do, trust me.

Especially if you've never lived with a girl before, don't rush into this. A couple of guys sharing a flat is one thing...sharing it with a girl, one that you have sex with no less, is entirely different.

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Apex Shok

My first room mates were girls. Let me tell you. I learned alot.
I have lived with other dudes.

Personally I think you need to have a few room mates first. I was "dating" my wife for 3 years before we moved in. Then we lived together for 3 more be fore we finally took the plunge. You should really take things slow with this girl. If you move in and things get messy you could be stuck breaking a lease. Or even worse just living there with her till the lease runs out. (I had a fried that had to do this Not good.)

Move in with some friends and have her over alot.