essendoubleop

Before you read this, I'd like you to know that I use to term "dad" only to let you know who I'm talking about.

My parents got divorced in late 2001. It really wasn't shocking because they didn't seem very compatible. I was surprised they had lasted 15 years and didn't end sooner. Apparently it was suppose to end sooner.

My dad had pre-planned the marriage and was just waiting for the market to drop for an alibi. What he did was transfer $100,000 out of his eTrade account and claimed he lost it due to the stock market. What he did with that money was spend half of it to pay off his debts then lend the other half to his brother. After the divorce he got the money back and put a down payment on a $435,000 house.

There were other strange occurences as well, such as my mom stumbling across a statement that revealed a large amount of money missing. My dad snatched it out of her hand and nothing else was said. He once "punished" me that would certainly qualify for child abuse today. He came across to many as strange and my friends often didn't want to come over because of him. There were a lot of other occurences that showed his (many) flawed characteristics, but it's a waste of time to talk about him any more.

When my parents went to divorce court, he was able to pump plenty of money into his lawyer while my mom was left with a scrub. My dad's lawyer steamrolled and was able to claim all 4 children (though he has a 5th illegitimate kid that he will deny exists when asked about it), he gets to pay child support for only a very short time even though the youngest kid was 8 at the time, and doesn't have to pay for supplies, food, bills etc. for a house of 4 but mostly 7 kids (my mom also has an illegitimate kid who has 3 kids of her own, who I never thought of as a "half-sister"). What did my mom get in the settlement? The littlest kid doesn't have to spend the night at his house if she doesn't want to. And yes, she had to fight for that.

The aftermath is actually quite sickening. A mother is booted out into the job world despite haven't working in 10 years to support 4 kids, 2 of whom are entering their college years whose dad will not help financially to have his kids develop and succeed. The kids have to see him Wednesday and Friday nights, except me and when they to go home, he will actually not allow them to leave which is false imprisonment if I have ever heard it. He often lies to them when they come over; promising to take them golfing, then go to look at houses when they're in the car. The kids loathe Wednesdays and Fridays now and are always happy to come home and coming running to the front door.

But what makes me absolutely disgusted is how he hides behind his "enlightenment" and now thinks he's a religious man. His whole bit is so shallow and comical that it makes me feel ashamed to share any of his genetic material. Now he wears sandles as all posterboy Christians do, attends church (yes, the kids have to go), quotes from the bible, and tells my brother about the virtues of Jesus. All this from a guy whose hobby was watching Striptease with sunflower seeds and asking me to get him a beer. Yet he still leaves very bristly voice mail on are answering machine and chooses to let my mom know all upcoming events like vacations through my little brother, then gets upset with her when the poor kid can't handle the responsibilty. He married a woman named Grace who my grandparents strangely feel the need to endlessy explain how they met AFTER the divorce. Hmmm...

Even with all that, I feel like I've only scratched the surface with the whole situation. This morning I saw him pull up to pick the kids in an impromptu vacation in a brand new $25,000 SUV. I looked in the garage and saw our family van which our 3 driving-age family members will have to share.

By the way, thank you Bush for rewarding people like him with a fat $1,600 check, while my mom gets a fat slap in the face that barely covers a week's worth of groceries.

The_Dude

that's absolutely pathetic.

doesnt this guy have a conscience?

the mom is workin hard to support to kids and the child tax-credit goes to dad.......

sometimes i wonder what is going on in this world.......

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"Luck is what happens when preparation meets opportunity." - Darrel K Royal

rainheart

That's funny, that sounds very similar to my dad and the story behind my parents divorce, except my parents had 3 kids including me.

My dad did everything- buy an expensive condo, a new car, 4 new computers, and was having an affair behind my moms back. He asked me while driving one day if it would be ok if he married another woman if him and my mom got divorced, of course he wasn't actually asking, he was just bringing it to my attention. Furthermore when I was visiting my dad's condo he made quite a few long distance calls to his to-be wife (he went back and forth between Canada and Iran for work purposes), and when it was my turn to exchange words I felt like she was sucking up to me the way she talked, it was pathetic.

My dad too, hid behind the guise of being a religious man, his faith was islam. He tried to teach me how to do the praying rituals and all that.

What was really sad was that my mom had been working while my dad visited back and forth between countries to support me and my middle half brother, while my oldest half brother was on his own trying to make it out doing different jobs. After 3 or 4 years of working to pay the rent and putting food on the table my mom is once again on her own to do some job hunting and find a better job.

Now it's just me and my mom. I keep in touch with my brothers but they're "on my dad's side" as far as sentiments go. My dad did try to buy me out, got me a new computer, took me places and whatever, spewed all sorts of bs rhetoric at me and for a while I was fooled.

I don't know, if there's one thing I've learned it's that with the abscene of an aggressive and authoritarian dad, your outlook on life can grow to be somewhat immoral.

Edit: And my dad did his share of child abuse as well.

Konichiwaneko

I felt sorry for you until I read that. That's like me saying all democrats use Social Security as a scapegoat ....then again.

Honestly though I feel bad, but right now I know one side of the story so there is only so much I can say that wouldn't be based on opinion.

If you have 2 kids who can drive, and the marraige was only 15 years ago the math doesn't work for a stable relationship. Seems they got married because of kids out of wedlock. You are right, they should of broken up before...and if your old man made the money while he was with your mom then she has rights to it unless they signed a prenump. If he had this money before the wedding, it is techinically his.

You don't make yourself a better person by hating people I think. You have the ability to make yourself 10x better then you father and you should do just that.

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BentNotTwisted

Get a good education, as good as possible. Get a high paying job. Then do your best to financially ruin your dad. Revenge is sweet!
Just kidding, the best revenge for crappy parenting, is a life well lived. Don't let his bad parenting make you a bad person.

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IS THAT IT ???!!!
Do you even know what 'it' is?

When the last man dies for just words that he said... We Shall Be Free

Shades

Actually, I don't think that's true. The best revenge is revenge, meeting out the justice that satisfies you the most. However, that also makes you a bad person, which I'm sure you don't want.

Just remember, you and your siblings are together on the "Dad sucks" side. So just ignore him as much as possible, live the good life and remember that when he dies, he dies bereft of and unmourned by his own children, whose love he should have valued most. I can't imagine anything that would sicken me more.