1337haxor

Long story of betrayal by friend + hearbreak

This all started back in fall of 2002. I met the girlfriend of a friend at a school dance. I couldn’t believe my friends actually convinced me to go since I am the computer nerdy type that doesn’t do that kind of social events at school. Lets call her “L”. “L” and I became friends instantly for some reason. Don’t know why but we did. “L” started to hang out with my friends and I more often. At the time I was the only one who had a license and a car that could fit a max of 8 people legally so I did all the driving. One night, my friend, his girlfriend “L”, and some of her friends went out to go see Harry Potter. “L” invited a close friend of hers’. Lets call her “M”. We saw the movie and went to dinner at a near by restaurant. Everyone talked and had fun at dinner. I dropped everyone off home and my friend was the last one to be dropped off. When I dropped him off he told me that “L” told him that “M” was checking me out, but not to tell her he told me. I didn’t take him seriously and thought he was just messing with me.

A few weeks pass and I went to “L’s” birthday party. “M” was also there so we got to talk a little bit and we got along. We both liked and hated the same things so that was cool. A few days later “L” told me herself that “M” had a thing for me and asked if I was interested in her. I kinda felt weird because that’s the first girl that I knew of that was interested in me. I’m generally shy and quiet so I don’t really put myself out there. I told her that sure I was interested cause she was cute and smart (gotta have the brains). Over the next few months “M” would hang out with us in a group and I would talk to her. “L” would tell me things about her and made it sound like she was perfect and we would live happily ever after. Of course “M” and I are really shy people so we never actually said anything to each other about a relationship. We would basically use our friend “L” to pass messages. I guess this is where the problem started, but more about it later. At this point “L” and I are best friends. We tell each other how we feel and I helped her go through her breakup with her boyfriend. She then went on to date another one of my friends named Dave. I really liked “M” but I never got the courage to tell her straight forward how I felt. I think I almost fell in love with her but I still had doubts about her feelings.

I guess all my doubts went away actually on valentines day. “M” was away on a school debate trip at college X and was snowed in because of that freak blizzard. I was worried if she was okay because it must be pretty weird being snowed in at some college a few hundred miles away from home. That day I was going to a shooting competition. Before I went in, “L” called me. “L” informed me that she had just spoken to “M”. I was really eager to hear what she had to say. “L” told me that some guy tried to make out with “M” but she refused and said that even though she didn’t have a boyfriend, there was someone back home she really liked (referring to me). I believed every word of it since “L” was my best friend and I trusted her a lot. I felt special and relieved because at lease now I know how “M” felt. I was building up the courage to talk to her finally. For three days I was for once in my life I was happy, but of course this came crashing down. After three days “L” called me and told me that “M” was acting funny and when she talked to her she told me that “M” all of a sudden decided she didn’t like me anymore. I was heart broken and confused. “L” couldn’t explain it either. Some time in March “M” came out with us when we went into the city. When I talked to her, it really didn’t seem like much had changed from before. When ever we talked, we were just friends. This was the last time I got to hang out with her.

Since “L” was a close friend of “M” it was always “L’s” job to ask if “M” wanted to come out with us. “L” would always tell me that “M” was busy or something. “L” also started to tell me things about “M” she had never told me before. She started to tell me how she would hook up with random guys at parties and how she’s now with some jerk named Peter that goes to “L’s” school. Just a lot of nasty stuff about her. I was confused and asked her why she never told me any of this before because I would have felt a lot different with that info. “L” said she didn’t know, that it only hit her recently. I thought to myself WTF!?!?! At this point I still trusted “L” so I tried to move on and forget about it. It still hurt but I wanted to move on. The last time I asked “L” to invite “M” to come out she told me that she didn’t want to because she did not like one of my friends because he was black. So “L” was telling me “M” was a racist. When she told me this, she also told me not to tell anyone else about it. I found that kind of weird.

“M” was going with Peter to his prom. From what “L” told me about this kid, I was concerned since “M” is a really sheltered suburban girl. I wanted to do something and asked “L” if the kid really posed a threat. “L” tells me he did and I should do something. The more I listened to “L” the more I realized she didn’t want to help “M” at all, she just wanted me to do something to the kid for her own unknown reasons. All the while other stuff is happening with “L” and my friends. Prom time was coming up and I was still upset and dateless. So “L” convinced me to let her help me with that. I was somewhat willing since the person she was setting me up with wasn’t really her friend, but just someone she knew. We can call her “A”. I got to hang out with “A” before prom and she was a nice girl. We got along but she had completely different tastes from me so I wasn’t planning on being more then friends with her. Prom came and went and my friends, including “L” and “A” did stuff beginning of summer. I told “L” that I did have a small crush on “A” but it was nothing.

I went on vacation for a month and had a lot of time to think about things. I realized that “L” wasn’t a trust worthy person. What happened with “M” was only a piece of it. I’ve had this feeling since January but kinda suppressed it. She was a compulsive liar and she was very manipulative. I usually never trust anyone but with her I decided to let my guard down and it was a mistake. I always knew there was more to the situation with “M” then she told me but she denied it. I also realized that she used “M” to try to get what she wanted for herself from me. After realizing that I wondered if any of “M’s” feelings towards me were even real or made up. This made me feel even worst then I first did.

Also I didn’t like the way I was being treated by her. Ever since she started dating my friend Dave, she started to pay less attention to me. That was fine except when ever Dave was busy and couldn’t go out with her, she would ask if I wanted to do something with her. She had no regard to what I had planned or if I was busy or not. When I told her I couldn’t, she would do a guilt trip on me. When ever she was paranoid about Dave she would want me to spy on him or ask him questions to see what he is thinking. When I came back from vacation I felt that I didn’t want to be friends with “L”. She was a compulsive liar and I felt she betrayed me with “M”. I stopped hanging out with her and some of my friends at times just to avoid “L”.

I still have the idea of her using “M” to get what she wanted from me fresh on my mind. Then she starts using “A” to get at me. She keeps telling me that “A” will most likely be there and I should come and similar things. This happened multiple times. I talked to “A” and she said “L” never talked to her or asked her to go to anything. At the same time all of my friends are also trying to avoid “L”. They also see how she is a compulsive liar and is manipulative. The only reason they put up with her is because of her boyfriend Dave. The day Dave left for college, “L” was really upset and came crying to me. She just cried and told me that she is going to miss him and stuff and told me they had sex before. My friend das told me that “L” had told him that they had sex but didn’t believe her. I didn’t believe it until she told me herself. I believed her because she was crying her eyes out when she told me this. I had no idea she could lie while being so upset. So after Dave left she starts to brag to my friends and me how great he was in bed and crap like that. Everyone has doubt it was true because of the nature of this kid. I got sick of hearing her brag so I talked to her boyfriend and he completely flipped out and said it wasn’t true and it was a lie. I thought to myself what possessed her to lie like that. He confronted her and she said it was a lie and she never said that. Also apparently he saw how manipulative she was on trying to control him and he stopped liking her in May but didn’t have the balls to break up with her. “L” had also told her boyfriend before he left that two of my friends where to quote “fucking each other’s brains out”. I found out for him that it was also a lie. Then I find out the worst thing of all. She lied about me to him. She told him that I got with someone while I was on vacation. I got furious at that. My guess was that she was trying to pressure him into sleeping with her.
After Dave confronted her on how she was a horrible person. I did the same. I couldn’t believe the nerve of this girl. She started to lie and bullshit to me again trying to squirm her way out of it. I thought maybe if I confronted her she would fess up to what she did but she just lied more.

Right now I am still a little upset over the “M” thing because now I think about it she probably never had those feelings and I feel really betrayed. I also found out about the same time “M” decided she didn’t like me, she and “L” had some kind of fight or argument. “M” and I have been recently making small talk so I hope to ask her the truth one day.
“A” and I once and awhile talk but it’s just an inconvenience for her to be friends with me since she lives 10 miles away and during the school year she has 3 jobs to support herself. “A” has also informed me that “L” has told her stuff about me and they are completely untrue.
I think “L” has some serious issues. She lives in a world of lies and deceptfulness. It seems to make her feel better about herself but it makes everyone around her miserable.

What I posted what just what she did to me. I left out some things because it would make the story three times as long. If you are confused about the story just ask and ill clarify. What she did to my other friends included annoying them, misleading them through their heart (like me), lying to them, lying about them, using them, etc.

I just felt like sharing my story because some of you people have some great advice and insight on things. I would also like to see what you guys make of this and if you have any ideas on closure. I am starting college in 2 weeks so I guess that is something to look forward to.

Thanks for reading

djm

Remember, paragraphs are your friend.

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1337haxor

fixed

quadro2000

Wow, that was a really long story.

I'm sorry that you wound up getting hurt and taken for a ride. It's always a very difficult thing when you've opened yourself up to someone and they take advantage of you in return. "L" is an example that you'll remember for a long time, and it will probably influence the friends you make in the future, i.e. it'll take you more time to trust them.

In terms of closure, though, I think you have a very good handle on the situation. You said, "I think “L” has some serious issues. She lives in a world of lies and deceptfulness. It seems to make her feel better about herself but it makes everyone around her miserable." You nailed it on the head. There are people like this out there, and they suck, and all that you can really do is move on. I don't think there's any point in reconciling with her. She clearly doesn't really have much concern for anybody but herself.

The one thing you should take with you, especially because you're starting college in a few weeks and will be meeting new people, is that not everybody you meet will be like "L." It is normal keep your guard up for a while, but don't limit yourself when it comes to meeting people and making friends. You seem like a really likeable person and if you work up a little bit of courage to come out and talk to people when you get to college, I'm sure you will make tons of friends there. The more interaction you have with people, most likely the more you will be able to notice the characteristics that a person like "L" exhibits and then avoid them in certain people. Life is a series of extreme highs and lows, and unfortunately, the "L" thing was an extreme low. But don't limit yourself from any interactions at all for fear of the low moments. That's what life is all about - experiencing both and learning from all of it.

The other thing I would suggest in the future, although it will be tough, is to not play the middleman games - i.e. all messages between you and "M" being passed through "L." Although you are shy and it is always difficult to find out what someone like "M" is really thinking at first, the middleman thing not only opens you up to problems (like the ones you wound up having), but it ultimately annoys all parties involved. That's something you should definitely leave behind before you go to college. A little bit of it is okay at the beginning, but ultimately, you will be better off if you take your balls in your hand and go for it. It may not always work out the way you want it to, but I think the rewards in the end will be worth it.

Good luck, hang in there, and I hope to read posts about your college experiences in the future.

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JStrider

are you going away for college? if you are it will be the best... get out there meet people make a whole new set of friends... its great...

my roommate has been completely whipped by a girl whose a lot like "L" very manipulative and controlling...

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Splice

"...She was a compulsive liar and she was very manipulative. I usually never trust anyone but with her I decided to let my guard down and it was a mistake..."

"...She lives in a world of lies and deceptfulness. It seems to make her feel better about herself but it makes everyone around her miserable..."

Oh my God, I went through this experience 4 months ago. Actually since last November 2002. It all came to a head this past May 2003. I was really close friends with this girl. About a few months into it, I found out that she would lie. At first it was small things, but then I found out she lies compulsively, about almost everything.

She told me she was close to her family. God, her family hated her. She told me she would apologize about her lying to her friends about this trip they planned on going together which she bailed out on them at the last minute, and told them she had a job interview when she didn't.

She would also lie to her boyfriend about me and try to put us against one another. This girl would use her sister's credit card and rack up thousands of dollars and then somehow manage to have her sister pay for it! She would steal from her own sister!

Because she was good-looking, I guess guys were too stupid to know it or they didn't care. She had everything paid for. And when she was REALLY desperate, she would pretend to care about her dad and stop by to visit him. How pathetic is that!

When cops stopped by to investigate her little brother for some internet stuff, she told him that she didn't care what he did..."just don't get caught." Good sister huh?

I guess after I caught on to her lies and manipulations, I stopped all the "middle-men" talks, that is, I stopped believing what she told me about other people AND I stopped talking to her.

I learned a really painful lesson, that you get really screwed if you open up too much, too soon. Like your experience, this girl (I believe) grew up learning that lying will help her survive and get things in this world. Although I should hate her for what she has done and is doing, I feel more sorry for her.

Now all her "close girlfriends" know that she's a liar too. And they have remained distant. Really sad actually. She's just a "shell of looks and confidence" but underneath that facade are layers upon layers of low self-esteem, lies, deceit, manipulation, and loneliness.

Tragic because the people who were close to her were and are really great people. We just couldn't stand being around someone who lies all the time. I thought I could overlook that, but alas I couldn't. A compulsive liar is against everything sacred in friendships.

wry1

Some people are just heavily into "drama" and seem to lie like crazy to ensure that there's plenty of it in their lives.

From now on, you'll have a pretty good radar when it comes to finding these people - so just steer clear of 'em when that warning little voice goes off in your head!

You'll be fine at college. Try to get into extra-curricular activities and groups, as this will help build common bonds with others who will shortly become friends (it really works, trust me). This is a great way to find people that you will be able to enjoy and (when you're comfortable) trust.

Asshole Lover

yup. dramam queens. move on, you have your entire live ahead of you.

let me tell ya...life don't begin till you're in your mid-20s. forget about this high school BS and remember you're not the psycho one.

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yournamehere

Replace "He said; She said"
with "I say; You say"

You and "M" (and "A") should have communicated with each other, instead of though "L".

A good lesson for the future (there'll be more, too).

Why do I suddenly find myself wanting to say, "And sometimes, "Y""?

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Lyaec123

Holy shit, did you seriously write that whole thing without paragraphs? I could barely read it and understand wtf was going on when it was fixed and in paragraph style. You don't sound too old, so just take my advice here, I know you really didn't like M, you just wanted a piece. Don't deny it, you know it's true, anyone who denies it is BS'ing themselves at this age. So anyway, if you're not gettin some or you're getting punked one way or another by a girl, fawk em, there will always be more ho's around Good luck man, and if you are having trouble meeting girls I have a little advice for you. I know it sounds gay, but dress yourself up a bit, wear nicer clothes (AF, GAP, Jcrew) and get a trendy haircut. Sure its super trendy and really really superficial, but it helps a ton and all you need is a piece anyway so who cares, let the best man win. Good luck man, I was in basically the same position as you for a while too.