Anonymous Member

my emotional state isn't great right now. I had to call 911 over the weekend because my spouses heart stopped, causing her pacemaker/defibrillator to jump start her heart. This really freaked me out because it just wasn't normal. Of course, we have no medical insurance, so i'm gonna go totally broke paying for this episode. On top of that, we had no information on the type/brand of pacemaker, so the ER doctor couldn't set up a regulator to monitor and check the pacemaker. We reluctantly decide to not admit her to the hospital based on costs issues alone. The cardiologist basically blows this ER visit off saying she must be imagining most of the nights events and tells her maybe to see a psychiatrist instead. So now she's majorly upset.

Then yesterday, I'm told the devastating news that my 92 year old grandmother is riddled with cancer, bleeding internally because of it, and has less than 24 hours to live. She lives 1,000 miles away from me. So between the rock and hard place of deciding to go try to visit my dying grandmother/attend the funeral and leaving my near critically ill wife at home with an irresponsible 18 year old son or staying home with my wife and missing any last visit with my grandmother or her funeral.

2010 is not impressing me at all so far.

Baraka_Guru

I'm very sorry to hear about this trying time of yours.

Dealing with a high amount of stress is difficult when you cannot remove the stressors, such as is your case.

Here are a few things I use myself:

Deep breathing: be sure to take moments where you concentrate on really filling up and expanding your lungs. When we are stressed, we often draw shallow breaths. This lack of oxygen only makes things worse. If you drink coffee, don't let your intake increase as a reaction to your situation. The additional caffeine will only aggravate your stress. Consider cutting back instead.

Vitamin C: sometimes I drop 500 to 1,000 mg. Studies have shown that 1,000 mg before stressful events have cut the production of cortisol (the "stress hormone") in subjects.

Herbal tea: I recommend chamomile and passionflower, that is, if you aren't allergic to them. They're calming/relaxing (i.e. good for anxiety). Drink regularly throughout the day; the hydration will help much as well.

Eat! When we're stressed, we often lose our appetites. Unfortunately, a lack of both macro- and micronutrients hinder our abilities to deal with stress. Be sure not to carb/fat-load. Balance with proteins, as they are all important for your body's defenses. The last thing you need right now is to get sick with all this worrying. People need you right now.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

captaincanada84

I've found that finding a hobby, or a craft of some sort is extremely relaxing. For example I have taken up knitting as a way of relaxing and just "being". It helps take focus off of the stressors, atleast temporarily. It's therapeutic in a way. Also, listening to music, reading a book, going for a hike...I could go on with a huge list but I'm sure you get the idea. Finding things you enjoy is probably one of the best ways to destress, atleast for a short period of time. Its an escape in a way.

spindles

My advice
- go and see your grandmother - this is a 'once only' option.
- get the medical care your wife needs and worry about the financial consequences later (easy to say when I live somewhere with government funded health care). You can always find the money later, but your wife is not so simple to replace.

Hopefully things will turn around for you soon. Just keep your head up.

__________________
who hid my keyboard's PANIC button?

ShaniFaye

I don't have any advice, other than what Spindles said, but I wanted to say Im so sorry you're going thru this, having just gone thru some major medical stress of my own I know what its like to feel so down and helpless

__________________
I want the diabetic plan that comes with rollover carbs. I dont like the unused one expiring at midnite!!

Craven Morehead

I wish I knew how to help. I've been out of a job for over 10 months and I know how bad stress can be. I try to work out every day, that helps but it doesn't make it go away. Some days it helps more than others.

One thing that might help is to take action to avoid more stress in the future. A suggestion would be to find out the type/brand of the pacemaker, just in case your wife has another similar situation. Being prepared is one less thing to worry about in the future.

I really hope things get better for you soon. Do what you think should be done. No looking back.

ring

Hi D.
Do you have other family or close friends that can be an ear and a shoulder
for you to to lean on?

Many times I have found myself trying to deal with overwhelming stress..all by myself.

"I can handle this without upsetting anyone else."

"I need to be strong."

"I am the fortress."

"My family knows me as the strong fortress."

"I can't let them see me cry or be upset."

Let go.

Let others know you need help too.


Peace, brother D.

Cynthetiq

hopefully things are getting better...

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Anonymous Member

after a long week of hanging on, my 92 year old grandmother finally succumbed to cancer. The wife isn't doing much better. The doctors won't listen to her complaints. I'll be attending the next appointment to get the answers we need.

Cynthetiq

I'm sorry to hear you lost your grandmother and hopefully the doctors will respond better to your inquiries.

__________________
I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Craven Morehead

I'm so sorry. 92 years is a long time, but that's little consolation when you lose a loved one.

Focus on your wife, research and be prepared.

I wish you peace.

thespian86

how to deal with super high stress?

get super high...?

__________________
EX: Whats new?
ME: I officially love coffee more then you now.
EX: uh...
ME: So, not much.

levite

I'm sorry to hear you've had such a rough time of it. And I hope you find comfort from the loss of your grandmother.

It's really important to keep your stress level from getting away from you. Baraka_Guru and Spindles had some great suggestions, which I second.

Also good: meditation. If you don't already, you should start practicing meditation. It's usually not difficult to find a group, if that's your preference; or if you like guided meditations alone, you can get CDs online, or download guided meditations; or if you just want to try to go it alone, you can always find a couple of intro books and just plop down and give it a try. But meditation can really help you feel calmer and more able to deal with what's going on.

Music. It doesn't just have to be calming music, or chimey New Age music. Sometimes it can be really therapeutic to burn off stress by rocking out to the hardest, thrashingest rock and roll you can fine. Sometimes not. But don't be afraid to let your instinct guide you. If you need soothing music that will be a tonic, find it and listen to it, and don't question what works. If you need music to scream by, find it, play it, and scream to it. There are times for all things.

Drinking to excess is not a good idea around now, but a glass of red wine in the evenings can help keep your heart rate down and your blood oxygenated. Unless you're an alcoholic, in which case, definitely don't drink at all.

Speaking of drinking, do drink lots of water. Peeing a lot isn't so relaxing, but dehydration will make you tired, irritable, and subject to hopelessness and despair.

Baraka_Guru mentioned herbal tea: I second that, and in addition to his recommendation, I recommend lemon verbena and sage tea, raspberry leaf and cardamom tea, and lemongrass, ginger, and mint tea.

If you have or have access to a hot tub, that can be very relaxing in the face of stress. Ditto with a sauna or steam bath, although you have to be careful not to stay in too long. If you don't have access to those, give yourself some extra time in the shower, and make it good and hot. Breathing in the steam is good for you, and the heat relaxes muscles.

Masturbate. I'm not kidding. It's an amazing stress reliever, it helps keep blood pressure low, it makes you more focused, and relaxes your muscles. Regardless of what the status of your sex life with your spouse is, masturbation will still be therapeutic for you.

Don't be afraid to give yourself the extra time to do these things for yourself. Remember, the better you feel, the more resources you have to support your spouse and help her out. The more stressed and exhausted you feel, the less strong you'll be able to be for her.

__________________
Dull sublunary lovers love,
Whose soul is sense, cannot admit
Absence, because it doth remove
That thing which elemented it.

(From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)

CandleInTheDark

I recently encountered a stressful situations as well, one which required a total reworking of my short term goals. And for the first few hours I felt I had lost control, and I was rapidly entering a depressed state of mind. Anger, frustration, sadness. All are very powerful feelings.

I won't pretend my situation is as stressful as yours. But let me tell you the way I deal with stress.

I take a deep breath. I take a moment to relax, to clear my thoughts. Then I tell myself I can't control what happens in my life, I cannot account for the decisions of others, or the random incidents of life.

But I can, and you can too, control my own actions. We can control our response to a situation. And the best way to regain control of a situation, to reduce the stress on our lives, is to make a plan to deal with it. Even if you can only plan for the next hour.

__________________
Where there is doubt there is freedom.

Cernunnos

Take a walk in the park. Entering nature and leaving the human world behind, if only for a few hours, tends to provide me with a balanced emotional center. Sit on a bench in the shade of a tree and watch the birds bathing in puddles or flitting between branches. Lose yourself in sensory experiences. With a becalmed mind, the stress will partially dissipate.

Anonymous Member

Spent the last week in the hospital. turns out that it isn't her heart, she's having seizures. just what we needed, yet one other medical condition on top of her already failing body. I've spent the last 15 days straight working two different jobs, spending nights in the hospital with her, going back and forth to feed animals and check on the house. I'm so fricking tired..........

Craven Morehead

Hope that this is the bottom and it all gets better from here.