Anonymous Member

So, roughly 4 hours after deciding I needed to make this topic, starting a new topic, typing my subject line-- I still haven't typed anything in the message field. I think this picture in itself speaks volumes on the topic I am addressing:


Those 4 hours were spent reading reddit links, reading information about the new keltec 30-round 22wmr pistol, googling hicap 22lr pistols and rifles (for the cheaper ammo) and eventually ending up discovering a new website, looking up all of my favorite stuff on it, checking my facebook, posting a link to this site on my facebook page, and starting a thread about it on another forum. I finally noticed this tab was still open and blank. How appropriate.

So why would I say that I Suck at Life?
I have had, in my life, EXTREME procrastination/lack of focus. This is the big one. I am going to go into overboard detail on this one so that you the reader understand I don't just mean the 'haha, don't we all'

The only driving force stronger than procrastination is hard consequence-laden deadlines. Recent examples: I had four documents I had to make on Thursday. Actually, I had four documents I had to make sometime in the weeks between xmas and new years (they just had to be done before my boss got back today, Monday) which meant I didn't even think about them until Thursday (I had Friday off). I actually didn't even think about them until half an hour before I was going to leave, at which point I rationalized that I could do them at home over the 3-day weekend. They were constantly in the back of my mind, and I spent a lot of time on the computer, but I didn't even log in to my company email to start on them until 10pm Sunday. I worked on them probably a total of 30 minutes between 10pm and 12:30, then decided to go to bed and finish them in the morning (they *TECHNICALLY* didn't have to be done until before my 7am meeting this morning). I optimistically planned to wake up at 4:30 to be at work by 6, but didn't end up getting in until 6:30. At this point my "Oh Fuck Deadline" sense kicked in and I turbo-focused on them, banging them out by 6:57. How ridiculous.

I repeat this cycle every time I have anything due. I have since school. I am overconfident in my ability to create documents and do projects in extremely small periods of time (and I usually can, albeit half-assed), so I put them off forever. I surf the internet at work way more than I'm comfortable with. I have tried to self-sabatoge...I deleted my shortcuts, but just found myself typing the run command for chrome.exe. I uninstalled all of my browsers except IE, which I hate and need for work, and I just used that.

At school, I aced tests, and got A's on my projects, albeit the projects were usually done the night before they were do, at the last possible moment, or sometimes slightly past that. I learned how to game my professors, knowing which ones would accept late assignments. Several times, I took incompletes in classes with BS excuses and finished the (for me) couple hours of work left on the day before the extensions expired. After freshman year, I always registered for classes after classes had started. I don't think I ever got into a class without overrides. Once I didn't manage to register for the class before finals, so my whole semester was voided.

I would never do homework. Not because it was hard, or time consuming, but because the pressure to procrastinate it never came up against a hard consequences deadline, and I knew i could graduate without doing it. One of my professors did not have a deadline for homework, but it was worth 30% of the grade, so I had to do it--so I would do the entire semester's homework the weekend before the final. I did this in four of his classes.

I am a smart guy. The fact that I have been able to make it this far in life pulling this kind of bullshit means I can work hard and fast. I have good ideas. I'm happy with the creative work I do. I like my job. I like supporting for my family. I want to please my boss. I want to be a good coworker. But I don't all the time, and I'm not a good coworker. I grease squeaky wheels. Routine work doesn't get looked at until someone sends a followup request, then I reply saying it's almost done, do it in 5 minutes, and send it to them.

This extends into my home life. I love projects, but I don't finish them. I love organization, but I'm never focused enough to use the systems I set up, and everything slowly (or not so slowly) turns into piles. I broke a drawer on my dresser two weeks ago, and haven't reglued it--I know it will only take 10 minutes, but I'm perpetually going to do it tomorrow. Every time the cat litter needs to be changed/emptied, it's a huge fight for days, then I do it in five minutes...I don't even dislike it very much, it just triggers my work avoidance instinct. I'm surprised my incredibly patient wife has put up with me as long as she has.

I procrastinate financially as well. If something has to be paid in 30 days, that's when it gets paid...at midnight, usually. The wife is completely in charge of the bills just as a survival strategy.

Another thing, possibly related, is my sleep. I have no sleep schedule. I procrastinate waking up, and I procrastinate going to sleep. I stay up on boring pointless shit. Ever since high-school, I've found myself accidentally staying up all night. This was not uncommon, and continues into my adult life--my wife has learned that she has to MAKE ME go to bed. I endorse this generally in theory, but usually strongly object to each specific instance. This, combined with a grown-up work schedule, means I usually get 4-5 hours of sleep a night, and frequently less.

I have adopted ever more complicated alarm strategies to cope with being an adult. Until I did this, I was perpetually late. I have my primary alarm set at ear-shattering volume, and the display time is about an hour forward, to try to trigger my 'oh shit' deadline instinct. I have my cell phone across the room with an alarm set to my ringer, to trick myself into thinking I have a call. If both of those fail, my wife knows to steal the covers and wake me up. I do pretty good with getting to work on time when my boss is at work--If my boss isn't at work, though, and therefore there are no possible consequences to being late, I have a hard time not being a couple hours late.

On days off, regardless of what time I go to sleep, or how much sleep I've gotten the day/night before, I don't wake up. I'm talking, 3-4pm, I'll *maybe* get up, if I have things I want to do or I get hungry. I've not woken up until it has been dark before, after going to bed at a normal time. I've never in my adult life woken up naturally before 11am.

tl;dnr:I chronically procrastinate right up to the point where it will affect my life via job loss or flunking classes, then rush and half ass the due item, I perpetually wait till the deadlines of bills and such, and also I have a hard time going to sleep and waking up.

I don't want to be like this. I am a degreed individual, with a job in my field using my degree (a degree which took me 8 years, by the way, due to the above). I have a great job. I want to keep my great job. I want to excel at my great job. I want to be a good husband and a good father.

I am making an appointment with a psychiatrist this week to relay all of the above (I've been doing this partially to get my thoughts straight)--although, ironically, I'll probably procrastinate that for a while, too. Until today, I'd always thought I just sucked at life, but had a lunch conversation with a coworker who was glad she'd finally had her baby so she could get back on Adderall and start being productive again instead of just surfing the internet and procrastinating. It never occurred to me that I might have a medical condition, I just assumed I was bad at life.

Why is this a thread instead of a blog post? I'm wondering if I am alone. I decided to divulge more about my job than I originally intended, so therefore this post is going to be anonymized. I am a regular member (not that it matters), and bring this to you not because you came up in a google search, but because I consider y'all my community. I'm sure quite a few of you can identify me by the information I've presented here. Good for you. Anyways.

Things I'm looking for from this thread:

• Can anyone sympathize with the level of procrastination I'm talking about?
• Conversely, can anyone confirm my thoughts that this is not how everyone lives their lives? I had to stop typing at some point, but this extends into every area of my life.
• Has anyone ever sympathized with this, and fixed it some how?
• Is there a name for this? Is it ADHD?
• Has anyone ever benefited from medication for this, or something like this?
• More generally, has anyone identified a problem in their ability to focus and gotten a perscription for something like Adderall/Ritalin/Provigil/Modafinil? I'm also up for any descriptions of lifechanging antidepressants, etc

Things I'm not looking for in this thread: "Just stop procrastinating" If someone posted about how depressed they were, posting "just be happy" would probably be bannable. If you just think I need to "grow up"--Ok, thanks for the opinion. Click back, I'm sure there's something else interesting on here somewhere.

Anyways. I don't know why I expect everyone to read this, so thank you to those that do. This was all spewed out in basically one typing session en masse, because I know I'll never finish it if I start to do anything else. Thanks in advance for any support or advice.

By the way, I know you can't suggest medication for me, I am just curious if you have any 1st or 2nd hand stories of medication of any kind fixing this or similar problems in others.

Daniel_

Your story is very similar to my own in the following respects: high achiever at school, procrastinator, using skills and brains to put in work that is acceptable in less time, rather than superlative in the full time, self damaging behaviours that you try to end.

The odd sleep patterns read familiarly too, and in many cases point to depression or stress.

I would ask, do you have familial or professional stress?

Please remember that depression is not a matter of "being upset" you can have depression and be happy in aspects of your life. Depression is a matter of having an emotional response that is not in line with inputs (in many cases).

I think it would be a good idea for you to talk to a professional counsellor, or your family doctor (maybe even print this out to read as crib notes).

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

remy1492

WEll, you sound normal to me

I have done a lot in life, and a lot of it was last minute. Partially because I waited and partially because I found out at the last minute. Man, that really makes for a FAST minute!!!! Youd be surprised and just how productive I can be when its down to the wire.

I procrastinate on projects at work because I get sidelined by other line-of-sight taskings and favors to do. At the end of the day I am wiped out and think..........aaa F it, I will do it tomorrow/nextweek/nextmonth/day before deadline.
In all my house projects I am 95-99.9% complete. The floor, the tile, the ceiling lights, the garage, the sink, the plumbing, the..........oh crap, you know WHEN it will be done? The day before I sell the house, THAT'S WHEN!
Even my hobbies are 99.9% done. Half of my gun projects, stocks, scopes etc... are all in some degree of cool but not over the .01% of being really really done.

In the military, even in the desert, I managed to sleeze my way to never wake up before 9-10am, I hate early mornings on principle. I will work all night till the sun comes up but I have some sort of childhood disdain for sunrise.

Then it happens..........................something clicks. I get some serious caffeine, hear some music or the secret KGB sleeper cell signal comes in through my tinfoil hat. And I just start finishing crap. I go like crazy on ephedra and finish projects and even start new ones. Then it burns out and I crash and slack for a while again.

I used to think as a young child "LATER, next year, I will start doing more homework, more cleaning, more chores" Later never came

-You have to realize your comfort zone.
-You have to know if you are happy, or not, where you are at in life right now. Because although torpid and boring, I can think of some places and lives youd rather not trade for.
-You have to realize what makes you tick and what motivates you. Goals, music, pressure, challenge, peer pressure, tits, beer, or a sense of accomplishment.
-Use and outside force to reinforce what you want to change. Alarm clock, buddies and events to go to on time, gym membership with hotties, volunteer groups/meetings at a pet shelter or habitat for humanity.

You seem like you think you have lost your way, when in reality, this is just who you are.
I remember twin girls in grade school, they had their shit together, always straight A's, always teachers pets and always picked up by their parents who patted them on their backs at the end of everyday. I am sure today they may be a Dr or community organizer.

I THOUGHT that they were doing it the right way (this being 1st-6th grade) and my haphazard life was the wrong way.
Who's to say, I am happy with my way and I have what I need, therefore my methods of doing things (as sometimes slacker as they are) have worked.

Life isnt always about achievements, work and success. Sometimes its about enjoying it and not taking too much seriously while execs have aneurisms over stress.

freeload

Pretty close to my story.

I'm going to a therapist in order to gain a better knowledge of how this works, what triggers me and (if possible) why.

I'll write more a little later (lunch time now - NOT procrastination)

__________________
The future ain't what it used to be.

bazkitcase5

I'm no doctor or specialized in any sort of way, but it sure sounds serious to me

I, like a lot of people, procrastinate, but I've never encountered anybody that does so to the extent that you described (not even close), so I would have to say that this is not the way most people live their daily lives

maybe the fact that you being so smart, you know you can get away with being like this, but I would have to say that eventually it would come back to bite you (I know I'm probably stating the obvious, or else you wouldn't be seeking help in the first place)

ADHD sounds like a logical culprit, but from my understanding (no expert by far), it gets misdiagnosed all the time by doctors - I would be interested in hearing what your psychiatrist says

Redlemon

This is not my life. I prefer to get things out of the way so that they don't hang over my head. I may delay on things that I don't want to do, but that doesn't cover all the things on my plate. I have no advice, just responding to the question.

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I can't read your signature. Sorry.

genuinegirly

I am not this way. It makes me far too nervous to have tasks put off to the last moment. I'm that student who frequently turned in assignments a week early. There are some things that I will procrastinate on, but those moments are more of an exception than the rule.

When I interact with procrastinators like you, I feel that they have never been truly challenged in life. Were you handed a project that you knew there was no possible way to complete before the deadline unless you worked every stinkin' minute on it, you wouldn't have time to procrastinate.

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"Sometimes I have to remember that things are brought to me for a reason, either for my own lessons or for the benefit of others." Cynthetiq

"violence is no more or less real than non-violence." roachboy

Baraka_Guru

I know exactly what you're talking about.

I wouldn't get too hung up on ADHD. I think it would be easy to just be diagnosed with that and simply treat it...but there's a good chance it's not that.

The cause of lack of focus/procrastination can be one or more of several things. The more likely causes are related to anxiety and/or depression. I've read books on all this stuff and generally procrastination (with or without depression) is often tied to perfectionism, which is fuelled by a fear of failure. A fear of success is another possible cause, and it's possible to be fearful of both.

With depression, you may suffer from a lack of focus, which may lead to procrastination. One book I read singled out a form of depression that affects focus particularly.

Maybe there's nothing wrong with you except for the lack of a greater purpose, or a set of goals. What do you want out of life? Are you striving toward it?

Maybe start by getting screened for depression through a GP. Perhaps the least you should do is seek counselling.

__________________
Knowing that death is certain and that the time of death is uncertain, what's the most important thing?
—Bhikkhuni Pema Chödrön

Humankind cannot bear very much reality.
—From "Burnt Norton," Four Quartets (1936), T. S. Eliot

Anonymous Member

Thanks to all advice and comments. For obvious reasons (as I am at work, haha) I won't reply in detail to all, but I thought I'd pick up on this from gg

That's totally accurate. The only times I've been challenged are when I challenge myself, and then I work feverishly and steadily. Even then, I get the most done when working up against self-imposed deadlines, like the end of a weekend alone, or before a carshow I want to attend, and I'll work through the night without much pause. I've managed to coast through what others struggle to achieve. If I had been more focussed in the last decade, and acted on all of the entrepreneurial ideas and projects I've had, I'd have my PhD and a million bucks instead of a bachelors and bad credit.

Anonymous Member

This is the plan, and actually almost the intended purpose of making this thread in the first place.

snowy

I will echo the possibility of depression as a culprit, because what you are doing sounds like what I do when I am depressed and anxious; I get caught up in a downward spiral of procrastination.

I too always thought I was a procrastinator before being successfully treated for depression and anxiety. Being put on medication gave me time to restructure myself, my thoughts, my habits, and my life in a positive way. It felt like crawling out of a deep, dark tunnel I didn't even know I was in. I still procrastinate sometimes, but it isn't the paralyzing sort of procrastination I engaged in before. Usually, the things that get procrastinated on, as genuinegirly pointed out, are the things that don't challenge me.

When looking for a therapist, you may want to consider looking for one that specializes in cognitive-behavioral therapy. In conjunction with medication, CBT can be very effective in reforming personal habits.

__________________
If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Anonymous Member

Well, it's lunch time, I have a presentation in 40 minutes that I've just now opened a PPT file for, and I'm on TFP.

I will be hopefully making an appointment today, or at worst, picking the psych I want to go to...anyone have a helpful online doc review database? Kudzu was less helpful than usual.

Daniel_

I asked my family doctor to recommend a counsellor when I had things I needed to talk about. The resulting discussion was very useful.

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝

Cynthetiq

I'm doing the same thing and I have a 4PM with my boss....

well no not really. I figured I needed an hour to get it done, so i did it 2 hours before. I finished it in 30 minutes, went over it with my team mate, and now have time to kill.

So instead of procrastinating in the beginning, I get it at the end, without the anxiety and angst that used to accompany the "rush" of the deadline.

It doesn't mean I'm perfect, by all means I'm not. It just means that as I have gotten older, I have decided to stop it when I notice it and what triggers it. I give myself "carrots" to help me along, like I work on it for 10 minutes, then get 15 minutes to do something that I want. I do that repetitively and I get best of both worlds.

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I don't care if you are black, white, purple, green, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, hippie, cop, bum, admin, user, English, Irish, French, Catholic, Protestant, Jewish, Buddhist, Muslim, indian, cowboy, tall, short, fat, skinny, emo, punk, mod, rocker, straight, gay, lesbian, jock, nerd, geek, Democrat, Republican, Libertarian, Independent, driver, pedestrian, or bicyclist, either you're an asshole or you're not.

Daniel_

__________________

╔═════════════════════════════════════════╗
Overhead, the Albatross hangs motionless upon the air,
And deep beneath the rolling waves,
In labyrinths of Coral Caves,
The Echo of a distant time
Comes willowing across the sand;
And everthing is Green and Submarine
╚═════════════════════════════════════════╝