How do I make friends in college? - Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community

charlesesl · 11-13-2003, 12:33 PM

I am a shy kid for as long as I can remember. But i am not antisocial.
Since this september I started my life in colledge. But till now I have little friends. I live i a dorm which should supposingly let making friends be easy. But my roommate is horroubly antisocial. Just yestoday a few of our neighbors came by for a visit and he refused them. So till this moment i still dont know anybody from my floor. I am sure many of you went to colledge and probably had a better social life than I am having right now. So people give me some help on the art of making friends. Thanx

mirevolver · 11-13-2003, 12:43 PM

Here's my two cents:

Find a club that you're interested in and go join it. That way, the people there will have similar interests to you and they will also have various social activities for you to go to.

Jim Kata · 11-13-2003, 12:54 PM

Or buy a couple of bottles of liquor, tell your roommate to live a little, and have some people over...just be like "hey, I live on the so and so floor, come over. Have some drinks. Bring some ladies. Let me make out with said ladies. And be my friend."

Seriously though. If your room mate is giving you a dull social life, time to get a new room mate (is room mate one word or two?). Or talk to him. Be like..."The semester is almost over..lets have some people from our floor over. We are in college after all...right?" If he still is all party pooperish about it still....have people over when he isn't there. If he comes home and people are over than he can't do much. If he does tell people to leave....go with them...and explain to them that your room mate is an antisocial guy and follow them to the next party.

BonesCPA · 11-13-2003, 01:29 PM

To quote the movie Animal House:

Bluto: My advice to you is to start drinking heavily.
Otter: Better listen to him, Flounder. He's pre-med.

mirevolver is on target. Worked for me. Oh, and I would recommend looking into getting a different roomate next year/semester.

shileno · 11-13-2003, 01:54 PM

join clubs, talk to people in your classes..they dont bite, join intramurals. You live in dorms..should be easier for you to make friends..just be open and talk to people

1337haxor · 11-13-2003, 03:44 PM

I agree with what everyone has said, I've had the same problem.
I started to go to clubs and talk to everyone in my classes. Luckily everyone in my major and classes are nerds to some degree so we would have something in common to talk about. Don't just join any clubs but join clubs that are for making friends. In my case a club like that would be ASA (Asian Student Association). They design activities so people are forced to talk and work with each other. Remember to always be nice and curtious too. Do you have a personality trait that is unique? People remember you if your unique. Also try to take lead of social activities. If a new movie comes out, ask afew people if they want to go, tell them your trying to get a group to go.
Honestly I still don't have what I would consider a group of friends to hang out all the time, but I'm working on it.
Good luck!

-Robert

1337haxor · 11-13-2003, 03:48 PM

*addition*
forgot to mention my unique personality traits

I like to cook and I carry a pocket knife for self defense (the ladies feel safe around me

)

-Robert

ForgottenKnight · 11-13-2003, 04:50 PM

I was very similar in being shy but not antisocial.... but one of my friends thought I was antisocial... I met the people on my floor of the dorm because they were so outgoing in trying to make friends.
First, talk with your roommate and tell him that the next time people come by and you're there, then you want to meet them, so don't turn them away. Come up with a set of rules that you can both agree on for you both to follow with guests. Make sure it allows you to have guests over. It's your room too, so don't let him control everything. If you two have trouble comming up with an agreement, get your RA involved. That's what they're there for. If you still can't come to an agreement, you may want to change to another dorm or something.
Second, go out into the hall and hang out, do homework, and whatnot. Then just say hi to anyone who walks by. Some of them will even be the first to say hi to you. Try striking up a conversation with your neighbors when you see them comming and going. Once you start saying hi and whatnot as they pass or as you pass them in the hall, it should become easier to start talking with them and making some friends.
Third, in your classes, talk with anyone who sits around you. Just intoduce yourself and try striking up a conversation. It becomes easier the more times you try it. Don't get discouraged if the other person doesn't want to talk though! Just keep trying. The best way to make friends in your classes is by seeing if anyone wants to study or do the homework as a group. It's funner to do stuff as a group, and you can make some great friends in your major and similar majors that way!
Fourth, follow mirevolver's advice! There are TONS of clubs and sports out there! There's at least one thing for everyone! So find one you're interested in, and join it! You make some great friends that way, and you know that you already have something in common before even meeting them!

I may not have one specific group of friends, but rather now have many groups of friends. One in my classes for hanging out with, another in my classes for doing homework with, another in my sport, Fencing, a fourth group of friends to hang out with that originated in my sport, and then I know a lot of other people around from when I lived in the dorms, from work, and from everything else. It can take time, but if you keep trying, eventually everything will fall into place. So hang in there! There is always hope!

Oopsfix · 11-13-2003, 06:14 PM

Also watch alot of TV/read newspaper or stuff off the internet that is interesting so you have something to talk about

dragon2fire · 11-14-2003, 02:05 PM

no question its time to find a room mate that is not anal

gabshu · 11-14-2003, 07:00 PM

I've had a hard time making friends in college, and living in the dorms didn't help at all. I recomend you join every club that you're slightly interested in. You can develop your interest better and get some friends there. Also think about joining a professional frat, not one of the stupid ones that just drink and stuff, but one with an interest.

taliendo · 11-14-2003, 10:55 PM

i have to agree with the panel. The biggest mistake I made in my college days was not joining a single club. I always said that I wouldn't join a frat (sorry I'm anti-greek) but there are tons of clubs at any university. find one and you'll find people.

Sledge · 11-15-2003, 12:10 AM

Yeah, clubs and stuff. Also, small classes and study groups in small classes are good things. Also friends of friends, who have a higher chance than average of being your type of person.

If you're anything like me, making friends takes more effort than you usually expect. Take advantage of common conversation topics, springboard them into hanging out... like rock climbing, you need every fingerhold you can find.

jerseyboy · 11-16-2003, 05:23 PM

I second the idea of hanging around and doing work in the common room and talking to people as they pass by. Also a good idea would be always leave your room door open. Its a little late into the first year to be making friend with people om your floor, but you never know. Also next semester when you start new classes, really try to get to know people before class starts. Just strike up a conversation about what you think the class will be like and what not

JusticeForPhat · 11-16-2003, 08:41 PM

i've met a surprising amount of people, people who I actually like, by being antisocial. I generally find a bench or a tree to sit by to read and study alone. You'd be amazed at how many people you run into doing this. As far as the clubs go this is a must. My campus has an Anime club for christ-sakes, something has to be available that you have interest in.

wilbjammin · 11-16-2003, 08:59 PM

I made a couple friends in the dorms by just having my door open and playing music or video games. When I lived alone the years after that I made a lot of friends in my classes. I simply went to my classes looking for opportunities to inject small comments to test the waters, if someone had a particularly amiable response to me I'd find ways to communicate with them more. This worked with some guys, but it worked a lot easier on the girls. Maybe that is because it seems like on average in my classes more girls actually took their classes seriously, or that sexual tension thing, or something... I don't know. But in a class you're stuck with these people for 10 weeks (or more if you're on a semester system) so use that to your advantage... they're captive audiences with something obviously in common with you, they're in the same class doing the same work.

To be honest, personally, I hate clubs. Some people like them because they're pretty easy to slide into generally, but I like the one-on-one communication much more than being part of a group. You might go to some clubs and see if you find someone that has an interest in hanging out with you outside of the club.

The easiest place around campus here that I've found to meet people is at open mics. If you can string together 3 songs or have a couple poems and an open mic you'll probably get at least 5 people to come up and talk to you. Or you can go and listen and if someone does something you like then you can talk to them afterwards. If there is anything about performers, they want to know that they've been heard and have reached someone.

thegreek · 11-16-2003, 10:37 PM

id say just be nice to everyone, do people a little favor, and have a positive outlook, you'll get noticed.

thats what i did at least in high school

jvwgtr · 11-17-2003, 09:44 AM

I agree with what others have said so far. In college, one of the best ways to meet people is to simply hang out in public areas.
Take a book out in the hall, in the lounge, anywhere...you won't be perceived as antisocial and may help prevent you from being lumped in with your anitsocail roommate.
Most people in college don't know each other, so introducing yourself or saying hi isn't completely out of place.

emmdubbs · 11-17-2003, 07:48 PM

find out what things your floor may be doing together as a group activity, *floor meetings* and whatnot, and look on the builiten board for anything that may look interesting...next semester check out some rush parties or seomthin liek that...

Bloodslick · 11-17-2003, 10:12 PM

Everyone who came before has made a valuable suggestion. They have, however, left out one important idea.

Play games that require two people. Go to bars and play foosball or air hockey or darts. Get your parents to send you your Xbox or PS2 or Gamecube and engage people in your hall in games of Madden or Mario Party.

The easiest way to meet people is to do things that absolutely require two people to do. Even setting up a board game in your common room and inviting others to play works. Carry a deck of playing cards with you, fer Chrissakes. It's just that easy.

11-13-2003, 12:33 PM	#1 (permalink)
charlesesl Psycho	How do I make friends in college? I am a shy kid for as long as I can remember. But i am not antisocial. Since this september I started my life in colledge. But till now I have little friends. I live i a dorm which should supposingly let making friends be easy. But my roommate is horroubly antisocial. Just yestoday a few of our neighbors came by for a visit and he refused them. So till this moment i still dont know anybody from my floor. I am sure many of you went to colledge and probably had a better social life than I am having right now. So people give me some help on the art of making friends. Thanx __________________ It did not really matter what we expected from life, but rather what life expected from us. Dr. Viktor E. Frankl

11-13-2003, 12:43 PM	#2 (permalink)
mirevolver Inspired by the mind's eye. Location: Between the darkness and the light.	Here's my two cents: Find a club that you're interested in and go join it. That way, the people there will have similar interests to you and they will also have various social activities for you to go to. __________________ Aside from my great plans to become the future dictator of the moon, I have little interest in political discussions.

11-13-2003, 12:54 PM	#3 (permalink)
Jim Kata Swollen Member Location: Northern VA	Or buy a couple of bottles of liquor, tell your roommate to live a little, and have some people over...just be like "hey, I live on the so and so floor, come over. Have some drinks. Bring some ladies. Let me make out with said ladies. And be my friend." Seriously though. If your room mate is giving you a dull social life, time to get a new room mate (is room mate one word or two?). Or talk to him. Be like..."The semester is almost over..lets have some people from our floor over. We are in college after all...right?" If he still is all party pooperish about it still....have people over when he isn't there. If he comes home and people are over than he can't do much. If he does tell people to leave....go with them...and explain to them that your room mate is an antisocial guy and follow them to the next party. Last edited by Jim Kata; 11-13-2003 at 12:57 PM..

11-13-2003, 01:29 PM	#4 (permalink)
BonesCPA No. It's not done yet. Location: sorta kinda phila	To quote the movie Animal House: Bluto: My advice to you is to start drinking heavily. Otter: Better listen to him, Flounder. He's pre-med. mirevolver is on target. Worked for me. Oh, and I would recommend looking into getting a different roomate next year/semester. __________________ Back into hibernation.

11-13-2003, 04:50 PM	#8 (permalink)
ForgottenKnight Jesus Freak Location: Following the light...	I was very similar in being shy but not antisocial.... but one of my friends thought I was antisocial... I met the people on my floor of the dorm because they were so outgoing in trying to make friends. First, talk with your roommate and tell him that the next time people come by and you're there, then you want to meet them, so don't turn them away. Come up with a set of rules that you can both agree on for you both to follow with guests. Make sure it allows you to have guests over. It's your room too, so don't let him control everything. If you two have trouble comming up with an agreement, get your RA involved. That's what they're there for. If you still can't come to an agreement, you may want to change to another dorm or something. Second, go out into the hall and hang out, do homework, and whatnot. Then just say hi to anyone who walks by. Some of them will even be the first to say hi to you. Try striking up a conversation with your neighbors when you see them comming and going. Once you start saying hi and whatnot as they pass or as you pass them in the hall, it should become easier to start talking with them and making some friends. Third, in your classes, talk with anyone who sits around you. Just intoduce yourself and try striking up a conversation. It becomes easier the more times you try it. Don't get discouraged if the other person doesn't want to talk though! Just keep trying. The best way to make friends in your classes is by seeing if anyone wants to study or do the homework as a group. It's funner to do stuff as a group, and you can make some great friends in your major and similar majors that way! Fourth, follow mirevolver's advice! There are TONS of clubs and sports out there! There's at least one thing for everyone! So find one you're interested in, and join it! You make some great friends that way, and you know that you already have something in common before even meeting them! I may not have one specific group of friends, but rather now have many groups of friends. One in my classes for hanging out with, another in my classes for doing homework with, another in my sport, Fencing, a fourth group of friends to hang out with that originated in my sport, and then I know a lot of other people around from when I lived in the dorms, from work, and from everything else. It can take time, but if you keep trying, eventually everything will fall into place. So hang in there! There is always hope! __________________ "People say I'm strange, does that make me a stranger?"

11-13-2003, 01:54 PM	#5 (permalink)
shileno Upright	join clubs, talk to people in your classes..they dont bite, join intramurals. You live in dorms..should be easier for you to make friends..just be open and talk to people

11-13-2003, 03:44 PM	#6 (permalink)
1337haxor Insane Location: PA	I agree with what everyone has said, I've had the same problem. I started to go to clubs and talk to everyone in my classes. Luckily everyone in my major and classes are nerds to some degree so we would have something in common to talk about. Don't just join any clubs but join clubs that are for making friends. In my case a club like that would be ASA (Asian Student Association). They design activities so people are forced to talk and work with each other. Remember to always be nice and curtious too. Do you have a personality trait that is unique? People remember you if your unique. Also try to take lead of social activities. If a new movie comes out, ask afew people if they want to go, tell them your trying to get a group to go. Honestly I still don't have what I would consider a group of friends to hang out all the time, but I'm working on it. Good luck! -Robert

11-13-2003, 03:48 PM	#7 (permalink)
1337haxor Insane Location: PA	addition forgot to mention my unique personality traits I like to cook and I carry a pocket knife for self defense (the ladies feel safe around me ) -Robert

11-13-2003, 06:14 PM	#9 (permalink)
Oopsfix Banned	Also watch alot of TV/read newspaper or stuff off the internet that is interesting so you have something to talk about

11-14-2003, 02:05 PM	#10 (permalink)
dragon2fire Junkie	no question its time to find a room mate that is not anal

11-14-2003, 07:00 PM	#11 (permalink)
gabshu Psycho Location: The capital of the free world??	I've had a hard time making friends in college, and living in the dorms didn't help at all. I recomend you join every club that you're slightly interested in. You can develop your interest better and get some friends there. Also think about joining a professional frat, not one of the stupid ones that just drink and stuff, but one with an interest. __________________ Go Kool Aid. OH YEAAHH http://www.retrocrush.com/archive2003/koolaid/

11-14-2003, 10:55 PM	#12 (permalink)
taliendo Insane Location: an indelible crawl through the gutters	i have to agree with the panel. The biggest mistake I made in my college days was not joining a single club. I always said that I wouldn't join a frat (sorry I'm anti-greek) but there are tons of clubs at any university. find one and you'll find people. __________________ -LIFE IS ABSURD-

11-15-2003, 12:10 AM	#13 (permalink)
Sledge Pasture Bedtime	Yeah, clubs and stuff. Also, small classes and study groups in small classes are good things. Also friends of friends, who have a higher chance than average of being your type of person. If you're anything like me, making friends takes more effort than you usually expect. Take advantage of common conversation topics, springboard them into hanging out... like rock climbing, you need every fingerhold you can find.

11-16-2003, 05:23 PM	#14 (permalink)
jerseyboy Insane	I second the idea of hanging around and doing work in the common room and talking to people as they pass by. Also a good idea would be always leave your room door open. Its a little late into the first year to be making friend with people om your floor, but you never know. Also next semester when you start new classes, really try to get to know people before class starts. Just strike up a conversation about what you think the class will be like and what not

11-16-2003, 08:41 PM	#15 (permalink)
JusticeForPhat Crazy Location: Philly	i've met a surprising amount of people, people who I actually like, by being antisocial. I generally find a bench or a tree to sit by to read and study alone. You'd be amazed at how many people you run into doing this. As far as the clubs go this is a must. My campus has an Anime club for christ-sakes, something has to be available that you have interest in.

11-16-2003, 08:59 PM	#16 (permalink)
wilbjammin * * *	I made a couple friends in the dorms by just having my door open and playing music or video games. When I lived alone the years after that I made a lot of friends in my classes. I simply went to my classes looking for opportunities to inject small comments to test the waters, if someone had a particularly amiable response to me I'd find ways to communicate with them more. This worked with some guys, but it worked a lot easier on the girls. Maybe that is because it seems like on average in my classes more girls actually took their classes seriously, or that sexual tension thing, or something... I don't know. But in a class you're stuck with these people for 10 weeks (or more if you're on a semester system) so use that to your advantage... they're captive audiences with something obviously in common with you, they're in the same class doing the same work. To be honest, personally, I hate clubs. Some people like them because they're pretty easy to slide into generally, but I like the one-on-one communication much more than being part of a group. You might go to some clubs and see if you find someone that has an interest in hanging out with you outside of the club. The easiest place around campus here that I've found to meet people is at open mics. If you can string together 3 songs or have a couple poems and an open mic you'll probably get at least 5 people to come up and talk to you. Or you can go and listen and if someone does something you like then you can talk to them afterwards. If there is anything about performers, they want to know that they've been heard and have reached someone. __________________ Innominate.

11-16-2003, 10:37 PM	#17 (permalink)
thegreek Banned	id say just be nice to everyone, do people a little favor, and have a positive outlook, you'll get noticed. thats what i did at least in high school

11-17-2003, 09:44 AM	#18 (permalink)
jvwgtr Completely bananas Location: Florida	I agree with what others have said so far. In college, one of the best ways to meet people is to simply hang out in public areas. Take a book out in the hall, in the lounge, anywhere...you won't be perceived as antisocial and may help prevent you from being lumped in with your anitsocail roommate. Most people in college don't know each other, so introducing yourself or saying hi isn't completely out of place.

11-17-2003, 07:48 PM	#19 (permalink)
emmdubbs Psycho Location: the western part of new york	find out what things your floor may be doing together as a group activity, floor meetings and whatnot, and look on the builiten board for anything that may look interesting...next semester check out some rush parties or seomthin liek that... __________________ "You're not your job. You're not how much money you have in the bank. You're not the car you drive. You're not the contents of your wallet. You're not your fucking khakis. You're the all-singing, all-dancing crap of the world." - Tyler Durden

11-17-2003, 10:12 PM	#20 (permalink)
Bloodslick Loser Location: a darkened back alley	Everyone who came before has made a valuable suggestion. They have, however, left out one important idea. Play games that require two people. Go to bars and play foosball or air hockey or darts. Get your parents to send you your Xbox or PS2 or Gamecube and engage people in your hall in games of Madden or Mario Party. The easiest way to meet people is to do things that absolutely require two people to do. Even setting up a board game in your common room and inviting others to play works. Carry a deck of playing cards with you, fer Chrissakes. It's just that easy.