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levite · 01-17-2010, 04:39 PM

I'm sorry to hear you've had such a rough time of it. And I hope you find comfort from the loss of your grandmother.

It's really important to keep your stress level from getting away from you. Baraka_Guru and Spindles had some great suggestions, which I second.

Also good: meditation. If you don't already, you should start practicing meditation. It's usually not difficult to find a group, if that's your preference; or if you like guided meditations alone, you can get CDs online, or download guided meditations; or if you just want to try to go it alone, you can always find a couple of intro books and just plop down and give it a try. But meditation can really help you feel calmer and more able to deal with what's going on.

Music. It doesn't just have to be calming music, or chimey New Age music. Sometimes it can be really therapeutic to burn off stress by rocking out to the hardest, thrashingest rock and roll you can fine. Sometimes not. But don't be afraid to let your instinct guide you. If you need soothing music that will be a tonic, find it and listen to it, and don't question what works. If you need music to scream by, find it, play it, and scream to it. There are times for all things.

Drinking to excess is not a good idea around now, but a glass of red wine in the evenings can help keep your heart rate down and your blood oxygenated. Unless you're an alcoholic, in which case, definitely don't drink at all.

Speaking of drinking, do drink lots of water. Peeing a lot isn't so relaxing, but dehydration will make you tired, irritable, and subject to hopelessness and despair.

Baraka_Guru mentioned herbal tea: I second that, and in addition to his recommendation, I recommend lemon verbena and sage tea, raspberry leaf and cardamom tea, and lemongrass, ginger, and mint tea.

If you have or have access to a hot tub, that can be very relaxing in the face of stress. Ditto with a sauna or steam bath, although you have to be careful not to stay in too long. If you don't have access to those, give yourself some extra time in the shower, and make it good and hot. Breathing in the steam is good for you, and the heat relaxes muscles.

Masturbate. I'm not kidding. It's an amazing stress reliever, it helps keep blood pressure low, it makes you more focused, and relaxes your muscles. Regardless of what the status of your sex life with your spouse is, masturbation will still be therapeutic for you.

Don't be afraid to give yourself the extra time to do these things for yourself. Remember, the better you feel, the more resources you have to support your spouse and help her out. The more stressed and exhausted you feel, the less strong you'll be able to be for her.

01-17-2010, 04:39 PM	#13 (permalink)
levite Minion of Joss Location: The Windy City	I'm sorry to hear you've had such a rough time of it. And I hope you find comfort from the loss of your grandmother. It's really important to keep your stress level from getting away from you. Baraka_Guru and Spindles had some great suggestions, which I second. Also good: meditation. If you don't already, you should start practicing meditation. It's usually not difficult to find a group, if that's your preference; or if you like guided meditations alone, you can get CDs online, or download guided meditations; or if you just want to try to go it alone, you can always find a couple of intro books and just plop down and give it a try. But meditation can really help you feel calmer and more able to deal with what's going on. Music. It doesn't just have to be calming music, or chimey New Age music. Sometimes it can be really therapeutic to burn off stress by rocking out to the hardest, thrashingest rock and roll you can fine. Sometimes not. But don't be afraid to let your instinct guide you. If you need soothing music that will be a tonic, find it and listen to it, and don't question what works. If you need music to scream by, find it, play it, and scream to it. There are times for all things. Drinking to excess is not a good idea around now, but a glass of red wine in the evenings can help keep your heart rate down and your blood oxygenated. Unless you're an alcoholic, in which case, definitely don't drink at all. Speaking of drinking, do drink lots of water. Peeing a lot isn't so relaxing, but dehydration will make you tired, irritable, and subject to hopelessness and despair. Baraka_Guru mentioned herbal tea: I second that, and in addition to his recommendation, I recommend lemon verbena and sage tea, raspberry leaf and cardamom tea, and lemongrass, ginger, and mint tea. If you have or have access to a hot tub, that can be very relaxing in the face of stress. Ditto with a sauna or steam bath, although you have to be careful not to stay in too long. If you don't have access to those, give yourself some extra time in the shower, and make it good and hot. Breathing in the steam is good for you, and the heat relaxes muscles. Masturbate. I'm not kidding. It's an amazing stress reliever, it helps keep blood pressure low, it makes you more focused, and relaxes your muscles. Regardless of what the status of your sex life with your spouse is, masturbation will still be therapeutic for you. Don't be afraid to give yourself the extra time to do these things for yourself. Remember, the better you feel, the more resources you have to support your spouse and help her out. The more stressed and exhausted you feel, the less strong you'll be able to be for her. __________________ Dull sublunary lovers love, Whose soul is sense, cannot admit Absence, because it doth remove That thing which elemented it. (From "A Valediction: Forbidding Mourning" by John Donne)